*A/N - I REWATCHED 'GLUE' RECENTLY AS ITS ONE IF MY FAVOURITE EPISODES FROM S6. ANYWAY, I HAD AN IDEA FOR AN ALTERNATE ENDING WHICH RESULTS IN BYE-BYE REAGAN AND HELLO NESS SMUT! IT'S TURNED OUT LONGER THAN PLANNED SO HERE IS THE FIRST PART!*
The Shed Scene:
A familiar cold sweat pools at the back of Nick's neck as he screws his eyes shut inside the little wooden house he'd crawled in to. There's a crowd of people out there waiting patiently for him to read The Pepperwood Chronicles, but his anxiety was winning right now. He could feel it snaking its way through his body as he stood at the podium, looking around hopelessly for a calming face but finding none. His chest had felt tighter with every breath he tried to draw into his lungs and Nick's 'flight' instinct had kicked in.
Hard.
He'd only agreed to come because he didn't want to disappoint Reagan - but none of that even mattered now since their argument outside the bookstore. He'd needed a moment to compose himself before walking through the door, but she was constantly trying to hurry him along and he just couldn't catch his breath. Everything felt so fast, so overwhelming. The shirt she'd bought him was starting to make him feel like he was being strangled, and his palms were beginning to sweat. She was going on and on about keeping people waiting and not wanting to let the store owner down because she'd worked hard to set this up for him and what was he waiting for? Why couldn't he just pull himself together for once and be a grown up about this?
Nick hadn't meant to explode at her with quite the ferocity that escaped after her scolding, but he'd had enough of being belittled and spoken to like a child, and he told her so.
Thus ensued a heated discussion, some home truths, Reagan yelling this was ridiculous, that she didn't know how to be around him when he acted this way, demanding to know why he was so emotionally stunted, Nick suggesting things weren't working, and Reagan storming off yelling about how she knew it was a bad decision to move in with him in the first place. The final nail in the coffin of their already somewhat strained relationship.
The commotion must have drawn the owners attention, because he was out there excitedly ushering Nick through the door before he could run away, and Nick felt like he was drowning on dry land as he stepped inside.
So now, he's sat alone with his knees tucked right up to his chest and his arms wrapped tightly around his legs as he tries to will himself to be anywhere but here.
He can't do this.
He wants to leave.
His breathing is loud and fast, and his chest feels hollow. Nick fleetingly thinks he might throw up, but realises he was so nervous he hadn't eaten anything today, so that would be a wasted venture.
He's just reaching the point where he wants to crawl under his own skin to die quietly, when a familiar voice floats over him like a calming hug.
"Hey, Miller."
What was she doing here? Was she even sobered up enough to drive?
He lifts his weary head and turns towards the sound.
"How did you..?"
"I had a message from Reagan that you needed support. It sounded urgent..." Jess looks around "...where is she, by the way?"
"Probably the other side of town in her own apartment by now."
"What? Why?"
"We, uh, well...I think me and Reagan broke up."
"Oh..."
"Yeah."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Nope..." He shakes his head and picks at the thread of his trousers as he speaks quietly.
She nods. Jess gets it.
"What am I doing here, Jessica?" His voice is so sad that she nearly lets her smile slip "I'm not cut out for this. What if people hate The Pepperwood Chronicles? What if...what if they hate me? I mean, I hate me most of the time and I am me!"
He's starting to panic again, tugging at the collar of his shirt, so Jess calmly crouches down next to the wooden house and speaks as honestly as she can. He needs to hear this.
"Nick...you're one of the most amazing people I've ever met. Everyone here is lucky to hear your book, because it's a part of you - and if you fail, it doesn't change how special you are, and no matter what happens here...I'll always..." She nearly says it. The L-word. It is so close to coming out, because her heart is hurting for him and she just wants Nick to know - but Jess pauses as she looks at him: A broken man having an existential crisis in the middle of a bookstore, and she just can't add to that with her own needs. So she takes a breath and reaches her hand through the little window to squeeze his shoulder. His solid, muscular shoulder that she would give anything to rest her head upon again "...I'll always care about you."
...
The fresh air hits his face and relief washes over Nick as they step back out on to the street and head towards her car.
"Thanks for rescuing me, Jess. I've never been so happy to hear your voice!" He laughs, rubbing a hand across his neck and feeling slightly calmer.
"Uh...you're welcome? I think." Jess raises a brow and nudges him in the side with her elbow.
"I honestly thought I was gonna have to hide in there until the store closed. I don't even know what happened. One minute I'm standing there and then I just...I freaked out."
"To be honest, I'd be more surprised if you didn't freak out during public speaking."
"I've blown it, haven't I?" He sighs heavily "Now no one is gonna want to read my book, and this will have all been for nothing."
"Well, that might have been true if you didn't have a friend who was amazingly persuasive with their words, and has convinced the store owner you're unwell, therefore making him agree to another reading in two days time..."
"Who?" Nick blinks at her blankly and she rolls her eyes.
"Me, dummy. Obviously it's me."
"Are you serious?"
"As a traffic violation." She nods, smiling from ear to ear.
Nick isn't quite sure how else to convey the overwhelming gratitude he feels right now, so without even stopping to think, he just steps closer to Jess and pulls her into his chest as he squeezes tightly.
When he straightens up, she has to go on tip toes to stay with him and he can't see the way her eyes instantaneously fall shut as her body presses in to his, but he does notice the way her fingers have gripped the hem of his shirt so it bunches up in her hands, and he does feel the unmistakable weight of her face resting itself in the crook of his neck.
It's nice.
Weird, but nice.
After the day he'd had it was actually really calming. So he doesn't dare move, instead choosing to stay holding her, despite knowing that even for them - this was a little unusual.
There's a fleeting moment where time has rewound, but then the hug lasts for a few seconds too long, and it turns in to two people just...you know...holding each other, and they both start to tense up at the same time, stepping away quickly with awkward glances, throat clearing, and comments of 'We should probably head back...traffic is a bitch this time of day.'
'Yeah. Traffic. Right. What a bitch...'
...
Stepping through the loft entrance, Nick is hit by the smell of the industrial strength glue still lingering in the air. Another reminder of how Jess had saved the day (no pun intended). He stands there looking at her, not quite knowing what to do - a lot has changed since he left the apartment earlier that evening. Rocking back on his heels and puffing his cheeks out with air, Nick makes a little huffing noise as he slowly blows out the breath he's been holding on to for no reason other than he's still feeling a little weird about their 'moment' outside the bookstore.
Jess looks at him from a safe distance and smiles what she hopes is a 'you-good?-I'm-good' type of smile, and she thinks the message is acknowledged because he nods just the once before stepping towards the hallway.
"I'm gonna...just..." He thumbs in the direction of his bedroom.
"Oh, yeah, sure..." Jess waves a permissive hand, even though it isn't needed. She kicks herself inwardly, because it's not like he's a pupil at her school asking to be allowed out to the bathroom. He's a grown man who just split with his girlfriend and embarrassed himself in front of dozens of strangers on one of the most anxiety inducing days of his life. If he wants to go to bed early, he can damn well go to bed early "...I'll just...tidy up the remnants of our Pepperwood production line!"
"What? No, Jess - it can wait. You've done more than enough already, really." Nick does that little lop-sided grin that makes her insides squirm and it takes everything she has not to bite her lip and swoon while staring right at him.
"I didn't do anything special. I'm sure either of the guys would have done the same." Jess shakes her head.
"Are you kidding me? You were great. I was gone - completely gone. Anxiety central, hello?! I'd probably still be sitting in that play house if it weren't for you talking me down off the ledge of self destruction. You came through for me, Jessica..." Nick pauses for a single beat, then looks at her pointedly "...just like always."
She has to drag her eyes away from him - because suddenly, under his gaze in the half light of the loft, Jess can feel herself starting to blush.
That's right, she's turned into her 12-year old self and is now staring at her feet and blushing because the boy she likes just paid her a compliment.
...
Nick closes the door behind him softly and walks into his room frowning. He had to hand it to Reagan - she was nothing if not methodical. All her stuff was packed and gone before he'd even returned home. That was quite some feat of achievement. Taking a deep breath, he sits on the edge of his bed and glances around. His closet door was open with all her empty hangers on display, shoe rack now only semi full, his dresser looking asymmetrical with his items all on one side and the half where her stuff had lived now empty once again. Everything feels off. He knows he should probably be more cut up about Reagan leaving, Nick knows that's certainly what Jess was expecting - and had tried to coax out of him on the ride home - but, honestly?
He kind of feels...relieved.
Like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders.
Things had been building up to this for weeks. It had been so draining trying to always be the perfect version of himself for her. It had started to feel like he was just pretending to be someone else in her presence.
So many times he'd gone to say something stupidly ridiculous around her that the others would crack up about, but would catch himself and swallow it back down because he could never be sure of her reaction.
In reality, he'd just always been waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for the day his weirdness bubbled up from within because it had no place else to go and scared her away. But it wasn't all him - Reagan had her own flaws which he had been noticing increasingly more often, and it had been harder to ignore them.
She was a stickler for routine, and early morning running sessions - that just wasn't him. At all.
She knew nothing about the sports he liked - which would have been fine, except for the fact she made him feel like a Neanderthal meat head for being so into it.
She was honest. But too honest. Sometimes brutally so.
And the whole 'second apartment' thing had still been really bothering him, but she'd flatly refused to discuss it again. Still, he guesses she was right in the end, and now she could use her gated residence with pool and BBQ grill as much as she liked...at least that would please her.
Nick flops back heavily and sinks into the welcome coolness of his pillow on the back of his head. He can hear Jess out in the kitchen, singing to herself. She was probably making some chamomile tea in one of her stupid, oversized mugs. The thought makes him smile, and a warm feeling radiates from the centre of his chest - but then he realises why he's smiling and quickly goes back to wearing a frown because...well, because that would be crazy, right?
He drags a hand heavily down his face with a knowing groan and leaves it there, fiddling with his stubble to distract him until he falls asleep sprawled out on his bed fully clothed.
He doesn't hear Jess tapping at his door to say goodnight, or the sad little sigh she lets out when he doesn't answer.
...
It's two days later and the fear is pooling in Nick's gut again, mouth dry and palms moist as he approaches the podium to face his expectant audience. His feet are like lead but somehow he manages to drag them forwards one after the other and stands looking out to the sea of faces while his knees knock together nervously.
He sucks in a deep breath and lifts his eyes. They land on Jess's face, so open and supportive right there in the front, and soon that warm feeling in his chest appears again. She smiles and gives a double thumbs up then suddenly, things don't feel half as scary as they did before. He's amazed for a second at how easily her presence has this power to alleviate his fears - Nick's mind flies back to the other time he was stood at a podium lost for words: Walt's funeral. He was hurting and he was scared...but Jess was right there next to him to hold his hand and get him through it.
Has there ever been a time when he's needed her and she hasn't been there? Nick can't think of any.
Someone in the audience coughs and Nick realises he's just staring at Jess - and...wait, are her cheeks turning pink under his gaze, or is it just the lighting in here? Either way, Nick quickly returns her grin and clears his throat, opening the pages of his book and starting to read for all to hear.
...
"The sun baked down on Pepperwood's back as he moved over to the St Charles streetcar. The driver handed him a brown paper sack. Without opening it, Pepperwood knew what was inside: blood-soaked beignets..."
There's a moment of quiet and Nick swallows nervously. Jess watches him stand there, looking lost and anxious about the reaction he was going to get, and she can't help herself but to stand up immediately to whoop and cheer - she's so happy for him that she can't contain her excitement. Everyone else follows suit and applause grows loud around them. The relief on his face makes her heart swell. Part of her wants to run up and fling her arms around his neck, yelling 'you did it!' but the more sensible part of her realises that might not be the best idea. Jess is so pleased she can't stop smiling, and Nick glances to her time and again for reassurance as a crowd forms around him, making her stomach flip when he nods and mouths 'thank you' to her over the shoulder of the store owner who is now shaking his hand vigorously.
...
"My first sale!" Nick beams, holding aloft his dollar as they head down the street for a celebratory drink, his footsteps suddenly slowing down as he falls quiet. Jess has to look behind her to see where he's gone.
"You okay, Nick?"
"Yeah...I'm just concerned about_"
"The Shed Scene!" Gasps Jess, realising they've just sold that book to a minor.
"The Shed Scene." He grimaces "It's an incredibly graphic, sexual scene...disgustingly sexual."
"I know. I've read it, remember - you don't forget a scene like that in a hurry, if you know what I mean."
Oops. Said too much.
He's not sure he does know what she means and wants to ask, because he's intrigued, but thinks that would probably be weird.
Instead, Nick raises a brow at her in surprise and she looks away, pretending to be deep in thought. She waves her hand quickly and ushers him towards the bar.
"Okay, well...let's not dwell on that. What's done is done. You made a sale, Mister! Today is about celebrating. You did great, Nick...I'm really proud of you!"
"I'm proud of me too!" He grins, laughing as she rolls her eyes.
Nick feels like he's walking on air right now, practically floating down the street as he rides the adrenaline high for as long as he can. It might be the endorphins, or the warm night air, but he almost feels giddy. There's a tiny voice in the back of his mind trying to yell something at him, and he's deliberately ignoring it.
Just like he'd ignored the urge to reach over and squeeze her hand as she sat next to him on his stall at the end of the reading. Waiting for that elusive customer to purchase a book. His leg jiggling nervously and her fingers gently placing themselves on his shoulder to calm him down, a little joke here and there to keep his spirits up. It just all felt like old times, when they bounced off each other and energy zipped between them. So natural that he'd nearly landed his hand over hers without catching himself.
Nearly.
...
The loft is quiet when they return. It felt that way a lot now that Schmidt and Cece had moved out, and with Winston on late shifts, the apartment just seems decidedly empty. Jess is a little buzzed after their victory drinks, and heads straight for her pink wine stash in the kitchen. Without even needing to ask him, she opens a beer for Nick and places it on the kitchen island behind her.
"You read my mind!" He says gratefully, hopping onto a stool and taking a long, slow gulp.
Jess sees the way his throat bobs as he drinks and her grip on the wine bottle tightens. Pouring herself an extra large glass, she stands opposite him and drinks in silence.
He smiles at her and she beams back.
"Cheers...again!" Jess says loudly, clinking against his beer bottle "To you. You only went and did it!"
He looks at her with a serious face, before clinking back and correcting her.
"Cheers. To us."
Jess stares at him, a little surprised.
"Us?"
She sees Nick take a slightly deeper breath than usual and the hairs on her neck stand on end.
"Yeah, to us. I couldn't have done that without you, Jessica. I mean it."
She just nods silently, because her words would probably deceive her if she were to speak right now.
Nick takes another gulp and holds it in his mouth for a second. Jess feels her heart thumping as she waits for him to gargle his beer, but he seems to think better of it at the last moment, looking away and swallowing quickly. Which is probably a good thing, because she's pretty sure she would have had zero control of herself if he'd done the one thing he knows she can't resist.
She hides her face in the depths of her wine glass and empties it, which doesn't go unnoticed.
He laughs and drains his own bottle, banging it down on the counter emphatically, the sound echoing around them.
"Okay, well...I'm going to hit the shower. I forgot to put on deodorant earlier, and I had super anxiety sweat going on at the reading. I stink."
"Ew, gross." Jess creases up her nose, much to his amusement.
Nick slips off his seat and heads towards the hall, calling back over his shoulder as she reaches for the bottle to her left.
"Take it easy with that booze, Day. We both know what happens when you drink too much pink wine."
...
*A/N - PART TWO TO FOLLOW SHORTLY WHERE THE GOOD SHIP SMUT CITY WILL BE ARRIVING...*