Title: Miscommunication
Author: Akuni
Universe: Bleach
Genre: Humour, PWP
Rating: M
Pairing: Ichigo/Renji

Spoilers: none really, but it makes more sense if you're familiar with the SS arc

Word Count: 300ish
Summary: A picture is worth a thousand words... it's a good thing Soul Society doesn't have camera phones.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, I'm just borrowing it for a while.
Distribution: Also posted to my LJ. Please ask if you want to share it. :)

Dedication: For Shelagh, because she was having a bad day when I originally posted this.

A/N: Thanks to Mosh for the quick beta, and the title. :)

Miscommunication

BLIP BLIP!

"What's that?"

"Mmm, I think ya know..."

BLIP BLIP!

"No I mean it... oh yeah, that's good..."

"Mmhmm."

BLIP BLIP!

"Ok, what the hell is that?"

"Dammit don't stop!"

BLIP BLIP!

"Don't you hear that noise?"

"It's just my damn communicator, now get back here an' finish what ya started!"

BLIP BLIP!

"I can't, it's driving me crazy!"

"Che. Fine, answer the damn thing then, it's in the inner pocket on the left."

BLIP—

"Hello?"

"Got a job ta finish here, ya know."

"Right, sorry. … Is there anyone… ohhh..."

"Gimme that! ... This'd better be im—fuck, do that again!—important!"

"Lift your leg over my—yeah that's it. Nngh!"

"Helloo… ohh… ahh."

"Forget it. Turn it off."

"That's what… mmhh… I tried t' tell ya."

"Ok, you were... ahh… right. And you're so…"

"Yeah… right there… more, harder, c'mon, I—"

"Damn it, wait for—nngh!"

§

Byakuya closed his communicator with hands that were absolutely not trembling. He refused to meet his adopted sister's gaze before he smoothed his uniform and rose from his chair.

"We will call again when there is a better connection." Only decades of practice held the neutral noble expression on his face.

Rukia's face was very pale, save for two bright spots of colour staining her cheeks as she nodded. "Yes, Nii-sama."

Byakuya watched her leave with the same expressionless mask, mouth set, eyes betraying nothing. He waited a full minute before stepping out from behind his desk and walking calmly out of his office. It was almost time for supper, and he was certain that he had enough sake at home to blur the memory of hearing his lieutenant demanding more from the young substitute shinigami he was staying with while bringing him up to speed on advanced shinigami training.

And if the sake didn't work, there was always seppuku.

END