Aka Zukin

Non-Beta Version

Summary: Being yanked into a freaking scroll was one thing, having to act out a foreign fairytale was another, but finding out that in order to escape the trap you had to play the part of a naïve little girl, complete with frilly dress and a ridiculous red riding hood, all the while dodging the perverted advances of a silver-haired wolf; it was asking too much of an overworked Chuunin like Iruka-sensei. Ooh, someone was going to pay for this!

Disclaimer: Sorry folks, but Naruto and its characters are someone else's property; I'm just borrowing them for my, and your, amusement. Also, the pick-up lines aren't mine either...I got them off the internet...so, yeah.

Warning(s): The usual, I suppose; bad language, because I'm a potty mouth; equally bad pick-up lines; sexual situations, though nothing too graphic, just Kakashi being pervy; and slight cross-dressing, because we all harbor fantasies of putting Iruka in a dress...Other than all that, nothing else to worry about.

Author's Note: This is my response to the KakaIru Comm's Spring Festival Challenge, which was to adapt a favorite fairy-tale using our favorite two ninja. I chose to use 'Little Red Riding Hood', for obvious reasons. (*cackles*). Oh, in case you were wondering, the title translates to 'Red Hood' in Japanese. Now, I know what you are thinking...Why are you writing this instead of Shiiin? The answer is very simple...I've exhausted my muse on that particular story and can't seem to focus on it long enough to write out a proper paragraph, much less an entire chapter. Do not despair, though, because I'm not about to abandon it any time soon. I'm just taking a break from the storyline and directing my attention to other equally entertaining ideas, which you will all enjoy as much once I put them out for your perusal. Hopefully.

Part One

The room was in shadows, the only source of light coming from a solitary candle sitting on top of a low table, next to a slim lacquered box. The flame flickered in the phantom wind, making the darkness seemingly twitch and undulate, as if timorous of the fire. The muted lighting was too weak to illuminate the face of the sole occupant and it threw his features into obscurity. The man-- for the occupant was a man with wild white hair and a large, muscular frame-- sat hunch over the kotetsu, hardly moving, and his breathing barely perceptible above the burning of the wick.

There was a weighted silence filling the small room that seemed almost palpable. It revolved around the man, almost taunting him, screaming into his ear; it was distracting. Finally, with a faintly discernable tremble of his muscles, the man reached gingerly for the box, momentarily running his fingertips over the polished surface, enjoying the silky smoothness that made him think of a woman's supple skin, before flicking the simple lock upward and lifting the lid slowly, revealing a set of delicately-tipped paintbrushes and an inkwell. The man took one of the brushes out, passing his thumb gently over the fine hairs of the bristle, and the inkwell, unscrewing the lid of it, setting the small glass container on the other side of the table, far enough away so not to get in the way.

He pulled out a scroll and unrolled it on top of the table, running a calloused hand of the pure-white paper. He reached for the inkwell and holding in one hand, he used the other to hold the paintbrush. He dipped it briefly inside the container, before pulling it up again and taking it to the scroll.

The paintbrush moved across the blank page with a fluidity that spoke of long time experience. There was no hesitance, nor a tremble in the weathered hand holding the slim writing utensil, only quiet confidence as it swerved over the white expanse of paper, the dark tip leaving thick, undulating lines in its wake. The man worked diligently for an indiscernible amount of time, his face set in concentration, thin lips pressed together and his brow furrowed. When he was done, the man quickly lifted the brush and set it aside, so as not to accidentally drip onto his work. He sat back, his back straight and examined his work for a long moment, expert eyes taking in the angles and curves, the depth of his strokes before allowing a lazy smile to curve slightly chapped lips.

"Finally, it is done," he said slowly, the tone of his voice satisfied. He gave a low chuckle and licked his lips. "For years, you have eluded my grasp, destroyed my carefully laid out plans, and impeded me at every turn. But no longer. This time, I will have you. And when I do, I will have the pleasure of having your perfectly proportion, perfectly plump bre…"

"Err, not to interrupt you in one of your…ah, writing sessions, or whatever you want to call them, but I thought to let you know that I'm getting kinda hungry and ugh…why is it so dark in here? What the hell are you doing in the dark, huh, you big perv?"

Suddenly, the blinds keeping the rays of the sun from streaming through the window were thrown opened, instantly washing the room in brilliant sunlight. The man sitting at the kotetsu hissed as the golden glow from outside left him briefly blinded.

"What the fuck is your problem, brat?" Jiraiya growled, blinking his stinging eyes. When his vision returned to normal, he shot the blonde-haired teenager standing over him a dirty look. "Have you ever heard of ambiance? And next time, warn a guy before you turn on the light. Sheesh, I was almost fucking blinded."

"Nah, never heard of it. It sounds painful, though," Naruto said, ignoring the older man's complaint about the light. His bright blues eyes peered down curiously at the scroll Jiraiya had been working on, his limited knowledge on sigils making him blink in confusion at the complex patterns drawn on the paper.

"Hey, Pervy-Sage, what the hell on you working on? Is it a jutsu?" he asked, feeling slightly exited at the thought of learning something new. Jiraiya did not answer right away; instead, he quickly rolled the scroll back up, huffing at the blonde brat as he did. "This," he said imperiously, waving the scroll under Naruto's nose, "is my greatest work up to date."

"Soo," the blonde-haired teen drawled. "It is one of you pervy books. I thought I recognized the cheesy lines you were muttering just now."

Jiraiya scoffed. "My lines are never cheesy. They are brilliant arrangements of words that are obviously above your meager understanding."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, because every girl is known to say 'oh, your rigid pillar of man-flesh is so big. I don't think it'll fit in my delicate flower'" Naruto simpered mockingly, fluttering his eyelashes. He dropped the expression quickly and rolled his eyes at his mentor.

"Don't tell me you've been reading one of my books," Jiraiya wondered carefully, eyeing the teen almost accusingly. He remembered writing something similar in Icha-Icha Violence Vol. 17. "Remember what I said about them being…"

"Che, like I'll ever read one of those pervy books of yours," Naruto interrupted with a snort. "Besides, Iruka-sensei would skin me alive if he ever found out I read one of them. Or worse, stop buying me ramen." The blonde-haired boy shuddered, a haunted look entering his blue eyes at the prospect of never eating free ramen again with one of his favorite people.

"Then how in the hell did you come up with that, then?" Jiraiya demanded. He unrolled the scroll a bit, just enough to check that the ink had not smeared in his haste to hide it from the boy. Really, interrupting like that…

"Kakashi-sensei," Naruto began, wrinkling his nose as he remembered a particularly tough training session. "He had us hanging from ninja wires above a pool filled with flesh-eating fish. They were the freakiest things I've ever seen, and I've seen freaky, inside of a snake freaky, ya know? They were all sharp, pointy teeth and bulging eyes. Anyways, we had to find a way to untie ourselves. The bastard took all our equipment before we began, making it harder. Yeah, so, he was there watching and reading his book out loud to us." Naruto grimaced and scratched the back of his head.

"I had nightmares for days after that."

Jiraiya placed the scroll down after making sure his work was still intact, before leering up at his student. "Are you sure they were nightmares, kid? I bet they were more like…wet-dreams" he said with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

"Ugh!" Naruto exclaimed, recoiling slightly. "Is that all you think about, you lousy perv?!"

Jiraiya shrugged and leaned back on his hands. "When you get to be my age, kid, you'll understand that men of the world, like yours truly, just can't resist the temptation that is…."

"Yeah, whatever," Naruto muttered, no longer listening to the older man. He turned around to leave the room they had stayed for the night. "I have better things to do than listen to you talk. I'm gonna find me something to eat."

Jiraiya waited until the door slammed closed before dropping his ramblings and sighing. "Finally," he muttered and leaned forward again, unrolling the scroll again, spreading it over the low table. "I thought he would never leave." Not that he thought for a second Naruto would say something against what he was doing, seeing as he doubted the kid knew what the hell he wrote on the scroll in the first place. Rather, he wanted to be alone as he placed the final additions to his brilliant plan. Jiraiya gave another chuckle, wiggling his fingers in anticipation, before picking up the brush again and holding it expertly in his hand. He dipped it in the ink and drew the necessary signs that would serve as an anchor and destination point for when the teleportation sigils activated. It would not due to send his intended target to places unknown. Oh, no, they had to arrive at the right spot or else it would all be for naught.

When he finally finished, Jiraiya smirked and blew gently at the wet ink, urging it to dry quickly before rolling it up again and activating the trigger with a series of hand signs. He grabbed a piece of suede and wrapped it around the scroll, being careful not to touch the scroll itself. Snapping some rubber bands around the edge for safe measure, Jiraiya eyed his work and nodded. Good, she will never guess it was from me until it was too late, he thought with a grin. And when she finally does realize, it'll be too late. The grin turned predatory as the thought conjured all kinds of wicked thoughts.

The Great Toad Sage, one of the Sannins, and all around big pervert, stood up, grabbed his creation of sheer brilliance and wandered out of the room to search for a Mail Office.

Umino Iruka sometimes wondered if the sine qua non for promoting shinobi had been different when Yondaime Hokage had been at the helm of the village, or if the man had been drunk when he had advanced Hatake Kakashi to Jounin status. The latter seemed more plausible, since he was sure that no jounin, past or present, would spend their free time bothering hardworking chuunins with cheesy pick-up lines.

"'Hi, I'm a necrophiliac, how good are you at playing dead?'… Hmm, I really don't like that one either, but I thought it was funny at the time, in a morbid kind of way. I think it was in Suna and there was this man, drunk to the gills, obviously, and this whore and well, you know how they are like, especially in Suna. They're rather vicious and they smell kind of funny too…"

Well, make those disturbing pick-up lines.

If he could, Iruka would have walk away from the man, having better things to do other than hear him ramble on and on about his little misadventures in far away lands. As it was, he could not due to a nasty jutsu the jounin had placed on the space around his feet. It did not allow him to move more than a few inches in any direction. When Kakashi had done it, Iruka was not sure, since he had not seen the man form any seals, but he was determined to find out. Even if it put him in a highly unwanted position, the jutsu had its appeal and Iruka could think of better uses for it other than holding unsuspecting chuunin's against their will.

"Are you even listening to me, Iruka-sensei?"

The question brought him out of his musings and Iruka blinked and focused his gaze on Kakashi-sensei. The man was looking at him with a sorrowful look and Iruka could easily imagine the pout beneath the mask. The chuunin snorted, not at all affected by the 'puppy-eyed look.' He worked with children, who implemented the expression on a daily basis, and he, himself, had perfected it when he was younger. Besides, it was more powerful if the person used both eyes.

"No, I wasn't," Iruka said dryly and looked around, hoping against hope that there was someone who could help him out of his predicament. They were standing in a side corridor, an offshoot from the main passageway that led to the Mission Room. There was hardly anyone passing by them, most of the traffic keeping to the larger hall. Still, even if there was someone who was willing to help, Iruka doubted they would once Kakashi turned the charm on them; the jounin had already intimidated several likely rescuers with a lethal combination of his best chilling glare and a flare of his intimidating aura.

Let it not be said that Kakashi doesn't have what it takes to be an evil bastard, Iruka thought sardonically.

"And here I was trying to impress you, Sensei," Kakashi pouted.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not impressed with inane anecdotes," Iruka said with a roll of his eyes. "I get enough of those from my students."

"Yes, but none of those stories are as…mature as my own, right Sensei?" Kakashi breathe into his ear. It took all his conscious control not to shiver in response when he felt Kakashi's warm breath wash over his ear seductively. Iruka gritted his teeth and shoved the other man away.

"Do you have no sense of personal space?" Iruka snapped and scowled at the silver-haired man.

"None whatsoever," Kakashi said pertly and chuckled when he saw Iruka's faint blush darken with his anger.

"Can I go now?" the chuunin said through clenched teeth. "You may have no perception of work ethic, but I do and I have a lot of work that still needs to be done."

"Maa, Iruka-sensei, has anyone told you, you work too much?"

"Has anyone told you you're an insufferable lout?" Iruka spat, curling his fists until he felt the nails bite into the flesh of his palms. The brown-haired man almost screamed when he noticed Kakashi was actually pretending to think about it. Kami, but was the man annoying!

"No, I don't think anyone has," Kakashi finally said and smoothly moved out of the way of Iruka's fist. Unfortunately, the move threw Iruka off-balance, since he could not move from the spot he was standing in, the momentum behind his fist pitching him forward. Kakashi's quick reflexes, however, saved him from falling on his face. The jounin caught him by the shoulders and steadied him on his feet. A part of him was grateful for the other man's thoughtfulness, but he was too angry to thank the man properly; it was his fault after all and Iruka would bite through his tongue before offering his gratitude to Kakashi. He settled with a dark glare.

"Now, now, Iruka-sensei, it isn't good for your blood pressure to be this angry," Kakashi said soothingly. The jounin seemed aware that he was reaching the point where spurring the man further was inadvisable, because he released the seething chuunin and took a step back, giving Iruka some appreciated space. Iruka cursed Kakashi's survival instinct for that, having imagined giving the older man a good wallop when Kakashi was close enough for him to reach.

The brown haired sensei closed his eyes momentarily, lest he give into temptation and reach for a kunai, and counted to ten, and then to twenty just to make sure he was sufficiently calm, before turning his attention back to the irritating man in front of him. He could easily see how much the jounin was enjoying this--his gray eye was practically glittering with amusement. Oh, but was Kakashi begging for a good o' fashion ass kicking.

"Kakashi-sensei," Iruka began testily, "I'm going to ask you, again, to let me Go. This. Instant."

"But Iruka-sensei," the jounin practically simpered, "I'm still not finished with my list." He held up an unrolled scroll for him to see. Written in the man's tiny, neat kanji was what Iruka assumed were over three dozen pick-up lines. The chuunin groaned aloud and felt the sudden, desperate urge to strike his head against a hard surface, in the hopes of awakening from this nightmare, or at least knocking him out. Not for the first time in the last few days did Iruka regret the words he had said a scant two weeks ago. In hindsight, Iruka had not thought that his seemingly innocent statement would be taken as a challenge by Kakashi-sensei, or that the man would have heard it in the first place.

But I should have remembered that he's an incorrigible bastard, Iruka thought irritably, giving Kakashi the evil eye. It would have saved me from embarrassment if I had just ignored him. Yet, how could anyone expect Iruka to ignore a person when they suddenly appear out of freaking nowhere, and casually proposition him?

He had been exiting the Academy, completely exhausted after a long and demanding day teaching pre-genins, when the jounin had sauntered out of the crowd, matched pace with him and had casually asked.

'Do you want to see something swell?'

Iruka remembers that he had stumbled nearly dropping the stacks of homework he had been carrying in his arms. He had whipped his head around to stare incredulously at the jounin, who had kept his gaze on that smutty book of his, as if he had not just said anything so outrageous. The jounin had looked so calm that for an instant Iruka had doubted he had heard correctly and probably had imagined the words. Yet an uncertainty had promptly the chuunin to make sure and he had cleared his throat, smiling tentatively at the silver-haired man when the older man had looked up at him.

"Umm, did you just say something, Kakashi-sensei?" Iruka had asked tentatively. "I thought I heard you say something but I'm not sure." Something that sounded suspiciously like a come on, he compounded silently in his mind. Iruka had hoped that was not the case, but a growing feeling of dread had told him otherwise, especially when the jounin glanced over at him, an indescribable look in his droopy eye. Kakashi had snapped his book closed, smoothly put it away and leaned closed to his face, making Iruka come to a halting stop. Then, practically purring, Kakashi had said, "If my pillow had a hole in it, I would name it after you."

There was not denying then. Kakashi had really come on to him, and his words had confirmed that. It had taken a few seconds for his brain to wrap around the fact Kakashi had actually said something so…crude to him and in public to boot. Iruka had reacted the only way he could, given the circumstances: he got angry. It was hard to remember clearly what happened afterwards--Iruka had been that furious--but he vaguely recalls hitting the jounin, thrusting him through several walls until Iruka plunged him into a dumpster filled with rotting left-overs from a local restaurant. All the while Iruka had ripped into the jounin for even thinking that those awfully tasteless pick-up lines would work on him and demanding Kakashi if he thought Iruka was that easy, or inane. The chuunin had stomped away, muttering that Kakashi would do well to come up with something better than that filth if he was truly serious in his intentions.

Unfortunately, for Iruka, Kakashi had heard his mutterings and had taken it as a personal challenge to amass as many pick-up lines as he could, either his own or those he overheard, and present them to Iruka for approval. Iruka had heard all kinds of crap and some-- like the one Kakashi had just said-- made him wonder the type of places the jounin visited that the people there would use such…awful material to entice a prospective mate.

"I hate you, Kakashi-sensei," he said slowly but firmly, rubbing the bridge of his nose, the pads of his fingers pressing against the rough scar tissue.

"Maa, Iruka-sensei, hate is such a strong word," the jounin said, giving him a mournful look. "How about I read you some more of my clever little lines, hmm? I'll bet that would make you feel better." Kakashi smirked; Iruka did not need to see it to know that was the expression hiding behind the mask. He could practically hear it.

The chuunin gave him a blank look and then rolled his eyes. "It's not like I have a choice," he muttered, more to himself than the other man.

"Okey-dokey," Kakashi chirped and snapped the paper smartly, clearing his throat theatrically. "This one I picked up in Wave Country and I think you'll like this one…Can I see your tan lines?…"

Iruka answered without thinking. "I don't have any." When he registered what he had said, the chuunin blushed furiously and blushed further when he caught Kakashi's leer. "What?" he snapped, trying unsuccessfully to will the blood away from his face.

Kakashi rubbed his bottom lip with his thumb and said rather huskily, "That was… deliciously informative, Iruka-sensei." Iruka eyed the man; was it him, or was Kakashi standing closer than before?

"Alright, that one goes to the 'Accepted' list," Kakashi said and scribbled something on the margins with a pen Iruka had not seen him pull out. "This next one has a certain charm. Pretty straightforward and polite too…Can I please be your slave tonight?"

"No," Iruka answered immediately. He made sure Kakashi did not get the wrong idea, because he knew the jounin would take it seriously, the pervert. Luckily, the older man went on."…I love every bone in your body - especially mine…."

"That doesn't make sense." Iruka said and then added, "Idiot."

"Right…how about…Hey, babe, wanna make an easy fifty bucks?"

Iruka gritted his teeth, feeling his nostrils flare. "Kakashi…" he said in warning and shot Kakashi a dirty look when the man had the nerve to chuckle.

"That one is a definite no," Kakashi said lightly, not at all disturb by Iruka's startling growl, and then continued. "Let's see here…ah… Just call me milk; I'll do your body good."

"What if I was lactose intolerant?" Iruka asked for the hell of it. There was no point to keep fighting with the silver-haired fiend. It was best to give in to the situation, although not gracefully, but with minimum fuss. He just hoped the Hokage was not too hard on him for seemingly curtailing his duties. Maybe he could appeal for a restraining order, though he doubted that would work.

The jounin tilted his head and peered at him curiously. "Are you?"

"No," the chuunin answered in a bored tone, crossing his arms over his chest. "But hypothetically speaking, I could be."

"Then I wouldn't do your body good. I'll probably give you diarrhea," Kakashi said simply and sniggered when Iruka wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"Ugh!"

"If you didn't like that then I'm sure you won't like this one…My love for you is like diarrhea; I just can't hold it in."

"Kakashi!" Iruka exclaimed predictably; however, there was a reluctant grin curling the edges of his lips and he rolled his eyes when Kakashi chuckled.

"Heh, let's see…Ooh! You'll like this one…You're so hot, your ass in on fire."

Iruka snorted. "Not even close. Next."

Kakashi gave him a smoldering look, which made the chuunin slightly uncomfortable.

"Are you sure? Can I check?" the silver-haired man questioned, his gray eye a shade darker than normal.

"No, you pervert," Iruka snapped, glaring at the older man. He tried to take a step back, but the jutsu made it impossible. Damn it, Kakashi was too close for his comfort. The chuunin was about to demand Kakashi to step the fuck back when an angry voice from down the hall made him snapped his mouth close.

"Iruka! Where the hell have you been? I've been looking all over for you!"

Iruka glanced over to see Shizune striding quickly toward them, looking partly relieved and not a little ticked off. The chuunin let out a relieved sighed and was about to explain himself when Shizune suddenly grabbed him by the arm and hauled him away. Or at least, she tried to pull him along.

"The Hokage is furious and…gah! What the…" Shizune caught him as he lost his balance again and stared incredulously at him. Iruka blushed furiously but still managed to muster enough anger to glare hotly at the silver-haired jounin.

"Do you mind releasing me, Hatake?" he demanded.

Shizune frowned, glanced between both men, before she stared down at Iruka's feet. When she looked up back again, she scowled at Kakashi. "Oh, that just childish," she snapped and assisted Iruka when he was able to move more than a few inches. The dark-haired kunoichi did not allow him to spare a few parting words to the jounin, though honestly, Iruka was not sure what exactly he would have said.

"Like I was saying," Shizune began again, still pulling him by his arm, "the Hokage has been looking for you and she's not happy that you weren't where you were supposed to be."

"Ah, Shizune-san, you can let go now," he said and sighed silently through his nose when she finally released him. He fought he urge to rub his arm, where the woman had curled her hand like a vice. "And I apologize for…" Shizune cut him off with an impatient wave of her hand.

"Don't worry about it. I pretty much doubt she'll care for hearing your explanations," she smiled grimly. "She's been in such a damn dark mood since this morning and I can't figure out why." They turned a corner and down the hall was the door to the Hokage's Office. They were only a few feet away when the door was yanked open unexpectedly and a ninja came hurling through, landing with a heavy thud. Shizune and Iruka froze as the Hokage appeared in the doorway, waving a crumbled manila folder. She looked dangerous, her hazel eyes glowing like animal eye-shine.

"You tell Ibiki that this is not worth the paper it's printed on and unless he wants me to go down there and relocate his balls to his throat, he'd better start hauling ass and start getting things done!

"Do I make myself clear, shinobi," she practically hissed, throwing the folder at the fallen man at her feet. The jounin mumbled something that could have been an agreement before he disappeared in a cloud of smoke and Tsunade's attention shifted to them. Iruka tried not to flinch when the Hokage's eyes narrowed.

"You," she growled and Iruka opened his mouth to apologize, or beg for mercy, whichever came first, but snapped his mouth shut when he heard her say,

"What did I tell you about resting, you annoying little shit!"

Iruka blinked, momentarily confused, and glanced over his shoulder, only to see Kakashi standing right behind him. The chuunin stared incredulously at the man. What was he doing here? Had the jounin truly followed them? The he narrowed his eyes, feeling annoyance bubbling inside of him again. Had Kakashi not had enough of tormenting him to fill his quota for the day? Because Iruka sure as hell had his fill of cheesy lines and ridiculous anecdotes, he had been looking forward to a break from the jounin. The silver-haired man glanced at him briefly, giving him a wink, before switching his gaze back to their blonde-haired leader.

"Maa, Hokage-sama I was wondering if maybe I could…"

"The next few words better be about your health or something other than me giving you a mission, because Kami help you if…"

"Hokage-sama," Kakashi interrupted smoothly, his entire demeanor calm; he even sounded amused and not at all tensed in having the Hokage glowering darkly at him. "I know better than to go against a direct order." Iruka found it strange that Kakashi could project an innocent veneer with more than half his face covered. Not that Iruka actually believed him to be innocent; the chuunin was quite certain that the older man had been there to tease a mission out of the Hokage. Still, there it was and…what the hell was he saying?

"Besides, I was here to ask if I can borrow Iruka-sensei for a while. You see I have this…situation. A very delicate situation and Iruka-sensei here is the only one that could help me," Kakashi said calmly.

Iruka whirled around and gaped at the jounin. "Wait! What situation? What are you talking about?" he demanded.

Kakashi hesitated, eyeing both Tsunade and Shizune before leaning close and not really whispering, "Iruka-sensei, are you sure you want me to say it aloud, in front of the Hokage and Shizune-san?" The jounin's words dripped with innuendo and having him this close, Iruka could see the unholy glee in the older man's gray eye.

He was…in front of… on purpose…how dare he!

Tsunade snorted behind him and he heard Shizune make a chocking sound that had him blushing in mortification.

"Sorry, brat, but I can't hand over your little boyfriend just because you have an itch to scratch," she drawled, her previous irritation having been curved significantly by this latest revelation. Who would have thought that those two…she mused, eyeing them both. She gave a mental shrug and thought, 'to each their own, I guess.' Tsunade, however, was greatly amused to see Iruka suddenly so flustered, now that his little secret was out.

"Whoa! I'm not his boyfriend," he cried, whirling around to face the Hokage and Shizune. "And I'm not scratching any of his itches!" The chuunin's blush grew hotter as he registered the words he had just uttered and the fact that he was shouting, more or less, in public. How humiliating.

"But, Iruka-sensei," Kakashi purred as he wrapped his arms around Iruka's shoulders, putting his face next to his own. "You're so good with your hands."

"Why you little…!"

Tsunade rolled her eyes, amusement giving way to anger again as Iruka tried unsuccessfully to behead his silver-haired lover. Movement in her periphery had Tsunade switching her gaze from the spectacle in front of her to the ninja standing to one side, well away from the battling lovers. She eyed him for a moment and then examined the package he was holding his hands. She frowned, the foreboding feeling she had been fighting all day, and that had made her snap at everyone around her, stirring awake with a vengeance.This was it, she thought absently, watching as the Mail Ninja walked over now that he had caught her attention. This is the thing that I've been waiting for. She suddenly did not want the thing close to her.

"Shizune, grab it," she almost snapped, her eyes not moving away from the slim object in the man's hands. The shinobi seemed confused at her hesitance to receive the parcel herself, but he dutifully handed it over to Shizune when she reached for it. He bowed to Tsunade and spun on a heel to leave and deliver his next errand.

Shizune made to move closer, maybe give it to her, but Tsunade took a step back.

"No, you stay there and I'll be here," she said firmly, causing the dark-haired woman to give her a strange look. Shizune hesitated but with an impatient prompt from her, she started to untie the leather bands keeping the suede covering in place. The young woman then pealed the soft material away to reveal a scroll. Tsunade gritted her teeth, her nerves going haywire as something inside of her insistent she flee. Having been a shinobi for decades, she had been in situations in which human nature gave way to primordial instinct, and that usually happened when she was trapped, completed surrounded and with no possible way out but through the enemies that were right in front of her. She hated feeling cornered, more so now when there was not logical explanation for it, just an innocuous scroll.

"Would you two cut that shit out!" she shouted at the still warring shinobi. Iruka was on top of Kakashi, straining to wrap his hands around the jounin's neck. The chuunin's face was brilliantly red and fierce looking almost blood thirty in nature. The brown-haired man must have forgone weapons and decided barehanded would do to get rid of the jounin. Unfortunately, for Iruka, the hold Kakashi had on his wrists kept him from actually achieving his goal. Overall, a scary sight and it would explain why Kakashi appeared apprehensive.

The two men froze and glanced at her, as if surprised to see her standing there. They hesitated but then Iruka shot Kakashi one last dark glower before shoving off the man, kneeing the silver-haired man in the stomach as he did. Kakashi grunted but still chuckled up at the chuunin. Tsunade was about to snap at them to stop with the cute act when she heard Shizune squeak in surprise. The blonde haired woman turned her attention back to her and saw Shizune drop the scroll. She watched, feeling oddly detached, as the scroll rolled across the floor, toward Kakashi and Iruka. They both saw it and both moved to pick it up, incidentally touching it at the same time.

What happened next could have hardly been prevented, but Tsunade still felt guilty after the fact. When both men touched the scroll, the thing unraveled, revealing a complicated design. Tendrils of chakra shot out of the scroll and wrapped themselves around both Kakashi and Iruka. She blinked and they were gone in a blast of smoke.

Tsunade and Shizune stared at the empty space before Tsunade growled thunderously.

"Goddammit!

End of Part One