Hey! I'm back with yet another new fic… HOWEVER, this one is actually COMPLETE. Which means there will be regular updates! Imagine! We can all thank the delightful Mysfyt for making me finish this before I was allowed to post it here. What an experience it has been! Hope you like…
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I could blame a lot of people for where I am today. My high school guidance counsellor who was the first person to tell me that girls could be marines. Most definitely I could blame the marine recruiter who turned out to be an NCIS Special Agent working undercover. He was also a marine, however, so I suppose that makes up for it. He looked past my school records of fights and bad marks and really listened to me. He seemed to understand my lack of direction, my unfocussed potential. He showed me that my life could change. That I could achieve things beyond my wildest imaginings. That I could be someone worthwhile. I just wanted to be like him. A marine. I wonder what he'd think now, if he knew how things had turned out.
I could blame the United States Marine Corps who made me feel like I finally found my place in this world. A purpose. Meaning. Shoving me into a furnace and forging me into a strong person. With direction and confidence. I could blame the person who decided that following basic training I should be fast-tracked onto a special training programme. A brutal and vigorous programme at which I seemed to excel until finally after several years of training someone else decided that I should be stationed at the SGC. Following this I could blame my current CO – Colonel Jason Harper – for pushing me even more. For being both mentor and friend. For being someone I can always count on to have my back. For allowing me to be part of the team. SG-5. My true family.
I could blame all these people. For giving me a life I loved and a job that was more of a calling. Truly making a difference in the world. The universe even. I could blame all these people who put me on this road. But I don't. The only person I blame is Dr Daniel Jackson. For making it all mean nothing.
For diving through a plate glass window to disable a nuclear bomb on a planet on the other side of the galaxy. For saving hundreds of thousands of lives. For being so fucking amazing that I turned into a bumbling mess every time he was around. For being so fucking inconsiderate as to die before I had a chance to admit how I felt. I blame him. I hate him. I love him.
Things haven't been going so well for me since he died. It was six months, three weeks and two days ago. Everything and everyone seems to remind me of him. Constantly. Worse still, SG-5 has been assigned to babysit scientists while they play with this new alien technology we found. Colonel Harper doesn't seem to mind – he says that with their high IQ there is no room left in their brain for common sense. Harper's a team player. The other two guys in SG-5 grumble a little about the current lack of excitement. I wouldn't have minded except scientists half-giddy over this stuff really makes me miss Daniel. He would have loved this shit.
Harper has noticed that I'm off my game. I think I've managed for the most part to hide it from the others. The Colonel, however, has always been able to see through me. I knew it was only a matter of time before he confronted me about it. I have to wonder what I would have told him. Falling apart because the person you loved from afar died doesn't really seem to be a marine thing to do.
And I'm a good marine. A captain even. Captain Dakota Storm. Called 'Dax' by my team mates. Occasionally 'the Ice-Storm' when I'm blowing off a potential suitor, as in 'Man, you totally just got blizzarded by the Ice-Storm'. They also like to refer to my sudden stillness before an attack as 'the calm before the'. I let them make fun of my last name because they do it with affection. 'You're a real trooper, Storm.' Half the fights I had in high school were from people taunting me by referring to me as various weather phenomenon but with my team it's all good. As long as they don't do it too often. God help me if I'm promoted – unlikely at this point which is one small comfort - I wasn't looking forward to living as Major Storm.
Since I was such a good marine – all calm, cool and collected – it's hard to know exactly why Daniel Jackson had such an effect on me. If it had been anyone else that I decided I wanted, I would have just gone up and taken him. Like I always do. Like Faith says in 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' – 'I see. I want. I take.' If a guy can't handle the girl making the first move then he's not the guy for me. I think Daniel could have handled it. He was so my type too. I have a thing for smart guys. Especially the type who are so wrapped up in their work that they don't even think about chasing women. The type that when you grab them and kiss them are so freaking surprised. I love it. It is a huge power trip for me. Daniel would so have been surprised. He had nurses falling over themselves flirting with him and he barely noticed. If he did ever notice he tended to be flustered and slightly embarrassed. I'm pretty sure he felt like their affections were misplaced. Like they didn't see who he really was and were distracted by this idea of him as a hero.
All of SG-1 are a bit like that. I guess it's hard being heroes. Not that SG-5 hasn't done the odd heroic thing, but SG-1... Everyone loves them. It would be hard for them to see where the hero-worship ended and the appreciation of them simply as people began. I saw Daniel as more than the hero he was. I saw Daniel the man. Both up close and from a distance he was really too good to be true. But he was simply that good. Sure, he had his flaws – we all do – but his just seemed sort of sweet. Then again, I'm not the best judge because I liked everything about him. I liked talking with him. He was a really good friend. I wanted him more than I've wanted any man in my entire life but something about him just sapped all my bravado away and I was completely unable to make a move.
Every day, I wonder what would have happened if I'd been able to admit to him how I felt. I think he might have been very pleasant and sympathetic while blowing me off but still. I think I should have taken that chance. Before he was gone. Off to some other plane of existence. At least he still exists somewhere out there. Unlike me. Literally. In the universe I've been in for the past 96 hours, I don't exist. There is no Captain Dakota Storm. Her parents never met, never married, never had a child together. She simply is... not. I suppose I should be grateful in a way. If there was a Dakota Storm in this universe – the one I'm currently residing in – then I'd be suffering all sorts of nasty side-effects. Entropic Cascade Failure or something like that. Still it kinda sucks to not exist. More than sucks. It is downright inconvenient.
I somehow envy this non-existent Dax. At least she never fell in love with Daniel Jackson. She never lost him without ever really having him. She would not have been so off her game that she decided in a split-second on that faraway world to channel her inner-Daniel by sacrificing herself to save the stupid scientist who had also been channelling his own inner-Daniel by touching something he shouldn't. It was all over so fast. I think I should have noticed he was getting too close to the device he was working on. Those eggheads can get so mesmerised. However, I was off my game – thanks, Daniel – so the alien tech was already lighting up and beginning to consume the hapless scientist by the time I realised anything was wrong.
I don't regret shoving Dr Jones out of the way. Despite this nightmare. I can still remember his shocked face. The guy had been a friend of Daniel's. I like him. We get along well. Known to all as 'Indiana', he has an awesome sense of humour and had made this mission a whole lot more entertaining for everyone. Cute in that nerdy way that got me going, in another place and time I could have had a thing with him. He even jokes that with his nickname 'Indiana' and my name being Dakota that we were meant to be. I remember Indiana's eyes through the light. I also remember Colonel Harper yelling my name. He sounded pretty upset. I would do just about anything to hear his voice again. He could scream and shout at me all he wanted about how stupid I'd been and I would smile through the whole thing.
The alien light had faded, leaving only darkness. Confused, I awoke in my quarters at the SGC only to find out that they were no longer my quarters. It was a file storage room. Upon exiting I was surprised to discover that there was hardly any military presence. Instead the corridors were filled with people who looked more like office workers. I finally found someone I knew. My old buddy, Siler. He was working on a light socket. I asked him what the hell was going on and unfortunately for me, the man clearly had no clue who I was. Just as he was about to leap down to detain me, Siler's legendary lack of luck struck and the socket he was working on exploded sending him flying off the ladder. In the ensuing flurry of concerned people, I made my escape.
Security on the base was ridiculously lax and as I combed through the nearest computer terminal I discovered why. The SGC was under the control of a government department. Really, really hoping this was a dream rather than the dreaded alternate reality scenario, I decided a retreat was in order. Acquiring supplies, a few weapons and a laptop – onto which I saved a bunch of information from the mainframe to peruse later – getting the hell outta Dodge via one of the various escape hatches was a lot easier than I expected. I hoped it was because they were more concerned with keeping people out than in.
If the base had still been under military control I'm not sure I would have taken off. I think I would have had more trust in the people at Stargate Command to listen to and maybe even believe my story if I hadn't seen who was in charge these days. Senator Richard Kinsey. There was no way in hell I could trust him. Not in any reality. No way in hell. I decided to follow chain of command and find Colonel Harper. Unfortunately, I've found Colonel Jason Harper in this reality. Found him in a military cemetary. Things just seem so much bleaker since his widow told me. I felt something crack a little inside me as I stood on her front porch as she gently explained to me. I didn't even say goodbye to her. I just ran. Ran and ran until I had no breath left.