Immaculate Conception
Tristan sat on the edge of the large black chair, his usually bright eyes were ice cold and his stomach was churning repulsively. What's going on? What the hell is going on? Never in his life had Tristan DuGrey felt so confused, so lost as he did now. Everything seemed unreal, fake. Swallowing hard he ran his fingers through his already tousled hair, trying to comprehend what the man in front of him had said, and was continuing to say. None of it made sense. None of the crap the guy was spewing made any sense. Ignoring his urge to hurl something at the person in front of him, Tristan did something that took guts, he forced himself to listen.
'Mr DuGrey…Tristan. When someone craves someone or something substantially the mind can play tricks, it must be hard for you. Your parents aren't around much because they usually have business to attend to, and when they are around all they do is lecture and pressure you…Am I right?'
Tristan reluctantly nodded his head indicating that he was right. The man shifted in his seat obviously pleased they were finally making progress; he adjusted his glasses and neatened the files on the pine wood desk in front of him before continuing.
'And not only that, you have to constantly live up to a certain reputation at school…from what I've read you're quite popular amongst your fellow peers' he said smiling humourlessly, trying to lighten the situation. Tristan didn't respond.
Life's been sucked out of me
And this routine's killing me
I did it to myself, I did it to myself, I said it would not be
Somebody put me out of my misery
Expression, stimulation hallow sense of myself
I did it to myself again
Somebody put me in my place
'What I am trying to say is that you have nothing to be ashamed of, and now that you have come to terms with the fact that this girl, 'Mary' isn't real but something your mind conjured up, you can get back to living your life…'
Never enough never enough
Do I deserve what I got
Tristan couldn't take it any more. What the fuck is going on? He flew up from his chair his eyes scorching.
'Bullshit. This is all fucking bullshit' Tristan shouted, making the psychiatrist jump. 'You're nothing but a liar, why did my father put you up to this? What the fuck is this really about'
'Mr DuGrey, calm down' he said standing up obviously shaken by his outburst.
'Don't tell me to fucking calm down. I'm not crazy. Why the hell are you making me out to be some sort of whack job? Is this his way of getting back at me?' He said his voice still jarring. He was talking more to himself than to the doctor. He didn't get this any of it. It was all totally absurd. He didn't make up Rory Gilmore. Sure he made up some fantasies about her, usually not wearing much, but she was real. Realer than real. He couldn't think for a second that she wasn't.
'I know this is hard to accept Mr DuGrey, but I'm sure in time it will get easier, but the truth is this girl is not real. I'm sorry, but she just isn't. You needed something to concentrate on, something to take you away from all the stress and pressure of reality. She provided that.'
Tristan laughed incredulously, his temper rising slightly.
'You need to get this through your thick skull. Lorelai Gilmore is real, and if you don't think so, fuck you. Jesus, I don't even know why I'm having this conversation with you… She goes to Chilton, why don't you fucking check your records before you go accusing me of being insane.'
'Mr DuGrey, we have checked the records, do you think we're stupid. There is no one in Chilton with the name Lorelai Gilmore, or Mary or whatever the hell you want to call her.'
Tristan was floored by this. It didn't make sense. Maybe she transferred recently or… He flinched at the thought. Maybe she had an accident…
'We've asked around you're school, none of the teachers or students backed you up, none of them admitted to ever knowing this girl, even your close friend Paris.'
Tristan subconsciously undid the top buttons of his shirt feeling strangely suffocated. He was getting desperate now, he couldn't be insane. He couldn't make up her beautiful innocent and untainted face, her deep blue eyes, her chocolate coloured brown hair….the way her forehead would crinkle when she was concentrating. He couldn't have made up their one on one verbal sparring matches, the way she screamed when he pissed her off. Her insatiable love for coffee. He was in love with Rory Gilmore. She was real.
'Look I don't know who the hell you are, and frankly I don't care.' He said his voice full of brutal honesty. 'All I know is you're the one whose screwed up if you think anything your saying is true, not me' with that Tristan walked towards the door, his head spinning. He had to get to the bottom of this.
You ask what's wrong with me and I say nothing
Is everything OK? Is something with me
Pushing and pulling feelings eternal
My heart is yours I feel as if I'm running
(Lyrics extracted from Papa Roach- Never Enough)
Sorry if it didn't make sense, just something I was working on...