"You took my daughter in a black SUV, and brought her back in a coffin. You'll get no help from me." The woman said.
JJ sat next to her: "Ma'am, I can't imagine what you're going through, but we need your help. Wouldn't Hannah want-"
"Don't you tell me what Hannah would want! You've killed her!"
"Ms. Everton… We need to know more details about Jeremy, you might be able to give us more information. You- " JJ was cut off.
"I have nothing more for you. Get out! Just- just leave!" The woman's body wracked with sobs as she commanded their departure.
"Ma'am, I am so sorry for your loss. Please let us know if you change your mind. Just… think about it, please."
JJ nodded at the door to Reid and they exited the Everton house. JJ took the wheel of the SUV and they drove in silence for a few minutes. Finally, Reid broke the silence.
"It was my fault."
"Hannah knew the risk when she entered the building. And as unfortunate as it ended, it was her choice. It was most definitely not your fault."
"I let her go. I knew Munroe was in there, and I knew he was armed."
"You didn't. You knew it was a possibility, and so did she. There's nothing you could have done."
"I could have stopped her- I should have! She didn't even have a gun, and there was no backup." Reid didn't bother to wipe away the silent tears running down his face.
JJ pulled the car over. "Spence, I need you to look at me. You did not do this. Do not blame yourself, don't you dare. Any of us can play the blame game. I could've left Hannah out of the mix, Morgan could've driven a little faster, and Hotch could've put Hannah on the phone with Munroe earlier. It's always easy to blame yourself, Spence. But you can't do it, it'll ruin you."
Reid pursed his lips and nodded solemnly. JJ ruffled his hair and began driving again, resuming the silence. She hated it, but didn't know what else to say. Should she change the subject? Would that just further Spencer's pain? He seemed to shake off her words, but she knew he wouldn't listen if she continued to say the same thing over and over again. She knew that he was replaying the scene over and over again in his head. That memory of his probably hurt him as much as it helped.
JJ inwardly rejoiced when they finally reached the station. She and Reid stepped in where Hotch scanned the two. "JJ, come see me in the conference room." She followed him into the conference room. "Ms. Everton refused to help any further?"
"Yes, sir. The poor woman blames us for Hannah's death. And… well, it is a bit hard not to share those feelings. I know Spence is beating himself up over it. He probably shouldn't have come to see Ms. Everton."
"Would leaving him to stew in his own guilt have been any better?" Hotch wondered aloud.
"It wasn't his fault. We all… we all could have done things differently. He always does this- always internalizes these things. Why can't he understand? And now, he's not going to be able to stop thinking about Munroe. He'll enter his angry genius mode where he doesn't sleep or eat."
"I know. I can try and convince him to get to the motel and get some rest."
"Good luck." JJ scoffed and they met up with the rest of the team.
"Where do we go from here?" Reid asked Hotch.
"We all need rest. It's been a long few days and we've barely slept. We know Munroe is going to stay low for at least 2 days."
"What? Hotch, we can't-" Reid started to protest.
"That's an order, Reid." Hotch sternly said.
"Let's go, pretty boy. We can pick up some food on the way." Morgan convinced Reid.
"Ooh, count me in. I'm starving." Prentiss piped in.
"Good idea, Morgan. We'll all stop at that diner before we go to motel." Hotch said, almost like an order.
The diner was packed and they barely managed to find an area that sat them all. Morgan and Prentiss were sharing a dish, while everyone else ate separately. Rossi noticed that Reid wasn't touching his soup, and when he claimed he needed some air, Rossi became suspicious.
"I think I'll join him- it's getting a little loud for my liking." Rossi said and excused himself. Once outside, he noticed the team's resident genius leaning against the wall with a lit cigarette in hand.
"Why would someone so smart do something so stupid?" Rossi startled Reid.
"Rossi! I-"
"Don't worry, I'm not going to rat you out to Hotch. In fact..." he said pulling a cigar from his bag, "I could use a light."
"You're one to talk. Judging me about smoking when you keep cigars on your person." He said, lighting Rossi's cigar.
"Us old folks have an excuse. We got addicted before we knew they were bad. Didn't they teach you kids in school all about the dangers of smoking?"
"I graduated high school at 12, Rossi. I skipped a lot of those 'Don't Do Drugs' assemblies."
"Sure, sure. But everyone knows smoking will kill you."
"Yeah, so does heroin. I figure, cigarettes are legal and allow me to continue to work."
"Heroin?"
"Hotch didn't tell you? I'm an addict. Began a few years ago on a case…" He said while puffing smoke. "Tobias Hankel. Familiar?"
"I know you were kidnapped and tortured."
"And drugged. Dilaudid. I got addicted, and well… I got off of it- replaced one addiction with another, I guess." He said, referring to his cigarette. "But hey, I've never relapsed, so, I've got that going for me."
"Hannah's not your fault, Reid."
"Why do you all keep saying that? You don't have to lie to me. Everyone knows that it was stupid and wrong of me to let her go without me."
"It was defensible. Hannah was the only possible person he could see without immediately shooting. You had reason behind your decision."
"When I was a kid, all I wanted to do was cure schizophrenia. It was my main point of research for months. I know more about it than most doctors. I should have known, Rossi! I'm a profiler, for god-sakes! I should have known that he'd lose control and kill her!"
"None of knew for sure."
"I could hear her as she died. She apologized. To both Munroe and I. She begged for my help, but by then the explosion had stunned me. I tried to get to her, but it was too late. I could barely walk, and when I got to her, she wasn't breathing. Munroe looked at me and just… smiled. I pulled out my gun and shot at him, but I was too dizzy, I couldn't see him properly, and he escaped unscathed." Reid's face seemed to break. "I could have done something. That feeling of being helpless… I can never seem to let it go. Every time, I get the urges to- to." He fell silent.
"Listen, kid. I know you're not going to stop thinking about this, and as useless and frustrating it is to hear, it's going to take time. So for now, rest- eat- and we'll pick this back up tomorrow morning and catch this bastard." Rossi assured him, squeezing Reid's shoulder.
"I'll try." Reid said, and stomped out his cigarette.
"All you need to do." Rossi comforted him.
They returned to the diner where the team was finishing their meals. Reid got his soup in a to-go cup and they all made their way to the motel. None of them were a big fan of the , motel wasn't really the best name for it. It was really an old military bunker. And each room had cots instead of beds. It had been an effective use of space when it was used for military purposes, sleeping 4 to a room. It was cramped and uncomfortable for everyone. But it was all there was in the miniscule town.
At around 3 in the morning, Rossi heard someone moving to the door. He looked up to catch Reid's eye. Reid held up his pack of cigarettes and quietly left the room. Rossi frowned and went back to sleep.
The next morning the team groaned as they all met in the so-called lobby of the motel. As nearly everyone arrived, Hotch spoke: "Has anyone seen Reid this morning?"
"I saw him… at around 3 this morning. But not since. I figured he'd just gotten up already."
"So did I. What were you doing at 3?" Morgan asked.
"Reid woke me up when he went to s- uh, get some air."
"To get some air? Like last night? Come on, Rossi, what was he really doing?" Prentiss questioned Rossi.
"Well, he didn't really want me sharing with the whole team, but I suppose if you must know, he went out to smoke."
"The kid smokes?" Morgan scoffed in unbelief.
"Has been since shortly after the Hankel case." Hotch sadly mumbled.
"Wait, you knew?" Rossi cried.
"Of course I did. Reid is not a good liar. And a person only needs to much fresh air."
"Now that we've exposed Reid's shameful secret, could we possibly focus on the fact that we can't find him?" JJ inquired.
"Yeah, you're right, Jaje. I'll check in with the manager. Morgan, check our room, and JJ call the station." Hotch ordered and everyone got to work.
They all met back up in the lobby where Morgan and JJ had both come up empty.
"Well, the one good thing about this hotel is that it has great security cameras. The manager is pulling the footage now." Hotch grumbled.
The manager called for Hotch to see the footage. Hotch watched the computer and felt every nerve in his body tense. Reid had been taken by Munroe.