Plugg Firetail was trudging through the forest. It had been a hard week. First, his tail was brutally separated from his behind by a stick(a pointy stick, that burned with the fires of a thousand evils!). Second, his incompetent crew couldn't manage to get it to stay back on. And third, he had just been eaten. And by snakes, too! Snakes! Oh, the humiliation!
Now, I'm sure that all of you are thinking the same thing: Wait a minute, if he was eaten… then wouldn't that mean that he was dead? And my answer to that: No. He was transported to another world in which all my favorite Redwallian creatures go; to the woods of Flowermoss. Why, you ask? Well, just BECAUSE. It is best not to ask these questions.
So it was there, in the woods of Flowermoss, that our faithful (okay, so maybe not that faithful) Plugg, tail clasped in his paw, bumped into Gonff, the Prince of Mousetheives (in another world he was known to all as Meriadoc Brandybuck, esquire of Rohan… but that's a different storyand he was a different species) and myself. Err… that is, Gonff and Sage, a young fieldmouse in a pretty green tunic with a long tail. A chain with a jeweled metal leaf hung from her neck. Gonff had been casually trotting along, eating an apple, with a few permanently-borrowed-without-having-before-asked carrots sticking out of the pockets of his yellow vest, chatting away with Sage. When he crashed into Plugg, the carrots went flying everywhere.
"Hey, watch where you're going, ye slimy vermin!"
"Well, you watch where YOU'RE goin', ye… strangly-hobbitish-looking mouse! Besides, I'm only slimy because I've just been eaten!"
Sage looked more closely at the newcomer. "Plugg? Gonff, it's Frodo Baggins- err, Plugg Firetail!"
"Well, why didn't ye say so!" Gonff extended a paw. "It's nice to meet you, Plugg! The name's Gonff! And my lovely companion calls herself Sage. Welcome to Flowermoss woods! We've been expecting you."
Plugg took the extended paw. "What are ye expectin' me fer, and how do ye know my name?"
Sage and Gonff exchanged glances. "Well," Sage explained, gathering the fallen carrots. "The author of this story liked you when she read 'Triss', so we figured you'd end up here."
"The author of… what! This… story… but- but-"
"Ye still don't get it, do ye?" the mousetheif said, as he picked up the fallen apple, polished it on his vest, and took another bite out of it. "When the Great Hobbit Goddess, Leaviel reads a 'Redwall' book, naturally she has her favorite characters. So when they die off, or if she doesn't want to wait that long, they get transported to Flowermoss woods. Apparently she took a likin' to ye, so now yer here." Plugg looked at him oddly.
"Sometimes we get a few random animals that she makes up. Like me, for instance. And she based me off of herself! Well, and a few elements of Columbine." Sage looked at Gonff and blushed. "Except, of course," she said, continuing, "that I'm a mouse and she's just a hobbit-wanna-be."
All of a sudden, the woods burst into flames.
"I-I mean, I'm a mouse and she's a HOBBIT… a real hobbit!" Sage corrected.
The next moment everything was just as it had been.
"Anyway…" Gonff said. "We'd better take you off to Flufftail, so you can join the Short Patrol."
"The what Patrol?"
Gonff sighed. "The Short Patrol. 'Tis a union of all the perilous creatures that the author's taken' a likin' to. Originally, it was just a bunch o' moles, but the Great Hobbit Goddess, Leaviel got kinda bored o' that, so she added all of us. Come on. We'll take ye there."
Gonff, Sage, and Plugg traveled onwards, until they reached the camp of Flufftail the Destroyer and the Short Patrol. Gonff walked right up to the smallest tent and poked his head inside. "Hey Fluffy, Plugg Firetail's here." Gonff listened for a bit and turned around. "You c'n enter now."
Plugg stepped cautiously inside. "What the-?" There, inside the tent, was the fabled Flufftail the Destroyer! "But yer only a baby rabbit!"
Flufftail glared at him. "I'm a leveret, I have 'e know!" he said with a rather squeaky voice.
"A what?"
"A leveret. A'so known'd as a dibbun hare. Wot, wot?"
"Actually, you're still technically a dibbun. Leverets are a just little bit older." Gonff put in.
Plugg backed up. "I've heard of those creatures they call dibbuns… terrifyin', horrible beasts, who could exterminate tribes o' vermin and scoff a whole blackberry and candied chestnut pie at the same time! And I've had captive one o' those hares once. All 'bolly old chaping' and what not." Plugg shuddered.
"Be quiet, or I choppa ya tail off!"
"Et's too late fer that. 'Tis already been chopped off, see." He presented his tail to the small hare.
"That norra look like y'tail. You be's si'ver an' this be's red."
Plugg smiled. "That's why they called me Plugg Firetail, see? Me tail's red, while the rest o' me's silver."
"Well, you can't go haffing no tail! Sage!"
She poked her head inside. "Yes, Flufftail?"
"Gorra get Pik'im an' Crack'n! Tell 'em t'bring da sticky healy stuff, wot!"
"Right away!" Soon after, Piknim and Cracklyn arrived, holding two bottles.
"Ye wanted us?" Piknim asked.
"P'ugg's tail be choppa'd off. You fixin' it ferrim!"
They brought forth the bottles. One was filled with a red substance and the other was filled with white with a label that read: Lon Lon Milk. "Ye might wanna hold still for a tick," Piknim told him, "This shouldn't hurt, but I'm not promising anything." While Cracklyn held Plugg's tail to his backside, Piknim poured some of the liquid from the red jar on it. A few sparkles glittered around the tail, and when it stopped, it was reattached.
"YEEEEEOOOOOOOOWCH!" he screamed in pain. "…Hey, wait a minute… that didn't hurt." Plugg looked confused. "It's supposed to hurt… isn't it?"
Cracklyn sighed. "No, no, no! It doesn't hurt. Red potion only stings if the old crone who made it put rust in it."
"Rust? Why would anyone put rust in a healing potion? It doesn't heal, does it?"
"No, it doesn't heal. 'Tis fer colouring." Piknim said. "Hear, drink this." She handed him the bottle of Lon Lon Milk.
"Lon Lon Milk?" he said, inspecting the bottle. "What's that?"
"It'll help with the healing."
"An' what do I do wid it, pour it on me tail?"
"No… you drink it."
Plugg sniffed disdainfully at the milk. "What's that other stuff… the red glop?"
"'Tis called red potion," Cracklyn told him.
"Very creative, I know," Piknim put in, "But hey, it works, so who's to complain!"
"Uh, huh. Do I really have ta drink this?"
"You do if you want your tail to stay on."
"Fine, fine." Plugg glanced at the liquid. "Are ye sure?"
Piknim rolled her eyes. "It tastes like grog, okay?"
"Well, why didn't ye say so!" He took a mighty swig, milk dripping down his cheeks… and spat it out. "Ugh!" Plugg wiped his paws on his tongue, trying to get rid of the awful flavor. "That was horrible!"
Cracklyn shifted her footpaws. "Ehh… I s'pose it was a little old…" He looked at her contemptuously.
"Do ye want your tail fixed, or not?"
Plugg gulped. Finally, he managed to choke down some of the putrid milk. "Water, I need water!"
Flufftail handed him his water flask. "Drink out o' this, but make sure you notta spit in it."
Plugg eagerly accepted the flask and gulped the water down hurriedly. "Pew! That's much better!"
"I guess we'll be off then." Piknim said. She and Cracklyn turned to go.
"Wait!" Gonff said, bursting into the tent with Sage. "This note was delivered to us earlier. It's from Anony Mouse."
"Anonymous…Who d'ye suppose that is?" Plugg asked.
Flufftail looked at him. "Anony Mouse. She's al'ays sendin' me letters."
"Anony's the one we get our supplies from." Piknim explained. "She wanders the woodlands, picking up new arrivals, collecting interesting vegetation, and brewing potions. She sends us letters now and again to keep us updated with what's happening in the forest."
"You c'n read the letter aloud, Gonff!" Flufftail said.
"'You must protect yourselves'", he read. "'Something has happened, something bad. I was out on my usual morning stroll when I spotted a bunch of vermin passing through the woods. None of them had appeared on the new arrivals list, so I figured something musta gone wrong. I checked my stores, brought out the crushed vanilla/fig potion, and sure enough… Leaviel, the Great Hobbit Goddess… she'd just had a lot of sour starbursts and pixy stix! You know how she can get when she eats those things. Well, the phase has passed, but a bunch of characters she doesn't like managed to sneak their way in here. A battle is coming. And by the size of that army, I'd say it's gonna be a big one! Ye'd best prepare yeselves as best as you can. Good luck. Anony Mouse.' Wait… there's a P.S. 'Oh yeah, a big pile of white sandstone just appeared out of nowhere in that spot that's perfect for building large buildings. Looks like this could be your chance to do so. And it'd be a good defense against the oncoming invaders. Ye might need Shavvakamalla's help.'"
"Wow, this sounds serious." Sage said at last. They all looked at each other.
"We's gotta do somet'ing!" the small hare said. "Pik'im, Crak'n, you gos and gets weapons made fa battle. Gonff and Sage, go and get Savvie to come. An' get da Warden too! P'ugg, you c'n go an' help get everyone up an' ready!"
"Right," came a voice from behind them. They turned. Two new arrivals had come, a mousemaid holding a knotted rope and a mouse lad with a beautifully crafted blade. Both had a fierce look in their eyes, they were not mice to mess with. The mousemaid spoke up again, "If it's a battle coming, then you'll need our help. I'm Mariel, formerly known as Storm Gullwhacker. This," she said, pointing at her rope," is my Gullwhacker."
"I'm Dandin." The other mouse said.
Gonff nodded. "Leaviel must be reading 'Mariel of Redwall'."
"You keep mentioning this 'Redwall'," Plugg piped in. "What is it?"
Sage blushed. "Uhh…"
"YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW!" Everyone jumped.
"Who was that?" Dandin asked.
"The Author." Gonff replied.
Mariel and Dandin looked confused. "I'll explain later," Sage told them. "For now we just need to prepare for battle."
"Battle." Mariel said, swishing her Gullwhacker expectantly, the light of battle starting to glow in everyone's eyes. They grabbed their weapons and went off to gather an army for the upcoming onslaught.
A couple of hours later in a familiar looking pine forest at the edge of a river
"Well," Sage said, "We're here."
"But where is Savvie?" Gonff asked.
"I don't know. She usually hangs out in the trees."
"She?" Gonff looked at her questioningly. "But I thought Shavvakamalla was a guy."
"Not in this story." Sage glanced upwards through the foliage. "Shavvakamalla! You up there?" All of a sudden, with a rustling of branches, vine ropes caught Gonff and swept him into the trees. Sage sighed. "You don't have to kidnap a creature every single time somebeast walks through here, ya know." An argument of squeaks and jibberings followed this statement until the Prince of Mousetheives plopped back down (quite shaken) with a small, female tree-rat who resembled a brown bombchu (a bomb about the size of a house cat that runs along the ground for a while until it blows up) wearing a bunny hood (exactly what you'd think it'd look like, except it makes the wearer move faster).
"Sage!" she said, with not at all a squeaky voice. "Sorry about that. Bad habit… How's life treatin' ya?"
"Actually, not so good. That's why we're here. This is Gonff, by the by."
Shavvakamalla extended a paw. "Top o' the marnin' to ye!"
Gonff shook her paw. Maybe she wasn't as bad as he had originally thought. "And the rest o' the day to you!"
"So… What's up?"
"Leaviel ate some pixy stix and a few sour starbursts, some of the creatures she doesn't like have come through to this world, we're preparing for a big battle, and we need your help."
The tree-rat winced. "Sour starbursts… I remember the last time she had those things…"
"Yeah, and the pixy stix make it even worse… So, can you help us?"
"Sure, why not? I'll get my little troupe together and we'll attack the enemy together! I will carve the word agony into every inch of their flesh with a rusty blade!"
Gonff raised an eyebrow. "You do that."
Shavvakamalla whistled up to the trees. It was answered with another whistle, and a moment later, the forest around them was full of tree-rats… who actually looked like tree-rats... except for the one who landed next to Shavvakamalla. It was a bit smaller than she was, but other than that, the only difference between the two of them was that he didn't have bunny hood ears… oh, and he was a he.
"I'm Lil' Shavvakamalla," he said, and his voice was squeaky. "But you c'n call me Lil' Vaka, or just Vaka. Savvie's my sister."
Shavvakamalla whacked him with a branch. "Yeah, just don't be annoying."
"No comment." Gonff said.
"Actually," Sage put in, "By saying 'No comment', you're actually commenting."
"Eh, whatever. Can we be on our way? We've gotta get the Warden too. And who knows when that army will arrive at our camp."
Another forest
"Are we there yet?" Dandin asked for the umpteenth time.
"No." Mariel replied, starting to get a bit cross. They plodded along for a while until…
"Are we there yet?"
"How many times, Dandin?"
"What?"
"Broken record, broken record, broken record…"
"Sorry. I'm just a little impatient, that's all."
"Yes well, try NOT being impatient!"
"I can't help it!" They took a few more steps. "…Are we there YET?"
Mariel growled and swung her Gullwhacker. "Shut it!"
"Sorry!" Strange, ominous music started creeping through the trees. Something was coming… coming fast. "What's that?"
"Shh…"
…Ominous music… Chanting… The sound of paws trudging along… Lots of paws… An army of them… An eerie fog spread out across the lands, making it impossible for Mariel and Dandin to see anything or anyone around them.
"OoooooEEEEEEEEooooooooooEEEEEEEEEoooooooooEEEEEEEEooooooooooooo!" The chanting stopped.
"I PROCLAIM!" came a voice from somewhere near them. "THIS BEETH THE SPOTETH! COME FORTH, YE CREATURES! I KNOWETH THATETH YOUETH BEETH HIDINGETH INETH THE WOODSETH!"
"Umm…" Dandin spoke up. "We can't see anything."
"OH… YES, THATETH COULDETH BEETH A PROBLEMETH! ARCHERS! DISPELETH THE CLOUDETHS!"
"Archers?" Mariel asked, bemused. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOSH! Suddenly the forest all around them became clear as day. Mariel and Dandin looked around them. They were surrounded by a huge army of… gerbils.
"Who are you?" Dandin asked them.
"WE BEETH THE MONGOL HORDES!" said the lead gerbil. "MY NAMETH BEETH GERBLIS KHAN!"
Dandin snorted. "Gerblis Khan? That sounds like a guy's name, not a lady's."
"YES. BUT INDEEDETH, I BEETH A LASSETH!" And she was… indeed, a girl. Clad in a yellow jerkin, Gerblis Khan cast a semi-frightening stance, helped by the huge battle-axe tucked in a purple sash about her waste. Her army of Mongol gerbils were decked out in the same matter.
"Why do you speak so loudly and with all your "theseeths and thoseeths" and whatnot?" Mariel questioned.
"BECAUSEETH! IT BEETH MOST AMUSINGETH!"
"Yeah well, it is startingETH to be annoyingETH!" Mariel said, swinging her Gullwhacker.
"YOUR POINTETH BEETH TAKENETH!" Mariel glared at her. "RIGHTETH- ahem! I mean, right. Sorry about that."
"'Tis alright," Dandin told her. "Just try not to start that up again."
"Righto." Gerblis whipped out a large book, sat down, and started reading. The rest of the gerbils did likewise.
"What are you doing?" Dandin looked indignant.
Gerblis looked up from her book. "Reading."
"But we're about to go off to battle!" Mariel said.
"Exactly."
Mariel and Dandin looked at each other. They were both thinking the same thing: She's crazy!
"Never trust a mongoose, that's what I always say!" They turned. A fieldmouse maid had walked right up behind them without anyone noticing. She had on a tie-dyed blue tunic, secured at the waist by a solid blue belt with a pouch.
"Pardon me for saying this," Mariel told her, "but who the bloody hell are you?"
"I…," the mousemaid smiled, "am Flavalla. Sommat told me that ye'd be needing help."
"But we don't even know who you are." Dandin pointed out.
"True… but that makes no difference. One thousand and two paws are better than one thousand. Anywhosies, I know ye don't know me, but I know Sage. And that makes everything better."
"Sure it does." Dandin said.
"Hey, Gerblis!" Flavalla said, waving to the reading gerbil.
"Hello," she said, and went back to reading.
"I bet you're confused as to why they're reading right now." Flavalla said.
"Very." Mariel told her.
"The Mongol horde of gerbils are like that. Before every battle, they read some ridiculously long book to get them all psyched up."
Dandin stared. "How does reading get you psyched up for war? That doesn't make any sense."
"The real question is: does it have to?" Mariel and Dandin stared. "Don't worry, this doesn't take too very long; they're fast readers. Besides, gerbils read and march at the same time."
"Uhh… sure," Mariel said. "Can we go now?"
"O' course! Mongols! Move out!" Gerblis and her army of Mongol gerbils immediately got up and started marching behind Mariel and Dandin. Flavalla, however, turned to leave.
"I thought you said you were going to help us!" Dandin said.
"I am. But first I need to do something. Don't worry, I'll be there when you need me most. Fare thee well!"
A swamp close to a mountain.
Sage was talking with Shavvakamalla. "And that's why you don't talk to muffin trees."
Gonff poked Sage. "We're here."
"Really?" she asked him. "That was fast."
"I AM THE LAW!"
"Yup," Gonff said, "we're here."
Out of the clouds above them, a great heron flew down. "I AM THE LAW!" it said again.
Shavvakamalla rolled her eyes. "I think we've established that."
The bird looked down at them. "I AM THE—"
"SHUT UP, ALL READY!" Sage yelled at him. The heron beat its great wings and looked as if it was about to attack, but the crafty mousetheif quickly stepped in.
"Hi… What my lovely acquaintance," Sage snorted, "was trying to say to you, oh Warden, is that we need your help."
"And why should I help you?"
"Okay," Shavvakamalla started explaining, "You know Leaviel?"
"Of course! If not for her, why… I wouldn't be here!"
"She got a hold of some sour starbursts and pixy stix." The Warden winced visibly. "Yeah."
"Anyway," Sage said, "Are the Gawtrybe here?"
"You want help from them? You must be desperate!"
Gonff nodded. "Yes. We're trying to form an army, and we need all the help we can get."
"All right, all right! Follow me." The Warden led them to the base of the mountain that was towering above them. Almost immediately, they were surrounded by a group of savage-looking squirrels wearing tattered garments and armed with axes.
"Greetings!" Sage called out to them. They menaced their axes. Shavvakamalla's tree rats got out their own weapons, prepared to do battle.
"Wait a minute," Savvie said. She pointed to a creature, crouching behind the squirrels. "What are you doing here?" The mysterious beast looked up. It was a ferret.
"Largo?" Sage blinked.
"Oh, it's you," he said.
"Why are you hanging out with these guys?" Sage asked him.
"'Cause I want to. Why are you hanging out with those guys?" He pointed to Gonff, the Warden, and the tree rat army.
"Maybe because they're our friends." Shavvakamalla said. Largo and Savvie glared at each other.
"Now, now!" Sage said. She grinned. "No need to fight. Besides, when two creatures fight, it means they really like each other!" The two creatures groaned.
"Sage! You can stop doing that." Largo said.
"Your face can stop doing that!" Shavvakamalla retorted.
Largo sighed. "What d'you want?"
They explained their predicament to him.
"Okay… Why am I helping you?"
Savvie rolled her eyes. "We just told you."
"And if I don't want to help?"
"You will help, or I will deal with you," The Warden told him, "Because, I AM THE LAW!"
"And I'm sure that's an excellent reason." Largo said, rolling his eyes.
One of the squirrels poked him on the shoulder. "Actually… y-you'd best do what he says!" The ferret was about to refuse anyway, but the look of fear in all of the savage squirrels' eyes told him that perhaps he should consider the Warden's offer.
"Fine, fine! I'll help," he said at last. Largo turned to Shavvakamalla. "The last thing I want to do is hurt you...But it's still on my list!" The tree rat looked at him oddly.
"Aww…" Sage said, clasping her paws together, "Isn't that cute?" (A/N let it be known that I am a Largo/Savvie shipper… and yes, they're both based on real people… and I hate shipping real people… Yes, they shall remain nameless… however, if they choose to yell about it in their reviews assuming that they're going to review, then they'll give themselves away. Hint, hint. ah, just continue reading the bloody story!)
"Uh, are we planning on leaving anytime soon?" Gonff asked.
"Maybe," Sage said. "Okay. We know that Largo is coming with us," she turned to the squirrels, "but what about you?" The Warden glared at them fiercely.
"We-we're coming!" one of them confirmed.
"Good!" Shavvakamalla said. "Then let's get going!"
"Where is Vaka?" Gonff asked.
"Oh, he got bored and left to go play Halo." Shavvakamalla told him.
Sage sighed. "Brothers!" she said, shaking her head.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch… campsite
"You all everybody! You all everybody!" Piknim and Craklyn were singing as a team of moles (the original short patrol) were heaving the large white stones into place to form a wall. Flufftail was overseeing.
"Wha' song is that?" he asked the singing duo.
"'You All Everybody'," Piknim answered him.
"By driveSHAFT," Craklyn finished.
DOOOOOON! DON, DON, DON, DON, DOOON, DON, DON, DOOOOOOON! Music filled the air… music that sounded suspiciously like the music when Haldir and his elves arrived at Helms Deep. DOOOOOON! DON, DON, DON, DON, DON, DOOOOOOOOON!
"HERETH BEETH THE MONGOL HORDES OF GERBLIS KHAN!" Sure enough, when those at camp looked towards the noise, Gerblis, Mariel, and Dandin were marching towards them, the Gerbils still reading their ridiculously long books.
"Hullo!" Flufftail waved.
"GREATINGS YOUNG HARETH! HOWETH BEETH THOU?"
"I be's good!" The leader hare found Gerblis' weird manner of speech quite entertaining. Mariel, however, did not, and began swinging her Gullwhacker menacingly again.
"Sorry, I'll stop." Gerblis looked up at the great wall that was being formed. "Ah, yes! A wall!" she said obviously. "May I maketh a suggestion?" she asked Flufftail.
"Sure! I likes suggestions!"
"Perhaps you should make the wall into some sort of building. A castle, maybe—or any type of fortress that creatures could live in when the war is done," said the leader of the gerbils.
"Like an abbey?" Mariel put in.
Gerblis raised an eyebrow. "Why would you make an abbey for war?"
"Well," Dandin said, "abbey's are excellent places to live, and we could use the wall to encircle it, keeping it safe."
"But! But how d'you make an abbey?" Flufftail asked.
Dandin smiled. "Mariel?" he said, turning to his long-time companion. "Bring Michael here."
"Ah, yes." She smiled to and dashed off.
"Who's Michael?" Gerblis asked.
"Hey!" came a voice from behind them. "I'm Michael." Michael was a dark otter with many tools stuck in a tool belt around his waist. "I know a bit about carpentry. I'm also a pretty good artist, so I can draw you guys a picture of what you want this abbey to look like. Though I don't know if we'll be able to finish it in time for the big battle. You'd need a lot of good workers."
Gerblis grinned. "And that's where I come in handy. MONGOLS! See this fine otter here? We are going to help him build an abbey and finish this wall before the enemy arrives! Come! Let us make ourselves useful!"
"With them on the job, I'm sure you'll finish that abbey in no time!" Dandin remarked.
Sure enough, within only a couple hours' time, the wall was finished and the beginning abbey structures were being laid out. The white sandstone looked magnificent as the sun set behind it, giving it the appearance that it was glowing. Not long after that, Sage, Gonff, Shavvakamalla, Largo, and their fellows arrived. The savage squirrels and tree rats had formed a bond and decided to contribute to the building process by forging a great spiky metal finish to tope the ramparts. Now the wall sparkled and glowed. It was indeed a fine structure. Everybeast worked long into the night to get the abbey finished and ready for the upcoming onslaught. By midmorning the abbey was finished and the creatures moved into their new home.
"It sure is amazing how fast these walls went up!" Sage commented to Gonff, Mariel, Dandin, Shavvakamalla, Largo, and Gerblis. They were resting in a gatehouse that lay right inside the walls.
"I know! I just wish everyone could stay here," he said, frowning at Gerblis.
The gerbil looked at him. "While this is a fantastic place, it is not my home. Nor is it the home of my army. If any wish to stay, then they may, but our home is far from here, near the mountain of Salad and a Stron."
"What exactly is a stron?" Shavvakamalla asked her.
"Oh, it's a sort of scone-pastry thing."
"Uh…," Largo said, "a scone is a pastry."
"Well yes, but a stron has vegetables in it."
"You coulda said that before," Mariel said.
"Mmm… food…" Sage said, drooling a little.
Gonff whacked her. "Why do you always think about food?"
"I don't always think about food!"
Shavvakamalla giggled. "Yeah, only when she's hungry!"
"And I'm hungry right now." Sage said. "When are we going to get something to eat?"
"Hobbit." Largo said. Sage smiled.
"What?" Dandin was confused.
"Never mind." Gonff said. From outside came drumbeat. "I think we have bigger things to worry about."
The friends went outside and climbed up the stair that led to the battlements. In the distance they could see a large army approaching them… a very large army. An army that would arrive in less than an hour. Gerblis, Shavvakamalla, and Largo went down to rally their troops together. Sage started singing. Hearing this, Gonff pulled out his pipe and joined her. Their harmonies blended and echoed throughout the forest around them into the cool morning air. After their pep talks, the companions regrouped on the top of the wall with their archers.
Shavvakamalla sharpened her knives on the metal spikes sticking out from the wall. "We're about to face a huge army with a huge army of our own. Death will most defiantly ensue! ARE YOU PSYCED?"
"No, not really," Sage said. She looked out. The army was almost there; she could see the first couple of creatures. At the head of the line were many creatures quite loathed by Leaviel: a few brothers and sisters of Redwall (the mean ones), and some of the actual bad creatures. The birds who killed Piknim in "Pearls of Lutra" flew overhead.
"Come," Gonff said to the hand-to-hand fighters. "Let's get ready down at the gate."
"ARCHERS AND SLING-THROWERS!" Gerblis called out. "First group load… FIRE!" The first volley of arrows cut down at the enemy below and the birds above. They returned fire at the Short Patrol above. "Drop down and reload! Second group load… FIRE! Drop down and reload! Third group load…"
The rest of the Patrol gathered down below at the gates, ready to burst through at the command of Flufftail.
"When do we get to go?" Shavvakamalla asked.
"When Flufftail tells us to," Mariel told her.
"And that is-?" Largo was also impatient to fight.
"When we run out of ammunition to hurl at them," Sage responded. They didn't have long to wait. In about an hour, Flufftail's voice was heard, calling to the troops below. Sage looked at her two long knives… She was ready.
"Get ready ta go through tha gate!" Tension grew thick as they eagerly awaited the command. "NOW! CHARGE! CHAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGE!" The Short Patrol swept out of the abbey like water gushing from a dam. While the enemy army was taken by surprise, the Short Patrol did not expect the huge army that was waiting for them. Still, they pushed onwards, hacking and slashing their way through the impossible horde in their way.
Next to the wall, five burly rats, armed with pickaxes cornered Shavvakamalla. One ventured closer and she cut him down.
"Come on, you!" she challenged them. "Put up a fight!" Another two came at her, axes raised, but she dispatched of them as she had the first. "You call that fighting? You shoulda picked someone your own size to mess with—maybe they would've been an easier prey!" Twelve more came up behind to join the others. The tree rat gulped.
"Not so cocky now, are ye?" one of them said. His companions laughed. "Come an' get us, missy!"
Shavvakamalla backed against the wall, heart racing. Suddenly, a cry arose from behind the rats. Largo and a couple of his squirrels leapt on the rats, beating them down. Largo prodded Shavvakamalla. "Glad I came here after all, aren't ye?"
She glared at him. "I didn't need your help!"
"Come on, it was you verse about fifteen of those guys!"
"It was fourteen."
"Sooo much better! Ow!" Largo had been hit from behind by a creepy-looking mouse. Shavvakamalla quickly killed it and went to her friend.
"Are you all right?" she asked, concern written across her face.
"I'm fine. It's just a scratch!" Savvie looked at his wound. He had been cut deep on his shoulder, it bleed profusely. The tree rat ripped a piece of fabric from Largo's sleeve and bound it around the cut. Largo winced.
"That's much more than a mere scratch. You need to be taken back inside."
He pulled away from her. "It hasn't even been thirty minutes yet! I don't want ta leave right at the beginning!"
"Well, you're going to have to! Don't fight me!" Largo growled at her. "Look, do you want to live or not?"
"I know I want to die fighting! And if this is the battle for it, then let me go!"
"Sage was right!"
"What?"
"You boys are all alike! You're stubborn! And you won't listen to common sense!" Shavvakamalla sighed. "I don't know why I even bother. I try to help a friend-"
"You think of me as a friend?" Largo looked touched.
"Of course I think of you as a friend! What else would I think of you as?" She thought for a bit. "Wait, don't answer that. Just come on! I don't want you to die yet!"
"Fine, but only for you!" Savvie smiled and hoisted him up. Together, they made their way back to the gate.
Elsewhere, Mariel and Dandin were faring a little better. They had both acquired a few scratches, but otherwise, were quite well.
"This is fun!" Mariel said as she felled a weasel riding a fat pigeon.
Dandin stabbed at a spotted snake. "Yup."
The battle raged on. Creatures from both sides fell like grass to a lawnmower. While the Short Patrol put up a courageous fight, it was soon apparent that their forces would be defeated if they didn't get any help. Some beasts just gave up. A young mouse named Boone threw himself from the ramparts on an extra piece of sandstone to the ground below, crushing many enemies, but himself as well. It was not looking good, and a cry from Gonff only made things worse.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he cried. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SAGE, NOOOO!" Sage had been fighting strong until an attack from a crow above sent her sprawling away from anything to defend herself with. The crow ripped at her flesh with its beak and talons. When Gonff saw Sage go down he rushed to her side in an instant and struck down the bird. He held Sage in his paws. "Sage," he called to her. "Sage!" She opened an eye.
"I guess… this is the end," she said simply.
"No… No…" Gonff shushed her. "Don't say that. You'll be alright, you just need to get to the abbey."
Sage smiled weakly. "You don't really think I'll make it back there, do you?"
Gonff shook his head. "Shh… You'll be alright. Just wait until we're back. We'll have a big celebration—You're going to be okay!" He tried to reassure her—to reassure himself that she really would be okay, but in his heart he knew otherwise.
"Gonff…" Sage whispered. She sang an eerie quiet song that seemed to float in the air like a pale moth. The notes cut into Gonff like a knife. She couldn't die. He wouldn't let her.
"Sage. You're not going to die. I'm going to save you. I'm going to bring you back," he said, the tears coursing down his face.
She smiled at him. "Remember…" Slowly, her eyes closed. Gonff started.
"Sage?" He shook her shoulders gently. No response. "Sage?" He shook them a little harder. No response. "SAGE!" A cry escaped Gonff like that of a wounded animal (A/N I know what you're thinking. Don't think, just read). His grief was overbearing.
"KREEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Gonff looked up. From the sky above, a dozen falcons were led by a great golden eagle. On closer inspection, he could see that on the back of the eagle was a mouse… A mouse wearing a tie-dyed blue tunic. Everybeast looked up. As the eagle soared lower, they could see that the mousemaid had taken a small blue box from the pouch at her waist. With simple deliberation, she pushed a button and clearly stated:
"Flavalla."
From out of nowhere came a strange jibbering song. "FLAVALLA! FLA-FLA-FLA-FLAVALLA! FLAVALLA, FLAVALLA, FLAVALLA, FLAVALLA! FLAVA-FLA-FLA-FLAVA-FLAVALLA! FLAVALLA! FLAVALLA-VA-FLAVALLA, FLAVALLA! FLAVALLA-FLA-FLA-FLA FLAVA-FLAVA-FLAVALLA, FLAVALLA! FLA-FLA-FLA-FLAVALLA! FLAVALLA, FLAVALLA, FLAVALLA! FLAVA-FLAVALLA! FLAVALLA! FLA-FLA-FLA-FLAVALLA! FLAVALLA, FLAVALLA, FLAVALLA, FLAVALLA! FLAVA-FLA-FLA-FLAVA-FLAVALLA! FLAVALLA! FLAVALLA-VA-FLAVALLA, FLAVALLA! FLAVALLA-FLA-FLA-FLA FLAVA-FLAVA-FLAVALLA, FLAVALLA! FLA-FLA-FLA-FLAVALLA! FLAVALLA, FLAVALLA, FLAVALLA! FLAVALLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
While this strange song played, Flavalla leapt down and the earth beneath the enemies' feet burst upwards. Flavalla and hundreds of dirty little creatures took advantage of their foes' shock. With amazing speed and agility, they leapt about, using powerful kung-fu attacks. The eagle and falcons took care of the birds above. Soon not one of the creatures unwelcome in Flowermoss were alive; and the walls surrounding the great abbey were stained red with blood of both friend and foe.
"The Walls of Redness…" Mariel stated from where she had been fighting with Dandin.
Flavalla crossed over to Gonff. "What happened?" she said as she looked upon Sage's broken body.
"A-a crow… It attacked her from behind…" he stammered out. Gonff burst into a fresh wave of tears. "I couldn't save her!"
"Oh, Gonff…" Flavalla was also crying. "We've got to get her to the abbey. She wouldn't want us moping around all day."
"How do you know that?" Gonff retorted angrily. Flavalla was taken aback. "Everyone says that when someone dies, they wouldn't want their friends to feel sad. Do you really think that's what they'd want? I'm sure Sage would want us to continue on with our lives… but we can still be sad! We can still care!"
"Gonff, I didn't mean—"
"Just—never mind," he said.
The great golden eagle, which until now had been circling around the walls, looking for runaways, landed next to Gonff and Flavalla.
"Mac Phearsome…" Flavalla said. "She was attacked from behind…"
The Scottish eagle bowed his head. "Och! The poor lass!" He turned his beak gravely towards Gonff. "Let me take 'er, laddie." Gonff reluctantly let the Wild King Mac Phearsome carefully pick Sage up and fly her to the abbey.
Creatures from all around walked slowly towards the abbey, some supporting an injured friend, some injured themselves. The sudden end to the battle left many in a daze. They weren't sure what had happened. Inside, it was not much better. Wounded animals filled every bed in the newly constructed infirmary. There were makeshift cots all around. Mariel and Dandin ran around, checking on who needed bandages and medicinal herbs. Gerblis Khan had taken a bad wound to her side in a fight with a particularly nasty hedgehog, and was in one of the cots outside. Next to her was Largo, still grumbling about being taken out of battle so early. Shavvakamalla was sitting on the corner of his bed, licking a scratch she had received on their way back to the abbey. When Mac Phearsome landed in the courtyard with Sage's body, the tree rat immediately ran to see what was the matter.
"Sage?" she looked at the bloody remains of her friend. Shavvakamalla turned upwards to face the golden bird, tears forming in the corners of her eyes.
"She's passed on," he said sadly.
Largo sat up in bed. "WHAT!" he yelled. He threw his sheets from him and went as quickly as his shoulder would let him. "She can't be dead!"
Savvie looked at his disbelieving face. "Largo…" He sat down next to her and wrapped his arms around her weeping form.
Gonff stumbled through the front gate, Flavalla supporting him. He walked up to Sage's body and stroked the limp face. Suddenly he remembered what Sage had told him: "Remember…" Remember what, he did not know. What had she said right before that? Not what she had said—what she had sung! Gonff took out his pipe and tried to recall the melody. Slowly he began playing the song. It sounded oddly familiar. He had heard it before this day, but the Prince of Mousethieves could not remember when or where. As the song progressed, the leaf around Sage's neck started glowing with a green light. Soon it filled the whole abbey and darker green light shone down from the now-green sky and clouds above. When the light had faded, Gonff could see Sage blink.
"Sage?" he said, tentatively.
"Gonff…" she said, smiling, "you remembered."
Shavvakamalla stopped crying and looked at her friend. "But-but you were just- you were just…"
"Dead, I know. I see you've forgotten where we are." The leader of the tree rats looked confused. "We're in Flowermoss! You know, the place where all the creatures that Leaviel likes who died… or didn't die, go to! All that was needed was the song that Gonff played. Since I was already in Flowermoss, I wouldn't just reappear."
"What about the other creatures who died?" Largo asked. "Will they come back too?"
"If Leaviel wants them to. I think she may have gotten tired of so many people to keep track of. But don't worry," she said, seeing the worried look on some of their faces, "they won't be dead, dead. They just won't be here."
Plugg Firetail walked up to where they were crowded around. "What're you lot doin' over here?" He looked at all of them incredulously. "There's food ta be scoffed!"
"What food?" Savvie asked.
"The food in that big hall over there!"
Sure enough, when everybeast clambered over to the great hall, there were tables and table lined with every food you can imagine (A/N unless you have a sick imagination, then just food you'd eat if you were from Redwall and you had waaaaay too much cooking time on your paws). There were flans, salades, cheeses, pot-pies, casseroles, stoups, pasties, strons, cakes, muffins (but not from the muffin tree!), and cookies of every flavor (A/N again, for those of you with sick minds… NORMAL flavors)! There was dandelion cordial, strawberry fiz, February ale, grape seed juice, and a large assortment of teas including blackberry sage, vanilla fig, raspberry, mint, Scottish breakfast (provided by the Wild King Mac Phearsome), and many, many, many, many, many, many, many, waaaaaaay too many more! In short, everyone stuffed themselves silly, and in the process, all wounds were healed. (A/N I don't exactly know how that works, but stay with me people!)
"Does this kind o' thing happen often 'ere?" Plugg asked to no one in perticular.
Flufftail the Destroyer, the cute little dibbun hare warlord, looked up at Plugg and said: "Welcome to the Short Patrol!"
YAY! IT IS WRITTEN! FINALLY! Wow, this fic was kinda bipolar. I mean, it started out all funny-like, then it got really sad… then back to the random insaneness! And for all those people who've read my former fics and comment that I never write anything very long… this was 41 bloody pages! That's a LOT of pages for me. I average about 8 to 12 pages normally. I know this fic has been in the works for a while now (a LONG while), but 'tis finally up! WOOTNESS!
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