A/N: This is a different kind of Draco than I usually write for, so bear with me. He is still horribly nasty and is questioning it. This Draco drabble was inspired by alindy's story Boggart, from Draco's. You should read it, it's pretty good and interesting. Anyway, this is pretty much in Draco's head while he doubts things about his life, personality, and how he's going to end up. What? Even foul, loathsome, evil little cockroaches have doubts. ;)
When I look in the mirror, I see his eyes.
When I think, I think the things he's told me to.
When I talk, I say what I'm supposed to.
When I smirk, its how he taught me to.
When I do anything, it's just like him.
Am I even a person?
Am I just a clone of him?
Am I just an object?
Am I just something to be used when needed, thrown out when I'm not?
Am I him?
Can I even try to be different from him?
Can I stop being him?
Can I ever stop being afraid to try?
Can I stand up for what the little voice in my head really believes in?
Can that voice become my own?
Do I have to be like him?
Do I even have a chance to change?
Do I have to hate everyone?
Do I need to mock them?
Do I want this?
Why can't I just let myself keep being the clone?
Why can't I just be something else?
Why can't I just leave?
Why can't I let myself care?
Why can't I just be happy?
Are these thoughts my own?
Are these words his?
Are these movements under his influence?
Are these things he wants me to do?
Are the things in my head his?
Has my mind been tricking me into being him?
Has my life been his replica?
Has my mother even realized I'm like him?
Has that been why she's afraid?
Has he been doing this to me?
Have I just done it myself?
Have I become him to be important?
Have I just blamed this on him?
Have I been doing this because of him?
Have I been lying to myself?
There's no point.
There's no reason to change.
There's no way I can.
There's always going to be mirrors.
There're always going to show me what I hate.
There're always going to show me that I'm him.
There're is always going to be the looks I get, showing me I said things like him.
There're is always going to be me, being him.
Is there a way out?
Is there a way to leave that?
Is there another way I could be?
Is this what I'm supposed to be?
Is there anything left of me not reflecting him?
Will I always be like him?
Will I be differant one day?
Will anyone notice I am just like him?
Will anyone even want to help me stop even if I pleaded?
Will I ever stop wondering what it would've been like if I refused him?
How can I change now?
How can I win a losing battle?
How can this stop after so long?
How do I change?
How do I change the road I'm going on, when there's nowhere to turn back?
Even if I did, no one would believe it.
Even if I did, I'd be pulled back into it.
Even if I did, there'd be his voice in the back of my head, telling me to come back.
Even if I did, I'd never be trusted.
Even if I did, I'd still be my father in little ways.
Would I even know who Draco Malfoy is?
Would I even be able to think like the person I want to be?
Would I ever be trusted?
Would they ever really think I'm not him?
Would there be anyone there to help me after how I've acted?
Love. I don't even know what it means.
Hate. I'm not even sure how much I do.
Silence. I'm accustomed to.
Truth. Is a gift I've never been given.
Trust. Is something I'll never have.
Forgiveness. I wish I could get.
Pity. Is something I hate.
Sorrow. Is for the weak.
Weakness. Is something I can't have.
Me. Who the hell is that?
Lucius is that.
Draco Malfoy is someone who doesn't really exist.
A/N: A bit sad, but I kind of think that it might be what goes on in his head. I mean, he does seem to try to act like his dad. I hope you liked it, even if you didn't like it much please review. If you didn't like it, please tell me why so that I can fix things like it in future stories. Thanks for reading! :3
- Morbid