AN: Characters do not belong to me. Songfic based loosely off of Cole Swindell's Break Up In The End and Luke Combs' She Got The Best Of Me
If you'd asked me ten years ago if I thought I would still be with Stephanie, the answer would have been an emphatic yes. Despite her back and forth with Morelli, despite the hesitancy she had to commit, and despite the way my life was at the time – there was never any question that we would spend our lives together.
So when I rolled over in the middle of the night, every night, and wrapped an arm around Selena, it was certainly not who I would have guessed I would be curling around. Selena was everything Stephanie wasn't; decisive, Latina, into commitment, and able to keep her curiosity to herself. She was even domestic. It made me feel bad for not being able to give her everything.
Stephanie got the best of me, and Selena had to settle for what was left over.
Mama always asked me if I would change meeting Stephanie – she broke my heart, after all – but the answer was always an emphatic no. I wouldn't change a thing. I'd still sit down and meet her in that diner, I'd still get shot trying to help her, and I'd still fall head over heels in love with her. She was everything to me, and even though she wasn't with me anymore – even though she crawled back to Morelli for some godforsaken reason – I would still do it all over again. I'd only change the outcome if I could change anything.
I'd change the waste of the years we did have together, and I would have made my move sooner.
Every night I laid in bed next to my husband and I questioned every decision I had made in the past five years. I left Morelli for Carlos, and then I'd left Carlos for Morelli. I can't even remember the reason why now, and I wish I could. I wish I could remember what had compelled me to make the biggest mistake of my life – even if it had given me the greatest blessing.
Morelli was the mistake, and the marriage was a mistake, but Avery was a blessing. If I didn't think Morelli would fight me so hard, I'd take her and leave to be happy. As it is, I can't even talk to my best friend – the love of my life – because it upsets him. It would be too much work trying to split up, and all it would do is confuse Avery.
Avery was the important thing, and even though there were days where my mind felt like it was dissolving into mush, I still appreciated being able to spend time with her daily and that Joe did all he could to make sure we taken care of.
He doted on Avery, and I could overlook his long hours, and his attitude, so long as he treated her right.
And his attitude was worse every year, because neither of us were truly happy. He picked me because Terry Gilman got remarried, and I picked him because I was scared of the only truly good relationship I'd ever had imploding. We rushed through a wedding, and then two years later when Avery came along, he was over the moon and I was trapped into the relationship for real. No easy outs.
I wouldn't change a thing.
I wouldn't.
But there were definitely nights like tonight when I wanted to curl up in someone else's bed, and be with someone else for the long run. When I wondered if it would be worth it to uproot Avery.
To be happy again.
To be with him again.