Star Wars: The Colon Wars

by Keyblade Alchemist86

Hmmm, Colon Wars, guess what its about. Here's a hint: Yoda. I thought this concept was funny. I laughed as I wrote it, and I think it kind of shows part of my sense of humor.

Disclaimer: I do not own any Star Wars characters, vehicles, or locations or bathrooms.

The Colon Wars

"Begun, the Colon War, has," Yoda said and ripped a big one. "Oh, with that one, the Force was. Oh ho ho, what now in the news, is there?"

Yoda flips through his Star Wars magazine.

"Oh, yes, lovely article of me in here, there is," Yoda says, takes a deep breath, and pushes. "The Force is with me! The Force is with me!"

Plop.

"Ahh, much better that it," Yoda said. His stomach gurgles. "Oh, have Mexican last night for dinner, I should have not."

He flipped through the magazine.

"Ah, big these happening in galaxy today, I see," he said and his stomach gurgles again. "Oh, happening here, big things are too. Ughh."

Plop.

Yoda smells the air. "Oh, the Dark side I sense here. Clouding my judgment it is, and making me nauseous."

"So, what else is happening?" Yoda said and looked through the magazine. "Ah, article about Asajj Ventress here. Cute she is. Like tall, balding women, I do. Ohhh."

Plop.

Yoda looked down into the toilet, though he did not see anything.

"The dark side I sense in you!" he yelled at the floating objects and hit the toile with his cane. "For one so small, big mess I do."

He laughs.

"Do, do do. Oh, yes, funny, I am," Yoda said. "Only 800 years old and still sense of humor I got. Oh, being fought another battle is."

Plop.

"Great battle happening now," Yoda said. "Make me even greater master of business."

Plop.

"Oh, hope, I do, this battle is over soon." Yoda said. "Go to the Dark side, I may do, if not finished soon."

Plop.

"Oh, what this is?" Yoda said as he looked at the magazine again. "Article about Anakin Skywalker this is. Impressive, he is, but not as impressive as this, he is."

Plop.

"Oh, that was a big one," Yoda said. "For one so small, big battles I make."

Plop, plop.

"Oh, clones this time," Yoda said. "Making an army I am. And here reinforcements come."

Plop, plop, plop. Squish.

"Casualty I seem to have," Yoda said. "Send for help, I must." He lets one rip, lasting full 10 seconds.

Plop.

"Collapsed one of my little Yoda lungs, think I did. Eh, Force technique should heal that. But Force technique for this there is not."

Plop.

"Oh, finally. Last one, is that?"
Yoda sits there for a while flipping through the magazine.

"Yes, finally done, am I. Praise the Force. Now wipe I must."

Yoda wipes his tiny butt and walks out of the stall to wash his hands at a tiny sink. Chancellor Palpatine is standing right outside the stall when Yoda comes out.

"Oh, Chancellor, good day to you." Yoda said.

"And you too, Master Yoda." Palpatine said, and then adds jokingly. "I must say, you definitely know how to wage a battle."

"Thank you, Chancellor." Yoda said and shakes Palpatines hand. Palpatine tries to get his hand away but Yoda holds on to it, but then lets it go. Palpatine sniffs the hand and makes a disgusted face and immediately washes it as Yoda washes his. Yoda then dries his hands on the Chancellor's robes.

"Thank you." Yoda said.

"Your welcome." Palpatine said dryly.

"I must go now. Deal with other business I must."

"Of course, Master Yoda. Do take care."

Yoda leaves and Palpatine makes sure no one else in the room.

"And that is exactly why you Jedi must be exterminated." He said evilly. His stomach gurgles. "Oh, first I must take care of other business."