Hey everyone. If you didn't know, this is my first time posting anything on this site, and practically my first time writing anything in general unless you count school, which i certainly don't, and i'm super nervous about it. Anyway, I really hope at least a few of you folk reading this get some enjoyment out of it. Let me know if you wanna see more i guess.
You know, I could probably get the hang of driving had I been given the time. Sadly, I was not. And the shouty ingrates riding in the back certainly weren't making it any less stressful to swerve a van out of the way of oncoming police cars.
"Shit, they're shooting at us!" One of the many shouty ingrates shouted.
"Lyre, can't this thing go any faster?!" Another squawked so hard I could swear he was a chicken Faunus. Though I feel bad for not knowing their name, seeing as he knew mine.
"We're all gonna die!" That guy had been shouting that the entire time so it wasn't too off putting. This is fine though. It's all fine. I only have most of Vale currently bearing down on me and my gaggle of goons. I've been through worse, theoretically, in my nightmares. Without taking my eyes off the road and the various car shaped speed bumps I turned to address my panicking brothers and sisters calmly, and with the proper authority of a leader.
"Would you all shut the hell up! So help me if you do not pack it in I will turn this goddamn van around, rip off my tail, claim I was an undercover agent and hand you over to the nice people with guns!" Everything was quiet for a moment, aside from the nice people with guns taking more potshots at me than a drugged up Ochophobic that didn't quite understand how weed worked. "Okay? Have you all calmed down now?" Quiet embarrassment and a single cough was my answer. "Okay, good. Daddy is sorry he had to shout but you are all ever so infuriating!"
"Uh, daddy?" All right, that was pretty weird. But not entirely unwelcome.
"Yes, de-" I cut myself off by slamming on the brakes and somehow making this metal behemoth drift around a corner in an attempt to throw off some of my pursuers. Glancing at the wing mirror showed I was successful, as vehicles sped past the turn I made before backing up and continuing the chase. Bought myself some time at least. A small, blue see through text bubble appeared in the corner of my eye, cutting me off mid self congratulation which read.
Driving has leveled up!
Driving is now level 2!
Ah, well, that was nice. See? If I had time to practice I could be doing slaloms in this damn thing. Clearing my throat I returned my attention to the voice "Yes, dearie?"
"Ew, don't do that." Oh. That was Blake. What?
"Blake? Where did you come from?"
"Your earpiece, idiot." Oh. "The hell are you calling yourself daddy for?"
"Oh. Uh, listen that's not wholly important right now. Where are you and can you come help? My silly goober children may have instigated an impromptu drag race with the local constabulary." Blake heaved a sigh. Either because of the information or the way I spoke, I could never quite tell. "And could you maybe pretty please bring Adam?" A deeper, more put upon sigh.
"We're busy actually doing our jobs. I'm sure you'll be fine."
"Look, I appreciate the vote of confidence, but these guys are very upset. I think one of my crew pantomimed making love to a donut or something." An awkward cough from the back and a hushed "I told you!" Made me roll my eyes. Something up ahead caught my eyes however, and promptly steadied them. "Actually, know what? Don't bother. I've got this."
"Good. Don't die, i know some of the people you're carrying." Catty as ever. All right, time to do something stupid or die trying. Possibly also die trying.
"Oi, you lot. Wanna be useful?" The largest man growled in response, apparently having enough of my rudeness. I was pretty rude, to be fair.
"I think you're forgetting your station, whelp. I am the commanding officer of this squad, and you will treat me with respect." Admittedly I totally forgot who this guy was. Looked like a bear faunus though.
"Oh yeah? Well I'm the guy with the goddamn wheel and as far I see the only useful one here. But! That can change! All you have to do is shut up and listen to me." And besides, I'm stopping regardless. Curb stomping the breaks, our epic getaway was halted and we sat in the center of the street, like a flock of well equipped yet lazy ducks. Ignoring the honks of outrage from my ugly ducklings I unbuckled my seat belt and walked into the back. "Time to face justice, boys."
Chad Quinn was wringing his hands with worry from the passenger seat of his cop car. After such a dogged chase all through downtown Vale, why would the White Fang stop here, in the middle of the road? It was a concern his partner, Sebastian Steele, shared. But ever the more collected of the two, Sebastian laughed it off. "Hah! Bet they realized they couldn't outrun the long arm of the law forever. Lets go greet our new prisoners eh?"
Numerous other policemen had circled around the getaway vehicle, weapons drawn. The vehicle in question was a souped up armor plated van, skirting covering the underside and wheels so they couldn't be shot out. After confirming the villains were well and truly surrounded, Sebastian exited his vehicle, followed by Chad, and called out to them. "First of all, I would like to thank you for coming to your senses, even after the prolonged chase and property damage. I hope you realize that not everything needs to be done the hard way. Now why don't you all step on out here and we can all call this a day, eh?" The only response was a faint shuffling sound, followed by silence "Now i'm trying to be nice here. I don't need to be but that's just the kind of man I am, see?" Continued silence. His men were growing antsy and he couldn't blame them. The criminals were likely preparing a final assault and as soon as those doors opened all Hell would break loose "All right then, you've had your chances!" Signaling for everyone to find cover behind their cruisers and to take aim.
"If we make the first move," Chad spoke up, "We're likely to take some casualties. If we wait them out we can end this bloodlessly. For us, at least. Worst case scenario is they open the doors and start firing but we'll have the advantage even then." Sebastian nodded his agreement and settled down into his cover. If the silence was any indication, they would all be here awhile.
"What, you didn't think i meant actual justice did you? Pfft, nah. That stuff's for losers and well adjusted adults. I meant the justice of the sewers." Everyone stared at me, and then the manhole cover that had been revealed when they cut a hole in the floor. "Come on then, let's get moving." Before I could lower myself into the hole, gruff, grouchy and grizzly grabbed my shoulder.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Slowly I looked between my supposed commander and my escape, eventually settling my gaze on him.
"...Is this a trick question?" No really, I was curious.
"No you idiot, we are staying right here and taking out as many of these humans as we can. You two, open those doors!" The lumbering idiot loaded his rifle in preparation. Now that had to be a joke. The two he had ordered, a chicken and dog faunus, I think, looked less than enthused about the idea, hesitant to go anywhere near the cargo doors. All in all there were six of us in here including myself. I hadn't taken the time to do a headcount what with all the running for my life. Our lives, i suppose.
"Oh come on, ignore the idiot and let's go. I'm sure you're all very upset with those villainous humies but righteous indignation can only take you so far in a fire fight." My fellow goons seemed torn between their loyalty and good ol' common sense. A voice from outside made everyone jump.
"First of all, I would like to thank you for coming to your senses, even after the prolonged chase and property damage. I hope you realize that not everything needs to be done the hard way." Properly spooked, the collection of goons nodded and bolted for the manhole, shouldering their way past Bear Grylls who could only bark so many insults. As the last crew member made her way down into the sewers below I coughed. "Well, this is certainly awkward. I guess this is a mutiny? Ah well, you can chew us out over it later, with your very alive mouth." Scowling, he pushed me forward.
"Fine then, cowards." He continued grumbling to himself as i descended into the relative safety of the sewer. I should feel perfectly at home down here. Maybe if I meet some other rats they'll crown me their king. Which isn't as glamorous as it sounds, trust me.
Please let me know what you all think of this. I'm obviously quite uh, bad, if the quality above didn't clue you in. But i sincerely hope it at least made some of you smile.