When life gives you lemons the saying would suggest you are to pull yourself up and make the best of a bad situation, sometimes, the harsh reality is that this, is just simply too difficult. I have lived a short life dying now would be too soon and would not comply with the natural order. However with the hallowing pain ripping away at my very soul I feel as though I have lived a thousand lifetimes filled with sorrow, sacrifice and never-ending agony. It's at moments like this when I question the point of it all and forever wish I had the strength to end it. Some people would call me selfish and declare that I have a life better than many others; I know it is true, but yet whilst life is full of happiness and beauty I suffer to see it. I am bind to light and drowning in a sea of darkness.
As I look at the plain brick wall between platforms nine and ten in kings cross station, dread fills me. Having received no word from the wizarding world since I left when summer began I was consumed with anxiety of the un-known. I was confused to say the least I had received not one letter, not from Sirius, Ron, Hermione or even Dumbledore. After the events of fourth year I expected some kind of update, what was happening with Voldemort? Had there been any more attacks? What is the next step to take? Questions like this had consumed me all summer.
Summer. Whilst the season brings to most brings, happiness, sunshine and tranquillity. This was not the case when residing with the Dursley's. Between the beatings, nightmares and constant guilt, threatening to rip me apart, I somehow managed to survive the whole summer. Well when I say survive; I would class my current status as simply existing. My whole body was in various stages of healing littered with bruises, scars and burns, it hurt to breathe. The thought of needing to function and act like a normal student did not fill me with optimism. However whilst the physical pain all over my body was torturous it was nothing compared to the agonising feelings of guilt which haunted my every thought. Cedric had died months ago and yet I still relive the night constantly in my nightmares it was becoming too much and I knew it; I was crumbling apart with my breaking point drawing ever closer.
I sighed and painfully pulled myself and trunk through the barrier. Knowing I needed to find Ron and Hermione as soon as possible for some kind of reassurance I quickly boarded the train and began to search for my two best friends. Each step I took caused pain to ebb through my whole body. I was beginning to give up hope when I spotted flaming red hair in one of the remaining train compartments. I breathed a heavy sigh of relief and fumbled into the compartment in which my friends were currently sitting.
"Hi, Ron, Hermione, Ginny. Good summer?" I asked.
They turned and stared almost instantaneously, I was slightly grateful in that moment that Vernon had demonstrated reluctance in injuring areas people would see.
"Piss off!" Ron snarled, my stomach churned as I quietly asked, "why?"
"You know why" Ron started, "The death of Cedric Diggory, ring any bells? You're a death omen Potter and you know it."
"We don't want to be the next funeral everyone attends Harry" Hermione stated her eyes downcast.
"Wh- when d- did you decide this?" I stammered, the nearing darkness which I had struggled all summer to keep at bay was closing in on me with each word they uttered.
"Over summer" Ron replied sharply, "and before you ask my mother also thinks this is for the best. Everyone around you dies eventually Harry, your parents now Diggory, it's your fault and we can't risk being around you anymore. Now leave, or I will personally kick you out myself"
With that they all turned away no longer looking at me.
My chest constricted I felt as though the oxygen had been withdrawn from the air. I stumbled out of the compartment and ran, to where I did not know. I was overwhelmed my body hurt and I was struggling to grasp my hold on reality.