I'm looking at your picture and I want to die. This is the last step in deleting you from my life. Why did it have to come to this? Why couldn't you have just taken me back? Why'd you have to pick her? Now you're all alone because she doesn't want you. Well she does but she cant. I thought this was what I wanted. Id get her and you'd be out of the picture and everything would be fine. Well its not. This sucks. Now she's done with both of us. Why'd you have to make it so difficult? Why'd you have to ruin things for me? You ruined everything. And you started everything. Every fight. Every time we has sex. Everything. I wish you could realize it. I know it. She knows it. Everyone knows it. Maybe you do and you just don't want to admit it.
Don't ever tell me you were trying to get rid of me. If you were really trying you never would've called me late at night for those midnight conversations, or texted me saying hi or what's up, or asked if we could hang out and not even make a move. Say you wanted me out of your life to yourself as much as you want. You know it's not true. I've been a big part of your life for the past 2 years. I was your acquaintance, then your best friend, then your girlfriend, then your betrayed and heart broken ex, then…oh wait I still am. I want to be so done with you. But at the same time I still want to be in your arms and have you kiss my nose and my forehead and make me feel special because that always does.
I feel bad that we hurt her. I feel bad that we helped her cheat. I feel bad that we made her lie. I feel bad that we brought her into this. And it wasn't just me. It was the both of us. You knew from the start going into a relationship with her would cause drama and tension and hostility. And I knew from the start that hooking up with her would cause all the same things. Every aspect of my relationship with her and you, and your's with her and me was drama. Falling too in love before we're ready. Every word coming out of our mouths lies. We were all terrible to each other.
You say you love her so much but at the same time you were able to sit there and call her a fat bitch and a fat cow and ignore her very existence. You lied straight to her face. But I'm one to talk because I lied straight to your face.
That's another thing. If you wanted me gone why'd you always end up forgiving me in the end when I lied. Countless fights and we still continued to talk. But I guess the reason why this one is such a big deal to me, more than the others is because this is it. Its really done. You're really graduating. You're really leaving and never going to speak to me again. Never. It hurts so much but I understand now. It cant happen. I will never love anyone the way that I love you. Never. You know that, and I know that, and I will die knowing that, ok? But it just can never... it just can never, ever, forever be. I really understand this time. It just can never, ever, forever be…