Chapter One. No Ninja Allowed

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, and I don't even know who does. I've only seen the first volume and read the first manga. However, I'm addicted all the same.
Edit: Editing the chapter a bit after looking at the backup I've made of it. I've seen about 60 episodes now (22 dubbed and the rest subbed), so future chapters will have a better grasp of the anime...minus Hyuga Hinata. I like her, but I don't like her, so nya! P

Naruto sits on a tree stump resting. He had traveled far from his home and up into the Kamiyama mountains. His destination is the mountain village of Kazemura. The reason this young ninja desires to enter this reclusive village is its reputation...of serving the best ramen of course!

"I wouldn't go to Kazemura if I were you, Naruto. The ramen here is good enough. In fact, how about I treat you to some now?", Naruto remembers his former sensei telling him.

Naruto stands up, assured of his success in obtaining and outright devouring of the best ramen in the world. "I won't turn back. I will have the famous Kazemura ramen and I will eat it!"

Naruto walks on with determination. The journey had been calm and boring so far, and Naruto really had to wonder why Iruka-sensei did not want him to go. Regardless, Naruto cannot stand not to taste the ramen claimed to be the best.

As he makes his way to the village entrance he spies an armored warrior guarding the gates. Naruto is not impressed and presses forward. He reaches the warrior and is shocked to see how short he is.

His armor is a deadly white bathed in painted flames. The hilt of his katana is so light a red that Naruto could swear it to be pink. The hilt is engraved with images of cherry blossoms, beautiful maidens of the moon, and the like. The warrior's helmet conceals his face and appears very cat-like. Even his boots and gauntlets carry a feline motif with claws.

Naruto shrugs, not impressed at all. He smirks as he begins to walk past. "Do not ignore me for I shall not ignore you." "And what are you going to do about it?", Naruto retorts. "I will not let you pass. If you do not want to die, state your business here.", the warrior speaks.

Naruto steps back and moves in front of the guard. "Isn't it obvious? I'm here for the best ramen!" "Do you know where you are, ninja?", the guard inquires. "In the Kamiyama mountains about to enter the village of Kazemura.", Naruto replies. "Correct. And do you know who I am, ninja?" "Yah, you're the guy keeping me from the best ramen! If you keep yakking, I'm just gonna take off into your village.", Naruto retorts.

The warrior shakes his head and sighs. "I'm a young samurai and this village is filled with samurai. It seems that you are unaware, ninja, that samurai hate ninja and will kill them without compassion or mercy. If you wish to pass, then you must defeat me.", the warrior warns. "A fight? I was simply going to run off, but this will be more interesting. I'll defeat you, samurai, with only one technique!", Naruto boasts. "Only one technique? It is too early to boast."

Naruto smirks taking position. He channels his chakra as he brings his fingers together. "Sexy no Jutsu!" In an instant, the young ninja is now a very seductive maiden, whose only covering are wisps of smoke. Naruto closes her eyes and giggles seductively. The samurai is neither impressed nor affected, but simply removes the armor from his hand and slaps Naruto back into his male form. "Pervert!"

Naruto is taken aback, but the samurai was not the first to resist his Sexy no Jutsu. "Than I'll try Harem no Jutsu!" "It won't work.", the samurai replies simply as he replaces the armor on his hand.

Naruto stares at the samurai, shocked by his comment. Even monks who have vowed celibacy would not be able to resist his Harem no Jutsu, so how could this samurai be so bold as to state that it wouldn't work on him?

The samurai removes his helmet, long red hair flowing freely from it. "It won't work because I'm a girl and I don't lean that way.", the samurai-ko informs with a smile. Naruto promptly falls over on his side in shock at the sudden revelation.

"You're...you're...you're a girl!", Naruto bursts out laughing. The lady samurai's head throbs at the ninja's cruel comment. "I SUPPOSE you can't help it. This armor is quite concealing of my naturally beautiful features.", the samurai comments replacing her helmet. Naruto stands up slowly regaining his cocky composure. "Then take it off.", Naruto suggests with a smirk. The lady samurai slowly removes the armor from her right hand and hands it to Naruto. She promptly slaps him and takes back her armor piece back.

Naruto rubs the red handprint sourly. "What'd I do?", he retorts. "Do you have any idea what I'm wearing under this armor?" "Obviously something since the sleeves are visible when you take off your arm guard.", Naruto comments. "Under this armor I'm wearing a very light battle kimono. Under that..." "Sexy no Jutsu!" Naruto transforms. "Yah, pretty much that...minus the smoke.", she sighs.

"Well uh, do I still have to fight you to go in?", Naruto inquires. "I'm sure we can find another way that will be mutually beneficial. How about you teach me that Sexy no Jutsu?", the lady samurai suggests whispering in Naruto's ear. "Why the hell do you wanna learn that!", the young ninja exclaims. The samurai steps back blushing. "Well uh...cause I'm just slightly underdeveloped." "So it wasn't just the armor, eh?", Naruto teases, instantly receiving a burning glare in return.

"So, will you teach me your Sexy no Jutsu in exchange for our ramen?" "Uh, sure, but you said samurai hate ninja and that you're a samurai, right? Wouldn't your fellow samurai look down on you for learning a ninja technique?", Naruto questions. "It's forbidden to learn such deceptive arts. It is a dishonor of such that only seppuku can remove. Suicide...the Final Dishonor."

Naruto's gaze turns to the ground. He finds it hard to believe that she would want to learn anything that will cost her life. "Why learn something that will cause you to kill yourself if you'll never even get to make use of it?" "I am not like other samurai. I do not believe in committing ritual suicide to reclaim my lost honor. That is why I call it the Final Dishonor. It is an escape from one's transgressions in life. That itself, is dishonorable in my eyes. You may not have noticed, but I only have a katana on my side. I do not own a wakizashi like all samurai should. However, most samurai never so much as wield their wakizashi. It is merely symbolic."

"I guess we have a deal.", Naruto speaks. "A deal it is, ninja.", the samurai replies. "Uh, you know it's probably not a good idea calling me ninja all the time.", Naruto notes. "I suppose it would be unwise to do so. So, what shall I call you then?" "Uzumaki Naruto. You can just call me Naruto. So, what should I call you then?" "Hineko Rekka, or simply Rekka."

"You might want to remove your head piece. It's like a target.", Rekka warns. Naruto does as she suggests and puts it away in his pack. Although not ashamed of being a ninja, Naruto is more than willing to do anything for the world's best ramen. Once removed, the two slowly make their way into the village.

The citizens do not dare bother to question the young samurai as to who is accompanying her. Commoners have long since learned that to question a samurai almost always resulted in certain death. Even though the villagers know Rekka to be a kind young lady, they do not recognize her in her full samurai armor.

"So, are we gonna go get some ramen?", Naruto asks. "Not yet. First I need to go home and change. Also, I need to get my money so I can pay for your ramen.", Rekka replies. Naruto sighs.

The two travel side by side in the village before finally stopping in front of a small hut. "Most of the samurai live in large manors at the edge of town. There are only three different samurai families here. However, I prefer to live closer to the people. That and the fact that I cannot afford a large and lavish home filled with servants.", Rekka explains. "No biggie. My home isn't that big either, but doesn't it get crowded with your family?", Naruto remarks. "My family passed away when I was very young. None of the samurai would adopt me, so the entire village adopted me.", Rekka informs the young ninja. "Oh, sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I never knew my parents. I was always alone. No one wanted to adopt me...not even the villagers."

"Seems like you've had it hard on you too. Wait out here. I'll be right back.", Rekka speaks entering her hut. "Wait? Waiting is wasting for people like me.", Naruto remarks to himself. The young ninja sighs and looks around. He contemplates his three options. Option 1: Wait like a good boy for her to come out. Option 2: Take off without her. Option 3: Walk inside and see her naked.

Saving the best for last and the third time being a charm makes Option 3 a favorable choice for Naruto. "Well uh...cause I'm just slight underdeveloped.", Naruto remembers Rekka saying. "Well that means Option 3 isn't an option...unless," Naruto smirks perversely, "she isn't as underdeveloped as she says."

With naughty thoughts and mischievous deeds trickling into his mind, Naruto steps forward and into the hut. BUMP! "Oh, Naruto. I'm ready now." Naruto smiles apprehensively attempting to appear innocent of any attempt to peek in on her. "You weren't trying to peek in on me, were you?", Rekka demands, her hilt glowing slightly. "Why would I do that? There's nothing to see.", Naruto retorts. Rekka promptly smacks him, renewing his red handprint. Grabbing his hand, she drags him to the ramen house.

The two arrive at a quiet and vacant ramen house being run by a kind elderly lady whose squinted eyes hold much wisdom untold. "Oh Rekka, it's good to see you've found you a boyfriend, but I don't seem to recognize him from around here." Rekka's face turns as red as her hair as she violently lets go of Naruto's hand. "HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND AND HE'S NOT FROM AROUND HERE!" "I'm just here for the ramen.", Naruto informs.

"Oh, dear me, I'm sorry. I should have known she picked up another stray. What happened to your last ramen devouring friend, Uniyoshi?" "Inuyasha. He ate his ramen and left. Nothing to it. Besides, he's a dog and he seems to have a least a couple of girlfriends, one of which isn't even alive anymore.", Rekka informs.

"I suppose you aren't marriage material afterall." "Definitely.", Naruto teases. Rekka elbows Naruto. "I haven't been an old maid for THAT long, Ichimama.", Rekka whines. "What, is the marrying age set at five now?", Naruto taunts. Rekka pummels Naruto violently with feminine fury. "I'm eighteen!" Naruto's eyes widen. "What! You're a year older than me!" The lady samurai stops her assault on the foolish young ninja. "Really? I couldn't tell. You act like you're only twelve.", Rekka teases causing Naruto to turn red with outrage.

Ichimama laughs at the pair. "You two act like an old married couple and I should know." "You're mean, Ichimama. Can I just go ahead and order?" Naruto's face brightens at Rekka's brilliant suggestion. "A large order of ramen and my usual to go.", Rekka orders. "To go?", Naruto wonders. "Coming right up!", Ichimama replies and immediately sets to work.

"To go? Why to go?", Naruto questions, his stomach growling eerily. "You think I'm going to give you ramen without you fulfilling your part of the deal? I'm no fool.", Rekka replies. "Well you're trusting.", Naruto grumbles sarcastically.