I stared up at the ceiling listening to those goddamn awful crickets chirping away. It was too fucking quiet here on the country side. You could hear damn near anything, the horses neigh and the cows mooing all the way from your neighbors house which happened to miles away. It really was lousy living out near the country side, nothing was close and all you could see for miles was fucking land. I wasn't a goddamn cowboy and I wasn't fit for this life.

It was seemed to be the biggest surprise of my life when I stepped into that fresh air. Yeah. I could remember clearly and I know I always will. That's something no human being on earth could ever forget, I think. At least, I don't think I'll ever forget the feeling of my first day being free. You could feel nothing but that fresh ass air hitting your face, taking in your first breath that didn't smell like shit and stale cigarettes. You knew you wouldn't be getting your ass kicked from the guards no more. Yeah. I know I won't forget.

Tim pulled up in his new wheels which was one of the biggest shocks for me. I swear, I felt like he was gonna keep that old sunaova bitch car forever. Butt he came with a new red paint job sparkling like a candy apple shining under the sun at the fair. The engine sounded real nice too. It took about Angie and Tim twenty minutes to bicker back and forth about who would be driving the new car. Lately, she's been on some self empowerment thing. Some shit like that. Anyway Tim laid the rules down and said he was the only one to touch the car, and if we weren't planning on buying our own car like he did, then we'd share that old sunaova bitch between ourselves. Tim started driving and it took me a while to realize that we passed our place. Y'know everything's different when you first step out and all. But anyway, that's when he told me that we moved to the country-side, down near our extended family or something. Wherever our Pa's family was, the Collins. Aunt Mona and Dad were only half siblings so I'm sure they weren't close.

I thought he was joking until he turned into the place. It was slightly bigger than what we were used to and there were a whole lot of fucking trees. Later that night he told me that the neighborhood was getting bad, and with me getting out of jail then I would be sure to add into the mix and he decided it was time to leave that life behind us. Yeah. That bullshit.

But that was about two weeks ago. And every night since then I've been waking up from those nightmares. Yeah, the one's where I have the re-runs from that night with Jose. The night where it seemed everything went downhill after that. And every night I stare at the ceiling that doesn't seem like it's mine. Maybe it would feel different if I had all my stuff in the room, but it seem Tim left in a hurry and didn't take anything with him. For a while, he had to take a couch he found for five bucks before he could get a bed. That's when I knew he was serious on leaving the city behind.

I hadn't enrolled in school yet or anything but I knew that it was coming up. The only good thing about being a minor while I was locked up was that I was able to keep up with my school work. Surprisingly, that was the kind of shit I looked forward to. It seemed that they could take everything away from you in that place, your sanity, your freedom. But your intelligence was yours.

The move wouldn't of been so bad if I still had her. My Daisy. It seemed that was the only thing I could do was to break it off with her. With me in there and her out there, you have no privacy and it wouldn't have taken long for it to get out and through the walls. Gangs were segregated by race and I'd have hell there if they knew I went with a morena. Not to mention, back out there I knew she wouldn't of been okay. I just knew that. I could handle myself but she was so naive. So I did what I needed to do. About a day or so later, she sent me some mail. It wasn't a letter and I'm glad it wasn't or else I probably would've broke more than I already had. Instead, it was that Christopher I left at her place. I hadn't taken it off since then.

I had asked Jimmy to keep an eye on her and I'm sure he did. He'd do anything I asked and I would do the same, no questions asked. He said that for the most part she seemed to be a real boring chick, going to church on Wednesday's and Sunday's and hanging out with a girlfriend at the Ribbon on Friday and Saturday nights. I hadn't gotten worried until he told me she was with some jerk down at the Ribbon, sitting at a burger joint. I was happy as hell to hear they weren't at our place. At first I had the urge to tell Jimmy to cut him up or something but I settled down. It had been about a year since our breakup, and her happiness was worth more than my jealousy. I had missed her more than anything and I thought about her a lot. I think about last year a lot until I can't take it anymore and I feel too overwhelmed. Sometimes the feeling of her lips on mine was too much of a reminder on how much I fucked up and I couldn't do shit but take a cold shower.

"You up again?"

It was Angela who was standing in the doorway. Once I saw her there, I noticed the sun was starting to rise. I sighed and sat up on my elbow and grabbed a pack of peppermint gum off the table. It was a habit I picked up while I was away so I could lay off the cigarettes.

"Where are you going?"

I didn't like talking about my nightmares or anything relating to the reason why I never slept. I just didn't feel as if I could. It seemed to be my punishment for doing what I did. I felt as if I deserved this hell when I compared it to the murder.

"I'm going into the city."

"No shit?!" I ask as I sit up slightly.

I notice that she's got a bag hanging on her arm big enough to have a few changes of clothes. She seems to notice my staring at the bag and shifts her body so she covers it. I turn to look at my clock and it only reads 6:30 a.m. At first I think she's trying to sneak passed Tim but he would have to know where she's going in order to get the keys. It takes me a while to realize that she's trying to sneak passed me.

"Take me with you. I've been dying to get out."

Begging wasn't usually my style. I asked once and then they did it with no questions asked because they were probably scared of me and Tim. But I was willing to get down on my hands and knees and kiss her feet if it meant getting away for a few hours from this place. There was nothing but ranches and grass. A city kid just wasn't made for country life. Everything was too goddamn slow for me to function properly. The best way to get back into the groove after being behind bars is to jump straight in like a canonball, not lightly test the waters. Whatever Tim was smoking to think to move out here, it must have been strong as all hell.

"Uhh." She said awkwardly, her eyes were looking down towards the floor. "I can't."

"You can't? The fuck does that mean?"

Her eyebrows pushed together and a defensive look appeared on her face. "What the hell do you wanna go with me for anyway? I'm going to Sylvia, you don't like her any. There's no reason for you to be there."

She was right. I didn't even know the first thing I'd do if I were to get back into town. Maybe try and see Ma. Tim refused to talk about her ever since I got back and lately I haven't been sure if she was even alive. Daisy was out of the question, though it was probably wise for me to not go over there anyway. If I saw her I'm not sure I'd be able to control myself. Besides, I hadn't had sex in over a year, there wasn't a point in getting myself riled up and I knew I couldn't have any anyway. I heard her brother was running things now for the Brumley boys, and with the Shepard Gang "disbanded" there was no saying if he would be on my tails if I was in town.

"I could see Jimmy." I hadn't seen him since my last week behind bars. We only spoke on the phone every few days but it was monitored by Tim.

"Jimmy's coming in a few days. All the boys are coming to welcome you home and shit."

I groaned and leaned back on the bed, throwing the cotton pillow over my face as I dramatically yawned in the pillow. "Good lord, it'll be the highlight of my month."

"Don't be a smartass. You know you ain't need to be over there anyway."

"Says who?" I ask.

Judging by her twisted face there was something she was keeping from me. That's just something you know when you're twins. You're just in sync with the other. I always thought it was a bit freaky that we were able to read the other's emotions when I was a kid but it started coming in handy when I needed to bust her.

"Says Tim that's who. You ain't allowed over there."

I let out a sarcastic groan and stand up from the bed and over to the dresser. The fact that I was eighteen didn't mean shit to Tim. In his eyes, I was still a kid who needed to grow up some and well shit he was probably right. But leaving the city without anything resolved between the gangs didn't sit right with me. I had nothing but time to think while I was away and my plans became perfected with time. There wasn't any way I would be able to execute them forty-five minutes away from town.

Angela moves so in front of the dresser so she can block me from getting in my drawer. I chuckle a bit before pushing her out of the way so I can get a shirt on.

"Curly!"

"Relax, I just want a ride into that shitty shopping complex. There's nothing to fucking do out here."

I can tell she's trying to think of an excuse to leave me in the house. Lately, all they've been doing is babying me. I can't do shit by myself with them acting like a goddamn chaperone. It ain't just them being there and acting like my stalker, it's the fact that they try to do it secretly. There ain't no way in hell Tim would be jumping out his seat to take a walk with me. We're a close family but not that damn close.

Angela sighs and leaves my room, grumbling on about how she'll be waiting for me in the car.

A/N: SOOOO, you've probably noticed that the first chapter is completely different from the initial one I had... I decided to change the plot up a bit and I'm thankful I did! Anyway, just a reminder that there's gonna be mature themes and heavy mentioning/descriptions of violence and sex. SO please don't read if it will make you uncomfortable.

Like always, what did you like about this chapter?

Do you think the Shepards will stay in the city?

What do you think Daisy's up to?

What's something or a topic you wanna see more in the chapters to come?

Let me know what you think :)

There's also a modern Curly Shepard story I'm starting to write :P