Notes: AU, set after 'Wrecked' sometime, Tara has been gone from the Summers' house for about two weeks, but Willow hasn't hit rock bottom yet, almost killing Dawn didn't snap her out of it... fic begins in early November...
New updates will be posted on Sundays... oh and the title is taken from the Mozella song "Going Home" - don't own it or BtVS...so don't sue me...
Also, and very important, this story would not exist without tons of help from Carebeartwitfangs - Thanks so much for helping me out and reading draft after draft of this - I appreciate it a lot.
The girl woke up slowly, hearing loud voices talking about trees somewhere nearby. She opened her eyes, squinting in the brightness and swallowed, her throat feeling scratchy as she did so. It was when she went to move her arms that she received her first surprise. Both wrists were strapped to the bed with thick, padded straps.
"Hey," she called weakly, her voice rough from lack of use. To her surprise the entreaty actually worked and she heard a door open, a worried face quickly coming into her view.
"Wil…" The new arrival stopped herself, visibly forcing herself to be calm. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?"
The girl in the bed pulled against her restraints weakly and the new girl quickly turned her head to talk to someone outside the room.
"Giles, get someone in here now to get her out of these things," the new girl said, sounding surprisingly authoritative. She looked back down at the girl in the bed. "You've been out for a few days. I'll get you some water."
She stepped out of view and something inside the girl on the bed grew suddenly anxious. She didn't know what it was, but something about the blonde girl was comforting. She was only gone for a moment and the girl felt herself relax as soon as the other girl came back. There was some noise and she felt the bed underneath her start to fold itself so that she was sitting upright. The girl waited for her nod to stop the bed, leaving her sitting at a comfortable angle. The new girl dropped the remote for the bed and picked up a glass of water from the small table beside the bed, holding it up to her lips for her to drink. She was very careful not to tilt it too quickly and took it away as the last drop slid down the restrained girl's throat.
"More?" she asked gently and the girl nodded, catching sight of her own red hair as it swung into her face as she moved. She started to move her hand to brush it back but the restraints pulled her up short. The new girl refilled the glass, hearing the girl in the bed trying to blow the hair out of her face with no success. The girl reached one hand out slowly, stopping just short of touching the restrained girl. "Can I?" The girl in the bed nodded and her helper gently brushed the hair out of her face, tucking it almost tenderly behind her ear.
The girl in the bed sucked in a surprised breath as she felt energy crackle between them as soon as the other girl touched her. Her eyes shot to the other girl's face, but the helpful girl had her eyes closed, her brow furrowed, almost as if she was in pain. The girl in the bed took a moment to study her, struggling to remember if she knew her. She seemed familiar, but the girl in the bed couldn't think of a name to match with the face. And it was quite the face. The girl was beautiful, deep blue eyes and long hair that had once been dyed a lighter shade of blonde but was now almost completely back to it natural shade of very dark blonde, almost brunette.
"Are you okay?" the girl in the bed asked after a moment. The blue eyes snapped open at the sound of her voice and she was surprised to see tears welling up in the eyes.
The girl nodded, swallowing thickly. "Yes, I'm okay. Sorry." Any more questions were delayed as she lifted the glass of water back to the girl in the bed. "Drink," she said quietly, glancing at the door as a new woman came in, an older man following her in.
"Can we talk to you outside?" he asked quietly, his eyes lingering on the girl in the bed. He had a British accent and was wearing glasses and a tweed jacket. The girl in the bed studied him for a moment, but was unable to place who he was.
The woman who'd come in moved to the opposite side of the bed from the helpful blonde and gently undid the restraint on the girl's left arm. The blonde had to step back as the woman came around to the right side and released the other arm. The redhead craned her head to keep her eyes on the blonde girl, the blue eyes never moving off of her either. The woman finished with the restraints and left the room quietly, squeezing the older man's shoulder as she moved out.
The blonde stepped back up beside the bed, wringing her hands to keep herself from reaching out and touching the marks the restraints had left on the other girl's pale skin.
"I need to step outside and talk to some people for a second. Will you be okay in here? I won't be gone long, I promise," the blonde said, her voice sounding choked.
The redhead glanced between the girl at her bedside and the man lingering by the door. "Okay," she said doubtfully. "Just for a few minutes?"
The blonde nodded quickly. "I promise." There were tears burning behind her eyes but she blinked furiously to keep them back. The girl in the bed nodded and the pair of people left, the blonde girl giving her one last lingering look over her shoulder as she hesitated in the doorway.
"What's your name?" the girl in the bed asked, unwilling to let her leave without knowing at least that much.
The blonde girl's eyes slid closed, tears finally falling. "It's Tara," she said quietly, turning away and closing the door gently behind her.
Two Weeks Earlier
Tara was in her dorm room, unused for so many months, the one she'd gotten only to keep her scholarship, struggling to unpack when there was a quiet knock on her door. Pushing the box she'd been going through out of her way, she went to the door, unsurprised to see Buffy and Xander on the other side. She opened the door wider, stepping out of the doorframe. "Come on in," she invited them in. She'd moved out of the Summers' house two weeks ago, but stayed in daily contact with Buffy, Xander, and Dawn.
They exchanged hugs and entered, glancing around the room. There was a picture frame overturned on the dresser and Buffy took in a deep breath, meeting Tara's gaze. "She's not here, is she?"
Tara shook her head, frowning. "No, I haven't seen her…since I left." She looked at the pair, suddenly anxious. "Oh God. What happened? Is she okay? Where is she?"
Xander stepped forward, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Tara, shh. We don't know where she is. She didn't come home last night. We were hoping she'd come here."
Tara shook her head rapidly. "Oh God." She closed her eyes, tears threatening. "I've got to go look for her."
Buffy sighed. "We've been looking. This was kind of our last hope."
Tara dropped to sit on her bed, suddenly weak. She looked up at her friends, her fear obvious in her eyes. "We have to find her. Before…"
Xander nodded as Buffy sat down on the bed next to the witch. "We will Tara. We won't let her get any further away from us. We'll get her back."
They all looked up in surprise as there was another knock on the door. Xander went to open it, Tara and Buffy getting to their feet behind him. He opened the door and stepped back, a look of surprise and disgust on his face. "What do you want Amy?" he asked brusquely, crossing his arms over his chest.
The witch scowled at him, wobbling unsteadily on her feet. "I'm not here to see you, that's for sure."
Buffy glared at her from Tara's side. "I told you to stay away from us. What are you doing here?"
The strung out witch pointed at Tara, her hands shaking. "I came for her. She needs to come with me."
Tara glanced at Buffy in surprise before her gaze went back to look suspiciously at the other witch. "Why would I do that?"
"It's about Willow," Amy said, leaning on the doorframe heavily.
Tara was across the room in a second, shoving Amy roughly against the wall on the other side of the hallway. "Where is she?" she demanded furiously. The other witch's head was lolling from side to side and Tara forced her head up roughly with one hand. "Tell me," she ordered, surprised by the strength of her sudden anger, her fear for the woman she loved overpowering her normally mild temper.
Buffy and Xander quickly rushed into the hallway, stunned by Tara's reaction. "Tara," Buffy said, trying to calm her down. "She'll tell us, just relax."
Amy was blinking blearily at them, her mouth hanging open. "Yeah, what she said. I'll tell you."
"You shut up unless it's about Willow," Xander ordered, waving Tara's more curious dorm mates back as heads popped out of doorways down the hall.
Buffy slowly loosened Tara's fingers from their tight grip on the front of Amy's shirt. "It'll be okay." She pulled Tara back from Amy and Xander pulled the other witch into Tara's dorm by the back of her shirt. Buffy led Tara back into the dorm with them, kicking the door shut behind her. "Now, tell us where Willow is," the Slayer said, looking at the witch seriously.
Amy glanced between the three scowling Scoobies and let out a deep breath. "She's at Rack's. She's in a bad way." Her gaze shifted to Tara. "She's calling for you. He can't get her to stop. Your name is all she'll say." She grimaced. "Actually, she's been screaming it."
Tara let out a sob, both hands coming up to cover her mouth and Xander shook Amy roughly to shut her up. The witch didn't take the hint and let out a laugh. "It's been really annoying, actually."
Buffy caught Tara as the enraged witch lunged at the other girl, the Slayer quickly wrapping her crying friend up in a tight embrace. Xander stepped in between the two witches in case Tara got away from Buffy, scowling furiously at Amy.
"Take us there," Buffy said, her own rage and anxiety barely contained. "It's about time I have a talk with Rack."
They stepped through the barrier into Rack's house a short time later and could instantly hear Willow's screams from the other side of the door. Amy was wobbling on her feet and Xander pushed her onto the couch, pointing at her firmly to stay still. She just nodded, putting both hands over her ears and sliding down onto her side on the dirty couch.
Buffy kicked the door straight off its hinges, leading the way into Rack's back room. The dealer was lounging on his sofa, a dark haired young woman kneeling at his feet as he sent magic coursing through her. She barely reacted as the Slayer pulled her away, only protesting as she was shoved unceremoniously back into the lobby. The dealer stood up slowly, looming over Buffy.
"You must be the Slayer," he said, smirking as he ran his eyes over her. "Very nice of you to visit." He pursed his lips. "Not so nice to throw my customers out on their asses, but I've heard you're not very…delicate." He reached up to run the back of his hand over her cheek. "Not the way good girls should be." She twitched away from his touch, shoving him back onto his couch.
"You don't touch me," she said plainly. "Next time you try, I'll kill you."
He shrugged, straightening his vest. "You're here about my dear Strawberry, I assume."
Buffy looked around the room, unable to see Willow anywhere, while the volume of her screaming was making it difficult to tell where it was coming from. "Where is she?"
The dealer pointed up at the ceiling and they all gasped as they saw the state of their friend. She was dirty and her clothes were torn, dried blood on her ears and neck. Her body was pinned to the ceiling and her head was rolling from side to side, a steady, repeating scream of Tara's name coming from her mouth.
"I'd just as soon let you take her out of here. She was getting in the way on the floor, sobbing and screaming like she is. Some of the customers were tripping over her." He shook his head, feigning sadness. "She was getting kicked like a dog." He glanced up at the girl on his ceiling. "Not that she felt it, the state she's in."
Buffy had to catch Xander this time as the young man lunged forward. The Slayer shoved him back, shaking her head. Tara lost her strength and collapsed to the floor, crying as she stared up at the girl she loved. Buffy pushed Xander back again as he repeated his attempt to get to the dealer. "Xander, get Tara," Buffy ordered. "Take her out of here. I'll get Willow." She waited until he nodded before she released him.
He crouched down next to the sobbing witch, lifting her into his arms and carrying her outside, her face buried in his chest. Buffy watched them go before turning back to Rack. "Get her down."
The dealer flicked his wrist absently and Willow's body crashed hard to the floor. Buffy jumped forward, punching him hard in the face. "Every injury she has, I'm coming back here and giving to you," she said angrily, hitting him again.
He eyed her, annoyed, as he wiggled his nose back and forth. "I think you broke it," he complained.
She punched him again. "I'll do worse when I get back. Every bruise she has, you'll get, every drop of blood she's lost, you'll lose it too, every bone that's broken, I'll break yours."
He sighed dramatically, wiping blood off his lips gingerly. "Fine." He gestured again and Willow's bruises faded, some of the color slowly coming back to her face. "Satisfied?" he asked.
Buffy scowled, punching him again. "No. If I ever hear anything about you again, if you ever try and contact Willow again, I'll find you and I'll kill you." She let him go, stepping back. "Leave town. Now." She lifted Willow carefully into her arms and turned her back on the magic dealer, stepping over the customer she'd thrown out as the girl crawled back into the back room.
Rack watched her go, reaching out absently to stroke his customer's head as he stared after the Slayer.
Tara started fighting to get out of Xander's hold as soon as Buffy appeared with Willow cradled in her arms. The redhead was still screaming deliriously and Xander glanced around the alley uneasily as he let the blonde witch go.
"That's going to draw every vamp in town," he commented, raising his voice to be heard over Willow's screams.
Buffy sighed, nodding. "Can you take her? I'm going to need my hands free if we get attacked."
Xander nodded back. "Of course." They gently transferred the witch to his arms and he looked around again. "Where are we going? Home?"
Buffy shook her head. "Hospital. She's hurt. Rack fixed some of it, I think, but I don't trust him. We need to make sure she's okay." She turned her gaze to the blonde witch. "Tara? Are you going to be able to make it to the hospital?"
Tara didn't take her eyes off of Willow, but nodded, one hand reaching up to touch Willow's hair gently. They were all surprised when the redhead's screams immediately stopped. Her eyes were closed and it looked like she was sleeping, the hitches in her breathing the only sign that she wasn't unconscious. Xander and Buffy both looked at Tara.
"Are you doing something?" Xander asked, confused.
She shook her head, confused herself. "No. I just touched her, that's all."
Buffy frowned thoughtfully. "Take your hand back." She did so and the screams started up immediately and she put her hand quickly back on her lover's head. The Slayer looked at them for a long moment. "Can you keep a hand on her the whole way to the hospital?"
Tara nodded. "Yeah."
"Great. Let's go then," Buffy said, leading the way out of the alley.
They waited for two hours at the hospital, the Sunnydale ER busy as usual. Buffy left for a few minutes to call Giles and rejoined her friends shortly, dropping into a chair next to Tara. Xander had Willow in his lap and the blonde was sitting next to them, keeping one hand stroking gently through the other girl's red hair.
"Giles wants us to bring her there if we can make it. He thinks there's a coven in England that can help us," Buffy said, watching Willow anxiously. Tara nodded, not speaking. "Do you guys think she can hear us?"
Xander shrugged, looking down at his best friend worriedly. "She's not asleep or unconscious, but we have no idea what Rack did to her." He swallowed back sudden emotion. "Or what she's done to herself."
Tara blinked back tears, leaning over to press a kiss to the top of Willow's head. "I love you Willow," she breathed. "If you can hear me, I'm so sorry and I love you. I love you so much." Her voice choked up as her tears escaped. "Come back to me. Please."
Xander exchanged a teary glance with Buffy, swallowing thickly. "I'm sure she heard you Tara," he said quietly, choking up himself. "She knows."
Just then the nurse ushered them into a room and Tara hurriedly wiped at her tears with her free hand, keeping the other one on Willow as Xander carried her carefully into the exam room.
It was tricky to manage, but Tara kept a hand on Willow throughout the entire examination. The doctor said that the redhead showed some signs of injuries, but that they were healing well which let everyone breathe a sigh of relief that Rack had actually done something to help them. The doctor said that they were free to take her home and they did so as quickly as they could, Buffy calling Dawn to drive over and get them, despite the late hour and Dawn's lack of legal driver's license.
Xander drove home while Tara held the unresponsive redhead in her lap and Buffy called the airport. Dawn was in the back seat with the witches and stayed quiet, scared of the seriousness the others were displaying. Tara kept Willow close, leaning her head against the red hair she loved so much, quietly murmuring to her love the whole ride home. Buffy went upstairs to pack clothes for herself and Willow while Xander drove home to get his own bag packed.
When she was finished, she pulled her sister into the front room of their house from where the younger girl had been watching the witches on the couch. "Dawn I have to leave you here. At least for a few days. We can't afford for you to miss school. I'll be home in a few days or we'll find a way for you to come visit." She looked seriously at her sister. "You understand?"
The younger girl nodded unwillingly, but sensed that this was not the time to argue with her sister.
"Good. I'll stop by Spike's on my way out of town and make sure he comes to stay with you. Don't go out on your own," Buffy ordered, hugging her sister. "Unless it's to school," she added, pointing at her sister threateningly.
Dawn rolled her eyes, smirking. "I've got it. In bed by midnight, no junk food after dinner, don't skip school, and don't go out after dark," she recited. "It's the same rules every time you go outside to get the mail Buffy." The Slayer had the grace to look sheepish, hugging her younger sister.
"Fine, I know you know the rules. Just be good until I get back. I can't handle anything going wrong here while Willow's still…"
Dawn nodded, her smirk dropping into a serious expression. "Call me as soon as you know anything, okay?"
Buffy nodded, glancing into the living room where Tara was holding Willow on the couch. "We will."
Xander pulled back into the driveway, honking the horn, and they drove to Tara's dorm so she could pack her own bag, directing Buffy around the room while she held Willow on her bed. Finally, they were ready to go and they stopped at Spike's crypt on their way to the airport, filling him in on the situation in a rush.
Willow stayed sedate as long as Tara was touching her so they leaned her against the blonde and the late night security team at the airport went with the explanation that the girl was merely very tired, having seen enough in Sunnydale to know not to question things like that too much.
Giles met them at the airport when they finally landed in London the next day, the tired group quiet as they drove out of town and into the countryside, finally pulling up at a large stone farmhouse several hours later. Xander took Willow from Tara as they climbed out of the car, the blonde careful not to let her hand slip off of Willow.
Giles led the way inside, nodding to several women they passed in the hallway. They reached their destination and Xander carefully put the redheaded witch into a motorized hospital bed, stepping carefully back while avoiding Tara's arm. They all stared down at Willow for a long moment before Giles spoke up, looking around the room at his young friends.
"The coven is on their way to examine her." He stepped up to the other side of the bed from Tara and the blonde looked up at him slowly. "We'll have to leave her when they get here," he said gently. Tara just shook her head firmly in response, not speaking. "Tara, I know this is difficult, unbearable even, but we must talk about some things, and the coven will need room to work."
"For Willow, so we can get her back," Buffy added, touching the blonde witch gently on the back.
Tara glanced over her shoulder at her friend and let out a deep breath. "Okay. For a little while." A shudder ran down her spine. "I can't bear to hear her scream like that," she said quietly.
Just then the witches of the coven came in and Giles met Tara's eyes across the bed, his heart breaking for the witch. "I'm sorry Tara. You have to let her go, just for now. We must talk."
The blonde nodded, squeezing Willow's hand and leaning over to press a gentle kiss to her forehead. "I love you Willow. I'm so sorry," she whispered, tears slipping down her cheeks as she pressed another kiss to her cheek, pulling back slowly.
Tara stepped back reluctantly, slowly releasing Willow's hand. There was a brief moment of quiet and then the redhead was whimpering, her mouth dropping open to scream Tara's name.
The blonde stared in horror as Willow started thrashing on the bed, screaming nonstop, her breathing raspy. Buffy and Xander snapped themselves out of their own horror to pull Tara from the room, the blonde fighting to get back to her lover's side.
"She needs me," Tara said anxiously, trying to force her way back into the room. Buffy wrapped her in a tight hug, pulling her away from the door.
"She does. Of course she does," she assured her friend. "But Tara, you can't help her right now. We have to let the coven help her." She pulled them farther from the door, trying to get out of hearing range of the awful screams that were echoing dimly through the door. Tara finally stopped fighting, leaning against Buffy as tears streamed down her face. "I know Tara, I know. I'm so sorry," Buffy breathed.
Giles led them into another room, a library by the look of the walls, all sides covered in book filled shelves. The Watcher poured them all some tea and they sat down in thick red leather armchairs. Tara couldn't stop anxiously staring at the door, twitching every time there was some noise outside the room.
"I told them where we were going. They'll come if there's any change," Giles assured her, trying to calm her down. "In the meantime, perhaps someone could tell me what's happened to her. She wasn't this bad when I left."
"She's addicted. She's been going to this black magic dealer, Rack," Buffy said. "She didn't come home, so we went looking for her. Amy showed up at Tara's door yesterday and told us where to find her."
"What's wrong with her Giles?" Xander asked, looking at the older man. "Why's she screaming like that?"
"And why does she only stop when Tara touches her?" Buffy added.
Giles shook his head. "I don't know. We'll need to figure out what spells she's been doing with this magic dealer and reverse them if we can. We'll have to wait on the coven's recommendations on how to proceed."
"I shouldn't have left her," Tara whispered brokenly, staring at the floor. "If I'd stayed she wouldn't have gone to him. She wouldn't be like…this."
Buffy shook her head, frowning. "Look at me Tara. This isn't your fault. You did what you had to do. She's made some really bad decisions, but she made them. Of course we love her and we're going to do absolutely everything we have to do to make sure she's back to normal, but this is not your fault. Understand?"
The blonde witch nodded, wincing as they heard another scream. Buffy eyed her sympathetically. "Do you think you could sleep?"
Tara shook her head. "I haven't slept in two weeks, not really."
The Slayer sighed, nodding. "Okay, but you really should rest. It won't do us any good if Willow gets better and you're sick from exhaustion."
"I'll rest once I can see Willow again," Tara said, meeting the Slayer's gaze with a nod.
"Fair enough." She looked to her Watcher. "How long is this going to take?"
He shrugged, cleaning his glasses. "I don't know. Possibly a few hours, maybe a few days." Tara's head dropped into her hands at the news. "It just depends on what spells they have to undo. It could be tricky."
"Can I help?" Tara asked, looking up at him. "I can't stand just sitting here."
He shook his head regretfully. "I'm sorry Tara. It's better for you to distance yourself from her right now." He cleared his throat. "They've been talking to me about possible treatments for her. I'd like to discuss them with you all."
They nodded and he stood up, pacing uncontrollably. "It all depends on how bad she is, of course, but some of the treatments they've suggested are…quite shocking," he warned them.
"I won't let anyone hurt her," Tara said seriously.
"Oh, I know that. Neither will I. Of course not. No," he said firmly. "It's just…the most promising treatment would involve…blocking her memories."
"What? So she wouldn't remember us?" Xander asked, looking at Giles in surprise. "You can't do that!"
Buffy nodded her agreement and Tara's jaw dropped, tears welling up in her eyes. "What benefit would there be to that?" she asked, forcing herself to stay calm.
Giles was still pacing. "If they can get the dark magic she's been using undone, blocking her memories while she was here with the coven would give her a chance to start over with her magical training. She was learning everything on her own until she met you Tara, and she's never learned to treasure the balance between dark and light that is the key to using her power properly. It's the same problem I had as a young man, but I didn't deteriorate so quickly as Willow has done."
Tara took a deep breath. "But when would she get her memories back?"
He met her gaze seriously. "After she's completed her training here with the coven. How fast depends entirely on her." He smiled cautiously. "She's always been a quick study, as you know."
Tara nodded without smiling back. "What are the other treatments?"