Loving Spencer Reid

Description: Hotch receives a letter late one night from Spencer

Pairing: Hotch/Reid

Warnings: There are some things I'm changing. Like the fact that his son was murdered, instead of only his wife. Some other things, including mentions of suicidal thoughts, slash, and other things. Read at your own discretion.

It's a late night for Hotch. Latest crime that he and the team solved took a toll on all of them, especially him, but duty calls and he still had the paperwork to finish up. It involved the brutal rape and murder of several law enforcement wives out in Denver, Colorado. The team had just gotten back and Hotch sent them all home to sleep, with orders of a couple of days off. Hotch stood at the coffee machine, waiting for the coffee to finish brewing. A bolt of lightning struck somewhere off in the distance, and a clap of thunder shook the building slightly. Hotch looked over at the desks of his team mates, going over to Doctor Spencer Reid's. He wanted to be at home, in bed, with his arms wrapped around Spencer's warm body in an attempt to keep the nightmares away.

It was hilarious for him and Spencer to ever consider the fact that they were going to try and hide their relationship from the rest of the team, at least for a while, especially since they are all profilers. Luckily, the two of them were accepted by the team, and the head of the department and the people who mattered. Morgan made jokes like he always did, the girls giggled, and Gideon just seemed happy for the two of them. Spencer once told him that, the team was who mattered to him and their approval was the only approval he needed. Hotch agreed with Spencer. The team's approval was all he needed after his son and wife were murdered, their approval over the idea that he moved on finally and moved on with a man. They always knew that he, Hotch swung both ways and that Spencer was gay. And they all approved.

He smiled into his coffee as he picked up a photograph on Spencer's desk, the only one on the desk. It was of the two of them. Garcia had gotten it snapped of the two of them at a New Year's party. Hotch was holding Spencer close to him and Spencer was looking up at him, a soft smile on his lips and with his arms around Hotch's waist. Hotch's forehead was against Spencer's and there was a smile on his face. Hotch has a copy of the photograph on his desk in the office. It was their first real sign of affection in public, for the world to see. They brushed hands occasionally, sat next two each other on the plane, even shared a hotel room. But this… this was big for them. Before that night, the only mention of their relationship was the day they showed up at the 10am meeting together and Gideon had said "bout time you two started dating. Sit down and let's get to work".

Hotch walked up to his office, sipping the god awful coffee that they, for some strange reason, continued to drink, intent on finishing the file before going home. He sat down, and started writing, not noticing the letter on top of his "to do" box immediately. It took him three hours to finish writing up the report and to put it into the "to file" box, when he noticed the letter. He frowned, wondering where it had come from. It only said "To Aaron" on the front. Later, he'll admit it was the lack of sleep from the case and the travel that caused him to momentarily forget his Spencer's handwriting, neat but sloppy at the same time. His eyebrow shoots up as he opens the envelope and pulls out a letter.

Dearest Aaron,

Yes I know, this seems a bit strange for me to be writing you a letter and leaving it in your inbox when I know I will see you at home whenever you actually finish the report. But sometimes, we need to do something out of the ordinary, something incredibly extraordinary, to bring a smile to the face of the one we love the most in this world.

I know how hard this case was for you. We all know. We could see it in your face, in your eyes. But I know especially, because of our relationship. I want you to know, their deaths were not your fault. HE was an awful man who was sick in the head and he acted out against you and took your family away from you. And now you've taken someone who was doing the exact same thing to other families and put him away. You saved who knows how many lives from that sick bastard, and you gave the deceased some peace, and some peace to their families. And that is what matters now.

You are an incredible, amazing man Aaron. I love you so very very much because you threw so much of yourself into making sure that that monster was taken off the streets and away from hurting and ruining so many lives. I fear that you and I and the rest of the team will be haunted by the nightmares of the victims and by his chilling, calculated stare, but somehow… I fell that much more in love with you. You did amazing, Aaron, and I wanted to let you know that. I love you, Aaron.

What made me realize I was in love with you for the very first time, and not just possessing weird, lustful thoughts for you, was when you came over to my apartment, and found me with that razor blade in my hand and my arm covered in scars and half healed wounds. You sensed something was wrong with me and you came over to make sure I was okay. You sat there with me, in the middle of my tiny bathroom, and held me and listened to me as I cried and told you everything. You helped me get over a terrible, terrible addiction, one that wouldn't have ended well in the end and you never said a word to anyone and never did you judge me. You showed me your true colors that night and that is when I fell in love with you.

This case showed me those colors again, and it was like falling in love with you all over again. You mean the world to me and I can't… I don't think I will ever be able to describe just how much.

I think this letter was to let you know that the monsters can be beaten. Yours is in prison, and while the nightmares of this case will come, you have me. You helped me beat mine and I'll be there for you with your nightmares. I love you. I'll see you when you come home.

Yours forever and truly,

Spence

Hotch set the letter down, tears building up in his eyes. Spencer, although a genius and sometimes struggles with displays of emotions and often rattling off statistics and facts, knew how to be sweet and romantic and purely Spencer when the time called for it. He wiped them away, stood up, grabbed his jacket, briefcase, and car keys before turning of the lamps in his office and strolling out of the door.

At The Hotch/Reid residence

Hotch opened the door to a darkened house. Up the stairs, he could hear soft music playing so he set his stuff down on the bench near the door, locked the door, and headed up the stairs silently. He paused in the doorway to the master bedroom, his eyes taking in the candle light and Spencer, in bed, asleep with a book on the side. Spencer was curled around Hotch's pillow like a cat around a ball of yarn. Hotch smiled at the sight. God Spencer was so… perfect. He took his shoes and socks off before going over to the bed. His feet did not make a sound on the hardwood floor. He sat down on the edge, staring at Spencer as he ran a hand through Spencer's tousled hair. Spencer stirred and his eyes fluttered open.

"Hey," he whispered, "when did you get home?"

"Just now, Spence. Had the report to finish." Spencer nodded and Hotch leaned down to kiss Spencer, drinking in the honey dew sent of his lover's skin and tasting the sinful strawberry lips. Spencer's hand found it's way into Hotch's hair and they spent a few minutes just kissing each other, drinking each other in. Rain hit the windows but it was soothing. Hotch finally pulled away slightly before standing. Spencer watched him as he quickly got dressed for bed, his eyes following the toned torso of Hotch. Hotch finally joined him in bed, pulling Spencer into his arms and close to his body. Spencer's was warm compared to Hotch's. Hotch had had the shivers all day and he felt as if Spencer would be the only thing that would warm him up. Spencer's head rested right over Hotch's heart and they laid together in silence.

"Thank you for the letter, Spencer. I really needed it." Spencer shifted so that he was propped up on an elbow, one hand lazily tracing patterns on Hotch's skin.

"I meant every word, you know."

"I know." Silence for a moment before Spencer's hand was caught up in Hotch's. Spencer looked up.

"Spencer… I love you." Spencer smiled softly and Hotch pushed him onto his back softly, kissing Spencer gently again as he shifted so that he was resting over Spencer. Spencer's arms wound around Hotch's neck, drawing him in closer…

Later, as Spencer laid asleep, glowing with sweat in the candle light, Hotch just held him close. As he closed his eyes finally and drifted to sleep, Hotch whispered to Spencer,

"I love you. I know you know that. I know you'll help me with my monsters and nightmares and I will always be there to help you with yours. I am so lucky to have you in my life and I am never letting you go."