T Shirt.
"What are you doing?" John Paul looked up from where he was sat, cross legged, on the bedroom floor. Craig took in the sight around him; clothes sprawled all over the bedroom. Three individual piles stood tall, like mountains by a sea of colours.
"Jumping on a bouncy castle, what does it look like, Craig?"
"Funny. Are you going somewhere?"
"Yes. I'm packing up and leaving you" John Paul replied, his voice calm and cool. He glanced at Craig, now stood partly in the bedroom, a concerned expression on his face. Breaking into a smile, John Paul picked up one of his tops and launched it at Craig. "You didn't think I was serious!?"
"No. No, of course not" Craig shook his head, throwing the top back at him and John Paul couldn't help but smile. "So, what are you doing, then?"
"I'm clearing out my wardrobe. I'm fed up of having to squeeze everything in and then do fresh ironing every morning because it's crumpled."
Craig stepped over one of the piles and sat on the floor in the empty space nearest to John Paul. "Want me to help?" he asked, almost nonchalantly and John Paul felt his heart flip. "Sure." he replied. "But before you do, let me explain how it works."
Craig raised an eyebrow. "You're throwing clothes out, John Paul, it's hardly rocket science. I'm sure I can grasp it."
"OK, smarty pants. If you think you're so clued up, explain why I have these piles of clothes." he nodded towards them and Craig couldn't help but feel a slight blush creep along his neck and cheeks. "Fine, explain then."
"OK, this pile here are the clothes I'm definitely keeping. This one is for the clothes I'm definitely getting rid off."
"You're throwing them away?"
"No. I'm going to send them to that Charity Shop around the corner. Mum never let us throw our old stuff away. Said that just because we didn't need them any more didn't mean that somebody else wouldn't. Although there were far more donations back then, what with five sis…." he felt his voice trail off and Craig looked up instantly. He dreaded these moments. Every so often, they'd have a conversation about their families or a story from their childhoods, before they'd met, and John Paul would clam up. It'd been that way ever since Tina's death and Craig had felt helpless, hoping that he could provide enough comfort with a touch of his hand, or a hug where John Paul would bury his face in the crook of Craig's neck, like it was a pair of pyjamas you never parted with because, no matter how much time past by, they still remained your favourite. The pair you constantly sought after. He reached over and placed his hand on top of John Paul's. A tiny squeeze that held the biggest of comforts. John Paul gave him a grateful smile.
"So what about those?" Craig asked, breaking the silence and nodding towards the remaining pile. John Paul shrugged. "I can't make up my mind yet. Some of them are a bit tattered, but they're still great for those days where we're just lounging around the house and don't get dressed up."
"So…… keep them then. I'm sure we can squeeze them into one of the drawers. I might even make room in one of mine for you."
"What, your beloved cardigan drawer?"
Craig grinned. "If you're lucky" he replied. John Paul broke into a grin that was both clearly sarcastic and still beautiful. "I feel privileged." Craig picked up the top John Paul had launched at him earlier and threw it back at his boyfriend, causing them both to burst into laughter.
-
"Wow, that was exhausting!" John Paul sighed, glancing at the two bin liners. Both open at the top where even the smallest of knots wouldn't have held up. "Yeh." Craig agreed. "Who knew it was possible for a male to have so many clothes. I thought only females bought what could equal a full shop."
"Oh. Haha." John Paul replied dryly. "Shall we take them now?"
"Sure." Craig replied, heading towards one of the bin liners. He stopped suddenly by it and reached into the top, pulling out a t shirt. It was a green one, with a picture Craig had never fully managed to figure out, but could grasp the idea of. The words "Two Heads, One Body" emblazed on it. He reached for it and turned to John Paul. "You're getting rid of this?" he asked, his voice sounding far more upset and annoyed than intended. John Paul glanced at it. "Uh-huh. Too tight."
Craig lowered his gaze. "Oh."
"Why?" John Paul asked.
Craig shrugged. "It's nothing…… Don't worry….. You'll think I'm being silly." he replied and John Paul let out a slight laugh. "Kind of bordering on that, already." he joked. "What's going on?"
"It's just…." Craig felt his cheeks burning again and John Paul's heart fluttered. "Well…. You….. I just….."
"Craig." John Paul stated calmly. "Spit it out."
Craig breathed in slightly, as though getting ready to part with some major secret. "Promise you wont laugh?" he asked. John Paul placed his hand over his heart and in the process made Craig's damn heart flutter again. "I promise."
Craig let out a half smile. "It's the top you were wearing when we got back together. When you turned up at the train station back when and came here with me for that first time." he blurted out, unable to stop himself. He heard John Paul let out a small laugh beside him and suddenly wanted the ground to open up beneath him. "See!" he whined "I told you you'd think I'm being silly!"
"I never said that!" John Paul replied.
"You laughed!"
"Not because I think it's silly!" John Paul fought back and Craig couldn't help but wonder why he'd bothered in the first place. He looked at John Paul, who was staring at him in that way that made Craig feel like he was going to melt with the beauty of it. "They're just clothes, Craig. Some of them hold good memories, some hold bad and some you can't even remember buying. If we kept every item of clothing that we wore on a special day, we'd never get rid, because every day we're breathing, and ever day we're together is special."
Craig blushed again and turned to face the ground. John Paul reached over and placed a finger under his chin, so their gazes met. "I love you." he said. Craig grinned back at him. "I love you, too." he replied.
He stopped as John Paul reached over and took the t shirt from his grasp, placing it at the top of the bin liner. "It's time to leave the past behind. Turn the page, yeh?"
Craig smiled, almost cursing him for setting that bloody lump in his throat going. "Yeh." he agreed, linking his fingers through John Paul's, kissing the back of his hand. John Paul smiled and pulled himself to his feet. "C'mon" he said "Lets get these out of here and then we'll have a quiet evening in. Just the two of us, yeah?"
Craig nodded, allowing John Paul to pull him off the floor. "Sounds perfect" he replied, leaning over and brushing their lips together in that soft way that made him feel like he was floating. "Cool." John Paul replied, grabbing the bin liner beside him and heading out of the bedroom. Craig watched him leave, smiling as he thought of how lucky he was to have someone so amazing. He looked towards the top of the bin liner by his feet, where the t shirt sat at the top. Staring at him. He hesitated for a moment, before reaching in and pulling it back out. Walking over to his side of the bed, he tucked it beneath his pillow. "Come on, Craig! Shop'll be shut by the time we get there at this rate!" he heard John Paul's voice call from where he was obviously waiting by the bottom of the stairs.
"On my way!" he called back as he headed towards the door. He glanced over to the bed where they curled up together night after night. Where they stayed in until as late as possible, just talking, or watching each other. Where they fell asleep at silly hours, wrapped up in one other, grateful that they were both there.
The bed that held all the most intimate of moments. Duvets they'd bury under in the winter and kick off in the summer. Pillow they launched onto the floor during a night of making love, when everything around was in their way. The same pillows they lay their heads on to sleep. The same pillow where, just a moment ago, Craig had hidden the t shirt beneath, because some things were just too precious to lose.