Hot chocolate and rooftop talks
Dave Malucci sighed as he checked the board, all he saw was row after row of boils and burns, nothing an up-and-coming young doctor wanted to waste his time with. So far his shift at Cook County hospital had been a boring one. He'd pissed off Weaver, harassed Jing-Mei and got Carter's back up all before lunchtime. Dave allowed himself to sigh again as he absentmindedly clicked his pen over and over. "Dave quit that" Carter barked. Dave couldn't help but smirk, Carter could be quite amusing when he got angry. Dave opened his mouth to give some witty retort but his words were lost in the commotion that followed as two paramedics burst through the main doors of the ER. "MVA, white male aged thirty five found ten blocks away" One of the paramedics called.
"Take him to trauma one" Kerry Weaver ordered, limping over to the gurney as the paramedic began to read off the patients vitals. "Carter, Malik, you're with me" She continued, motioning to the doctor and nurse.
"I can take it Chief" Dave offered, finally some excitement!
"We've got it Dave" Carter announced. Dave narrowed his eyes at the other doctor.
"His son's here too, no visible injuries but I think he saw the whole thing" The paramedic continued. "Dave, take the kid" Kerry shouted as she disappeared into trauma one. Dave sighed for what felt like the millionth time that morning. He turned to the female paramedic who stood hand in hand with a small, weedy looking boy who looked about seven years old. Dave felt a stab of guilt in his stomach, thinking of his own son. He plastered a smile on his face as he gently took the boy's hand, leaving the paramedic to return to her work. "Hey there little fella, I'm Dave, what's your name"? He asked.
"Marty" The child said quietly.
"Does it hurt anywhere"?
"No, the car hit daddy" Marty replied.
"Well don't worry Marty, your daddy's going to be alright, my friends will make sure of that" Dave said gently, sitting the child down in the area often referred to as 'chairs'.
"I don't care" Marty muttered. Dave stared at the child in shock.
"Why not"?
"'Cos daddy's mean" Marty whispered. Dave frowned, he didn't like the way this was heading. It was starting to trigger painful memories, memories that Dave didn't want to face up to. "Why is daddy mean"? Dave questioned, trying to ignore the sick feeling that was washing over him. "He gets mad a lot"
"What does he do Marty"? Dave asked carefully, when it came to things like this, Dave could be remarkably sensitive. "Sometimes.he..he.." Marty stuttered, tears glistening in his wide blue eyes.
"Does daddy hit you Marty"? Dave said gently. Marty gave a little nod, the tears beginning to fall. Dave immediately saw red, he hated abuse cases, mainly because he hated the type of person that would going around hitting a child. He'd had to deal with a lot of these type of cases during his time at County, hell, he'd even seen his record where Weaver had written 'is particularly sensitive with abuse cases'. Dave had had more than he could stand, he couldn't take it much longer. He rose from his seat and pushed past various people who were wandering around the front desk, including Jing-Mei Chen. "Watch it Dave"! She shouted as he shoved her aside.
"Bite me Chen"! Dave yelled back. He approached the doors to trauma one and kicked them open, Weaver and Carter were still working on Marty's father, but Dave didn't care, he simply ignored all the machinery and stalked over to the gurney, in a second he'd shoved Malik to the floor and punched Marty's father directly in the face. "YOU BASTARD"! He screamed.
"Dave! What the hell is going on"? Kerry demanded angrily. "He's still critical"!
"That bastard hits his son"! Dave yelled, he went to punch the man again but luckily Carter held him back. "God dammit Dave control yourself"! Carter shouted, maintaining his hold on the struggling Dave. "Malucci get out of here right now! And wait in the lounge you and I are going to have a serious talk about your behaviour"! Kerry ordered. Dave shoved Carter away and turned to Kerry. "Why don't you just go to hell you fucking dyke"! He screamed right in Kerry's face, not wanting to see or hear her reaction, he turned and ran out through the doors.
Dave ran blindly through the corridors, the rage taking over him. He didn't even know where he was going, he just had to get out of this godforsaken ER. As he ran, he collided with Luka Kovac who was just beginning his shift. "Woah Dave, what's wrong"? The gentle doctor asked.
"Leave me alone Luka" Dave warned, as he ran past. Luka frowned, he'd never ever seen Dave act this way before. "Better leave him to cool down" He said aloud.
*~*
Somehow, Dave had managed to find his way to the roof of Cook County. The roof was commonly known as a place to come when things got tough and things were certainly tough for Dave right now. He sat on the edge of the roof, looking out at the bright lights of Chicago. He had no intention of jumping, Dave was a fighter and he always had been, there was no way he'd just give up now. He'd come much too far to do that. His train of thought was interrupted by the sound of footsteps. Dave half expected it to be Weaver or Carter, coming to ball him out for what had happened in trauma one. He was pleasantly surprised however, when he turned around and saw Luka carrying two cups of something hot. "Hey Dave" Luka greeted, without waiting for an invite, he sat down next to Dave.
"Hey Luka" Dave muttered quietly.
"I talked to Malik, he told me what happened"
"Weaver send you up"? Dave asked, a touch of venom in his voice.
"No, I came up here of my own accord" Luka replied. "What happened back there"?
"You just said Malik told you" Dave spat. He couldn't be bothered to hide the anger he was feeling right now. "He did, but I want to hear it from your point of view"
"What's there to know? Just Dave flipping his lid over some abuse case again" Dave said sadly. "There must be a reason why you do that" Luka replied gently.
"There is" Dave said simply, not wanting to expand.
"Well why don't we talk about it"? Luka suggested.
"I didn't have anyone to talk to when I was seven, why would I want anyone to talk to now I'm twenty seven"?
"Because we mature, and it sounds to me like you need to get it off your chest"
"What would you know"? Dave asked sarcastically. He had grown tired of people always assuming what he needed. "Because I used to hide my past"
"What past would that be? Are you like Carter? Got upset every time Daddy wouldn't buy you a toy"?
"No, I lost my family in a conflict back home" Luka said solemnly. Dave cursed himself.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know"
"S'ok, not many people do" Luka replied, venturing a smile. "Oh, and I brought you some hot chocolate, you always seem to be drinking the stuff" he continued, offering the cup.
"Just like Mom used to make in situations like this" Dave said quietly as he took the cup.
"Situations like what"? Luka took a sip of his own drink.
"When I'm upset" Dave admitted.
"I figured it wasn't just the anger, you've told me this much Dave, I think it would do you some good to tell me the rest"
"Sure you want to hear it"? Dave asked looking at Luka.
"I wouldn't ask if I wasn't" Luka replied.
"Ok.but you know, I've never had anyone to talk to.not about this anyway.no- one's ever bothered with me.I mean I'm just Dave Malucci.the clown..I'm not supposed to have feelings.they don't think I do.they don't seem to appreciate that I hurt too." Dave said, he could already feel a lump in his throat. Luka simply nodded, wanting Dave to continue. "I have two good things Luka.just two.my job and my son"
"You have a son"? Luka exclaimed, unable to hide his surprise.
"See? You all think.cos of the way I act..I can't be a father"
"I didn't mean it to sound that way Dave, it's just...well.you act quite...young and well, it's just a surprise..I'm not doubting your abilities as a father in any way" Luka apoligised. "Michael's four, he was never planned, but he's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me, I love him so much" Dave replied, smiling.
"I'm sure you do" Luka said, returning the smile.
"I'm not perfect..far from it, but I'd like to think I'm a good father to him, nothing like my old man" Dave's smile disappeared at the mention of his own father.
"What was he like"? Luka asked. Dave didn't reply, Luka noted that Dave appeared to be holding back tears. "You better get back Luka" Dave finally replied.
"It's ok, Mark's covering for me"
"No, just get back to work" Dave said, his anger returning.
"Dave, I'm here to help"
"You're not Legaspi" Dave muttered.
"I'm not here as your psychologist Dave, I'm here as your friend and whether you like to admit it or not, you're not alone, not by a long shot. You can stay up here if you want and keep whatever you hiding inside you hidden, but I'm telling you now Dave, you have friends and they're not going to let you go through this on your own".
"How could you ever understand"? Dave said tearfully.
"I don't know until you let me try" Luka replied.
"Back off Luka"
"Face up Dave" Luka countered. Dave stared at Luka for a few seconds longer. Luka stared back intensely. Dave tensed, ready for the fight, but to his surprise, his cheeks were wet. Instead of lashing out, Dave was actually crying. He quickly put a hand to his face, wishing he could hide behind it. "It's okay Dave" Luka said quietly.
"What's ok"? Dave sniffed.
"Crying" Dave nodded. For the first time in years, someone was actually seeing him cry. Luka watched Dave for a second before putting an arm out, and gently touching Dave's shoulder, Dave flinched from the gesture. "I'm sorry Dave"
"No, I'm sorry..you were trying to help and I was being a jerk" Dave said, his voice sounded uneven, like he was fighting back sobs. "Let it out Dave" Luka replied.
"I can't" Dave swallowed hard, trying to regain his composure.
"Why not"?
"Because.." Dave's voice tailed off. Elaborating would mean he'd have to explain his past, a notion that Dave wasn't too comfortable with. "You can tell me Dave, remember I'm your friend. I'm here to listen, not judge"
"It started when I was seven..." Dave began, shocked that the words were actually coming out of his mouth, especially since they'd been in him for so long. It was easier than he had ever imagined it would be. "My old man.he liked his drink.not just a couple.but loads of the stuff...that's why I never touch a drop now.I swore to myself that I was never gonna turn out like him" Dave clenched his fists at the thought. "He was always drunk.well.it seemed that way. I wasn't exactly the best behaved kid..but what he did.." Dave tailed off again.
"Dave.are you alright"? Luka asked, not liking the silence that Dave seemed to have fallen into. "Yeah.it's just.hard..this is something I've kept to myself for years..it's.hard" Dave replied. He took another sip of the hot chocolate, Luka couldn't help but notice he was shaking as he did so. "He loved sports..like.he couldn't get enough of them..and he used to be in a...b..b.." Dave couldn't bring himself to say the word.
"Basketball"? Luka asked. Dave shook his head. "Baseball"? he ventured again, this time, Dave nodded. "He used to be..in a team.he was good..I watched him a couple of times.anyway.when he used to get mad..he'd.reach for his..bat.and."
"I think I can guess the rest" Luka interrupted, seeing how distressed Dave was becoming. "It stopped after a while..when I was big enough to fight back..." Dave whispered, almost inaudible now. "You're very brave" Luka replied.
"No I'm not." Dave muttered, staring into the dark brown liquid in his cup.
"You are, it took a lot of guts to tell me this, especially after you've been hiding it for so long"
"Twenty years"
"What did your mum think about all of this"? Luka asked.
"She pretended it didn't happen, she loved him so much I guess it almost made her blind to what he was doing to me. Not that I blame her, I'd have blocked it out too, only I couldn't". Dave raised his hands and wiped a few errant tears away.
"Dave.you should be proud of yourself, you were brave enough to tell me your story and you were strong enough to survive all those years of torment. Despite what people appear to think about you, you're a damn good doctor"
"Thanks for the effort there Luka, but you know as much as I do that the Chief hates me".
"She doesn't Dave, she thinks you're a good doctor"
"Pull the other one" Dave replied with a slight smirk.
"No really she does, don't tell her this, but I heard her and Mark talking the other day, she seemed to have a pretty high opinion of you" Luka insisted.
"Well she sure doesn't show it" Dave's smile disappeared and his face turned serious. "Thank you Luka..I don't think you'll ever know how much this meant to me"
"I'm just happy to help a friend in need"
"You won't tell anyone will you? They all have a pretty strong idea of who Dave Malucci is"
"Of course not.I'll keep this to myself, you have my word" Luka said adamantly.
"Thanks" Dave smiled, his first genuine smile for a long time.
"Anytime" Luka smiled back, pleased that he had managed to get through to Dave. "You gonna come back down now? I think there's some people who you need to sort things out with" Dave looked out across the beautiful skyline again whilst taking another sip of his hot chocolate. He turned to Luka and smiled again. "Nah, right now I'm content with hot chocolate and rooftop talks" THE END
Dave Malucci sighed as he checked the board, all he saw was row after row of boils and burns, nothing an up-and-coming young doctor wanted to waste his time with. So far his shift at Cook County hospital had been a boring one. He'd pissed off Weaver, harassed Jing-Mei and got Carter's back up all before lunchtime. Dave allowed himself to sigh again as he absentmindedly clicked his pen over and over. "Dave quit that" Carter barked. Dave couldn't help but smirk, Carter could be quite amusing when he got angry. Dave opened his mouth to give some witty retort but his words were lost in the commotion that followed as two paramedics burst through the main doors of the ER. "MVA, white male aged thirty five found ten blocks away" One of the paramedics called.
"Take him to trauma one" Kerry Weaver ordered, limping over to the gurney as the paramedic began to read off the patients vitals. "Carter, Malik, you're with me" She continued, motioning to the doctor and nurse.
"I can take it Chief" Dave offered, finally some excitement!
"We've got it Dave" Carter announced. Dave narrowed his eyes at the other doctor.
"His son's here too, no visible injuries but I think he saw the whole thing" The paramedic continued. "Dave, take the kid" Kerry shouted as she disappeared into trauma one. Dave sighed for what felt like the millionth time that morning. He turned to the female paramedic who stood hand in hand with a small, weedy looking boy who looked about seven years old. Dave felt a stab of guilt in his stomach, thinking of his own son. He plastered a smile on his face as he gently took the boy's hand, leaving the paramedic to return to her work. "Hey there little fella, I'm Dave, what's your name"? He asked.
"Marty" The child said quietly.
"Does it hurt anywhere"?
"No, the car hit daddy" Marty replied.
"Well don't worry Marty, your daddy's going to be alright, my friends will make sure of that" Dave said gently, sitting the child down in the area often referred to as 'chairs'.
"I don't care" Marty muttered. Dave stared at the child in shock.
"Why not"?
"'Cos daddy's mean" Marty whispered. Dave frowned, he didn't like the way this was heading. It was starting to trigger painful memories, memories that Dave didn't want to face up to. "Why is daddy mean"? Dave questioned, trying to ignore the sick feeling that was washing over him. "He gets mad a lot"
"What does he do Marty"? Dave asked carefully, when it came to things like this, Dave could be remarkably sensitive. "Sometimes.he..he.." Marty stuttered, tears glistening in his wide blue eyes.
"Does daddy hit you Marty"? Dave said gently. Marty gave a little nod, the tears beginning to fall. Dave immediately saw red, he hated abuse cases, mainly because he hated the type of person that would going around hitting a child. He'd had to deal with a lot of these type of cases during his time at County, hell, he'd even seen his record where Weaver had written 'is particularly sensitive with abuse cases'. Dave had had more than he could stand, he couldn't take it much longer. He rose from his seat and pushed past various people who were wandering around the front desk, including Jing-Mei Chen. "Watch it Dave"! She shouted as he shoved her aside.
"Bite me Chen"! Dave yelled back. He approached the doors to trauma one and kicked them open, Weaver and Carter were still working on Marty's father, but Dave didn't care, he simply ignored all the machinery and stalked over to the gurney, in a second he'd shoved Malik to the floor and punched Marty's father directly in the face. "YOU BASTARD"! He screamed.
"Dave! What the hell is going on"? Kerry demanded angrily. "He's still critical"!
"That bastard hits his son"! Dave yelled, he went to punch the man again but luckily Carter held him back. "God dammit Dave control yourself"! Carter shouted, maintaining his hold on the struggling Dave. "Malucci get out of here right now! And wait in the lounge you and I are going to have a serious talk about your behaviour"! Kerry ordered. Dave shoved Carter away and turned to Kerry. "Why don't you just go to hell you fucking dyke"! He screamed right in Kerry's face, not wanting to see or hear her reaction, he turned and ran out through the doors.
Dave ran blindly through the corridors, the rage taking over him. He didn't even know where he was going, he just had to get out of this godforsaken ER. As he ran, he collided with Luka Kovac who was just beginning his shift. "Woah Dave, what's wrong"? The gentle doctor asked.
"Leave me alone Luka" Dave warned, as he ran past. Luka frowned, he'd never ever seen Dave act this way before. "Better leave him to cool down" He said aloud.
*~*
Somehow, Dave had managed to find his way to the roof of Cook County. The roof was commonly known as a place to come when things got tough and things were certainly tough for Dave right now. He sat on the edge of the roof, looking out at the bright lights of Chicago. He had no intention of jumping, Dave was a fighter and he always had been, there was no way he'd just give up now. He'd come much too far to do that. His train of thought was interrupted by the sound of footsteps. Dave half expected it to be Weaver or Carter, coming to ball him out for what had happened in trauma one. He was pleasantly surprised however, when he turned around and saw Luka carrying two cups of something hot. "Hey Dave" Luka greeted, without waiting for an invite, he sat down next to Dave.
"Hey Luka" Dave muttered quietly.
"I talked to Malik, he told me what happened"
"Weaver send you up"? Dave asked, a touch of venom in his voice.
"No, I came up here of my own accord" Luka replied. "What happened back there"?
"You just said Malik told you" Dave spat. He couldn't be bothered to hide the anger he was feeling right now. "He did, but I want to hear it from your point of view"
"What's there to know? Just Dave flipping his lid over some abuse case again" Dave said sadly. "There must be a reason why you do that" Luka replied gently.
"There is" Dave said simply, not wanting to expand.
"Well why don't we talk about it"? Luka suggested.
"I didn't have anyone to talk to when I was seven, why would I want anyone to talk to now I'm twenty seven"?
"Because we mature, and it sounds to me like you need to get it off your chest"
"What would you know"? Dave asked sarcastically. He had grown tired of people always assuming what he needed. "Because I used to hide my past"
"What past would that be? Are you like Carter? Got upset every time Daddy wouldn't buy you a toy"?
"No, I lost my family in a conflict back home" Luka said solemnly. Dave cursed himself.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know"
"S'ok, not many people do" Luka replied, venturing a smile. "Oh, and I brought you some hot chocolate, you always seem to be drinking the stuff" he continued, offering the cup.
"Just like Mom used to make in situations like this" Dave said quietly as he took the cup.
"Situations like what"? Luka took a sip of his own drink.
"When I'm upset" Dave admitted.
"I figured it wasn't just the anger, you've told me this much Dave, I think it would do you some good to tell me the rest"
"Sure you want to hear it"? Dave asked looking at Luka.
"I wouldn't ask if I wasn't" Luka replied.
"Ok.but you know, I've never had anyone to talk to.not about this anyway.no- one's ever bothered with me.I mean I'm just Dave Malucci.the clown..I'm not supposed to have feelings.they don't think I do.they don't seem to appreciate that I hurt too." Dave said, he could already feel a lump in his throat. Luka simply nodded, wanting Dave to continue. "I have two good things Luka.just two.my job and my son"
"You have a son"? Luka exclaimed, unable to hide his surprise.
"See? You all think.cos of the way I act..I can't be a father"
"I didn't mean it to sound that way Dave, it's just...well.you act quite...young and well, it's just a surprise..I'm not doubting your abilities as a father in any way" Luka apoligised. "Michael's four, he was never planned, but he's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me, I love him so much" Dave replied, smiling.
"I'm sure you do" Luka said, returning the smile.
"I'm not perfect..far from it, but I'd like to think I'm a good father to him, nothing like my old man" Dave's smile disappeared at the mention of his own father.
"What was he like"? Luka asked. Dave didn't reply, Luka noted that Dave appeared to be holding back tears. "You better get back Luka" Dave finally replied.
"It's ok, Mark's covering for me"
"No, just get back to work" Dave said, his anger returning.
"Dave, I'm here to help"
"You're not Legaspi" Dave muttered.
"I'm not here as your psychologist Dave, I'm here as your friend and whether you like to admit it or not, you're not alone, not by a long shot. You can stay up here if you want and keep whatever you hiding inside you hidden, but I'm telling you now Dave, you have friends and they're not going to let you go through this on your own".
"How could you ever understand"? Dave said tearfully.
"I don't know until you let me try" Luka replied.
"Back off Luka"
"Face up Dave" Luka countered. Dave stared at Luka for a few seconds longer. Luka stared back intensely. Dave tensed, ready for the fight, but to his surprise, his cheeks were wet. Instead of lashing out, Dave was actually crying. He quickly put a hand to his face, wishing he could hide behind it. "It's okay Dave" Luka said quietly.
"What's ok"? Dave sniffed.
"Crying" Dave nodded. For the first time in years, someone was actually seeing him cry. Luka watched Dave for a second before putting an arm out, and gently touching Dave's shoulder, Dave flinched from the gesture. "I'm sorry Dave"
"No, I'm sorry..you were trying to help and I was being a jerk" Dave said, his voice sounded uneven, like he was fighting back sobs. "Let it out Dave" Luka replied.
"I can't" Dave swallowed hard, trying to regain his composure.
"Why not"?
"Because.." Dave's voice tailed off. Elaborating would mean he'd have to explain his past, a notion that Dave wasn't too comfortable with. "You can tell me Dave, remember I'm your friend. I'm here to listen, not judge"
"It started when I was seven..." Dave began, shocked that the words were actually coming out of his mouth, especially since they'd been in him for so long. It was easier than he had ever imagined it would be. "My old man.he liked his drink.not just a couple.but loads of the stuff...that's why I never touch a drop now.I swore to myself that I was never gonna turn out like him" Dave clenched his fists at the thought. "He was always drunk.well.it seemed that way. I wasn't exactly the best behaved kid..but what he did.." Dave tailed off again.
"Dave.are you alright"? Luka asked, not liking the silence that Dave seemed to have fallen into. "Yeah.it's just.hard..this is something I've kept to myself for years..it's.hard" Dave replied. He took another sip of the hot chocolate, Luka couldn't help but notice he was shaking as he did so. "He loved sports..like.he couldn't get enough of them..and he used to be in a...b..b.." Dave couldn't bring himself to say the word.
"Basketball"? Luka asked. Dave shook his head. "Baseball"? he ventured again, this time, Dave nodded. "He used to be..in a team.he was good..I watched him a couple of times.anyway.when he used to get mad..he'd.reach for his..bat.and."
"I think I can guess the rest" Luka interrupted, seeing how distressed Dave was becoming. "It stopped after a while..when I was big enough to fight back..." Dave whispered, almost inaudible now. "You're very brave" Luka replied.
"No I'm not." Dave muttered, staring into the dark brown liquid in his cup.
"You are, it took a lot of guts to tell me this, especially after you've been hiding it for so long"
"Twenty years"
"What did your mum think about all of this"? Luka asked.
"She pretended it didn't happen, she loved him so much I guess it almost made her blind to what he was doing to me. Not that I blame her, I'd have blocked it out too, only I couldn't". Dave raised his hands and wiped a few errant tears away.
"Dave.you should be proud of yourself, you were brave enough to tell me your story and you were strong enough to survive all those years of torment. Despite what people appear to think about you, you're a damn good doctor"
"Thanks for the effort there Luka, but you know as much as I do that the Chief hates me".
"She doesn't Dave, she thinks you're a good doctor"
"Pull the other one" Dave replied with a slight smirk.
"No really she does, don't tell her this, but I heard her and Mark talking the other day, she seemed to have a pretty high opinion of you" Luka insisted.
"Well she sure doesn't show it" Dave's smile disappeared and his face turned serious. "Thank you Luka..I don't think you'll ever know how much this meant to me"
"I'm just happy to help a friend in need"
"You won't tell anyone will you? They all have a pretty strong idea of who Dave Malucci is"
"Of course not.I'll keep this to myself, you have my word" Luka said adamantly.
"Thanks" Dave smiled, his first genuine smile for a long time.
"Anytime" Luka smiled back, pleased that he had managed to get through to Dave. "You gonna come back down now? I think there's some people who you need to sort things out with" Dave looked out across the beautiful skyline again whilst taking another sip of his hot chocolate. He turned to Luka and smiled again. "Nah, right now I'm content with hot chocolate and rooftop talks" THE END