A/N Hey clearing some stuff and didn't have the heart to delete them from my life completely so I'm just storing them here in all their badly written/unfinished glory. Read if you must but I don't plan to continue anything.
Enquiries into fate.
A chill ran up my spin and I had the feeling that someone I knew was close. You know that feeling you get when you're waiting for someone and it's like a connection that you sense before it happens. Maybe it's because you hear their walk or a smell that triggers something in the brain I don't know but I was feeling that way right now for some reason.
I put down my magazine that wasn't all that interesting anyway but when drinking coffee alone on a Friday morning it makes you seem like less of a loner and I hate newspapers all the bad news right now is just to much of a downer for the morning. I tried my best to be subtle when glancing around the room. There were a few of the usual guys and women in suits picking up a coffee and sometimes a muffin on the rush to the office. A few other younger people like me just hanging out maybe waiting for a class to start or waiting for friends. The smell of caffeine was thick in the air as people bustled in and out. I looked for a familiar face but nothing. Maybe my roommate Rose but she was at Emmett's last night so it would be unlikely that I see her before noon. I tried to think of the small group of people I actually knew but there was no one.
As I was about to give up my search and just write it off as a weird feeling I saw her. I'm almost a hundred percent sure it's her she hasn't changed much since I last saw her which must be…wow eight years I calculated quickly. What are the chances I run into her on a Friday morning?
I noticed she still had short spiky hair although it looked a lot more stylish now than it did back in high school when it looked like she had cut it herself with safety scissors. She didn't look much taller either but it was hard to tell with her sitting down. I couldn't get a clear view of her face but I'm sure it's her. Okay I have to stop staring.
I looked back to my magazine picking it up and taking a sip from my now luke warm caramel latte. I tried to concentrate my best on reading the interview in the magazine but I couldn't help but think maybe I should go over and say hi.
What would I say 'hey remember me we were friends until I was like fourteen and moved away and we lost contact but I have to tell you I had the biggest crush on you and that totally confused me. So I spent years in denial until I could finally admit it to myself'. That's maybe a little long may I should shorten it to just 'hi'.
I peeked over my magazine to check she was still there. A bundle of nerves seemed to race its way to my heart and I felt a little sick. What if she didn't remember me? I thought about her a lot I mean that's normal with your first crush right? I picked up my latte and headed over to her table running over in my mind the words I should say to seem aloof and confident. 'Hey Alice is that you it's me Bella it's been a long time. How are you?'
When I reached the small round table near the window I could hear the pounding beats of my heart as if they were in my head and my hands started to sweat so much I worried about dropping my cup. The light illuminated her features and over the years I think my memory could not do her justice but that was marred by how upset she seemed. She didn't even look at me she just stared blankly at the table leaning her head in one hand. I don't know what had her upset but I instantly hated it. I remember spending most of my childhood trying to get this girl to laugh or smile at me. I wish things could be as easy as they were then when all I had to do was to try and put my dads ties on the neighbours dogs to watch her face light up.
I thought about leaving the door was right there just an arms length away. Then she looked at me and I forgot how to breath or what I was going to say my mind just went blank.
"I wish I was ten again." I blurted out totally out of context. I don't know why in the last ten to fifteen minutes I thought I'd be able to speak to her like a normal person. She always made me weirdly nervous.
"Excuse me?" she uttered obviously confused.
"Because…" I stuttered nervously taking a chair so I didn't make a scene. "Because when I was ten I was your friend and as your friend I could tell you that its going to be okay because something obviously has you upset and as a friend I don't like seeing you upset but if it's not that easy then I could tell you sometimes it's okay to be not okay but I'm not ten anymore. Now I'm just some stranger in a coffee shop that's bothering you." I let out the breath I had been holding and prayed she had figured out who I was.
"Bella?" she asked quizzically and I thanked the heavens there was a god.
"Yeah that's me." I smiled awkwardly.
"I can't believe it, I haven't seen you in ages." Alice shot out of her chair to give me a hug as I sat still with my hands by my sides trying not to make a weird face as my friends told me I did sometimes when they hugged me. It's not that I didn't like hugs they just always surprised me and I never really knew how to react.
"How have you been? I see you still have a phobia of hugs."
"It's not a phobia!" I defended, "You just surprise me and I'm doing really well I'm going to college. I'm in my third year, psych major. What about you?"
"Same really except Art and Design major. How long have you been living in Seattle? I can't believe we haven't run into each other." Alice looked perturbed.
I calculated in my head that it had been about three years since I moved. "Three years or so."
"Why didn't you tell me? How come I haven't seen you in Forks."
I thought over the reasons why I didn't tell her but mostly it was just awkward timing. "I don't know it's just been a long time, I didn't really know how. I haven't actually been back to Forks much just days here and there and I spend the holidays with my mom in Florida."
"Well I guess I can understand but we were like best friends and you've always been weird it wouldn't have changed my thoughts." She chuckled
I looked at my empty coffee cup and decided to take a chance. "Do you want to go for a walk through the park? I don't have any classes today so I'm just wasting time."
"I'd love to waste time with you." Alice finally smiled.
As we exited the coffee shop I was enveloped with a blast of cold air and zipped my jacket higher. "If it's okay for me to ask, what had you so upset?"
We walked side by side down the sidewalk as the park was still a few blocks away and I noticed I was right about Alice still being about maybe half a foot shorted than me.
"It's nothing really…I feel stupid for even getting upset about it." Alice tried to wave of the issue.
"Okay but if you want to talk, I'm here." I noted looking into her eyes caching her gaze quickly.
"Thanks…so anyway why did you move away all those years ago? It was like you just disappeared one day."
I didn't want to get into the specifics of how confused I became and when my mom offered me a way out I took it like a coward. "Didn't Charlie tell you? My mom wanted me to go live with her for a while and I missed her so I went but when I was applying to colleges this place just always seemed like home plus I like being close to Charlie. I still miss my mom thou."
"You still call your dad Charlie." Alice chuckled. "You haven't changed much."
"I'm still the same old me." I turned the collar on my coat up as a defence against the chill.
As we approached the park Alice slipped on a patch of ice and grabbed on to my arm I quickly grabbed her arm and side to stop her from falling. "Wow that was a close one." I laughed the heat from my breath fogging the air.
"Yeah." Alice spoke slightly stunned and breathless.
When we began walking again and as we did she looped her arm through mine. Which I found rather comforting and I couldn't stop the smile pulling on my face. I remembered Alice was always a touchy feely kind of person so I tried not to read to much into it but I couldn't help it if part of myself wanted to think that this is what it would be like if we were a couple. As we walked through the park I was more interested in what had her upset but I didn't want to ask again. If I were meant to know she would tell me.
"So…" I tried to make conversation. "Why art and design? I don't remember you being into art when we were younger."
"Bella we were like what fourteen…god it seems like a lifetime ago and I'm into a lot of things I wasn't then."
This peaked my interest I wondered if she could possibly mean what I think she means. My thoughts were cut short as she continued to look up at the tall trees almost into the sky and I wondered what she was looking at so I followed her gaze.
"I mostly prefer the design side I mean almost everything begins with someone designing it maybe even life."
"Do you mean like fate?" I enquired.
"Yes, do you believe in fate?" she asked now looking into my eyes as I tried to remember what she just asked.
"I…I…em…I didn't used to because I didn't like the idea of not controlling my own life but I think it's less literal than that. I think it's more about paths."
"Yeah I think the same like just because you believe in it doesn't mean every thing is pre determined we still have choices we always have choices."
It got suddenly dark as I realized we walked under a small tunnel. The park seemed deserted but I could hear a few dogs barking in the distance.
"Look there's some art! See art is all around us." Alice said pointing to the tunnel wall.
"Really? Cause it looks like graffiti to me and not even good graffiti." I said apprizing word 'swish' spray painted in white bubble letters with a black outline.
"Well if that's what you see but I see art." Alice said indignantly.
I don't know what she could see it's not even a good word its probably a nickname of some sort but it sounds like a word you would use to describe a mop. "Well…what do you see?"
"I see…I see freedom. Freedom to do what you want the moment you want to do it and just say fuck you to everything else. That's what this person did they wanted to write on this wall and they did it. I mean we are so tied down nowadays to everything in our lives haven't you just once wanted to do something on impulse like throw your phone at the wall or sweep everything off a desk in a fit of passion."
I was so caught up by her words looking at her eyes light up as they moved rapidly with how fast she was trying to get words out like she was overcome by them and if she didn't say them at that exact moment she might explode. I wanted to kiss her right here in this tunnel and not care about the consequences. I wanted it so badly but then there had to be a 'but'
"But that's not real life, it's a movie. In real life we have responsibilities and doubts." Alice looked away from me then as if she was thinking of something else and began walking forward again.
I looked back at the tunnel as we walked thinking about how right she was I guess it is art. "I like your opinion better than mine."
"Do you still draw at all?"
"Not really?" When I was younger I used to do anything with stuff I could buy from the flea market so if that meant drawing, guitar or anything else I could get for about five bucks I would start it as a hobby. "How's your family been? Charlie tells me a little about Carlisle and Esme but how's Edward?" I enquired about her brother.
"He's good he's going to school in Chicago trying to follow in my dad's footsteps."
"That's good hey do you still talk to Kate?" I wanted to know about our old friend it had seemed like a while since I thought about her.
Alice seemed to flinch at the name but then shook it off and continued walking. "No I haven't I lost contact with a lot of people after high school you know what it's like."
"Yeah it is hard to keep tabs on everyone." I looked at the sky and I could sense it was about to rain. "It's going to rain." I warned Alice.
Alice followed my gaze and looked at the tumbling clouds with fascination. "How can you tell? It looks like this a lot and doesn't rain." She wrinkled her nose in confusion and it was kind of cute.
"I can smell it."
"What? You can't smell rain." Alice pointed out like a fact.
"I can." As the words left my mouth I felt a raindrop hit me in the cheek then the nose. "Told you so." I looked into her hazel eyes and she looked at me like she wasn't sure if she should believe me or not. The rain got heavy rather quickly and I picked up the pace until we were out of the park and into the street.
I spotted a dry section under the overhang of a nearby shop and quickly headed for it. Alice followed without question.
A case of you
How could I just walk out like that? What have I done? Everything is ruined.
"What do you want to drink?" A pair of ruby red lips punctuated.
I lifted my head from my chin realizing the lips the sort of familiar lips was the bartender. I looked around quickly the hotel lobby people skittered about behind the oak and glass doors. There was a couple sitting quietly sipping wine in a booth with their luggage.
"Ughhh…bourbon neat."
She raised one her sculpted blonde eyebrows at me before turning to bottles of liquor lined up behind the bar.
"Make it a double." I added.
Would someone come? Would she come? I looked at the doors again but nothing.
Piano music filled the room as if out of nowhere and the bar had a sense of quiet class about it even if it was only used for bored hotel guest and alcoholic businessmen.
The pretty blonde placed the short glass on a coaster in front of me her mouth pressed into a hard line before she spoke, "That's eight bucks."
"Charge it to my room."
I raised the heavy bottomed glass to my lips swallowing a large sip. I didn't drink much I just wanted something that would burn and it did.
"Aren't you with that wedding?" She eyeballed me.
I took a look at myself the black dress and styled hair making me appear anything but myself. I did it for her. Most brides make their bridesmaids look ugly but not her no I looked pretty much perfect as I could.
"Don't remind me."
"What?" She snorted crossing her arms, "Best man sneak out of your room this morning and forget to leave a note."
Her words were pointed and rude and I wouldn't usually put up with this from a stranger but right now I felt like I deserved it.
"The best man is gay and so am I."
"So it's a girl?"
I took another sip feeling the burn lessen, "Do you have a pen?"
She kept her eye on me taking a pen from beside the register and handing it to me. I moved my glass from the coaster placing it on the wood of the bar. I began to doodle the face of the bartender on the coaster. She looked annoyed for a second picking up the glass whipping the bar and getting another coaster.
"She isn't just any girl, what's your name?" I asked quietly as I scribbled the line of her mouth.
"Rose." She spoke her voice softening.
"This girl is you Rose, she's that girl over there. She is all the people I haven't met yet," I sigh. "She is he perfect person by who I judge everyone else and I don't know how to stop. Do you know what I mean?"
I glanced up but she just raised her eyebrows in unison giving me a pitying look. I hated that look reminded me of Edward.
"What's so damn perfect about her?" Rose asked.
"She has lips like yours, she's fearless. She pulls me out of being myself I cant explain it I've never experienced that with anyone else ever and I tried."
"Are you hitting on me?"
"No." I laughed a huffed chuckle shortly forgetting the pain in my chest.
I scribbled rose underneath the drawing handing it to her to examin. She smiles for a split second and she actually looks nice.
"You're pretty good."
"Well your beautiful anyway."
"Are you sure you aren't hitting on me." She laughs.
I grab the other coaster and this time drawing from memory and the first thing on my mind is her. I smile for a second before I draw her eyes. I really fucked up.
"You look sad." Rose points out.
"I messed up my whole life."
"How?"
"Because I couldn't be silent anymore. I couldn't pretend. I just couldn't do it."
"And the truth shall set you free!" Rose preaches.
"The truth? look what the truth got me." I hold up my empty glass gesturing to the equally empty bar.
"And how much more did the lie get you?"
That was true I didn't have her then and I don't have her now, "Touche."
"Was the girl? Was the girl the bride?"
I bow my head, "I'm gonna need another drink."
Rose fills it quickly, and I realise the cliché of pouring my heart out to a bartender while getting shitfaced.
She pushes it across the bar her eyes egerly awaiting my answer…."Yes,"
"Oh my god, what did she say?"
"Nothing really I just sort of left."
"What do you mean you just left?"
"We had a sort of argument before she was supposed to walk down the aisle. I don't know why it set me off it just did of all the things it was the stupidest thing."
"What?"
the tone in Rose's voice was making realize what a drama my life had become, "We were in a room at the back alone for the first time in like a two weeks. I was going to walk her down the aisle and give her away because she doesn't have any parents. she looked so beautiful in her dress and I knew I knew she had doubts about him but I thought I could keep my mouth shut."
"What did she say?"
"She held my hands and said Bella you are the most constant thing in her life, when things are dark you are the light I couldn't do this without you."
I paused listening to Rose breath loudly over me. I downed the rest of the bourbon slamming the glass against the wood feeling that same anger.
"And where does that leave me? constantly in the dark? How can I live like that?"
"Did you tell her that?"
"No…. I said I couldn't do this anymore that I was in love with her and if she wanted me I would be at the bar."
A case of you
How could I just walk out like that? What have I done? Everything is ruined.
"What do you want to drink?" A pair of ruby red lips punctuated.
I lifted my head from my chin realizing the lips the sort of familiar lips was the bartender. I looked around quickly the hotel lobby people skittered about behind the oak and glass doors. There was a couple sitting quietly sipping wine in a booth with their luggage.
"Ughhh…bourbon neat."
She raised one her sculpted blonde eyebrows at me before turning to bottles of liquor lined up behind the bar.
"Make it a double." I added.
Would someone come? Would she come? I looked at the doors again but nothing.
Piano music filled the room as if out of nowhere and the bar had a sense of quiet class about it even if it was only used for bored hotel guest and alcoholic businessmen.
The pretty blonde placed the short glass on a coaster in front of me her mouth pressed into a hard line before she spoke, "That's eight bucks."
"Charge it to my room."
I raised the heavy bottomed glass to my lips swallowing a large sip. I didn't drink much I just wanted something that would burn and it did.
"Aren't you with that wedding?" She eyeballed me.
I took a look at myself the black dress and styled hair making me appear anything but myself. I did it for her. Most brides make their bridesmaids look ugly but not her no I looked pretty much perfect as I could.
"Don't remind me."
"What?" She snorted crossing her arms, "Best man sneak out of your room this morning and forget to leave a note."
Her words were pointed and rude and I wouldn't usually put up with this from a stranger but right now I felt like I deserved it.
"The best man is gay and so am I."
"So it's a girl?"
I took another sip feeling the burn lessen, "Do you have a pen?"
She kept her eye on me taking a pen from beside the register and handing it to me. I moved my glass from the coaster placing it on the wood of the bar. I began to doodle the face of the bartender on the coaster. She looked annoyed for a second picking up the glass whipping the bar and getting another coaster.
"She isn't just any girl, what's your name?" I asked quietly as I scribbled the line of her mouth.
"Rose." She spoke her voice softening.
"This girl is you Rose, she's that girl over there. She is all the people I haven't met yet," I sigh. "She is he perfect person by who I judge everyone else and I don't know how to stop. Do you know what I mean?"
I glanced up but she just raised her eyebrows in unison giving me a pitying look. I hated that look reminded me of Edward.
"What's so damn perfect about her?" Rose asked.
"She has lips like yours, she's fearless. She pulls me out of being myself I cant explain it I've never experienced that with anyone else ever and I tried."
"Are you hitting on me?"
"No." I laughed a huffed chuckle shortly forgetting the pain in my chest.
I scribbled rose underneath the drawing handing it to her to examin. She smiles for a split second and she actually looks nice.
"You're pretty good."
"Well your beautiful anyway."
"Are you sure you aren't hitting on me." She laughs.
I grab the other coaster and this time drawing from memory and the first thing on my mind is her. I smile for a second before I draw her eyes. I really fucked up.
"You look sad." Rose points out.
"I messed up my whole life."
"How?"
"Because I couldn't be silent anymore. I couldn't pretend. I just couldn't do it."
"And the truth shall set you free!" Rose preaches.
"The truth? look what the truth got me." I hold up my empty glass gesturing to the equally empty bar.
"And how much more did the lie get you?"
That was true I didn't have her then and I don't have her now, "Touche."
"Was the girl? Was the girl the bride?"
I bow my head, "I'm gonna need another drink."
Rose fills it quickly, and I realise the cliché of pouring my heart out to a bartender while getting shitfaced.
She pushes it across the bar her eyes egerly awaiting my answer…."Yes,"
"Oh my god, what did she say?"
"Nothing really I just sort of left."
"What do you mean you just left?"
"We had a sort of argument before she was supposed to walk down the aisle. I don't know why it set me off it just did of all the things it was the stupidest thing."
"What?"
the tone in Rose's voice was making realize what a drama my life had become, "We were in a room at the back alone for the first time in like a two weeks. I was going to walk her down the aisle and give her away because she doesn't have any parents. she looked so beautiful in her dress and I knew I knew she had doubts about him but I thought I could keep my mouth shut."
"What did she say?"
"She held my hands and said Bella you are the most constant thing in her life, when things are dark you are the light I couldn't do this without you."
I paused listening to Rose breath loudly over me. I downed the rest of the bourbon slamming the glass against the wood feeling that same anger.
"And where does that leave me? constantly in the dark? How can I live like that?"
"Did you tell her that?"
"No…. I said I couldn't do this anymore that I was in love with her and if she wanted me I would be at the bar."
Fast times
As I entered the cafeteria there was a chorus of laughter and hooting and once I realized it wasn't for me I instantly relaxed. Ah the first dropped tray of a new term at least it wasn't me. Taking my usual seat at my usual table I watched as the freshman picked his lunch up from the floor scurrying back to whatever corner of the school he came from. I opened my bag and took out the brown paper bag containing my own lunch. Angela and her boyfriend Ben shortly joined me.
"Hi Bella." They said in unison breaking their tied hands.
They were so cute the bag containing my lunch was about to contain my breakfast, "Hey."
"So what did you do all summer?" Angela asked
"Visited my mom, you guys." I returned the question.
"Nothing much," Angela shrugged.
"Come on babe we watch like every epic Jet Li movie, it was awesome." Ben grinned and kissed Angela's cheek.
I noticed Tyler pass the table and give Ben a slap on the head that resulted in the two running out of the cafeteria.
"Ugh endless days of badly dubbed martial arts movie" Angela rolled her eyes. "Do you ever wish you could un-watch something? I'm seeing fight scenes in my dreams."
As we were talking Jessica and Mike joined the table nodding hello but having their own conversation.
"Really that bad? Maybe I'm lucky I don't dream or at least I don't remember my dreams."
"You don't dream?" Jessica cut in her voice almost shriek worthy with surprise.
"Yeah is that a big deal or something?" I said taking a bit from my apple.
"When I was a kid I had this nightmare that ninjas stole my math homework." Ben butted in taking his seat.
"That was no dream Ben I was that ninja." I huffed a laugh trying my best darth Vader voice and he threw a fry at me and missed.
Everyone moved on to talking about there new classes and what teachers we had this year. The only thing I was happy about is that we only had one year left, one year and I'm outta this cliché filled hell hole and I get to quit my job at Newton outfitters now that was hell. I seem to be thinking about hell a lot.
"Hey Ang, Do you think there really is a devil and if so do you think he's hiring?"
The warning bell rang and I didn't get my answer before everyone started shuffling towards the door.
"Hey what do you have next?" Angela asked as we began heading in the same direction.
"Ugh biology I think?" I wasn't very sure
"How can you not know what class you have?" She gave me a confused look as she shook her head at my nonchalant behavior.
"Angela my dear there's a fine line between knowing and caring." It's not that I didn't know what class I had it's that I didn't care.
I managed to get to biology as the bell rang and everyone was just standing around.
"Okay here is the seating chart for this year." Mr. Molina slapped his had on the first desk. "Newton and Williams." He called moving through the room I was called last and sat near the back but had no partner.
"Mr. Molina who's going to be my partner." I wasn't going to do double the lab work they could sort this now I would just take something else like bio chem.
"Don't worry about it Bella it will all be sorted out."
Was I supposed to take his word for it? He's so patronizing. With a smug smile he went back to teaching us crap I already knew.
I headed to my locker to put my books away and headed for my truck it was great to have a free block well it was gym but it was free to me because there's no way in hell I'm going to gym class and looking like an uncoordinated idiot for like an hour. Thanks but no thanks I'd rather spend my time doing something worthwhile like finding cats that look like famous people.
I passed the outskirts of Forks and headed for La push. Jake should be out of school by now I think. I parked beside the old red structure that was Jake and Billy's home. I headed round to the garage and I could hear the radio that was a sure sign Jake was working on some piece of scrap metal.
"Hey Jakey what's up?"
Jake was sitting on the floor surrounded with bits and pieces of an old motorcycle cleaning all the parts and laying them like a map against the floor.
"Not much just trying to get this bike up and running. I'm hoping it won't cost me to much in extra parts." He examined a piece of metal shining it over and over.
"Well good luck with that." I took a seat on an old car seat he had lying out.
"Shouldn't you still be in school?"
"Why is Billy here?" I asked hoping for a no
"No your safe he's at the community center like usual. Do you want a soda?" Jake grabbed a brown paper bag and tossed me a grape soda.
"Thanks now I have to wait like ten minutes to open it." I put the shook up can on the table.
"Just tap the top." Jake followed his words by tapping the top of his own can twice before opening it.
"That does nothing and you're crazy if you think it does." I laughed this is why I shouldn't hang out with guys younger than me.
"Well let me prove it." He shot up and grabbed the can from the table as I slowly got up and cleared a good five feet.
He tapped the lid and began to open it when it began to spray grape soda everywhere he dropped it on the floor. It spat soda all over the floor and on jakes newly cleaned bike parts. I couldn't help but laugh at the look on his face first he was embarrassed and I would be to but now he was just pissed.
"I would say I told you so but laughing in your face is just so much more satisfying." I tried to regain my breath in-between laughs. Jake flicked the soda from his hands in my direction and I continued to chuckle at him. "Well are you going to clean this up?"
"Don't start with me swan." Jakey used my last name like he always did when I annoyed him.
"Fine I'll leave you to clean this up, I have to get headed home anyway."
As I headed to my truck I saw Jakes neighbors and I was torn between jumping in the nearest bush and pretending like I didn't see them. Seth noticed me first and I was still considering jumping in the bush.
"Hey Bella." Seth said mid run towards me. Seth was a cool kid and I think he looked up to me for some reason but it wasn't him I was worried about.
"Seth dude your getting tall." I ruffled his hair and smiled as he pulled away.
"Yeah I'm going to be taller than you soon so just watch out." He threatened but it was hard to take seriously with that baby face of his.
"Seth!" A voice shouted and I looked behind Seth for a second to see Leah approach. She looked at me with that wanton gaze and I plastered a fake smile on my face. She turned to Seth first, "Seth mom needs your help in the kitchen."
"But I'm talking to…"
"Go! Now." He interrupted staring him down until he left.
"You don't have to be so mean to him all the time." I said feeling sorry for Seth's retreating form.
"That's what sisters are for." She reasoned.
"Yeah but still." I huffed wondering if there was a quick way out of this conversation.
"Do you want to hang out tonight I was thinking."
I had to stop her there. "Look Leah it's not that you're not a great person you are and anyone would be lucky to be with you but it's just not me." I bit my lip and looked at her to see if she would understand what I was trying to say. Her face went from happy to bitch so fast it must have broke a land speed record.
"I get it the whole it's not you it's me speech." She rolled her eyes. "Really Bella save it for someone who cares." She turned to walk away and I thought she took it pretty well.
"Oh and another thing." She turned back to me. "For future reference you might not want to kiss people and tell them you like them if you have no intention of backing up the things you say, you're just a liar and I want nothing to do with you and stay away from my little brother I don't want him hanging around with you."
Yeah I'm an asshole what's new. I didn't mean to be at the time I said it I meant it and I was doing her a favor just saving her the grief in the future. "Fine Leah whatever you want."
Whilst heading home I couldn't help but think about Leah did she really think I would be a bad influence on Seth. She was probably just mad because I didn't want to be her girlfriend. It wasn't anything against her personally I didn't want to be anyone's girlfriend.
As I got home I saw Charlie's cruiser already there and I just knew the school would have called him.
"Hey dad." I shouted through to the living room.
"Hey Bud how was school." He shouted back from the couch and I was surprised by how normal he seemed.
"It was good." I said slowly waiting for him to pounce with the 'don't skip class' speech.
"That's good, I ordered a pizza when I saw you weren't here."
I slowly took a seat in the chair still not wanting to let my guard down incase this was some ploy to get a false sense of security like the calm before the storm.
"Great I could go for some pizza." I smiled wearily
"Are you feeling okay bud?" Charlie put his beer down and looked at me funny.
"I'm good…great actually." I accepted that it wasn't a ploy and relaxed into the chair putting my feet up.
As I got ready for bed I switched off the lamp and rolled to my side closing my eyes and waiting for the darkness to take me to another day.
XXX
"Hey wake up you're gonna miss your stop." A gentle voice spoke.
I felt something on my leg and jerked awake as I was filled with adrenaline at the weird sensation.
"Sorry to wake you but the last stop is coming up."
I looked around and I was in a subway car full of people. The girl who woke me was smiling away.
"Sorry how long was I out? I wasn't snoring was I?" god please let the cute girl say no that would have been so embarrassing.
"A little while and no you weren't snoring but you do make this cute noise every so often."
Okay no one calls me cute, attractive maybe nice sometimes but never cute." You were watching me sleep? That's sort of… unsettling." I inched away into the window a little more.
"It's not like I could help it and it's your fault for falling asleep in a public place. I could never do that. Fall asleep in front of a group of people." She shuddered at a memory.
"Bad memory? What did you do fall asleep drunk at the wrong party and wake up without any eyebrows?" I enquired taking the time to look at her. She seemed to exude happiness, which seemed a weird trait.
She laughed abruptly shaking her head 'no' "No but I've seen it happen to others. Why is it always the eyebrows?"
"I don't know because mustaches are hard to come by in high school." I gave a half smile.
"Maybe." She chuckled again and it was almost a giggle. "Well I guess this is where we part ways. It was nice."
The train stopped and everyone flooded out.
XXX
I headed to Tyler's truck the usual hangout spot before class started. I was slightly later than everyone else but that was no surprise. I zipped up my hoody a little bit more before I reached Angela first.
"Hey."
"Hey, how was your night." Angela started the pleasantries.
"Not bad I thought I'd get a lecture from Charlie about skipping gym but he didn't say a thing so it's all good."
"Why do you hate gym so much?" Angela asked and it wasn't the first time.
"I just do." I wasn't going to get into my reasons in the school car park on a Tuesday morning.
Angela leaned into me. "Have you seen Mike yet?" she nodded in his direction and I turned to look at him.
Mike turned slightly and I could see he looked slightly different but I couldn't spot it. He took a drink of water when I spotted the little extra hairs above his lips. " Is he trying to grow a mustache or has his eyebrow just come down for a drink?"
Angela almost bent over with laughter clutching at her books as I turned back to her. The image of a girl laughing popped in my head and I remembered the weirdness of last night. "Hey I had this weird dream last night."
"I thought you didn't dream."
"Yeah that's the weird part." I looked at her in all seriousness.
"Well what was it about?" Angela asked curiously.
"I was on the subway. Does that mean anything?"
"Yeah…that's serious…that means…your incredibly boring and lack imagination." She held her hand out as if making some prediction and I rolled my eyes. "Awe come on Bella it's not weird it's actually mundane and average you probably just watched something on TV or ate something weird."
"Yeah your probably right. You want to head to class?" I asked
"Sure just let me say bye to Ben."
I averted my eyes from the hetros goodbye ritual and thought about that dream. Why was I on the subway? Mmmm I could use a subway right now. I would be able to get one if I did live in a stupid small town, doesn't even have a starbucks.
Angela and I took our usual seats in English as the teacher handed out the new reading material. I twisted the book round looking at the back and front page.
"Bella if your trying to stare the information out that book I got a tip for you that only works for chuck Norris."
Angela and her Chuck frigen Norris jokes. "Your mom works for Chuck Norris."
Angela chuckled leaning back in the seat, "Yeah I wish."
Mr. Harris gave us a pointed look and we started to read the books silently. After class we parted ways.
I decided to skip sixth period naturally as it was gym and it sucked. I wasn't really feeling La Push today after the whole Leah thing. She was quick tempered but I'm sure if I give her a few days she'll be fine and we can just be friends again we'll maybe not friends but acquaintances.
The couch was calling my name and I grabbed the ragged knitted blanket that belonged to Charlie's mom and pulled it over me as I turned on the tv letting the noise drown into the back round.
XXX
The champagne bubbles rose to the top of the glass in my hand as the room seemed to buzz with anticipation of news that the count and his daughter would be arriving any minute.
People kept arriving late obviously traffic on the way back from the ballet. That's why mother insisted we leave early saying it wasn't very lady like to arrive late. I always hate these affairs but mother insisted I come. I would rather be outside reading in the garden then stuck inside making small talk with my drunk uncle Albert. Maybe I can sneak away when everyones distracted it wouldn't take much just a detour through the kitchen. I ran over the escape in my mind it was almost ingrained in there from years of use.
The story begins at a table, not a special table not even a nice one. It was a dark brown oak and one of the legs was a hair shorter than the others and if you put to much weight on it tilted slightly to the left. There was also a scratch where a glass had broken years before, no one bothered to cover it up and slight pitted marks from the tip of a pen pressing to hard against the surface and any shine it ever had was gone.
Breakfast 8:03am
I grabbed two bowls sliding them onto the table with a thud then getting the milk. I took the seat across from Jasper as he read his morning newspaper like he did every Saturday before since I could remember. I wondered if he remembered what I looked like or when the last time he really looked at me was. I could remember the last time he touched me that was six months and 5 days ago when we had too much wine at one of his work parties. I stared at the first and last page of the newspaper mashing up my cereal lazily. When was the last time I looked at him? I thoughtwith a pang of guilt.
"Jazz," I spoke the roughness of the morning clearing as the words hit the air.
"Yeah," He mumbled through his newspaper.
"Nothing." I sighed staring into the beige mush I had created. I couldn't find any hunger to satisfy.
He gave a sort of mumbled 'uh huh' and rustled his newspaper. A moment later he folded it beside him using his now free hand to pick up his coffee mug and I got to look at him.
He gave me a small smile before taking a sip and I smiled back. I knew I loved him looking at him now he was the same man with messy blonde hair and a scar just above his lip that he got camping as a boy. He was still reserved and polite and a gentleman. Then what was wrong with me? Was I just bored had I become settled and tame like a broken house cat?
"Jazz?" I questioned as he flicked his baby blue eyes towards me.
"Yeah?"
"How long have we been together?" I questioned
"Uh…" He rambled, "You know I'm not good with numbers." He mumbled under his breath eyes looking anywhere but me then he pretended to look over the newspaper again.
I wasn't trying to catch him out. I just was wondering how long it had been, we met when I was seventeen I counted in my head, "nine years." I said out loud.
"Wow, that's a long time." He smiled staring up at the ceiling.
"Yeah." I replied staring back into the mush. Maybe we got together to young or moved in together to fast.
"Ok well I better get going," He picked up his bowl and mug placing them in the sink. Then heading for the door, "Bye" he yelled from the door.
"Bye." I waved my spoon with a smile before he slammed the door shut.
Lunch 1:13pm
Rosalie panted taking out the chair quickly and falling back into it her arm flopped onto the table as she rolled her neck back trying to gain breath.
"You know it's surprising that you look fit but cant jog two miles without looking like you almost drowned." I laughed grabbing two strawberry yogurts from the fridge then moving to the spoons. I bumped my hip against the open drawer closing it before taking a seat myself.
"I'll…. I'll bitch you out in a second." She waved her finger. "Soon as I…catch my …breath." Her chest heaved quickly trying to gain breath.
I laughed peeling open the yogurt taking a big spoonful. Rosalie's blond hair was matted with sweat and it reminded me of Jasper after he worked out. They looked like they could be siblings but I reminded myself that they were only cousins not that the label mattered they grew up together, she was the one that gave him that scar.
"Hows Em?" I asked missing the big guy.
"He's good, we should get together one night, the four of us."
"Yeah that sounds great." I smiled
The door slammed shut and the sound of keys and footsteps got louder as it approached.
"Hey Rose." Jazz greeted happily.
"Hey Jazzy you girlfriends trying to kill me." Rosalie whined.
"What you girls been up to?" Jasper raised an eyebrow at me.
"It was two miles?" I moaned looking at Rosalie.
Jasper huffed a laugh taking a beer from the fridge. He opened it by hand placing the top on the counter then taking a swig wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
Jasper looked at his cousin with shame, shaking his head from side to side.
"Hey I'm two years older than both of you and I have a kid. You try having energy." She yelled and we all snickered. "I haven't had sex in two weeks," She spoke incredulously and Jasper almost spit out his beer.
"Rose!" He whined having heard too much.
"What?" She shrugged her shoulders. "So you guys wanna babysit?" She smiled looking between us.
Dinner 6:56pm
I ran another plate under the spray of the water placing it gently into the rack beside me.
"Is there another pen around here?" Jasper complained as he sat at the table filling out papers.
"Look in the drawer." I told him to busy to do it myself, plus he knew where they were.
Jasper had an eureka moment finding a new pen then went back to signing papers.
"You guys home?" Emmett's voice boomed through the house, "You better be I made reservations."
I dried my hands on a towel as the entered Emmett came and gave me a hug picking me off my feet "Hey ali, long time no see." He spoke placing me back on the ground.
I smiled, "Yeah its been to long."
Rosalie pushed him out the way handing me her son wrapped up in a soft white blanket. I took him quickly as Rosalie leaned in I heard her chanting over and over again 'momma gonna get some'
"Rose you're gonna scar your child." I laughed.
I carried him with a light bounce hopping he wouldn't erupt in a fit of tears.
"With those two as parents its only a matter of time," Jasper laughed. "You guys want something to drink?"
"No…no we are late already," Emmett's voice, rattled as he looked at his watch, "This one took forever to get ready." He gestured to Rosalie with his thumb.
"I wanted to look nice," Rosalie whined.
"You could wear a trash bag I'd still do you," Emmett replied.
"La…La…La!" I sang loudly trying to cover Toby's little ears.
They waved goodbye and left as quickly as the arrived but now I seemed to have adopted a baby. I swayed him in my arms as he slept peacefully. I took a seat carefully moving the blanket to see his tiny features. He sort of looked like Jasper I thought seeing the family resemblance but it was probably just the messy blond hair. I looked across to Jasper to compare only to see him staring at me.
"What?" I asked curiously knowing that look on his face meant he was thinking about something deeply.
"Do you think we should have a baby?"
I gulped back not knowing what to say, where had this sudden urge for children come from? Isn't it the woman that usually starts this conversation? I thought in a rush.
"Ugh I don't know."
The shock must have registered on my face as he leaned back suddenly worried.
"I didn't mean right now."
I relaxed taking a deep breath.
"Maybe in the next year or something," he added smiling at little Toby.
The next year! My mind screamed I'm only Twenty-Six I still don't know what I want to do with my life. It took me a year to get used to Netflix.
"Uh…I was thinking about going back to school." I guess now was as good a time as any to tell him.
"Do we really have the money for that?" His brow furrowed and I got annoyed that he didn't even ask me what I wanted to study.
"Do we have the money to raise a child?" I quipped back.
"That's different." He argued. "We would be starting our family."
Starting! How many kids does he want? "How many kids do you want?"
"I don't know three or maybe four you know to try and keep it even." Jasper spoke confidently like he had thought about this a lot.
I wasn't sure I wanted one, "Ugg…. I'm not sure I want kids. I mean Toby is great for a few hours but after that I'm ready to hand him back."
"It would be different with your own Alice," Jasper spoke softly leaning forward like he was trying to reason with me. Was I being unreasonable?
"Jasper…where do you imagine our lives in five years?"
He leaned back and stared at the ceiling for a moment before placing his hands on the table, "I don't know I guess I'll still be teaching at the high school or hopefully maybe a college and you'll be at home…with the kids."
At home with the kids…that's my life? Five words sums up five years of my life. "At home with the kids? Where is my job? My dream?"
"What? You still want to be working at the mall?" His condescending voice cut through me.
If I weren't holding a sleeping baby I would have screamed at him, "No of course not. That's why I want to go back to school."
"What do you want to do?"
I suddenly felt embarrassed I didn't want him to make fun of me, "I don't know I thought maybe I could be like an editor for like books and stuff. I talked to a local publisher but they said they only take interns with a college diploma in either communications, marketing, journalism or something like that."
"Maybe we should talk about this later," He spoke which I took as code for he didn't want me to go to school but also didn't want to hurt my feelings so he took the middle ground and did nothing. "The game is about to start want to come watch?" He got up moving towards the living room.
"No I'm gonna take Toby to our room and try and finish my book for book club."
Dinner 5:45pm
I set down the last fork counting the place settings as the bell rang. It was our night for the dinner party and I wanted it to be the best though my cooking was sub par. I hope my stylish yet elegant table setting would make up for it.
"Jazz will you get that." I yelled up Jasper who was changing into a suit.
He passed the hall as I saw him for a brief second tugging up his tie and mumbling under his breath. I knew he didn't care for being formal at home but I thought it would be fun.
Jasper ushered Angela and Ben into the kitchen, Angela looked lovely in a floral dress and Ben wore dark blue jeans with a blue sports coat and white shirt.
"Ben didn't have to wear a tie." Jasper complained like a child motioning to Ben.
"Jazz shut up and check the roast." I asked as I took a bottle of wine from the fridge.
Jasper relented and took to the food as I poured large glasses of wine for Angela and Ben. They took their seats as they had done many nights.
"So how have you guys been?" I asked taking a seat. "Still trying to rent out that room?"
Angela sighs putting a hand on her head and I can already tell its an ordeal, "I can't find someone suitable I mean you hear all these horror stories and with Tyler being so young I just don't trust anybody."
Ben sipped on his wine for a moment before clearing his throat to speak, "My dad's friends daughter is coming tomorrow, she might be okay. Least we kind of know her or well my dad says she's a good kid."
The doorbell rang again and I knew it was Emmett and Rose fashionably late as usual. I never bothered to get up because I knew they would never wait. Heavy footfalls echoed down the hall as Emmett burst in with a cheer dressed in a tuxedo holding a bottle of champagne over his head.
"Hey! Now the party can start." Emmett grinned coming over and planting a kiss on my cheek then Angela's and giving Ben a squeeze on the shoulder. Rosalie followed looking stunning as always in her favorite red dress.
"Sorry we are late my mom is babysitting and once she starts a story its hard to escape." She sighs taking a seat.
"Tell me about it," Angela chimes in, "Bens mother made me an half hour late the other day talking about vitamin tablets and old age but you cant just say hey take the kid and shut up so I can leave."
Rosalie laughed as Jasper brought the roast over and put it on the table, "How is aunt Caroline anyway?" Jasper asked his cousin.
"She's good," Rosalie waved off.
After the food was out people didn't waste time digging in, Emmett the first as usual but we had all know each other to long to be shy. A silence fell, as everyone was more interested in eating than making conversation. There was the odd how is this person and have you seen this on TV and as usual the conversation fell back into children like it always seemed to do after my friends had kids.
Angela swirled the wine in her glass as she spoke incredulously about pre schools. "You should see these forms I mean eighteen pages long. It's harder than the S.A.T. It's pre school not Stanford for Christ sakes but at what they charge you wouldn't know the difference."
Book club couldn't come fast enough I thought as I laid a few snacks out on the table along with my copy of 'withering heights'. I grabbed a corkscrew and just as I was about to open the wine the doorbell rang.
"Come in!" I yelled knowing it would be my ever-gossiping neighbor Jessica.
Footsteps neared the doorway and Jessica peaked her head through the doorway with a smile before entering.
"Just in time." I spoke as I uncorked the bottle with a satisfying pop.
Jessica shrugged off her coat resting it on the back of one of the chairs as I poured her a glass.
"So how did you like the book?"
"To be honest…" Jessica leaned forward her voice getting quieter and I knew what she was going to say. "I didn't finish it…it was just very…boring."
"It's a classic." I argued knowing I was wasting my breath. She just came to these things to gossip and drink wine.
"Oh you'll never guess who I saw at the grocery store yesterday. Eric Yorkie and his new girlfriend…she looks nineteen! And just a month after he and Jane split up can you believe the gall on that man."
"Well relationships are difficult, just because they weren't broken up doesn't mean it didn't feel like they were." I spoke sipping my wine trying to expel the feelings of guilt that began to rise.
"Jailbait! That's all I'm saying." Jessica sang with a chuckle.
The doorbell rang again and I heard the door close and I knew it was Rose because she didn't wait for anyone.
"Ugh…I'm freezing." Rosalie's voice rang through before we could see her. "Heating's gone in that damn car again." She spoke as she rubbed her hands together. "You started without me?" She complained looking at the wine glasses.
I poured Rosalie a glass then leaned against the edge of the table as I spoke, "So did you read the book?" I asked handing her the glass.
"Honey, I didn't even buy it." Rosalie said with no amount of remorse.
"Did anyone read the book? Why do we have these meetings if no one reads the book!"
"You're looking at it." Rosalie grinned raising her glass then taking a large sip. "I have a young child. If I'm not cleaning, cooking or doing laundry I'm sleeping or having sex. Sometimes I do both yesterday I had to stop Emmett while I changed a load over to the dryer."
I shook my head letting out an exhausted breath. The doorbell rang again and I was so glad, "Yes finally Angela and Ben they will have read the book. I'll get the door."
I ran along the small hall to the door opening it quickly to find Angela but not Ben instead there was another girl someone I had never seen. She had long brown hair with hints of red and she had large head phones around her neck that brushed the collar of a navy shirt but over the shirt she wore a grey woolen cardigan and I could tell she had style but didn't realize it as the cardigan was a size to big and her olive pants were worn under the knees obviously from years of use. "Where's Ben?" were the only words that came out my mouth.
"He's not gonna be coming for a while some fantasy baseball thing. I think all the estrogen in here was starting to choke him." Angela chuckled and we all laughed as I lead Angela and this new girl to my kitchen.
"Hey everybody," Angela spoke "This is Bella she's renting the room from me and Ben while she's at college."
Bella smiled sheepishly, and gave a small wave that kept tight to her body. Angela struck up a quiet conversation with Rosalie as I just watched Bella look lost her eyes unsure as she swayed from foot to foot.
"Do you want some wine?" I asked her saving her from her own thoughts presumably.
"Ugg…im not much of a wine drinker, do you have a beer?"
"Sure," I smiled grabbing one of Jaspers beers from the fridge.
I took it too her and as her fingers reached out barely grazing mine I pulled back, "You are old enough to drink right?" I asked narrowing my eyes and smirking slightly.
"I'm twenty-one you wanna see my I.D." She quipped back quickly.
I handed her the beer with a lighthearted smile. "I don't know if Angela told you but we were supposed to have read withering heights but it doesn't really matter if you didn't cause it doesn't seem like anyone else did."
Bella nodded with a sort of lop sided smile, "I read it in high school quiet a few times actually. 'Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same, and [Edgar's] is as different as a moonbeam from lightning, or frost from fire.'"
Bella quoted Catherine word for word and I was impressed.
"I guess. I'm just a romantic." She added not making eye contact just playing with the top of the beer bottle.
"I didn't find it all that romantic…it's more about the destructiveness of love which is rather sad."
"But also about the creation of love which is rather beautiful." Her eyes squinted as she spoke nodding to the words.
I let a breath go thinking about her words. How they felt right. How those words made me feel more in the five seconds after they were uttered than I had felt all month. To talk about something of intelligence an idea and not a duty.
(I am not yours)
"I am not yours, not lost in you, Not lost, although I long to be Lost as a candle lit at noon, Lost as a snowflake in the sea. You love me, and I find you still A spirit beautiful and bright, yet I am I, who long to be Lost as a light is lost in light. Oh plunge me deep in love - put out My senses, leave me deaf and blind, Swept by the tempest of your love, A taper in a rushing wind."
I followed the voice curiously checking round every stack in my small empty store but I saw no one. I checked my watch seeing it was almost time to close but I had to find this voice that spoke those beautiful words. I turned to the last row, which was a dead end because I had no room for the books on the shelves anymore. The first thing I noticed was her shoes calloused in red sequins, light glinting like a thousand tiny diamonds in the sun.
She sat on the ground surrounded with books her legs lying out as her head fell back and she closed her eyes hugging the book to her chest. I thought about asking her to leave but right now she seemed so lost like she wouldn't have heard me anyway.
"Umm…" I coughed clearing my throat trying to grab her attention. She looked at me in surprise still the book laid open on the chest as she sighed. "What are you doing?" I asked curiously.
"Drowning in words." She replied never missing a beat and I knew exactly what she meant.
"Relationship trouble?" I stated.
She sat up crossing her legs together, "How did you know?"
"No one reads Sara Teasdale if they aren't love sick, sick of love or just a hopeless romantic."
"So which are you?' She asked with a tilt of her head.
"I'm the secret forth answer I own this store." I smiled.
She fidgeted sitting up a little straighter "Oh well it's a great store, I can't believe I never found it before I only live five streets away."
"Are you ok?" I asked gently as I began to nervously play with the edge of my sweater.
"How is it that your friends can talk to you for hours and it seems like no help that no one understands and I read these words written almost a hundred years ago and its like yes! This is how I feel! How can I say to someone that I long to be lost as a light lost in light?"
"I know what you mean." I slumped down onto the floor. "I've never been very good at talking about my feelings or articulating myself."
This girl had curiously complex expression and I couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking.
"I find that hard to believe," She said and I wondered why because she didn't even know me.
"Why?"
"I don't know," She laughed. "Just a feeling."
"When I was younger, I didn't talk a lot and when I did I used most of my words to start fights."
"Yeah still not believing it." She shook her head, "You seem to nice, you're wearing a cardigan…mean people don't wear maroon cardigans." We both chuckled.
"I've changed, people change don't you think."
She nodded, "I think that's the problem I changed to much and I didn't even realize it and now we are like strangers living in the same house."
"There's a difference between changing and becoming who you are." I noted.
"What do you mean?"
"The reason I was so angry all the time was because I didn't want to accept who I was." I looked down at the ring on my finger twisting it over and over it seemed so stupid now. "I didn't want to be gay, it felt like I didn't choose it like it was something thrust upon me and I didn't want it so I rejected it, I hid it for a long time it became the bones in the back of my closet and like you simple words written by someone else I've never known helped me through."
"What was it?" She asked like she was looking for answers.
"I was reading Anais Nin and I'll never forget the words because suddenly everything made sense again," I paused taking back a breath remembering those ink stained words, "and the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
"And then what happened?" She asked her eyes alight.
I realized I had probably never talked so much about my life in a long time, not since Kate. No one had been that interested in my life since then.
"I realized that there was no point in being angry anymore, I was only poisoning my own life and I was tired so tired." I stared at the ceiling remember this person who seemed so foreign now. "So time past and I fell in love a few times and it gave me courage and strength to become who I really was."
The silence was laden with a mix of emotion and thought and in her eyes she still looked lost. So I spoke again, "You know Sara also says something similar." I edged closer to her as we both held the book timidly and I turned the pages. " I have grown listless as the pool beside the shore. But though the pool is safe from storm and from the tide has found surcease it grows more bitter than the sea for all its peace."
Though little was said I could tell from her chasing eyes see was reading it over and over and over again.
"I think I'm a pool." She sighed.
"You're not a pool," I laughed.
"I've become my worst nightmare."
"What's that?" I asked
"Boring! I used to be so happy all the time I want that excitement back I want to meet people and fall in love again."
"Seems like you have a lot to think about."
Reality seemed to hit her like a freight train and she was no longer lost, "Ohh I'm sorry." She shot up for the floor bouncing on her feet," I've been talking your ear off and you should have closed." She looked at the clock on the wall, "Thirty minutes ago."
"It's ok, it was nice." I slowly pushed myself up the rough carpet scratching my palm.
"I'll buy this book it's the least I can do." She rambled.
"Tell you what" I smiled, "Take the book and if you find that you don't need it anymore then you can bring it back." I hoped she would bring it back and the situation she was lost in would become clearer. Its funny how you can suddenly care about a stranger I thought.
"Ok…deal." She grinned showing the little dimple marks in her cheek and I knew it was a real smile.
"Just don't tell my other customers, "I whispered to her, "I'm trying to run a business here."
(At night)
I closed up the shop setting the alarm and locking the doors; I walk to the side of the building and up the steps to my apartment. Felix greeted me his tail raised as he rubbed his body against my leg. I picked him up in one hand still holding a small book in the other I moved to the living room. I collapsed on the couch laying Felix beside me and he curled up into a ball making contented noises as I petted the length of his coat.
I couldn't stop thinking about the girl from the store with the sequined shoes; I didn't even know her name. I place the book of poetry beside me suddenly in the mood to familiarize myself with the words. I started thinking about the person she was with as this grey fog figure in my head who maybe didn't know there relationship was on the rocks or maybe they felt exactly the same who knows.
I imagined the girl five streets away getting into bed with her lover staring at there bare back while she lay there wide awake lost again.
Closing my eyes I tried to send my thoughts along the air letting them fly into her window telling her to sleep. Moonlight flooded in through the window and I decided I could also use some sleep.
(After love)
I leaned carefully keeping hold of the ladder as I put the book back on the high shelf, which was the problem with a store so small I had to pile books seven feet tall but it gave it charm. The store was quiet a blanket of snow covered the sidewalk and it seemed a day for staying in bed. Otis Redding's soul full blues blasted from the little record player and I was happy to be alone.
It seemed I spoke to soon as I heard the door slam behind me; I placed back another book onto the shelf running through the alphabet in my mind. "I'll be with you in a second." I called mindlessly to the customer.
"It's okay, take your time."
The bell like voice I heard just the other day was still fresh in my mine as I spun slightly on my foot to see if it was really she. It was, it was her, the girl with the sequins I watched her inquisitively her shoulders white with snow and cheeks pink with cold. My foot slipped against the old wooden rung of the ladder as I flailed for a second trying to regain my grasp.
"Are you ok?" she called racing to the bottom of the ladder holding it steady.
"Yeah." I breathed a sigh of relief, "That was a close one." I chuckle slowly making my way back to the safety of the floor. "Back so soon." I inquired dusting my old blue jeans.
"Yeah I don't need this anymore." She smiled unbuttoning her jacket slightly showing off the white blouse she wore underneath. She pulled out the book handing it back to me.
"Are you sure?" I asked tentatively taking hold of the book. I moved back to my desk by the window, the snow suddenly heavier.
"Yeah we had a talk last night, I think we were both in the same place which surprised me but it was time to part ways. I mean I'm sad but." She shrugged "I guess when someone you've lived with for a year can't remember the colour of your eyes there's something wrong. I mean there are only three colours there could have been!." She exclaimed. "Green, blue or brown it wasn't that hard."
I kept my gaze on the book as she talked trying to find a particular page, "I don't know I would say your eyes are more navy," I shrugged. I began to turn the pages furiously but still couldn't find it frustrated I let it fall on the desk.
I looked up and her navy eye's blinked twice quickly and she just stared at me.
"What?" I asked wondering if I had something on my face.
"Nothing," She said in a sing song voice.
"Do you want a cup of hot chocolate…." I trailed off hoping she would reply with her name.
"Yes that would be great."
I shook my head trying to figure out how that backfired. I put the kettle on getting two mugs from the drawer behind the desk.
"Sorry I still don't know your name."
"Alice," She grinned.
I thought the name suited her nicely.
"And yourself?" She added.
"Bella." I put simply pouring the boiling water into the mugs then adding the chocolate powder.
"Good to know I can stop calling you book store girl in my mind." she looked up at me through her long midnight lashes as I handed her the hot mug. Our fingers brushed as she wrapped hers around the warmth. She took a sip closing her eyes for a moment.
Soul meets body.
Even before I got here I knew this was a bad idea. Beads of sweat began to group in my palms and I tried without success to dry them on the harsh black denim of my jeans. Rosalie who was supposed to be helping me with this ridiculous situation flirted with the big muscled bouncer. I knew she was flirting because she laughed and flipped her long blond hair moves she only broke out when she really liked a guy or didn't want to pay for drinks.
The other bouncer held out his hand and it took me a whole minute to realize he was waiting for my I.D. I handed him the plastic card as he examined the photo in the darkness holding under the red light of the entrance then looking at me again and back to the photo. It was a real I.D I was twenty-one but under his gaze I started to doubt myself.
"Ok head in" the bouncer spoke quickly in a gruff tone.
"Rose…Rose." I repeated until I got her attention. "Come on." I waved at her.
She ran her hand over the bouncer's bicep before waving goodbye as we finally entered the strip club.
The tone of the club was red; I knew this was because red is seen as the colour of passion or love but also an element of danger. They were playing with the idea that you were doing something wrong and with that feeling there was a rebellious surge of adrenalin.
It wasn't as seedy as I had expected, my eyes roamed the large room that had a stage with a pole obviously and two poles at the back. No one was on the stage but girls in short shorts seemed to roam the floor with drinks and some gave lap dances. A table of frat boys was shouting and spilling beer as they cheered their friend who seemed to be enjoying a dance from a tall blond woman.
"Told you it wasn't that bad." Rose nudged me.
"Yeah not what you would expect of port Angeles" I kept turning my head at ever noise and person hoping no one I knew from was here. If Charlie heard I was here I don't know what he would do.
"Stop staring at everything you look like you want to rob the place." Rose chastised me quietly.
We took a seat at the bar, far to the back of the club. I ordered a beer and Rose had some sort of cocktail.
"So you see anyone you like?" Rose spoke eying the crowd subtly.
"This is a stupid idea Rose." I whined wanting to leave. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin here.
"What you're looking for someone to take of their clothes for you and that's what they do here its perfect."
"It's Art, this is not Art." I waved to the light bulb lined stage.
"Stop being so uptight, get another drink." Rose motioned to the girl behind the bar for another.
"Here" Rose pushed a wad of singles into the space between my waistcoat and my shirt. "Go have some fun. I'm going to find that cute bouncer."
"Rose…Rose!" I begged as she walked off, "Don't leave me."
I slumped back onto the stool taking a swig of my beer. I have no idea what I'm doing I should just change my topic then I wouldn't need a model.
"Hey cutie what you doing over here looking all sad and alone."
They voice knocked me from my thoughts as I looked to the girl, well woman, well stripper.
"My friend she left." I spoke turning my eyes to the ground.
"We don't get many girls in here." She spoke with a drawl touching my shoulder
Her touch was soft as she ran her fingers over my arm my muscles twitched under touch and my eyes met hers. The emerald green sparkled contrasting the hard red lighting, they were beautiful.
Her skirt swayed as she walked around me it wasn't much of a skirt hardly covering her at all. She continued to walk circling me like a shark would do to its prey her hand never leaving my body as she did. The Jet-black spikes of her hair almost fin like.
"What's your name?" I asked with a gulp.
She paused for a moment looking me over before her eyes softened, "It's Angel."
"You don't look like no angel," I said without thinking.
She leaned in to my ear her lips barely grazing my skin, "Even the Devil was an Angel at one time darlin'".
This girl seemed to have an answer for everything, I found myself more intrigued by the second.
"Do you want a dance?" She asked her hands on my thighs.
"Ugh I dunno." I didn't, I didn't want to offend her if I said no but I didn't really want a dance either.
She turned swaying her hips touching me, and my hand reached out but she pushed it back quickly "there's a no touching rule." She said with a wink, this excited me more. I whispered a sorry as she continued as she danced then sat in my lap.
"How was that?" She asked
"G..Good." I stuttered before realizing that she was pressing her body into mine the wad of money scratching my shirt and it struck that she was waiting to get paid. I took out the whole roll and handed it to her.
Her eyes widened as she looked at me again, "Are you sure?"
"Yeah it was a good dance," I smiled.
She smiled getting up but as she turned to leave I stopped her, "Wait!"
All my brain seemed to think was that I had to ask over and over I had to ask. Angel stopped looking at me in slight confusion, "Do you want to be a model?"
She paused before throwing her head back in a fit of laughter, " You need some new lines darlin' " as she walked away again.
"Wait." I took out my card with my details it also had a picture I had painted on one side.
I pushed the card into her palm, "I'm looking for a nude life model someone to paint." This seemed to confuse her more as she turned the card. "I'll pay you."
This seemed to catch her attention.
"How much?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.
''Umm…. twenty bucks an hour?"
"And all I have to do is sit there and you draw me?"
"Yeap it's that simple." I held my hands together hoping she would say yes.
"Make it twenty five and you got a deal."
"You got it!" I said with a smile.
"Now you better go I have to get back to work."
"Of course Of course" I shuffled away awkwardly tripping on my own feet.
I found Rose by the door still talking with the bouncer. "Rose you ready to leave?"
"Bella we just got here,"' She complained as I looked at the giant baby faced man.
"Bella Emmett, Emmett Bella" She introduced us.
"I guess I better go." Rosalie spoke sadly
"You have my number give me a call," He spoke coolly.
I pined another old drawing to the wall in my studio, waiting for angel to arrive. I thought it might make her feel more relaxed to know what she would be getting herself in for.
The doorbell rang and I rubbed off the dust from my palms on my old paint jeans before answering the door. "Hi" I breathed nervously, "Come in." I held the door open stepping to the side.
She walked in popping the gum in her mouth as she looked around the small apartment. "So where do we do this?" She asked unbuttoning her black coat from the neck.
She doesn't waste any time I thought taking her jacket hanging it beside the door. I took the time to look over her clothes thinking they would do for today just simple jeans and a stripped low cut t-shirt. I wouldn't ask her to take her clothes off today that would be a bit awkward for the both of us. I showed her to my studio, which was also kind of my living room.
Her eyes scanned the room, she took a step closer to the drawings examining them before stepping back, "At least you seem good," She laughed.
"Thanks…I think." I wasn't sure if it was a compliment.
"I would be a lot less interested if you made me look ugly."
She was inconceivably beautiful, I don't think I could ever do her justice but I would try my best I thought inwardly. "I'll do my best."
"So this goes towards a grade or something?"
"Yes a big part of my final grade for this whole year."
She walked around the chair I had set up in the middle of the room; it was just an old wooden thing that was in the kitchen when I started renting this place last year. The light blue paint had started to flake off in different places and it looked no longer fit for purpose but it would do.
"So I guess we better get started," She spoke coldly grabbing at the edge of her shirt moving it up.
"No! No." I rambled quickly and she paused. "I was thinking for today you could keep you clothes on just until we are both more comfortable"
"I'm fine." She shrugged, "I do this for a living why would I care?"
"Okay," She was right, "Then just for me would you keep them on for today at least."
"Its your time." She spoke indifferently collapsing on the chair.
I had a table lined up next to my easel and a box with all possible materials from pens to charcoal. I took a piece of charcoal scribbling on the page my eyes moving from her to the paper over and over.
She moved her leg over to cross them and it suddenly changed the whole drawing.
"You have to stay still." I spoke firmly annoyed my drawing was now useless.
"Sorry I haven't done this before. I didn't know there were rules." She drawled the words rules like a ridiculous thought.
She was right, "I'm sorry it's my fault I should have told you. Can you stay in this position for twenty minutes then I'll tell you when to change."
"Didn't know you were so bossy darlin." She seemed to smile.
"Sorry it's just important."
Silence filled the room; the only occasional noise was my frantic scribbling. I changed the paper taping up a new sheet and starting all over again. My mind focused away from the person in front of me and into the lines the toe the shadow how everything connected.
Angel groaned and I realized I had forgot to time when the pose was up, "Sorry you can stretch now."
We took a small break as I got new paper and set out ink and she moved her arms bending them over her head.
"So can I ask your name now?" I spoke with my back turned as I searched for an old paintbrush in the mass of drawers.
"I think we should keep this professional. This isn't question time you are paying me to sit not to talk."
"Fair enough. I replied. "Can you move your arm above your head."
"Like this?"
"Yes."
She complied and I thought about how easily she did what I said there was a sort of power I felt but I pushed it away. She just did it because she wants to get paid.
She stayed two hours and I asked her to come back tomorrow and she agreed after I had given her the money for today. I helped her with her jacket at the door and said a polite goodbye as she left.
I stayed up till three am unable to sleep again. I had gotten so used to it I didn't even try to go to bed early anymore. I just thought my brain could never shut up I would never find that off switch.
I walked around my studio my bare feet feeling the coldness of the hardwood floor freshly with each step and I rather enjoyed that feeling the bareness of skin against the wood. I looked over the sketches from today putting them into a case to take to school in the morning to show my professor. I wondered what he would say for a moment but then my thoughts drifted to her this girl her striking features her walled personality those eyes that looked almost as tired as me right now.
Xxx
Professor Lane stood back. I kept an eye on his expression as he looked at my work so far. His hand caressed his chin gently and I knew he was thinking something I just didn't know what.
"What are you trying to say Bella?" he asked never taking his eyes from the work.
I didn't quite know yet, "I'm still getting used to the form of the figure I was trying to focus on that."
"You're trying to make a beautiful girl look beautiful?" he questioned
"Well yes." When he said it it sounded stupid and boring.
"Why?" he asked the question he seemed to love to ask.
"Because look at her, she is beautiful."
"Then why not just take a photo?" he shrugged his shoulders turning to face me. His dark hair now had faint streaks of gray and his white shirt had a coffee stain I couldn't seem to stop staring at. "You have to give us more than what she looks like, who is she?" he lifted his open palm towards the work.
I didn't answer because I honestly didn't know who she was, who did I want her to be did it matter.
He left shortly after grabbing his coffee and moving onto the next student.
I stood for the longest time staring up at the figures on the wall the only one thought in mind who are you?
Xxxx
I waited anxiously for angle to show up, I looked at the clock again wondering when she would get here. I laid out some paints and a stack of dollar bills about thirty all together. Money seemed to be her lanuage so I thought I might use it to help her open up to me.
A knock at the door made me jump and I jogged to answer it, "Hi." I answered the door slightly short of breath.
"Hey." Her eyes curiously moved from side to side. "Were u working out or something?" She asked stepping into the warmth of the hall shrugging off her jacket.
I thought about it quickly and that seemed better than running to the door, "Yeah just a little." We moved to the studio and her eyes took in the paints and the money. "I thought we could play a game."
"You're not into like kinky shit are you?" her eyes widening with panic.
"What? No, my professor was thinking it would be better if I knew more about you to give the piece more depth. So I was thinking I could give you a dollar for every question I ask. Are you okay with that?"
She seemed to think it over her eyes narrowing as she sucked in her lower lip for a moment, "Sure why the hell not."
"Good," I smiled.
"Where do you want me?"
"On the chair sitting side on to me one arm over the side of the chair, and could you take your shirt off please." I didn't know why I added the please like the pleasantry changed the situation in anyway but I wanted her to know I did appreciate what she was doing.
I stood behind my easel not looking as I assume she took her shirt off
"Bra too?" she asked
"Yes." I spoke firmly from behind the easel.
, once I heard her sit on the chair i took my stance. Her skin looked beautiful in the harsh light, I imagine it felt softer than snow. My hands shook slightly as I grabbed a small paintbrush.
"So…" I coughed, "What's your name?"
She paused again taking in her lip, "It's Alice, Alice Brandon."
The way she stated it so quietly almost to herself made me believe she hadn't spoken it in a long time.
"That's a beautiful name." I whispered and she shrugged it off staying silent. "So why did you become a stripper?"
She looked at me slightly offeneded and shocked but I pointed back to the wall and she had to know I would ask. She gazed back at the wall getting into the same position.
"What do you want to hear? That I ran away from home, that I have daddy issues. Cos I don't. Everybody expects some sob story you know what I got? I got bills to pay and taking off my clothes paid a lot better than waiting tables."
I was taken aback by her answer but I wasn't really expecting anything, "Do you have a big family?"
"Nope just my mom."
"What happened to your dad?"
"Don't remember him," Alices eyes cast to the ground only for a moment then she was back to being a statue.
"Why?"
"My mom and I left when I was three, he used to hit her okay but that doesn't mean I have issues okay I've seen the girls with daddy issues going out with the older guys letting them buy them stuff, I've tried it and it wasn't for me." She exhaled sharply.
"I'm sorry." I looked between her and the paper quickly, "I'm sorry you guys had to go through that."
"Everybodys got baggage." She sighed. Alice looked at me with a mischevious grin, "Whats your baggage?" She asked.
"Are we asking me questions now?" I thought about it and it seemed fair. "Fine but I get a dollar back for every question you ask. Im not made of money you know."
"Fine." She agreed
OCD
I let my truck idle for a second before cutting the engine…I was early…I was always early. I searched the parking lot for any signs of life but there was none. The church building loomed as I hopped out my truck placing my keys in my pocket tapping them twice to make sure. I wasn't a religious person…Charlie hadn't pushed any religion on me as he wasn't religious himself and for that I was glad. For some unknown reason every time I crossed the entryway I take a deep breath as if I will be engulfed in flames…but it never happens.
I made my way to the small square room used for our meetings. In the middle of the room is a crooked circle of chairs left behind from the jittery members of the alcoholics anonymous meetings and I have to fight the urge to move all the chairs back into a neat circle. I take my usual seat taking out my phone checking the time then looking at the messages. No new messages not that I expected any.
The door banged shut lifting my gaze to Carlisle carrying a box of stale pastries and even staler coffee. Usually whatever he could get at the hospital cafeteria at the end of the day I guessed.
"Hi Dr. Cullen," I gave a small wave tucking my phone away tapping it over in my pocket.
"Bella how many times do I have to tell you, you can just call me Carlisle."
"Sorry Dr…I mean Carlisle. You know it's a little ironic to refer to how many times you have to tell me to change what I say."
Dr. Cullen just laughed, "I guess you are right Bella I'm sorry."
Carlisle was sort of the caretaker of our little group, he said he didn't have any compulsions but I knew better. I could see it in his eyes I mean why else would you do this once a week for free after working in a hospital all day? He was a workaholic and he used it to fill his mind with other peoples problems so he didn't have to face whatever it was that haunts him…just like the rest of us but hey it took one to know one right?
Emmett was the next to show up Emmett McCarty 29 Hoarder. His hulking frame barely making it through the doorway. He grinned picking up a bear claw from the pink box before spinning a seat round and straddling it.
"Hey Em."
"Hey bells." He replied spitting crumbs over the floor
Rosalie was close behind Rosalie Hale 28 Kleptomaniac, Rosalie was my group 'buddy' as we called it like a sponsor but we were both as bad as each other. I would have preferred to have one of the others but Emmett and Rose couldn't be trusted together because of how much they flirt. Rosalie was made to come here after being caught shoplifting the rest of us were crazy enough to be here by choice.
The final member of the compulsive club was Esme, you would wonder by looking at her what was wrong with her. She looked perfect but that was her downfall…couldn't even touch anyone Esme Mason 35 germaphobe. Esme took a cotton handkerchief out her purse laying it over the base of the chair before sitting down holding the purse in an eagle like grip on her lap so it touched nothing but herself.
It was a room full of frayed hemlines, chewed necklaces overly checked watches.
That just left me Bella swan 26 pure-o I was a little different from my compulsive counterparts where their compulsions were specific mine where everywhere. I couldn't stop thinking even now as Carlisle began to talk I could hear everything he said but my mind never shut up. I wondered to myself if I had switched off the coffee maker?
Did I switch it off?
Did I?
What if I went home and the place was in a fiery blaze because I didn't switch it off and I lost everything where would I go? I need to remember and pick up fabric softener and send that email to Angie.
"Bella!"
Carlisle and Emmett shouted my name I unison throwing me into the present.
"Sorry…sorry." I spoke but no one was surprised.
Carlisle gave me a sad smile, "I was just saying it's your turn to share if you want to."
I leaned forward resting my elbows on my knees letting my hair create a curtain around me. "I went to see her again."
There was collective groan; "Bells you cant keep doing this to yourself." Emmett sighed.
These things were usually supposed to be anonymous but with this being a small town everybody already knew everybody pretty much but this was like the underbelly no one spoke about.
I knew I shouldn't be using Alice as an antidote for my problems but they don't know how I feel when I'm around her.
"I can't help it when I'm with her I'm with her." All the constantly repeating thoughts all the images all the bad things they disappear even if its just for an hour they are gone and I feel normal. "When I'm around her I feel normal."
I knew I used a bad word for the group and Carlisle tutted, "Bell…"
"I know Dr. Cullen no one is normal….there is no normal." I kept my eyes to the ground like a scolded child.
"I…"
"Yeah we know you don't have bad thoughts when you are around her we have heard this story for the millionth time." Rosalie but in crossing her arms over her red sweater leaning back into her chair.
"Rose…" Carlisle scoulded as if he were her father, "It's Bella's time to share."
"You guys know I tried. I tried different classes nothing works I don't know why she does."
"Maybe you like her…is she hot?" Emmett questioned.
Alice was defiantly under the catogary hot. Being a yoga teacher she had an amazing body…was that the reason? Was it that simple?…did I like her. I hadn't let myself like anyone I didn't think anyone would ever be with me because of my way of thinking. Had I turned Alice into another obessesion? It didn't feel like I had…I had never obsessed on a person before…it was always organization and time and things I could control I couldn't control another person and I wouldn't want to.
"Do you think I've turned her into an obsession?" I asked Carlisle. I am not a stalker I told myself silently.
"What do you think?" Was Carlisle's first response.
"I've never been obsessed over anything good before."
"Well we know giving into compulsions can give a small uphoric relief or feeling of control. Do you get that feeling when you around her?"
"I don't feel in control, I don't want to control people." I intertwined my fingers become more nervous as the eyes in the room all settled upon me. "I don't want to control her. I can't explain it she makes me feel good like I can be better like I am better." I took a deep breath.
Carlisle sensing my struggle at being the center of attention gives me a weary glance. "Do you want to continue?"
I shake my head no and he moves to Esme.
"So Esme any progress since last week?"
Esme smiles throwing her caramel colored hair over her shoulder and I see Carlisle is enthralled already.
"I've used less bleach this week…only four bottles instead of the usual seven."
Carlisle nods with a smile and the rest of the group nod along in a small congradulations. "That's great Esme." Carlisle throws in.
"and when I went to the supermarket I didn't wear my gloves. I didn't buy anything but I was close." Esme put a hand over her mouth as if she had told a secret.
Carlisle grinned, "And what is your end goal with these small interactions."
Esme looked around the room shaking her head no like it was a crazy thought, "Well one day I want to have a flower garden again."
"You will Esme." I told her.
Esme was like the mom of the group and sometimes she did treat us like her children though none of us minded after what she had been through.
"Robert would be proud."
The group hadn't talked about Esme's son in a long time and we waited for her reaction at his name. She gripped her purse tighter blinking away tears. There's a word for a partner who loses a partner…widow and a child who losses their parents orphan but there is no word for a parent losing a child. No word could articulate that much pain. Esme didn't speak his name often when she did it seemed like she choked on it and I hated her Ex-husband for leaving her when she needed him most. Maybe that's why I didn't like the idea of loving someone. I mean it must have been hard on him as well to lose a son to infection after a routine surgery but I still hated him.
We talked a bit more before Carlilse checked his watch and told us the cursory , 'See you next week."
I walked out with Emmett one of his strides equaling two of mine as we hit the parking lot I rushed to keep up. Emmett stopped at his jeep about to open the door when I stopped him placing my hand on her shoulder.
"Emmett." I said in a warning tone.
He groaned turning around. His childlike gaze and playful brown eyes testing me.
"Emmett…" I held out my hand flat.
He huffed emptying his pockets into my hand, there were three pens a candy wrapper and some old batteries.
"I wasn't going to keep them." He huffs
I roll my eyes, Sure just like I wasn't going to see Alice again.
Xxxxxxxxxx
I packed my stuff neatly in my locker shoes then shirt then jeans. My gym gear felt like it was drowning me as I pulled at the hem of the shorts streaching it out a few inches. I really have to buy some new gym clothes I reminded myself. I was about to close my locker when a flash of red caught my eye and I had forgotten about my elastic band. I only used it to snap me out of thoughts literally it was better to wear it and not need it than to need it and not have it. I ran my thumb under the rubber…I didn't really need it for this. I pulled it off tucking it to the side looking at the faint line on my wrist the skin slightly paler.
I found the studio almost empty I took a place off to the side so I wouldn't catch my reflection in the mirror. I sat on my mat feet together streaching my legs and back. There were more people showing up and I wondered what they were thinking about?
Were they thinking about me? Probably not. All the things out of my control seeped into me. I closed my eyes tapping the number five into my mat with the tip of my shoe counting over and over one, two, three, four, five….one, two, three, four, five.
"Hi everyone." Alices voice called and my eyes shot open.
She started the class quickly with some basic breathing and streaching I didn't really like this part because she asked us again to close our eyes for most of it.
"Okay we are going to move into warrior one." Alice calls as I follow her movements bringing my arms up slowly keeping my balance centered and my core tight.
I could hear everyone breathing but my focus was on Alice the way her voice got quiet almost whispering the poses. Her eyes focused on odd members of the group and when she got to me I could feel the blood run to my cheeks. Her eyes were hypnotic this sort of inbetween color that on some days was a dark chocolate and others a light hazel.
Emmett's words intuded my usually quiet moment…Dammit Emmett. In the months of taking this class I hadn't thought of Alice in a sexual way but now he had mentioned it I couldn't help myself. I cast my eyes down quickly as Alice looked around the room again not wanting to be caught checking out her ass in the mirror.
"Lets cool down now with some stretches."
Alice follows taking us through the stretch routine and just as I lean down to roll up my mat she speaks again.
"I just wanted to tell you guys that next week will be my last week teaching here."
There is a chorus on disappointment, my brain seems to quickfire questions…where is she going? What if I never see her again? I had to do something. I watch people file out as Alice stays saying goodbye to a few regulars.
This is it….i couldn't stop staring at the pink t-shirt she wore….it was to pink to bright a colour only a baby should wear yet she pulled it off.
"Alice…" I trailed off reaching for the band on my wrist to be met with nothing.
My toes curled in my shoes as she looked at me for the longest second. We had only spoken a couple of times usually small talk which I wasn't overly fond of. Sometimes I picked up on her conversations with others if I was close. I knew she had a girlfriend and I knew that she didn't get on very well with her girlfriend as she usually talked about how annoyed she was at something she did.
If Alice left I would have no quiet place…quiet place.
"Would you like to get a coffee with me?" Not right "would you like to get a coffee with me….would you."
"Sure." She shrugged,
"Like to get a coffee with me." I smiled and she giggled and I didn't mind if she was laughing at me. "Third times the charm."
"Sure I don't have many friends up here it would be nice."
I sort of thought she would see me as a friend but a little part of it hurt.
"Are you free now?" I asked rubbing the back of my neck trying not to repeat myself.
"Sure just let me get changed meet you outside in ten?"
I nod biting my lip and slip away quickly. I reach my locker and get changed in a haze and slip my rubber band back on giving it a hard pull letting it hurt me for my stupid thoughts. But she said yes my thoughts correct me and I had to think I hadn't done to bad.
I waited outside in the cold pulling down the arms of my hoody over my palms. The automatic doors open and Alice appears looking utterly calm. The wind sweeps her hair perfectly around her face like some sort of shampoo commercial and I feel inadiquite to be standing beside her.
"I'm sad you wont be teaching here anymore…you have the best classes."
"Bella you've been coming here so long you should really be taking more advance classes."
"I like your classes."
"That's sweet." She says as I follow her wherever she is going.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm taking time off to take some classes so I can do more and I'll be taking on a few private clients working out of my parents gym."
"Can I be a client?" I wonder desperately
"Sure give me your number and I'll give you a call and we can set up a plan. What are your goals?"
Goals? It reminded me of group how we would make tiny goals to try and see if we could change the patterns in our behaviour. "Um…stronger I guess? I like to work on my meditation?"
"We can do that." She throws me a smile over her shoulder as she pushes open the glass door the smell of coffee tanking over my senses.
I didn't normally drink coffee I tried to avoid anything that could become an addiction so for all intents and purposes I was a boring person. We stand in line and listen to the hiss of the machines. Alice orders something with a funny name and I have an earl grey tea.
We sit down across from each other on a small circular table. I grab some of the sugar packets shaking all the sugar to one side then place them back in the holder. I catch what I did and Alice doesn't notice I place my ands under the table playing with the band on my wrist.
"So why a yoga teacher?"
"I just like it." She shrugs again. I never really liked shrugs it's a sort of inbetween gesture.
"What do you do? When you aren't in the gym." She smiles around the rim of the cup.
"I work at the library."
"You're a librarian?" She asks with a laugh
"Yeah I guess."
"Never would have thought." She shakes her head messing up her spikes.
"How long have you lived in Seattle?" I notice an eyelash on her cheek and I can't stop staring at it.
"About a year."
Her voice is in the back of my mind as I'm fixated on the eyelash resting on her cheek…The eyelash on her cheek….the eyelash on her cheek. "you have…." I turn my fingers into a fist….it's just not right, "You have…you have an eyelash on your cheek."
"Oh…' She exclaims wiping it away. "Is it gone?"
I was gone…"Yeah." I tried to think of new questions but for once my mind was quiet and I just enjoyed the silence.
"So." Alice continued taking another sip, "You have much family around here?"
"My dad lives in a small town called Forks not to far from here and my Mom lives in Arizona and I'm an only child." I gave information like a report and she just gave me a polite smile.
"When I was growing up sometimes I wanted to be an only child but now my brother is one of my best friends."
"Really what's his name?"
"Edward."
"Edward and Alice," I think aloud, "Your parents really liked old fashioned names huh?"
"Yeah don't tell anyone but Alice isn't my first name its my middle name Mary is my first name but come on do I look like a mary to you?"
"Nah you look like an Alice…Why did you tell me?"
"I feel like I can trust you. I'm a good judge of character."
"Thanks well your secret is safe with me."
xxx
I wait outside the gate to the large home and check the address Alice gave me on my phone again. Looking at the number then back to the house. It had to be right.
I buzz the intercom and it squawks to life.
"Hello." A voice calls.
"Hi I'm Looking for Alice Brandon." I ask the box.
"Sure come right up."
A buzz happens and the gate opens and I trudge up to the house slinging the gym bag further up my shoulder. I reach the door and Alice opens it Arms set wide and inviting with a smile.
"Hey Bella, come in I'll show you the gym."
I step into the doorway looking around the lavish home, I look back to Alice who's just staring at me and I feel a blush rush to my cheeks.
"This is my parents place, they have a home gym that I'm going to be using till I get something more permenant sorted out."
The hardwood had a cross grain with too many lines and something told me instantly that I didn't like it but I stayed quiet. Nodding and following as she gave me a small tour.
"Here's the gym you can get changed in there while I set up." Alice pointed to a plain oak door.
I noded entering the small bathroom. I tossed my bag on the foor locking the door then checking that it did not open then I unlocked it and opened the door ever so slightly then did it again till I was sure it was locked before changing.
Alice began to streach and I just started to streach along side her. It was odd to be in a room alone. Usually there were more people more distractions but now there was nothing.
She stood in front of me like some untouchable dream
Xxxx
It was Friday which meant it was group day. I took my seat waiting for the others to arrive. I wondered what they would say if I told them that I was not spending one on one time with Alice. That it even felt like we were becoming friends.
Carlisle arrived coffee and notepad in hand, a caring smile alighting his feature.
"Hi Dr. Cullen."
"Hi Bella."
Esme arrives next her prestine white cardigan glowing in even these shitty floresent lights.
"Hi Esme how are you?"
"Hi Bella I'm fine hows the library?"
"You know quiet full of books. You should come by sometime." I knew Esme would never touch a library book but it would be good for her to get out the house.
"I might do that."
No she wouldn't. Emmett was next crashing in filling up on coffee and dohnuts before taking his seat and Rosalie sauntered in last.
Emmett began our sharing. We each usually got fifteen minutes unless something was really wrong. Emmett was the sort of guy with the best intensions but you know what they say about the road to hell.
"So I finally let Victoria see my house and she freaks out…I thought she was different. I thought she would understand." Emmett ran a giant hard though his short curly hair as we all stayed quiet. "I mean we had been dating two months and she kept asking and I could make up any more excuses…She called me a pig and said she couldn't be with someone like me."
Someone like me…someone like me. The words rang in my mind like we were some sort of special race of creature.
"I tried to throw things away but I cant…I just cant."
Carlisle patted Emmett on the back as we all watched on with sympathetic eyes.
"Emmett…" Carlisles voice soothed, "You let these things comfort you but you know its not real. If you
If it kills me.
There is a hush that morning seems to bring when you've hardly opened your eyes and you've yet to say your first words of the day. I used to enjoy this time because as the light fluttered through the window onto the breakfast table lice and I had a perfect routine. I would get the bowls and the spoons and she would get the milk then the pick the cereal as I poured the orange juice it had always been this way since we began living together four years ago but even in Forks when we were neighbours we still had our routines. This morning however was anything but relaxed as I set the bowls down on the table with an empty clank.
"It can't happen again." Alice hunched her shoulders as she stood leaning over the black granite worktops of our apartment.
I watched her shoulder blades tense and move under the thin white tank top. I was still hazy from the night before but I remember what happened. It was only a kiss it was only a kiss I told myself over and over but how did it end up like this. I think it began as a little clicking noise like when you keys hit together, then it was like footsteps on pavement that seemed to get faster and faster before it turned into a drumming noise beating pounding in my head telling me to stop being a coward and to just finally tell her how I feel. I couldn't look at her anymore without wanting to shout it from the roof tops I just needed to do something anything and last night seemed to be the breaking point but it wasn't always like this.
I think it began when I was sixteen...
(Flashback)
Thunder clapped down and it was like the sky had cracked open I was just getting ready for bed when I saw Alice at her window trying to grab my attention. Our windows were only a few feet apart. I looked up at the dark metal grey sky as the rain started to come down and Alice knocked on her window grabbing my attention. She pushed a piece of paper over the window as I squinted to read the swirly black writing but I'm sure it said 'can I stay over?' Charlie had been working night shift so I didn't see the problem it wasn't the first time she had stayed over and it was usually more fun than sitting day dreaming. I enjoyed Alices company she was always so…I don't know how to describe it but enigmatic seems like a good word. I nodded happily as she disappeared from site and I started mo pick up odd things trying to make my room more neat but it was quite neat to begin with anyway.
I ran down the stairs almost tripping aas I reached the bottom but I managed to steady myself against the wall.
I opened the back door and there stood Alice in a rain coat with her pyjamas on underneath.
"Why the impromt to sleep over?" I asked with a smile as she shook small droplets of water from her spiky black hair.
"My mom and dad are staying in port angeles because of the storm and it was starting to freak me out so I thought I'd come over."
It seemed lke a reasonable thing and I didn't question it, we headed up to my room silently as it was starting to get pretty late and we both had school tomorrow anyway. I got into the small bed pulling the covers high around my neck as I waited for Alice to get in to. I turned off the light as the sound of wind and rain seemed to echo through the room.
Alice's foot touched my leg and I instantly moved it was like ice. "Your feet are freezing." I whispered.
"Sorry but it's really cold."
I liked it cold I don't know why I just preferred it that way. I moved closer sharing someof my warmth as Alice seemed to curl up at my side.
"Your like a big space heater." Alice chuckled into the darkness.
"I take that as a compliment now go to sleep." I whispered as I slowly dozed off.
I awoke to the feeling of rustling and moving and instantly opened my eyes. I remembered alice was here but in the night I had somehow managed to end up spooning her and even thought the feeling was oddly comforting it felt odd like I shouldn't want it. It was Alice my friend my best friend, she seemed so peaceful as her button nose seemed to wrinkle at something and I tried to suppress a laugh.
I shook her a little trying to ease her awake,"Come on sleeping beauty we have school," I laughed.
"Five more minutes," Alice moaned into the covers.
Fine I could let her be late. I got up grabbing some things from the dresser and heading to the bathroom. Once I had a shower and got ready I want to check on Alice. She was still bumdeled up in the comforter.
"Alice your going to be late," I sang as I found my shoes.
"No I'm not," she replied cracking one eye open as she looked at the clock she seemed to shoot up.
"Why didn't you wake me?" She yelled throwing up the covers in a mad dash to make it out the door.
Hey I tried.
(End flashback)
The choice of Entrapment,
Ben sneezed loudly into the Kleenex frightening me half to death, my camera jumped in my hand the flash going off leaving me with a spotty blurred vision. I blinked quickly taking off my glasses rubbing my eyes with the edge of my palm. I don't know why he had caught me off guard he had been the same for the past hour he really shouldn't have come to school today. The second hand on the clock ticked past slowly and it wasn't even lunch yet.
"Ben you don't sound good you should go home and get some rest." He was beginning to worry me.
Ben rested his head on the desk; "I have another interview at lunch it's the last one I just want it to be over." Ben groaned his voice low and thick with phlegm.
Yet another interview for the upcoming school play but hey at least it wasn't another article on teen drinking. Ben did not sound good as he coughed again and it was only one interview I could do it I had been here for all the others I practically had the questions memorized 'why do you like the character?' 'Are you excited to be on stage?' it was easy enough, "If you want I could do it and you could go home."
Ben's head picked up his pale white skin almost see through in the harsh florescent lighting, "Really Ang?" I nodded my head, "You're the best Ang," Ben headed towards the door, "I'm gonna go to the nurse and then head home. Everything you need should be on my desk," with one last sickly smile he exited and I released a breath.
I moved to Ben's desk that was littered with single sheets of paper, and some yellow sticky notes on a clipboard he had the names of every student in the play and the characters they would be portraying. My eyes scrolled down until they hit the last name and my heart seemed to jump into my throat with a sudden ferocity. There on the page I read it over and over it was just a name just like any other but it wasn't any other it was hers. I tried in vain to choke back the lump in my throat.
I was going to be alone with…I was actually going to talk to Alice Cullen. Even thinking her name made my head feel funny. What if she thinks I'm weird? What if she smiles at me and I can't remember what to say? I bit my lip nervously thinking of all the ways this could go horribly wrong. The bell sounded alerting me I had class and I couldn't be late so I pushed the thoughts of Alice Cullen into the back of my mind where I usually kept them. They would be safe there and I wouldn't have to deal with them just yet.
English class was almost empty as most people were helping out with the play to get out of class. I wish I could have been in the play but the idea of standing up in front of a crowd of people seemed unthinkable. I mean they would all be staring at me, I wouldn't have gotten a part anyway all the good parts go to the pretty popular girls that have probably never even read 'The Importance Of Being Earnest.' It began to snow lightly as some one pointed to the window and everyone turned their head simultaneously. Great just what I need, snow wasn't the problem but getting hit by snowballs was a big likely hood. Maybe I could stay after school a little while and develop some photos by that time everyone will have left and I won't have to worry about taking a snowball to the back of the head.
We were allowed to leave early and it was good because I had to get ready For Alice's interview, I made my way back through the halls keeping to the edge of the hall, I kept my head down as I passed a group of jock guys all laughing as the biggest one with short curly hair chuckled loudest as he tossed a text book like a Frisbee to his friend playing keep away from some unlucky freshman boy.
Wasn't high school hard enough why couldn't they just leave him alone? Emmett Cullen had always been like that thou even as a freshman he was big no one ever picked on him. No one dares pick on the captain of the football team or his brother or sister. I tried to stay out of their way making my way silently past and into the safety of the office slash darkroom. I grabbed Ben's notes and questions laying them out on my desk and lining up my pens with a fresh sheet of paper. Ben also had a small black Dictaphone on his desk that I took; I rewound the tape seeing if any of the earlier interviews were on it. The tape screeches back and as it ran Ben's voice filled the room singing over and over, "nanananan…batman."
What a geek I laughed stopping the tape.
There was a light knock at the door and my heart raced as it felt like a shot of adrenalin was injected directly into my bloodstream. I took a deep breath standing in front of the door I raked a hand through my hair and pushed the frames of my glasses back up my nose in hopes that I looked somewhat nice.
Alice stood a back into the hall, as she looked surprised somehow by me opening the door. The tall blonde also known as Rosalie Hale or Rose by her close friends of which there were few flanked her right side.
"Hey, I'm here for the interview."
I kept my head down as I stood to the side letting her inside, "Please come in." My glasses fell down and I had to push them back up, as I met her eyes they seemed to smile. I think it was one of the reasons I seemed so drawn to Alice her eyes seemed to hold a sincerity that wasn't usually found in a high school.
"Alice don't be to long don't want you to catch any geek." Rosalie called as she made her way to the lunch hall.
I closed the door and Alice seemed to sigh,
"I'm really sorry about her, please don't take it personally she's like that with everyone." Alice rolled her eyes and it was cute the way she seemed to shake her hear the black spikes seemed to move with a mind all there own.
"It's fine, don't worry it's not contagious," I tried to laugh it off.
"I'm not worried, she shouldn't talk to people the way she does words hurt."
I pulled up a seat on the other side of the desk and motioned for Alice to sit, "It's okay I'm used to it."
"Yeah but you shouldn't have to be," Alice's eyes scanned the room as she took a few steps. I looked up at her through my lashes and she seemed to be caught in her own little world, it was only for a second but then she seem to enter back into this world with a lopsided grin, "so this is the newspaper office?"
I suddenly got very self-conscious of my little room. It wasn't very big, you could hardly call it a room it didn't even have any windows it was more of an oversized closet, it seems I'll forever be stuck in closets. "Yes…and also my darkroom." I pointed to the lower half of the room, which held shelves of chemicals and plastic trays. It may be small but this was the only place I the entire school I felt like I belonged.
"Cool…" She nodded sticking out her lower lip slightly.
I looked up at her through my lashes and she seemed to be caught in though, it was only for a second but then she seem to enter back into this would with a lopsided grin.
"I'll try to be fast so you can get back to lunch," I didn't want to take up her time even though this feels like the first time we've ever talked and I wanted nothing more than to listen to her speak all day.
"Don't worry about it I'm happy to be here it sucks to be the fifth wheel and kinda discussing to see my brothers kiss my best friends." She shivered dramatically.
"I can't imagine," I laughed. "So…" I continued flicking over Bens notes, "Why did you audition for the part of Cecily Cardew?"
Alice straightened in her seat her brow knitted together, "Um…Well I liked her character more than the character of Gwendolyn even though both characters have a lot in common Gwendolyn is portrayed smarter and a lot quicker to anger. It defiantly suits Rose more than me," She smirked huffing out a laugh, " but I like Cecily how she's so simple some would say ignorant but what's wrong with that? Is it really that bad to want nothing more than a romantic fantasy?"
Alice posed a question leaning into the desk and I had no idea if she was expecting an answer,
"So you're a romantic?" I scribbled down some notes as I spoke.
"Hmm…I'm not sure, I think so."
"How can you not be sure?" I asked quizzically looking up at her bemused expression.
"I don't know I've never really had the opportunity to find out." Alice spoke but I didn't write it down instead I moved on to the next question.
"How do you like your leading man Jasper Whitlock?"
Alice seemed to crew her face slightly but quickly regained her composure, "He's a good actor and remembers all his lines."
Alice spoke like she was rehearsed but when she spoke it all seemed to be unheard; there was defiantly something she wasn't saying, "Is that it?" I asked noting her words down shorthand.
"Is that not what you want to hear?" She asked with a raised brow.
It wasn't unknown in the school that Jasper and Alice were almost meant to be a couple it was like they matched up your ranks and added you together, just like Emmett and Rosalie they were most popular and they were together but no one seemed to know why it wasn't 'official.'
"It's not about what I want, it's about what the readers want and the truth of course."
Alice smirked, "The truth is rarely pure and never simple."
"That's not your line." I cut in it was Algernon's not Cecily's.
"Whose is it then?" She challenged.
"It's Jaspers or Algernon's Act one scene one to Jack." I noted, as she seemed surprised, "geek remember." I smiled.
"Why didn't you try out for they play?" Alice tilted her head as she asked her black spikes flopping to the side along with her.
I don't know how we got to this moment she seemed to have turned the conversation on to me of all things, "Um…I…I wouldn't be very good." I flicked the page trying to move on.
"I think you'd be great…you obviously know your stuff,"
I felt my face heat up, as a crimson lush seemed to creep up from my neck; I rubbed my palm over my neck. I don't know how she managed it but I had forgot whatever we were talking about so moved on, "What about your brother Edward, how do you feel about him playing your uncle Jack."
"Well Edward is quite serious I think it suits him well, he was almost made for that time. Mostly its funny to see his character flirt with Rose, they two aren't fond of each other at the best of times it's hilarious rose cringes her teeth during most of it but she masks it well."
"I thought they were friends?" I had never noticed it but then again I was on the outside looking in.
Alice look down biteing her lip, "They are…but they are so similar but of course they don't see it."
Rewind
I never believed in celebrating my own birthday. It seemed too… self-serving. Of course I'm happy to be alive but to make one whole day out of celebrating it seemed a bit much. I stared at my reflection in the mirror examining my eyes for signs of aging scrunching my face then watching the lines disappear.
Once satisfied that I don't actually look any older I retreat back to my room checking my watch. 7am…Alice will be here to pick me up in thirty minutes. I reach mindlessly into the closet pulling out a grey t-shirt and old looking green bowling shirt.
"Hey Shelby so how do I look? You think today should be the day I tell Alice I can travel back in time?" I talk to my pet turtle that sits in a glass box atop the dresser. She just continues to chew on a leaf of lettuce. "Yeah I didn't think so either." I was beginning to feel bad that she didn't know my little secret and Edward did but I only told him cause he's my best friend and I needed to tell someone to make sure I wasn't crazy. Then there's the questions well why don't you go back in time and Kill Hitler or something? As if life would be that easy. I still didn't know all the Rules. "How does it sound? Yeah Ali I can time travel but only back in time and only twelve hours at the most and I have to live up to the time I rewound from before I can rewind again. Yes… yes I will wait while you call the sanatorium." What use was I really? The power of the great first impression! Cause if I mess it up I rewind and try all over again. Then I would have to tell her how many arguments it got me out of but I made a promise to myself not to use it too much. Butterfly effect and tsunamis and all that Jazz.
A beep sounds from my computer as the blue and white page is illuminated and someone else has written something. Angela Webber says 'Happy Birthday!" It was hardly a six exclamation mark day. Yet I didn't let my own sourness ruin it and pressed the button to let her know her post was noticed.
"Same Shit different day… eh shells?' I call to her as a car honk rings through the house making Shelby shoot back into her shell. At least the was one saving grace everyday.
I grab my jacket bag and keys locking the door behind me before getting into Alice's black Mercedes well should I say her dads black Mercedes cause no seventeen year old could afford this.
I look at her green eyes and smile, It was that morning moment that seemed to linger as if overnight our eyes are broken down and made new again and each morning we have to see each other for the first time all over again. She leans over placing a small kiss on the edge of my lips as something lands in my lap.
"Happy birthday!" She sings to joyful for this time in the morning.
I take the present in my hands noticing the expert wrapping its small at least. White paper big red bow.
I shake the box hearing a jingle, "Is this the pony I've been hinting for."
Alice smirks, "Just open it."
I let it fall back in my lap looking to her the only gift I needed. "You didn't have to get me anything you know I hate my birthday."
"I know You hate it but you only get one a year and I want to celebrate the birthday of my girlfriend so shut up and open the damn box."
I lean my head back in the chair, "So eloquent…I nabbed myself a real classy lady."
She snorted narrowing her eyes on me giving me that look that says 'that's your last sarcastic remark in this conversation.' I tear into the box never minding to save the bow or paper. Inside the wrapper is a smaller black box about the size of a fist. I open it up and a new shiny watch stares back at me. I lift it out the casing examining it.
"So…do you like it. I know you never take the other one off so I thought you might like this one."
I run my fingers over the black leather noticing the unusual square face.
"I even got it inscribed…look."
She turned the watch in my hands as I read over the small swirling letters that read;
We'll always have now – A
"Its stupid isn't it?" her brows knitted together in concern.
"I love it. It's the best present I've ever gotten." I leaned closer placing a quick kiss on her lips. "Thank you." I added as we parted.
I began to take off my old watch to show Alice that I really did like her present. There was a faint tan line on my wrist that showed how little I took it off. Mostly because looking at a watch helped me rewind and I just got used to it really.
Alice started to head to school and for the first time I noticed Edward wasn't here. "Where's the other half of the wonder twins?"
"He's getting a ride with Jazz. I wanted to spend some time alone since it's your special day."
"It's my birthday Ali…I'm not getting married."
"Hate all you want…I'm still taking out tonight."
"Out where?" I question as Alice rolls through a stop sign and I shake my head at her dubious driving.
"It's a secret."
"Fine, I just have dinner with Charlie at Six then I'm all yours." I shrug as we enter into the student parking lot. There was sort of an unwritten rule that the spots against the far wall close to the school but still sheltered by the red brick wall were reserved for seniors.
Alice parked next to Rosalie's red mustang. Rosalie and I were friends of friends the exact diagram being I was dating Alice who's brother is Edward and Edwards friend and secret crush is Jasper who is Rosalie's Cousin. In the world of high school that's how groups of friends came to be.
Edward ambushed me from behind pawing at my shoulder. "Hey Bella happy birthday." He hands me an envelope.
"Thanks Edward. You didn't have…"
He cuts me off, "Yeah I didn't have to blah blah blah shut up and open it."
I glance to Alice reading her expression which seemed to be satisfaction, "I'm really seeing the twin powers today."
Edward glances to Alice and she waves him off leaning back against the car.
I open the envelope to pull out a card happy birthday on it and I open it to revel three concert tickets. "You got us Black Keys tickets?" I turn them over to make sure they are real.
"Sure did."
"Thanks Ed." I hug him pulling his taller frame into mine.
I quickly put the card away hoping to many people didn't notice it.
"Happy birthday Bells!" Emmett yells making half the parking lot turn around. Well at least I tried.
"Thanks Emmett." I sighed so much for low key. No one could hate Emmett he was like a huge puppy. So I knew looking at his grinning face that the annoyance I felt would be fleeting.
"So what did you get?" He asks as we huddle together.
I shrug, "My mom gave me tickets to go see her in florida. Charlie gave me some money. Alice got me this watch." I flash my wrist.
Emmett gives a whistle, "Nice."