Running Out – Mail Jeevas One-Shot
*Death Note? I own it not. If I did, Matt and Mello would have survived. In fact, they do survive. They live in my closet. Mello complains about it being cramped, but other than that they're quite happy. =) PLAYLIST!!!
"I Don't Care" – Fall Out Boy(Rogue)
"She's a Rebel" – Green Day (Rogue)
"She's a Lady" – Forever the Sickest Kids (Matt/Rogue)
I have commitment issues the likes of which I can't explain. I was born to run out on people. I prefer the term free spirit, but in reality I'm just afraid to get attached to people. To me, I shouldn't have to rely on anyone. All I needed was me. Me and me alone. I was born on the road, and I want to die on the road. Back when I was still with my dad, he always called it the highway to hell, and then laughed.
I don't know why he laughed when it's the truth. The open road is the one constant thing for me. Well, that and my car. My car is my baby, and we've gone through so much together. Me, my car, and the road. That sums up my entire life.
Occasionally I come upon a person with whom I'll ride for a while. And then I wake up, and realize that I'm uncomfortable with the fact that there's another person with me. So I leave. No matter the person, no matter the circumstance. I live for me and me alone, because when you're by yourself you can't get hurt. At least, that's what Dad told me. I always thought of it as an unwritten law of my life, something that wouldn't ever change.
I guess I thought I was like a superhero or something. It was sheer luck that something hadn't happened to me before it did. I left my dad as soon as I got my driver's license, and two years went by without an incident.
I should've known it was bound to happen.
It wasn't even a dignified way for my baby to go down. I was in a rough part of some town, and hit a giant patch of black ice in the middle of winter. I turned the wheel, desperate to pull out of the skid I was in. Good thing I wasn't wearing a seatbelt…
I am such a dumbass.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My first thought on waking up was the fact that everything in the room that I was in smelled like cigarette smoke. I was lying on some ratty couch, and all I could think was, 'Oh my God… What kind of person lives in a place like this?'
I tried sitting up and succeeded only in letting out a horrific scream of pain. I gently laid back down on the couch, eyes wide in terror, wondering what was going on. My ribcage had given a sharp jolt to my body as soon as I had moved, and I definitely was not going to try that again.
"If you were smart you wouldn't try to move again. Broken ribs don't make for a moveable body."
I managed to snake my neck up to see a blond… man? Woman? From the voice I would say man, but I can't really tell. I'll just wait until he/she/it gives some sign of gender.
"Matt, she's awake."
"Gimme a minute, Mello, I'm getting out of the shower."
I tenderly sat up, being much more careful of the 'broken ribs' that this Mello person had informed me I was sporting.
"Now, pardon my French," I started, "but who the fuck are you?!? And where the hell am I?!"
"Watch your mouth, bitch. I'm Mello, and we're at my friend Matt's apartment. Shut your mouth and suck up whatever complaint you have, because if I had made the decision you'd probably be roadkill right now." I stared straight into Mello's eyes, hatred blazing through my entire being. People didn't tell me how to act. They just didn't. When I was little, my father told me that I was untamable, and to this day, it was the truth. No one controlled me.
Who the hell was this androgynous freak who was trying to tell me otherwise?
"Screw you, you freak show with an affinity for leather. I'm outta here," I said, trying to hold my ribs in place with one arm and pushing myself up with the other.
"You won't get far in that condition," Mello said apathetically, unwrapping a chocolate bar and taking a chunk of it between his teeth. I gritted my teeth in accordance with the pain, and managed to acquire a defiant face. "Watch me." He didn't move an inch, and continued chewing on the bar of chocolate while watching me struggle with a slightly bemused expression.
I had made it just barely out of the room when I encountered a (very adorable) man in a towel. This man proceeded to gently pick me up and place me back onto the couch which I'd started out.
"Goddamnit, man! I had just made it to the door! What is wrong with you?" Oh my God this man was good-looking. Don't stare, don't stare.
"Hey, Matt… Go put some clothes on. I believe you're making our 'guest' uncomfortable." Damn. I was seriously hoping neither of them would notice the light pink blush across my cheeks. I shut my eyes and turned my head to the inside of the couch, hiding my rosy face.
Matt laughed and said, "Alright, alright, Mels, whatever you say."
"Don't call me that."
There was a silence that ensued for the better part of seven minutes when Matt left the room, the only sound being Mello crunching a chocolate bar. My blush had finally subsided, and by the time Matt re-entered I was completely composed. The man walked over to where I was lying, bending down so close that his cigarette nearly brushed my face.
"Gross," I said, reaching up and flicking it out of his mouth. It fizzled out as it touched the ground.
"You're not very grateful, considering how Mello and I just saved your ass."
"I would already be out of here if it were my choice. I rely on no one."
"Independent chick. Huh. That's something one doesn't often come upon out here, amongst the prostitutes. You aren't a hooker, are you? You don't seem the type." My eyes widened in indignation, and then I realized that I hadn't found out what had happened to my baby.
"Oh my God! My baby! Is my baby okay?!"
Matt looked worried, and a flash of concern crossed Mello's face as well.
"There was a… baby? You had a kid in there with you?" I froze, unsure of what they were talking about. Finally it registered in my head, and then I laughed.
"My car. Idiots. My car is my baby." A look of relief washed over Matt's face, and Mello quickly scowled.
"The car… Oh my God you meant the car… Don't you ever scare me like that again!" Matt said, deathly serious. As if I was going to stick around long enough for that anyway. Psh.
"Really, Matt. Is my baby okay?" He sighed.
"Your car's fine. There was a little hood damage, but it's only superficial. If you'd been wearing a seatbelt you wouldn't have been hurt," he said, looking at me with what I can only describe as a reproachful eye, "You're not leaving until your ribs are better though."
I eyed Matt carefully. "I don't have a choice, do I?"
"Nope."
"…Fine."
"We can't very well keep calling you 'you', so what's your name?" Mello asked me. I thought long and hard before giving them my name. I felt myself being tied down already, and I didn't like it. Whenever I gave out my name, I felt as if I was entering some sort of social contract. I consoled myself, telling myself that as soon as my ribs were healed, I knew that I would up and leave.
"Rogue. Call me Rogue."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's been two weeks. I'm still stuck here at Matt's apartment, but Matt and Mello make for – I can't believe I'm saying this – enjoyable company. I don't really mind it, actually. They're pretty cool guys.
By the way, Mello is a guy. I discovered that soon after the confrontation described earlier. Really, how was I to know the difference on sight? The only things masculine about him are his lack of a chest, and his scar.
Matt and I have great fun picking on him. For example, I will describe what happened earlier today.
Before I start, I must say that Matt and I share a love for video games. I'm not good at them whatsoever, and he kicks my ass every single time, but he's still fun to play with.
Today, however, was fun in a league all it's own. I was searching through one of Matt's cabinets, and I found something that was very out of place in a man's apartment. Why on earth would Matt have hot pink duct tape in his place of residence?
"Hey, uh, Matt… What's this for?" As I said this, Matt flew in, plucked the duct tape from my hands, and said, "Would you like to see what this is for?" I nodded slowly, cautiously.
Ten minutes later, I made my way into the living room (I can walk, thanks to a quick (albeit awkward) bandage job done by Matt) to find Mello taped to a chair beside Matt, who was playing Super Mario World.
"Rogue, come be my Luigi."
"Gladly, Mario."
I could hear muffled profanity escaping from beneath the strip of duct tape covering Mello's mouth, and I unrolled a bit more of the hot pink goodness.
"You know," I said, smoothing it over his mouth to better silence him, "this hot pink really does wonders for your feminine side, Mello."
His eyes burned through my soul – he was absolutely seething. I laughed, and stooped down, planting a kiss on his nose. Mello stopped cold, and the muffled noises stopped.
"Now see," I laughed and picked up a chocolate bar near where he was, "was it really so hard for you to be quiet?" He pulled his eyes away from mine, looking off to the side, and I saw a blush creeping up in his features. I laughed some more, taking a large bite from the bar of chocolate.
"Aww, what's this? Mello's being shy!"
"Mmf!"
"Scoot, Matt, I'm so in this."
I didn't really notice that Matt was being uncharacteristically quiet, even as we played through every level of Donut Land. I was too pleased that I'd got Mello to shut up.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was a week or so later, and Matt was fixing my bandages. He was being rougher than usual, almost like he was mad at me.
"So," he said, wrapping the bandage around my ribcage, "you got a thing for Mello?"
I recoiled at the venom in his voice. It was very uncharacteristic of the Matt I was used to, and I didn't like it one bit.
"What? No… Mello and I are just friends."
"Yeah, I bet."
I was really confused now.
"Matt… This is really out of character for you. What's going on?"
He looked into my face, then at my ribs. I was always uncomfortable whenever he looked at me like that. I felt so vulnerable.
"How're your ribs feeling?"
"Um, fine… They haven't hurt for the last week or so…" As soon as those words were out of my mouth, Matt was literally on top of me, kissing me like it was the last thing he'd ever do. It's funny, really – I'd never been kissed before. I wasn't sure how to take it. The kiss was a long one, and it lasted for what seemed like forever.
Then he left without a word.
And I knew that that night was the night that I had to leave. The attachment I was feeling to this place was too strong.
Especially the attachment I was feeling to my knight with goggles and a cigarette.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Around two-o-clock in the morning, I was sitting in the driver's seat of my baby. Matt was right – the damage on it was only superficial, and I planned on going a town over before checking my car into a mechanic. My baby deserved only the best of the best.
I pulled out onto the road, and looked out into the black night. I patted the steering wheel, and said, "It's just you and me again, baby. You, me, and this endless road. Our highway to hell."
I floored the gas, and I'm pretty sure the squeal of my tires woke up the entire neighborhood.
For the first time in my life I felt guilty for leaving – but I couldn't stay. It wasn't possible. I was already uncomfortable, and if I stuck around much longer it was only going to hurt Mello and Matt all the more when I did leave.
Plus… I didn't know how I could react to Matt after the incident on the couch…
It was at a stop sign around ten miles out of town that I realized why Matt had been so angry at me, that night on the couch with the bandages. He was jealous.
He was jealous that I had kissed Mello and not him. My jaw dropped as the realization hit me like a ton of bricks.
"So," he said, wrapping the bandage around my ribcage, "you got a thing for Mello?"
I recoiled at the venom in his voice.
"What? No… Mello and I are just friends."
"Yeah, I bet."
I hit the dashboard with my right hand, and let out an antagonized scream. "Men are such idiots!"
For a whole span of about five seconds I actually considered going back and setting Matt straight – and then I hit the gas again, wheels turning.
"It's not like it matters anyway," I said to myself, "Matt has much more going for him than me."
I was at another stop sign, and I actually felt a tear rolling down my face before I heard a voice.
"You are one stupid bitch." A familiar voice snaked itself in through my window, and I jumped, looking over to see a familiar blonde hothead. I stared ahead defiantly, looking down the road. "I don't have a clue what you're talking about."
"Matt took a different road… I was pretty sure he was going to have the equivalent of cardiac arrest when he woke up and you were gone… Really, I don't know what he sees in you. You're pigheaded, flighty, and insecure." My grip on the steering wheel tightened with every word he said, and I got ready to hit the gas and leave his motorcycle in the dust.
"I don't get along with people Mello. It wouldn't work. I like the two of you, but you'd get sick of me eventually."
"Are you kidding? I'm already sick of you." I fixed him with a glare. "However, whatever Matt sees in you – it's enough for him to think that chasing after you is worth it."
My face fell; the guilt I felt was overwhelming. Mello looked around.
"I don't know what you're going to do, but I'm going back to Matt's. And you'd better not ditch town and leave me with nothing but a mopey Matt." I looked in the rearview mirror a few seconds later to see Mello already a ways down the road.
I think that was Mello-speak for 'I really want you to come back' and 'I'll miss you if you leave'. But I'm not sure. It's a good thing that the four-way intersection I was at was deserted, because I sat there for the better part of twenty minutes, silent and lost in thought.
"If you want to leave that badly, I suggest you get going." I looked over to where Mello had been a half hour earlier to see Matt on a motorcycle to match.
"I didn't even know you had a motorcycle."
"I don't use it much." It was quiet for a minute, before Matt spoke again. "Why are you leaving?"
I hate it when people ask me this question, because my answer never makes sense to them.
"I'm leaving because I'm too attached."
"And what's wrong with being attached, Rogue?" I looked at him, and blankly said, "Because when people get attached they get hurt. If I leave, I can't get hurt."
Matt got off the motorcycle and came around to the driver's side of my car, resting his arms on my rolled down window. He grabbed my chin gently, and pulled my face up to look into his.
"Who's the idiot who told you I'd ever hurt you?" I jerked my head out of his hands, and said, "It's an unwritten law, Matt. I was born to run. I always will be running, and I'll never stop."
"Then let Mello and I run with you. Let me run with you." For a minute, I really thought he was going to cry. I smirked.
"Call Mello, you baby. We've got to get somewhere worth going to by nightfall."
A wide grin splayed across his face, and he was through my window in a second, on top of me in a way reminiscent of the first time he'd kissed me – and this time I didn't hesitate. I kissed him back. There was a crack, and I was in major pain just like when I'd first woken up in Matt's apartment.
"Matt… You idiot… You re-broke one of my ribs…" I closed both my eyes in pain, but Matt didn't move an inch from where he was.
"Then it's a good thing love is forgiving." I looked at him, shocked at the implications of what he was saying.
"If you're saying what I think you're saying… Then I love you too."
He grinned again, the early morning sunlight glancing off his goggles, and right then I knew – my time for running out on people had ran out.