Disclaimer: Death Note does not belong to moi. :)
Chocolate For Dinner
Means Mommy Doesn't Love You
Lemon blond hair was spread across his face and fanned around him on the hard wooden floor, the plump lips of a child parting with each slow intake of breath, the cross on his around his neck moving gracefully in tune with his rising and falling chest. Arms lay palm up with fingers spread, eyelids fluttering as weary pupils grazed into an absent nothingness. Sprawled across the floor of his dorm room, fourteen year old Mello looked as apathetic as a corpse. Minutes passed in silence, passive reverie to an almighty void. Black as his cheap cotton clothing, the void threatening to swallow him whole made it's presence known. I don't care. He thought nonchalantly. Menacing, oncoming, the void that expanded inside his chest with each breath would take a universe to fill. His stomach grumbled. Now that would be easier to satisfy. He flipped his hands over and pushed himself off the floor, pulling open the blandly white door to his room with a decided determination for the dinner that awaited him downstairs.
He strolled down the hallway with his hands stuffed in his pockets, his icy blue eyes focused on each crack in the floor boards before him as he walked on. A group of kids darted past him, one bumming him off his predetermined coarse with a chuckle. "Step on a crack, break your mama's back!" The child jeered, swinging back around to join his friends in a frenzy of roughhousing and general ill-behavior.
"I don't have a mother!" Mello shouted, even as the clique turned the corner, "and even if I did, what would I care if I broke her back!" His mouth hung open, more words dying to bite there way into the ego of the brat who had dared clash with him, yet he found himself reconsidering his situation. They're gone already. It doesn't matter. The bitter, prideful look on his face said otherwise. He stalked downstairs with the air of a thunderstorm, violent and gloomy, a mess of self pity and denial.
Greedy hands searched the cabinets, his hunger insatiable as he tore wrapping from chocolate bars like a starved wolf rips flesh from bones. His teeth sunk into the rich dark chocolate, sweet milky decadence filling his mouth. It was a blessing from god, it was the devil's delicious vice. It was his greatest joy. A simple release. And then it was gone. It wasn't as though he was full, his distaste for most food in general prevented him from ever being truly full, but there was simply no more chocolate left to be devoured. The thunderstorm trudged back upstairs, a new crowd of people catching his thorny stare. The congregation met in front of the young god's room, three children Mello recognized holding out offerings to the prodigy. In front was a girl with long, dusty brown hair pulled back in pigtails on either side of her head. "Near, you didn't come down to dinner again tonight." She reminded him sadly. "You'll get sick if you don't eat properly. Bisque, Rory, and me brought you some snacks. Do you think we could hang out for a bit? If not, you could just have the food and eat it whenever you want."
Mello grimaced, I don't care what Linda does. He convinced himself, leaving the scene and retreating to his room. Near is an introvert. He remembered. He doesn't like being around people. He goes to the dinning room when he's hungry, but in general he just avoids contact with other people. They don't have to act like he's anorexic just because he didn't go to diner one night. Mello tried to count the number of times he hadn't attended diner or lunch, but decided after a moment that it would be far easier to count the number of times he had gone, the pitifully small handful that it was.
Another day came and went. When Linda passed Mello in the hallway he glared at her, coughing dirty words under his breath, yet she was so involved in searching for Near with her friends that she didn't even notice. Linda never even looks my way. He thought for a moment. I should fill her shoes with tacts. Her stupid friends, too. I'll box their noses in. His neglected thoughts turned to malicious fantasies, but when he saw the boy who had bumped into him the day before, he made up his mind that he was just as good to exact his revenge on.
"What's wrong, man?" One of the boys asked as he tied the laces to his sneakers, looking over quizzically at his wincing friend.
"Someone put thumb-tacts in my shoes!" The kid yelped. Mello snickered, but the feeling of vindication faded quickly.
When everyone else in Wammy's orphanage was rushing to the dinning room, he was sitting in his own dorm. The pile of text books he kept in the corner of the room attracted his attention. I need more books. He realized. Near gets books without even asking for them. I don't think the librarian likes me. She always looks nervous when I'm around. An hour passed, and he returned to his ritualistic feasting. He took huge chunks out of the chocolate until it was gone. This is the best. He thought, leaning against the wall. Why would anyone eat that junk they serve at diner when you could have chocolate? Not only that, but the kind we get at Wammy's is the best... dark chocolate...milk chocolate...almond chocolate...peanut butter swirl-chocolate...chocolate flavored ice cream... but the best is always the classic. You can't mess with perfection. "and god, this is perfection." He exclaimed aloud, his voice thick with pleasure.
Each day came and went the same; he would save his most wicked glares for Linda and her friends, pull petty pranks, and end each day with his sacred mistress, his midnight lover: chocolate. When four days had been consumed in the same leisurely manner, a new wind came to stir up the already raging thunderstorm. "What?" Mello scavenged each and every cabinet, ripping past boxes of cereal and bags of gummy worms in his hysterical search. "Where are they?" His voiced wasn't just agitated, it was desperate. "Come on, come on!"
"Looking for something?" A calm voice washed over the wild scene. Mello spun around in an instant, ready to rip out anyone's heart who dared kick him when he was down. There was a slight smile on the redhead's face, his slender frame dressed in prison style black and white stripes, his eyes shielded by a pair of rose colored goggles. Mello knew him, but not well. He was number three, the boy just behind him in the orphanages ranking system. Other than that, the video game loving nerd was just as much a recluse as Near and himself were. "Here." From behind his back Matt pulled two bars of chocolate, tossing them to Mello and watching as he devoured the candy. "You looked at me like you wanted to kill me." Matt chuckled. "How do you feel about me now?"
Mello had finished the first bar of chocolate and was moving onto the second, "I love you." He exaggerated, praising his savior.
Matt laughed, "I thought so. You know, chocolate can simulate the feeling of falling in love if you eat it enough. I guess that's why guys give chicks chocolate on valentines day... sort of a cheap shot if you ask me."
"I didn't know that, but I'm not surprised. Chocolate is love." Mello summed up.
"I looks more like lust. The way you eat it makes me feel like I'm watching a porno." Matt joked, taking a step closer to Mello.
Mello wasn't sure whether to laugh or take a step backwards. "Shows over." He told him, "Thanks for the chocolate."
"Don't you want to know how I got it? Or why I gave it to you? Or are you on too much of a sugar high to think about the details?" Matt asked, stepping in front of the door so that Mello couldn't leave.
"Yeah." Mello raised an eyebrow, "Why did you give it to me?"
"You never come to diner or lunch, but I've seen you sneaking down here a few times. It's easy enough to put the pieces together." Matt told him. "The lunch lady noticed that all the chocolate was going missing and starting hiding it somewhere else, but I was able to snag a few pieces. I figured you wouldn't eat if you couldn't have chocolate. I mean, I don't want you to starve to death." Matt shrugged.
"Thanks man." Mello repeated, "You know where she's hiding it now?"
"Not exactly, but she'll give us two pieces a day if we ask for it. I don't need any, so I could just give you mine." He told him in a relaxed tone.
"Why are you being nice to me?" Mello finally burst. It was an odd sensation, and he wasn't sure how to handle it. If he ever wanted anything, he had always gotten it out of intimidation, yet Matt unconditionally offered to him his greatest joy. My heart is beating fast... and... I'm confused...
"Because," Matt grinned, "chocolate isn't love."
The next morning Mello rolled out of bed with his golden hair, as well as his stomach, in knots. That Matt kid is... weird... Matt's parting lines echoed in his head, bouncing off the walls of his skull and giving him a headache. But his mind was set. He wouldn't let impeding thoughts of the mysterious redhead corrupt his daily schedule. Passing Near's room, he caught sight of Linda and her friends again.
"Come on, Near, why don't we play soccer outside?" Linda suggested, "It's OK if you don't know how to play, I'm not very good either, but Rory can help teach us." She offered.
"Yeah, mate, it'll be fun." The sandy haired boy next to Linda agreed.
"And we brought you some food again." The boy on the other side of Linda added.
"You'll eat it this time, won't you?" Linda pleaded.
She must be really bored... if the only thing she has to do all day is fawn over Near... Mello thought, quickening his haste as he made his way to his own room.
"Matt...?" Mello paused, looking down at the red haired boy who sat in front of his door.
"I was waiting for you to come back." Matt smiled, holding up the gameboy in his hands, "I was playing Mario. Wanna give it a try? Oh, and I bought the chocolate, just like I promised."
Matt...this is... just like... Linda...Mello felt his face growing hot; he didn't know what to say to Matt.
"Mello, is something wrong?" Matt looked concerned, standing up and putting a hand on Mello's shoulder. "You look like you're about to cry..."
"Shut up," Mello's hand flinched, but he let Matt keep his hand where it was.
Eating chocolate every day seemed like the best thing ever...but...I really wanted someone to ask where I was going, or be concerned that I wasn't eating that rubbish in the cafeteria... Mello accepted.
"Hey, if you're upset, have some chocolate. It can make you feel like you're falling in love for the first time." Matt held up a chocolate bar with his free hand.
The void in Mello's heart dissipated, freeing him from the chains of loneliness and neglect that had haunted him. "Thanks, man. Why don't you show me that video game?"
"Yeah." Matt beamed, "You'll like it."
I don't need a mother... or Linda and her friends... I don't need to bury my sorrows in chocolate... I've got Matt now. Matt followed Mello into his room, explaining the history of Mario all the while.