Waterfall
By Kimetara
One-shot
Disclaimer: Dead or Alive is not mine.
Tired.
That's what I am.
I'm staring up on my back right now. It's a beautiful, serene night, the moon floating amongst the stars, while wisps of clouds swirl through the sky.
The fireflies are gone. It's only me, lying here on the grass, surrounded by the small streams. My entire body's aching from the fight I just lost, hence why I haven't moved.
The fight I just lost...again. I struggle to sit up, despite the pain of my bruised ribs.
Jann Lee. I despise him so much. How can he keep beating me, over and over? I hate him, I hate how he smirks when I hit the floor, I hate his scornful glances when I've just lost, I hate that haughty little jaunt his stride carries.
I hate how he looks over me. How he thinks I'm not worthy. Not worthy to be with him.
I hate how he's right.
I've tried to prove myself to him, so many times. Each time, I fail.
And now look at me.
More than I hate him, I hate what I've become. Some weak, lost little girl who's only goal in life is to defeat the man she loves.
Pathetic. I risk my life, my well-being, for what? For trying to get some thick-headed arrogant jerk to notice me. Well, he's already noticed me; I won't leave him alone. He probably thinks of me as some pest always coming back for another beating.
...no, he wouldn't think that. He knows that even if he does always beat me, at the very least, I always make him work for it. I'm not an easy pushover. That's probably why he keeps agreeing to fight with me. Because I give him a workout.
Hah. I'm just a training method. God, what have I sunk down to?
I bury my face in my hands, the pressure in my chest building. Hot, my eyes are burning.
But they stay dry. I don't understand it. I can never cry, no matter how much I feel like it. Maybe I'm dehydrated. Haha.
I lost again.
Again.
What is this? The thirty-first time I've lost? How many times have I fought him, in or out of tournaments? How many times have I seen him in the past three years?
How often have I returned here, to this garden?
Waterfall. To this waterfall.
I stand up, ignoring how badly my legs ache, and walk unsteadily towards the railing. Looking down, I see the dark water rush past me, its roar filling my ears. The white foam at the bottom is a stark contrast to the night.
I wonder how it would feel, that pure white foam...
"Hello, Jann Lee." Helena stood in the doorway of his hotel room. This was the day after the Dead or Alive tournament, the last night the fighters would be together before going their separate ways. After this, the hotel would be closed until the next tournament.
Jann Lee opened his eyes, not getting up from his bed. "Hello." Even if he had won, Lei Fang had landed some fairly hard blows, and his body smarted considerably. She was really getting better. Of course, she'd never be as good as him.
"Have you seen Lei Fang?" the diva asked, a slight edge in her tone.
"Not since our last battle. She's probably still at the garden, too stiff to move." His voice was blank. There was no malice intended in his words.
Helena pursed her lips disapprovingly. "Why do you go so hard on her?"
"What do you mean?" Now he shifted, sitting up. "I treat her like all the others."
"That is untrue." Helena crossed her arms from the doorway. "You always go harder on her than any of us. Not once, ever, have you lost to Lei Fang."
"So? What, are you saying I should let her win?" Jann Lee's eyes narrowed. "I would never do that."
"I'm not saying you should. Lei Fang would never stand for it if you went easy on her deliberately anyway." She glanced at him. "Still. Even in sparring, you never lose against her. You have lost to everybody else at least once, although perhaps not in a tournament. It's just her." Helena frowned. "You focus on her. You always put your whole spirit into fighting when it's against Lei Fang. Unlike the rest of us."
Jann Lee stayed silent.
Abruptly, Helena turned away. "You should go look for her," she spoke, a hint of reproach in her voice. "It's getting late."
Jann Lee strolled through the garden, hands in his pockets.
Helena was right. He did always focus on Lei Fang.
It was quite a stunning realization. But did it mean anything?
He shrugged. He'd find out sooner or later. It wasn't as if there was a lack of time – both him and Lei Fang would be in their fighting prime for at least a few more years.
There would be plenty to time to figure things out between him and Lei Fang.
Jann Lee looked around from the center of the garden. This was where he had left her...where had she gone?
Ah. By the waterfall.
He turned and strode over to her, the silhouette of her dress gently flowing in the small breeze. Slowly, deliberately, she moved. Her movements were always so graceful...
Jann Lee froze, staring as she climbed on the railing over the waterfall.
Lei Fang stood precariously on the slim pole, for a moment her arms outstretched to help her get her balance. Soon though, she put them down, the grace attained during years of training ensuring she wouldn't fall.
"Lei Fang." She turned her head carefully toward the voice.
"Jann Lee," she answered quietly. Jann Lee approached her slowly, warily, trying not to startle her.
"Stop." Lei Fang's command, though soft, struck Jann Lee stock-still.
"Lei Fang...what are you doing?" he asked, unmoving from his position as he watched her. "Get down. You could fall to your death."
"Yes, I could, couldn't I," she mused. Jann Lee watched her through narrowed eyes.
"Lei Fang. Get down from there."
She smiled oddly at him. "I will. In a little bit."
"In a little bit?" He gritted his teeth. "Don't be foolish! Get down from there!"
"..." Lei Fang turned away, again facing the waterfall. "I love the waterfall. It's so strong and beautiful..." She turned back to him. Jann Lee froze again. He'd been slowly creeping towards her as she was looking away.
Lei Fang frowned. "Why didn't you listen to me? Don't you respect me at all?"
"Why should I respect somebody who always loses?" The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. Immediately, he saw the hurt flash through Lei Fang's eyes. Something twisted in him, and Jann Lee desperately he wished he could call them back. Or apologize. But his pride wouldn't let him do either, so he just stood there, looking away.
"Yes, why should you..." Surprisingly, Lei Fang noticed tears were softly trickling down her face. So, she could cry. Why now?
Because even though she knew beforehand...it hurt so badly to hear him say he didn't respect her. He never respected her.
Nobody did any more. She saw their pitying looks when her name appeared on the roster. They were thinking 'oh, here's Lei Fang again, going after Jann Lee. Poor girl, she needs to get some self-esteem. She needs to get a purpose in life. She needs to have something else to focus on. He'll never love her back until she beats him, because he's too much of a fighter, and she'll never beat him. Poor, poor little Lei Fang.' They were right. All of them.
She shuddered. Pain, rich, blood-black pain flowed through her body, physical aching mixing with mental slices.
"Lei Fang..."
Jann Lee. She had almost forgot about him being there. Lei Fang focused her eyes back on the other Chinese fighter.
"Yes?" Her voice was strained, trying to keep from breaking.
"I..." he swallowed. Apologies were definitely not his thing, but considering she was up there on the railing, Jann Lee supposed he'd make an exception. "I'm...sorry."
She just looked at him oddly. Jann Lee inwardly frowned, he couldn't read her expression. Normally Lei Fang wore her emotions clearly, even when she was attempting to mask them. It was a rather endearing quality.
...endearing?
He ignored that. He'd think about that later. Was she crying? It was hard to tell in this darkness.
"Don't be sorry, Jann Lee," she replied gently, turning her gaze back to the rushing waterfall. "You're right. Absolutely right. Just like everybody else."
And she fell.
Jann Lee watched, aghast as Lei Fang's body slowly tipped fluidly to the side.
To the wrong side.
"Wait!"
There was no time for waiting. Lei Fang smiled gently at him as he rushed towards the railing, but he was too late.
He watched her fall until the night swallowed her up.
Strange. So many times you see people fall to their deaths, in manga and movies and countless shows. Strange, that they never show the person plummeting to their doom unless they're going to be saved.
I'm not going to be saved.
I see Jann Lee's face. He looks...horrified. I wonder why? It's not as if he's never seen anybody die before. ...I hope my death doesn't hurt him. No, it won't. Why should it? I'm just a lost little girl...
It's so peaceful, falling like this. I can feel the spray from the waterfall.
This is always how I've wanted to die. Either in my sleep, or falling. I've wanted to experience this freedom just once in my life.
...I'm sorry to my mother. I didn't grow up into the doctor you always wanted me to be. Even if I never saw you after you sent me to that boarding school years and years ago, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry to Helena, and Tina. But they're strong, and my death won't effect them much.
I'm sorry to Jann Lee, for having to see me fall. If it makes an effect on him, any effect at all...then I'm sorry. From that last look I had on his face...maybe I did have an effect on him.
It doesn't matter. It's too late now.
The roar of the waterfall's getting louder. The mist is reaching up for me, enveloping me in its soft layers. Now's my chance to feel that pure white foam...
AN: This is my first suicide fic...please review.