I'm just going to warn you right now, if Zammie fluff isn't your thing, this story is not the one for you!
Sometimes summer break felt stifling. Cammie wondered how hot it would get by the afternoon, and was suddenly grateful she had had the willpower to get up at 6 AM to go running. Even so, in just a sports bra and yoga shorts, sweat was pouring down her back. And she hadn't even gone three miles yet.
Oof.
Cammie clattered against the pavement and immediately felt stinging on her elbows, wrist, and knees. She looked around for the offending object that had made her trip and instead saw another jogger crossing the street towards her.
She sat up and dusted the gravel off, noting that her cuts had already started bleeding.
"Let me help you up." A hand came into view.
Cammie grasped it firmly, and though her scrapes protested the change in position, her brain melted. Zach? She blinked and the boy came into focus again. He was the same build and height as Zach, but the face was wrong. Even so, there was a startling similarity.
"Thanks," she murmured breathlessly.
The boy glanced down at her hip but looked right back up, embarrassed. "Your hip is um…ah…really bloody."
Cammie glanced down in surprise. "Oh my gosh, I didn't even notice that." She grinned up at him through her lashes. "Well my mom always did say I need more meat on my bones."
He grinned back. "That was a spectacular fall, by the way. I came out of my house to go for a run and the first thing I see is a flash of hot pink taking a tumble."
Cammie blushed. He was referring to her sports bra. Suddenly she felt too exposed and Zach, Zach, Zach kept clamoring in her mind. She had no idea why, though. Maybe it was the way this boy was looking at her; like she was delicate and like he wanted to help her. She almost sighed. Zach never seemed to think of her like that. They'd been best friends since the sophomore exchange, but things were suddenly changing for her. She had sent him a few emails over the summer, but he hadn't responded to any of them.
"I'm Roman, by the way," the boy said, interrupting her daze. "My house is just across the street. If you want to come over, you can…um…" (he glanced surreptitiously downwards again) "…clean up, if you want."
"Yeah, that'd be really nice. I don't feel like running home like this."
As they crossed the street, Roman glanced at her. "So do you go to Westmore High? I've never seen you around."
"No, actually I go to a boarding school two hours from here. I'm just home for break."
And I can't wait to get back, she added silently. The headmaster of Blackthorne and her mom had decided that the exchange had gone so well, they would be putting together the whole two schools for a school year to see how things went. Over the summer, renovations were being done on the Gallagher mansion to turn all the current dorms into classrooms, and two new buildings were being built on the property – one dorm building for the girls, and one for the boys.
Roman stared at his laces, looking disappointed at her answer. "Oh. Well, if you ever need somebody to run with, you know where I live," he joked. "I could watch for things you could trip over."
Cammie laughed. "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind."
"So you won't believe who I met this summer," Cammie said. "He was…" she trailed off, thinking about the encounter.
The girls were unpacking their suitcases in their new dorm room. All the students were returning to school now and settling in for the beginning of classes tomorrow.
"He?" Macey quoted. "You met a boy? Was he cute?"
"It was weird," Cammie answered, ignoring Macey's second question. "He was like Zach's doppelganger. Except their faces were a little different."
"So, yes. Cute," Macey translated with an eye roll.
A knock came at the door, but before any of the girls could go to open it, it was shoved wide and three boys tumbled in. Grant, Jonas, Nick. Cammie felt her heart fall a little, but she ignored it.
There were greetings all around. As they settled into various seats around the room, Grant spoke up. "So what'd you guys all do this summer?"
The girls all gave Cammie a meaningful look, but she ignored them. They could think she was in love with Zach all they wanted, but she wasn't. So that was that. But now all the boys were looking at her weirdly.
"I…had a really boring summer," she said finally. "A lot of sitting around the house. My grandparents were overseas visiting some cousins of mine, so we couldn't go visit the ranch. And, that's about it."
Bex raised her eyebrows at her, but didn't say anything else.
"I went back to England," Bex added, languishing on her bed. Cammie glanced up and almost laughed to find Grant staring at Bex's long form as she talked on and on about her trip. Senior year was going to be fun. Maybe Bex and Grant would finally get together.
"Zach stayed with me all summer," Grant announced. "We were helping the local police out with a murder case they had. But it was such a pain because they couldn't know we were on it, so it took forever. We had to sneak our intelligence into their files little by little so they didn't suspect anything. And even after we put everything in, it still took those idiots two weeks to figure out the murderer. You'd think the police might be smarter. Oh and by the way, Cammie, he got your emails."
She blinked. "What?"
"You emailed him, right?"
She nodded slowly. So why didn't he write back? The words were on the tip of her tongue, but she let it go; the whole group had moved on to another topic.
"I'll be right back," she muttered. "I'm going to see if chef has anything to eat. Anybody want anything?"
She slipped out and reveled in the feel of being back home. There was just something relaxing about the mansion.
Until somebody grabbed her from behind. She shrieked, caught completely off guard. She turned around and pushed her attacker playfully. "Zach!"
"Surprise," he laughed, and Cammie felt her heart melt. He had grown taller, his shock of brown hair had grown a little so that it stuck up in all the right places. She shook her head and reminded herself that Zach didn't feel the same way about her.
"It's so good to see you," she said instead.
"You too," he said earnestly. "I'm sorry I never wrote back," he apologized. "Things were crazy. I had to go in to see the CIA about the Circle. Everything's all wrapped up nicely now. Did you have to go, too?"
"No," Cammie replied, slightly surprised. "I never heard about them after I turned in my report last semester."
"Oh." Zach shrugged. "Well I heard the teachers are letting us go into town next week."
"How do you know?"
"A little birdie named Tina Walters." Zach grinned like a Cheshire cat as he pulled open the kitchen door for her and waved her in with a flourish.
"Why're you smiling like that?" Cammie asked, amused. She grabbed two cooling pastries off the counter and handed one to Zach.
"I'm taking her to see the new movie that came out."
Cammie almost choked. "Really? What brought that about? I never knew you were interested in her."
Zach turned red. "Actually, she asked me."
"And you went along with it?"
"Yeah, I guess. I mean, Grant's planning on asking Bex and I think Nick's thinking about Macey. I know Jonas was wondering whether or not to ask Liz, but I don't think he's going to go through with it."
Cammie laughed. "So I guess it'll just be me, myself, and I, huh?"
Zach suddenly looked panicked. "No, no. Cammie, I didn't mean it like that."
"It's okay," she assured him. "I don't mind. I can probably join Mick's group. A couple times ago, Bex, Liz, and Macey were all sick with the flu, so I went with Mick. I had a good time, so don't worry about it, okay?"
"Sure. I'll race you back up," Zach challenged.
"You're on," Cammie replied, and began the run up the stairs.
The day in town, Cammie, Mick, and the other girls were lounging on the grass around the pavilion, soaking up the last of the weak September sun. Cammie suddenly heard a loud laugh and lazily peeled open an eye to find the offender. She saw a sight that made her freeze.
Zach was walking out of the movie theater, Tina hanging on his arm. He was talking animatedly about something, and her tinkling laugh floated around again on the wind. Tina's auburn hair had been pulled out of its usual ponytail and it swung behind her back as the pair made a turn towards the ice cream parlor.
She's better than me, Cammie involuntarily thought. Smarter, more connected. I fit in, but she…she stands out. In the best way.
Mick noticed her stiff position and rose up on her elbows to see her better. "What's wrong?"
Cammie had nothing to hold against Tina; the other girl had never been mean to her before. So instead, Cammie just rolled over on her stomach and turned her head away from the couple.
"Nothing," her muffled voice said.
Mick and Courtney Bauer exchanged bewildered glances over Cammie's back.
"So how was yesterday?" Cammie asked, glancing up from her textbook.
Zach looked up in time to see her tuck a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear. Next to him, he heard Macey start to laugh.
"Nick spilled tomato sauce down the front of his shirt, so we took him out shopping."
Nick grumbled something unintelligible from his corner of his room.
Grant chuckled. "You should ask Zach how his date went."
Cammie raised an eyebrow while Zach groaned. "How about let's not talk about it?" he pleaded.
"I saw you guys for a minute yesterday," Cammie said. "You guys looked happy. So what happened?"
"I dunno. She was telling me some story or gossip she heard and I made a little comment about how she knows everybody's business, and suddenly there was ice cream in my hair and on my face. I didn't think what I said was that bad."
"Oh Zach," Liz sighed. Her voice was soft, but everybody heard her. "You really need to learn some tact."
Everybody cracked up.
"So I guess she's not The One?" Cammie teased.
"No, definitely not. Which is a shame, frankly. Her hair looked really soft."
Grant snorted. "Yeah, because that's what you think of when you're around a beautiful girl. Her hair."
"I'm around beautiful girls all the time," Zach retorted, and Cammie could almost swear he was looking pointedly at her. But then his gaze moved on to Bex, Liz, and Macey, and she fell right back down to earth. She was the girl that fit in. Her friends were the ones the boys drooled over.
Midterms were coming up, and a cold, drenching rain had descended on the mansion, so everybody was stuck inside. The library was full of students cramming for the impending tests. Zach and Cammie sat at one of the tables in the back, quizzing each other for Cultures of the World.
"How are headscarfs viewed in Turkey?" Zach asked.
"They're not allowed in public buildings. It's a woman's choice to wear one, but if they do, they can't attend university or go to watch a court hearing, or that kind of thing. My turn to ask you a question."
But before Cammie could say any more, Zach cut her off.
"No. Wait. I have another question for you. It's really important."
Cammie raised an eyebrow, but conceded her turn.
"So I'm going out with Taylor Winmark tomorrow night," he started. "…and I was wondering if you could help me choose what to wear? I think we're going to go to one of the new lecture halls – you know, the ones with the big screens – and she's going to override the system so we can watch a movie. I don't know what that calls for in terms of clothing. Because we're not going out of school, but it's still a date…" his voice trailed off. "I need a girl's help."
Cammie could hear the blood rushing in her ears, but she nodded slowly. "Sure. To your room? It's kind of loud in here for a library, anyway."
A few minutes later, Zach dumped all of their books on his bed and pulled three hangers out of his closet. He held them up. Each held a different set of clothes on them, ranging from casual jeans to a button down and slacks.
"You're really making an effort," Cammie noted stiffly, looking at his expectant face.
"Yeah, well, it's now or never, right?" he smiled.
Staring at the clothes on the hanger, Cammie remembered the first time she had seen him not in uniform. Did boys obsess over their appearance just as much as girls did? Surprisingly, it didn't seem too far out of the question.
"Cammie?" Zach's voice broke her thoughts. "I've asked the same question like five times, did you hear me?"
"Um…choose the one in the middle," Cammie faltered. "It's casual, but not like you put it on five minutes before running out the door."
"Actually, that wasn't what I was asking, but thanks," Zach said, hanging the other two ensembles back up. He left out the one Cammie had chosen and set that hanger on the doorknob. "I was actually asking if you were okay. You've looked kind of sick since we left the library. Not to mention your inattentiveness…that never happens. What's wrong?"
"What, me?" Cammie heard herself protest. "I'm okay. Maybe it's the lighting. I feel fine. Um…I'm going back to my room, if that's okay. I don't really think girls are allowed in the boys dorms."
And she was out the door before Zach could say another word. So he just stared after where she had disappeared to, and thought, For a spy, she's a terrible liar. And the part that scared him most was that she was usually the best.
Cammie was all too happy to leave school for winter break. Her grandparents were back from Europe so she would finally be able to see them, but that wasn't the reason she was looking forward to the time away.
It wasn't her brain that was looking for a break from all the information she crammed into it – well, not exactly. It was her heart and her brain warring against each other. Since Zach's date with Taylor around midterms, there had been two more trips into town. Two more girls that got asked out, two more sights Cammie wanted to erase from her memory.
He doesn't like you that way, and You're not jealous, had suddenly become her mantras. If she told herself she wasn't jealous enough times, one day, it would turn out to be true.
She lay in bed one night, facing the window. Small white flakes drifted down from the sky, settling on the trees and ground like a blanket. It was 5:30 in the morning but she couldn't fall back asleep. She groaned. Maybe some exercise would tire her out. And if not, at least she would have something to do.
Cammie silently pulled on long thermal running clothes and slipped out of the house. The snow fell quietly around her and a sudden wind whipped at her face. But despite the cold, she felt like the wind and snow were pulling all the heartache out of her, taking it so it wasn't such a burden.
For old time's sake, she decided to take her old path. As luck would have it, Roman was out. She had already passed his house, but she passed him on the bike path, going in opposite directions. He immediately switched around and joined her.
"Hey. Cammie, right?"
"Yeah. Hi Roman. Sorry if I'm slowing you down."
He seemed pleased that she hadn't forgotten his name. "Don't worry about it. How's your fancy private school been going?"
"Fine," Cammie began.
"Just fine? You seemed really excited to go back over the summer. What's up?"
"Well, it is school," Cammie tried to joke. And then she suddenly found herself telling Roman everything. She barely knew him, but it was like she couldn't stop the verbal vomit. And as she talked, her legs just pumped faster and faster as if to compensate for the emotional stress. "So I don't know what to do," she finished lamely.
"Have you ever thought about asking him out yourself?" Roman inquired.
"Sort of. I try to push this whole thing out of my mind whenever it comes up. But the reason I don't want to ask him is because I know he'll say no. He likes me as a friend. And I think that's all we're going to be, really."
She was aghast to find tears streaking her face. She wiped them off hastily.
"That sucks, Cammie. It really does. I'm sorry."
"Nobody knows," she said miserably. "Not his best friends, Grant Newman, Jonas Anderson…and not my best friends either–"
But she was cut off. Roman had stopped running and was looking at her from about ten yards back. She stopped too, a little frustrated that she couldn't just keep moving, keep running. But whether towards or away from something, she wasn't sure.
"Did you say Grant Newman?" Roman almost whispered.
"Yes…"
"Does he have brown hair, no glasses, and about yay tall?" he asked, holding a hand up to about his height. "And frankly, really idiotic?"
"You don't know him do you?" Cammie asked.
"Grant's a good guy," Roman said. "We're friends. I met him at summer camp when we were little – knot tying and campfires and all that. We still talk sometimes."
Cammie started to panic. Every good spy was taught to keep their mouth shut. Because this is what ended up happening when you gave away your cover. "You can't tell him! Please. They're best friends. Everything Grant knows, Zach knows too. It'll be the most embarrassing day of my life."
Roman looked at her with interest. "Grant can keep a secret, you know. He's an idiot, but he knows when to keep his mouth shut."
"No. Please. God, I shouldn't have told you."
"Okay, okay, Cammie. I promise I won't say a word. This is your decision."
"Thanks," she whispered. Suddenly she felt like all the fight had left her. She no longer felt like running. At least she was close to home. "I'll…um…see you around, Roman."
Roman watched her disappear into the dawn, thinking she deserved more than she knew. And despite his promise, he was going to help her get it.
The welcome-back dinner was no noisier than usual, but the amount of food had almost tripled. Cammie sat in-between Macey and Bex and Liz sat across from her.
After talking to Roman over break, she knew exactly where she stood with Zach, but that hadn't made anything easier for her. So she avoided eye contact with all of the boys. She knew they were shooting weird looks at her friends, but since the only person that knew about her situation was Roman, they just returned the boys' questioning glances with ones of their own.
"Could I have your attention please!" a voice came from the podium.
Bex nudged Cammie. "It's your mom."
Mrs. Morgan waited until the din died down before starting again. "On behalf of the whole faculty, I'd like to congratulate all of you for a fantastic first semester. This full-school exchange has succeeded beyond expectations. We hope you will continue this excellence through the end of the school year. In other announcements, we are holding a ball in a month. None of you are obligated to attend, but we figured that with the school being co-ed now, it would be a nice thing to do."
The room erupted in whispers.
"The next town outing will be in two weeks, so you all will be able to pick up formal wear if you so choose."
By then, the clamor in the dining hall had grown so large Mrs. Morgan could no longer speak over it and be heard by everyone. So she gave up and sat down, enjoying her dinner.
Cammie glanced up for the first time at Zach. He looked faraway, and Cammie wondered if he was remembering the first dance they had been to together. But she followed his line of vision and saw it was locked on a blonde two tables away.
Her heart sank and she glanced the other way to Grant. Surprisingly, Grant was staring at her. And even more surprisingly, he had a look of understanding in his eyes. Grant. Understanding. Roman must've said something anyway. But she cocked an eyebrow at him as if she wasn't terrified and as if she had no idea what his problem was.
"Excuse me," she muttered, getting up from the table. She further mumbled some excuse and fled the hall.
The two weeks passed without incident. The students were leaving for town in three hours. Cammie wasn't planning on going out this time; she didn't have a need for a dress, so there wasn't much point.
Zach found her sitting in one of the alcoves in the hallway – the window seats that overlooked the grounds. She had a book in her lap and was staring out the window dreamily at the uninterrupted white coating the world.
"Hey, Camster," he smiled.
Cammie felt her heart flip at the crooked pull of his mouth.
"You're in a good mood," she observed.
Zach flopped down on the seat opposite her and leaned back against the wood paneling behind him. "Yeah, I guess so. You going with anybody to the ball?"
Cammie quietly sucked in a breath. This was it. He was going to ask her.
"No."
"Do you have anybody in mind?"
"Maybe."
"Will you tell me?"
"No."
"Can I guess?"
"Sure, if you want to."
Zach thought for a moment. "Is he in our grade? Smart? Funny? Good-looking?"
Cammie almost laughed. "Yes. To all of them."
"Do you talk to him a lot?"
"Yeah. I guess so. More than most people anyway."
Zach thought for a moment. Suddenly his face changed, eyebrows crawling up his forehead. "Oh my god, it's not Grant or Jonas or Nick, is it? Is that why you haven't asked yet? Because then your friends would be–"
"No, no, no. It's not them." Cammie ridiculously felt like laughing.
"Oh. Will you just tell me?"
Cammie shook her head adamantly.
"Well, you better ask soon. It's been two weeks – he might be taken by the time you pluck up the nerve. Anyway, guess what? She said yes!"
Cammie stared at him blankly. "What? Who said yes?"
"Taylor! I didn't like her much on the first date, but we've hung out a couple times since then, and I think I might actually like her now. Anyway, I asked her to the ball, and she said yes!"
Cammie forced a smile. "That's great, Zach. Congrats."
Cammie, she thought to herself. You stupid girl. Did you really think Zach was about to ask you? You know he just thinks of you as a friend, and you're the plainest of all the girls at school. You should've known.
"Thanks. I hope you get to ask your guy before he's gone," Zach said, patting her knee. Then he unfolded himself from the seat and left with another wave.
Cammie slowly slid down the seat until she was lying on her back. Her book rested on her chest. She felt like screaming and crying all at once. In a sudden burst of frustration, she launched her book over the banister and seconds later heard a thwack as it hit the ground a story below. Tears pooled in her eyes, but didn't slip out. She blinked rapidly and wiped them away.
Footsteps approached her, so she quickly drew the curtain that separated the seat from the hallway. But it was immediately pulled back again and she saw Grant looming over her. She tried to quickly quiet her sniffing nose and took back the book he held out to her.
Grant sat down across from her in the place Zach had just vacated and looked at her expectantly, but she avoided his eyes.
"I figured it was yours. Only you can launch a textbook like that. It scared the hell out of me, when it landed though. It must've only been a foot in front of me. If I had been rushing, I think I might be dead now," he tried to joke.
"Oh." Cammie still didn't look up. "Well thanks. I'm going to go."
She scooted off the window seat quickly, but Grant grabbed her arm before she could go.
"Come on, Cammie. We both know what's wrong."
And she burst into tears. She had been trying to hold back with Roman, and a few moments ago, but she couldn't anymore. Grant pulled her back onto the seat where she sat blindly.
Grant was at a loss. He made it a point not to deal with crying girls regularly, and never had he encountered a crying Cammie. He usually fled as soon as he felt the waterworks coming on, but he couldn't now.
"I'm…I'm going to k-kill…Roman," Cammie tried to joke through her tears, but it just made her cry harder.
Grant pulled a tissue out of his backpack and passed it to her. She took it gratefully. He wrapped an arm around her awkwardly and let her cry it out.
"I'm really sorry, Grant," she finally hiccupped. "I didn't mean to cry all over you."
"Zach will realize it eventually," Grant tried to console. "I think he likes you a lot more than he realizes."
Cammie shook her head. "Not like I like him. He thinks we're friends. And it's really terrible I feel this way because I can't even really be around him anymore without acting strangely."
"It's not terrible that you feel any way. What you feel is what you feel. You can't change it."
"And I can't change his feelings, either," Cammie added gloomily. Something dawned on her. "You haven't told Zach anything?"
Grant shook his head. "Roman said you were extremely panicked when he contemplated telling me. So I figured…I owe you anyway, for saving me from Bex last semester in P&E. Thanks, by the way. I'm pretty sure she was about to take my life."
Cammie laughed weakly.
"Do you want to come with Bex and me? We can go in a triple."
Cammie shook her head. "If I do, Bex will never forgive me. And I don't want to tell her the whole story. The less people that know, the less humiliated I'll be. It's okay, but thanks, Grant."
Grant nodded and stood up. He grinned wolfishly at Cammie. "I'm going to change my shirt before going into town," he said, gesturing to Cammie's tears.
"I'm really sorry Grant!" she said, but she couldn't help but laugh.
"Don't be. You needed it."
Cammie waited until he was halfway down the hall before calling quietly after him, "Thanks, Grant."
He threw up a hand to acknowledge it. "You should still go dress shopping with the girls," he called back loudly before turning the corner. "Let him know what he's missing."
"Shhhh!" Cammie reprimanded. "Someone's going to hear!"
But she liked the idea anyway, and decided she might as well go out with her friends. If anything, she could just be another opinion for their dresses.
The day of the ball, it was like the world was trying its best to look nice. The sun shone weakly through the February clouds, the snow had melted, leaving the grass out to revive itself. Cammie stared at the black dress that hung in her closet, asking herself for the millionth time whether or not she should go.
Her friends had cajoled her into buying the dress because it had looked so good on her, but she wasn't entirely sold on actually attending.
Macey had done her makeup and curled her hair into loose waves before she had left with Bex and Liz, just in case Cammie chose to go. The dance had already started, but she could showed up late if she wanted to.
In a sudden choice, she pulled the dress off the hanger and went into the bathroom to change.
Zach felt wrong. When he had told Cammie about asking Taylor out to the ball, his stomach was in knots. He felt guilty, even. When he had left, he had almost turned around because of a compulsion to…explain. But why would he need to explain his date to Cammie?
You're losing it, Goode, he thought.
He was having a nice time dancing with Taylor, but it just felt wrong. And he couldn't explain why. Suddenly, from the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of black at the top of the stairs. He turned his head.
Cammie stood at the top of the staircase, wearing in a dress that clung to her body in all the right places. It was a hi-low dress, so he could see her mile-long legs. But there was a bit of sheer lace that accentuated the draping of the fabric so it fell softer and with more elegance than most of those kinds of dresses did. When she turned to check the clock behind her, he saw the lack of clothing covering the upper half of her back. Instead, her hair fell gracefully to conceal the area.
Snap out of it, he commanded. That's Cammie – one of your best friends.
She started to descend the stairs slowly, looking uncertainly at the throng of people below. Somebody barreled by him, followed by a girl in blue. It was Grant and Bex.
"Cammie!" they called. "Come join us!"
Macey, Nick, Liz, and Jonas were all weaving through the crowd to meet Cammie at the bottom of the stairs. Suddenly, Zach felt the urge to ditch Taylor and join the group. Ditch Taylor. Ditch Taylor. Taylor. Taylor. Taylor.
He snapped his head back towards her, but if she had noticed Cammie's appearance, she didn't let it on. Instead she smiled at him.
"Do you want to get some punch?" she yelled over the music. "I'm starving."
He forced a smile back at her. He didn't know what he was thinking about Cammie, and Taylor was starting to feel totally, absolutely, 100% wrong. "Sure."
As he was scooping the punch, he heard a familiar voice getting closer and closer.
"…and you would not believe what Bex did to me when she first saw me…"
Grant.
Out of nowhere, Taylor grabbed his shoulder and turned him to face her. He tried to back away. He had a feeling he knew what was coming. And that was not where he wanted to go.
But she was a Gallagher Girl – she grabbed him with a strength befitting the title and edged closer. He still tried to edge away. But before he could really react, she had wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in.
And the suddenly, Zach Goode was kissing Taylor Winmark in front of the whole of his school.
Cammie was listening to Grant recount the story of how Bex had attacked him when she'd first seen him earlier that night. But attacked in a good way – with a kiss. Grant was talking animatedly, and Bex was doing her best to beat him up for telling the story in the first place. The whole group headed over to the desert table.
Cammie was having a lot better of a time than she thought she would. Maybe she had made the right decision to come, after all.
The crowd parted in front of her as they made their way to the table. As the last person moved out of her way, she saw a sight that made her cold all over. She froze and backpedaled immediately, running into the person behind her.
Zach was kissing Taylor. Openly kissing her, in the middle of all these people. Which meant he was committed. Cammie felt like she was going to throw up.
Grant looked over with wide eyes.
"I'm…um…gone…uh…leaving…" Cammie muttered before throwing herself headlong into the crowd behind her. With a snap of black lace, she was gone.
Zach pushed Taylor away as soon as he could function again.
"What was that?" he demanded.
Taylor looked at him with a smile, but it wasn't the warm one he'd come to know in the last few months. It was cold, like she didn't really care what happened to him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of black lace and blonde hair as Cammie turned back into the crowd. She seemed to be in a rush, but he had no idea why.
He suddenly had the weird compulsion to explain things to her again.
"I've always been your second choice, haven't I, Zach?" Taylor asked.
"Wha…What? No! Why would you say that?"
"Don't play stupid with me, Goode. Both you and I know that I'm not the one you're looking for. So that kiss? That wasn't for you or me. That was for Cammie."
He stared at her stupidly. "I don't see how Cammie has anything to do with this."
Taylor threw her hands up in the air.
"I give up, Goode. I give up." She stormed away from him to find some other friends.
Cammie wanted to get out of the school. No, she wanted to get out of her own skin, because that's where the hurt was coming from – inside. But since she couldn't do that, she was going to leave the school instead. Dress be damned.
She was just about to head to the family tree tapestry before she remembered that would be the first place Zach looked. Because despite his oblivion to her feelings, he knew everything else about her.
So instead, she ran to the library and found the book on the entire history of Croatia, and pulled. The passage swung open in front of her and she ran through, hearing it close behind her. This passage was rarely used, so the air sat musty and heavy. Somewhere around halfway through the corridor, she sank down against the wall and cried it out.
On the bright side, Macey had used waterproof makeup. On the other hand…everything else.
It was about thirty minutes later before Cammie was able to pull herself up from the floor and head back to her dorm. She knew the girls would be waiting for her there, and even though she didn't feel like answering questions, the stone floor of that passageway was starting to hurt her butt.
Zach was waiting for her at one of the tables in the library.
"How'd you know I was here?" she asked with a thick voice. "And don't say 'spy' and point at yourself as if that excuses everything you've ever done."
"I heard your crying," he answered.
"I wasn't…crying," she defended. Her mind raced to come up with another reason. "I was…um…tending to a…wounded animal…"
He raised his eyebrows but didn't press it. "So what's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong."
"Something's obviously wrong."
"Shouldn't you be with Taylor?"
"Taylor turned out not to be The One, either."
"Still not good enough, huh?"
"Excuse me?"
"She still wasn't good enough for you, was she?" Cammie clarified scathingly. "Just like Maria before her, and Carrie before her, and then Tina before that. None of them are enough for you, right? That's why you've blown through four of them this year. Right?"
She turned to leave and Zach sat stunned. What was going on with Cammie? He wanted to ask what was wrong, but he ended up sounding accusing and defensive.
"I'm sorry, but what would you know about dating? It's not like anyone's asked you in the last century."
Cammie stopped walking. Without turning around, she said lowly, "Right. Because of all the girls you've considered, I'm the last. Not beautiful, not particularly smart. All I'm good for is fitting in, right?" She finally wheeled around to face him. "All those other girls, they have something going for them. But I'm the boring one, the one people don't even notice in a crowd." Her voice cracked, and she lowered it so it was almost a whisper. "Least of all you."
"Cammie, I didn't mean that."
"I have to go. The girls will be worried," she muttered.
Zach was up in a flash and crossing to the door before she could get out. "Where did that whole speech even come from?" he asked. "And what do you mean, least of all me?"
"I want to go."
"Please, Cammie, you have to tell me."
Cammie finally snapped. "I don't have to do anything for you, Zachary Goode. I'm not your dog. I'm not here for you when you need me, and obedient when you don't. I'm not yours."
Zach couldn't help but notice she said the last part bitterly. Like she wanted to be his? His head was spinning. And Cammie wasn't done yet.
"You really want to know what's wrong?" she yelled. "What's wrong is that I'm in love with you, Zach! After all those girls you asked out, it never occurred to you that maybe I wanted to go with you someplace, sometime, somewhere? It didn't really matter where, but it never happened anyway!"
"Well you never made an effort!"
"Because all you ever cared about were those other girls! You never looked twice at me! You asked me for advice to help you score with them! What part of those actions would make me think you'd even consider going out with me? I'm the safe girl, right? The one you can take for granted that will always be there."
Tears were falling down Cammie's face, and as she thought about it, she almost wanted to laugh. This was the third time she'd cried over this situation. Love did crazy things to people. She lowered her voice.
"I'm really sorry, Zach. But I'm not going to sit and watch you date every girl at our school. I don't think I could handle that."
And she fled the library.
"You totally messed things up, man," Grant said, shaking his head. "I think she's liked you since the beginning of the school year."
"Wait, you knew?" Nick asked.
Grant nodded. "Sort of, yeah. I found out indirectly but she confirmed it about two weeks ago."
Jonas shrugged then looked at the lump on the bed. "So what're you going to do?" he asked.
"Mhmmmph" came Zach's reply from under the blankets.
"You can't stay under there forever, I can tell you that," Nick added.
Zach flung the covers down and sat up slowly. "I messed up big time, guys."
"That's the kind of thing you'd say if you loved her back," Jonas noted. He paused. "Do you love her back?"
Zach thought about it for a minute. She claimed that he was the only one that knew her. And recently he had this urge to explain his actions with other girls to her. Not to mention lately his stomach did flips whenever she was around and his palms got sweaty and he felt more and more incoherent…Oh god.
"Yeah. I guess I do." He let the words sit on his tongue for a minute. "I love Cammie Morgan," he said, testing the words out. But then the situation sunk in again. "Crap. What do I do?"
Cammie was avoiding him. He figured it out pretty soon, after she jumped out of her seat at the end of CoveOps. How she was talking with Bex in the hall, but turned around and left mid-sentence when she saw him coming towards her. How she didn't show to dinner and just had her friends bring something back to the dorms. He quickly learned that it is very hard to catch a spy when she doesn't want to be caught.
And he couldn't blame her for it.
I'm such an idiot, he thought furiously. If I had just realized that it was Cammie I've been in love with this whole time…
Finally, about a week later, he found her alone studying under a tree on the Gallagher grounds. She saw him approaching from about 100 yards away, and immediately began throwing things in her bag. She didn't even bother to close the bag, with the rush she was in.
He ran up to catch with her and she just kept walking faster and faster.
"Cammie!"
"I don't really want to talk to you."
"I know you don't, but you've got to."
"Again, Zach. I don't 'got to' do anything."
"Sorry bad choice of words. But Cammie. Really. I need you to listen."
They were approaching the girl's dorms, so Zach ran ahead and blocked the door in. She rolled her eyes and tried to weave around him, when he suddenly grabbed her and spun her around. He held onto her arms and pinned her against the door.
Cammie's eyes flashed. She tried to throw him off, but he was ready for it.
"Cammie," he said, his voice low. And despite everything, she felt a chill go through her. A part of her still really, really wanted Zachary Goode.
"Cammie," he repeated. "You've always been a good friend," (she refused to meet his eyes at that) "and I never really thought about you as anything but that. Like a sister that I could totally trust with everything."
"You're not really helping your case here," Cammie snapped.
"I know, but you gotta hear me out. You were totally right about me taking you for granted. I just assumed you'd always be there. But Cammie, I really can't stand to lose you. I don't want to lose you."
"But as a friend, right? Always as a friend." She blew out a breath, trying to wiggle out from under him.
"But that's just it, Cammie. When you told me all those things the other night, you were totally right. I blew through those four girls like it didn't matter. And, what in the space of five months? And I realized after you left why I didn't feel much with those girls. They just…weren't you. I was looking for love, Cammie," he confessed, his face earnest and eyes bright. "But I never realized I already had it. With you."
He looked at her hesitantly. Slowly, he lowered his head, leaving plenty of time for her to knee him in the groin if she so wished. But nothing came, so he bent his head all the way…and kissed her.
He let go of her arms and her hands immediately came up to wrap in his hair, pulling him closer. Under his body, he felt her slowly relax from her stiff position, and under his lips, he felt her smile.
"God, I love you, Zach."
"And I love you, too."