Summary: Kaidan could not be more upset. Shepard could not remember. Garrus could not be more used. Mordin... Mordin could only do what Mordin does best. Writer could write a better summary but she does not know how... Shakarian pairing. Warning: Alenko-Unfriendly
"Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you put me through that." The man in front of her said with a pained expression.
"Errr... You don't sound very happy to see me alive right now either," Shepard replied sheepishly.
She had meant that as a joke. Joking had helped with Garrus' situation. He had eased comfortably right into the bantering when they met again and simply accepted that she was indeed the same Shepard. Even the "coming back from the dead" part, though not dismissed, was easily cleared up. Tali, without the jokes, was able to take it well enough and accepted her too, in a way. But Shepard had seen how joking around had worked so much better with Garrus. Surly that means joking couldn't make things any worse.
"I thought we had something, Shepard. Something real. I... I loved you."
Nope. He just said something a lot worse...
"Wait," Shepard eyes widened. "Did you just say you loved me and that we had something?"
"Yes...," Alenko hesitated. After all these years, the Commander could still make him nervous like a lovesick puppy. It wasn't an easy confession. And he had regretted not saying it before she died. Funny, he felt himself regretting saying it now too. "We... That night... We were so good together..."
"Just one second," Shepard held up a finger to the man standing in front of her, effectively cutting him off. Almost immediately, she pulled Garrus away far enough to talk so they were not overheard. Alenko stood there, stupefied at what just happened.
"Who is that guy and did he do anything to my body?" Shepard whispered when she let go of his arm.
"Shepard," Garrus stared at her. She could actually see the blue in his eyes intensified. "That man is Kaidan Alenko. How could you have forgotten him? What the hell did Cerberus do to you?"
"I know Kaidan Alenko, for crying out loud!" Shepard backhand slapped the front of his armor, hard. "I am asking you what the hell happened that he just said he "loved me" and we were "good together"?"
"He is...was your boyfriend! You two were together since... I don't know... Ilos maybe. I seriously did not pay that much attention to ship gossips."
"What do you mean we were together? Who told you we were together? Like we had sex together? Like really? Had sex? Together?"
"Noooo..." Garrus replied, dragging the word to emphasize his sarcasm. "Not really. Being your boyfriend means he got to go to your quarters and played Tic-Tat-Toe with you...across the table, together," Shepard narrowed her eyes. "Spirits, Shepard!" Garrus closed his. "Do I need to draw you a picture of what you two might have been doing in your quarters?"
"Well, you might need to," Shepard shrugged, then bent her head lower and spoke, "I am telling you I do not remember doing anything with him! I mean I remember shouting at him to get his ass into the shuttle when the SR1 was under attacked and I remember all those yelling from him about wanting to go home when I was driving the Mako... But I do not remember playing "Tic-Tat-Toe" with him!" She air quoted. "I don't remember sleeping with that man! I don't even remember if I had drunk-sexed him! Are you sure I did?"
"You expect me to verify if you two had been "Tic-Tat-Toeing"? How the fuck am I supposed to do that?!" Garrus hissed and air quoted back.
"Then what am I supposed to do?" Shepard hissed back. "He HUGGED me!"
"Shoot him!" Spirits, did he just said that? "No. Bad idea... Don't shoot him! Pretend to kiss him or whatever the crap you humans do to show affection! Rub his hair! I don't know!"
Shepard made a face at the ideas like she just smelled Varren feces. Putting a hand over her eyes, she sighed.
"We should go. Back me up or I will remember this, Garrus Vakarian!" She turned back.
"Back you up?" Garrus was still hissing in frustration as he followed the Commander. "How the fuck am I supposed to back you up on these kind of things?"
Kaidan Alenko was standing with his hands behind his back waiting for Shepard but his eyes were straining worriedly to his right. As if being stupefied wasn't enough, he now had one Mordin Solus standing very close with a scanner, humming and nodding and making occasional remarks or half statements. Alenko had no idea whether they were directed to him, at him or if they were not at all about him. The scanner in the Salarian's three fingered hand beeped again.
"Ahhhh!" Mordin suddenly threw his hands up, scaring Alenko into almost diving for cover. "Stress level unusually high. Prime candidate for cerebrovascular accident in distant future."
"What?"
"Cerebrovascular accident!" Solus spoke so fast, Alenko was surprised the scientist did not trip over the pronunciation of such a long word. "Stroke. Humans. Vorchas. Turians. All prompt to cerebrovascular accidents. Elcors. Different but similar. Accidents may involve total lost of nasal control. Mucus everywhere. Elcors. Large mucus bags. All seven of them. Extremely unpleasant for Elcor and others. Drells..."
"I know what a cerebrovascular accident is!" Alenko screeched. "I was just about to calibrate the Gardian laser when those...those things attacked us! Of course my stress level is high!"
"Ah yes, calibrating the turrets," the Salarian continued his scans. "Should have arrived earlier before seeker swamps. Vakarian calibrated. Allowed ship's computer to realign the lasers in minutes. Save Alliance time if arrived early. Colonists would have been saved. Wouldn't have known though. Apologies not needed."
The scanner beeped again. Mordin looked down.
"Surprising," he said. "Stress level just spiked again. Suggest calming nervous tension. Just experienced extreme discomfort from seeker sting and paralysis. Still unclear how paralysis was overcame. Have not injected release serum to any colonists. Will forward stress release vids to personal mail under Kaidan Alenko. Saw name tag on uniform. Human Yoga, perhaps? No. Body structure does not display too much flexibility. Basic Human Yoga takes time to learn. Facial expression does not indicate a patient man. Hanar Soft Belly Dance more ideal. Twisting and turning less need for flexibility. Yes. Hanar Soft Belly Dance ideal for..."
"I overcame it because I am a L2 biotic!" Alenko felt a headache brewing behind his twitching brows listening to the Salarian. "And I do not want to learn Hanar Soft Belly Dance!" He wanted to talk to his girlfriend, not this cherry-lipped alien, NOW!
"Ridiculous!" Mordin drew his head back as if insulted. "Hanar race the foremost authority in stress relief. Learning Hanar exercises good for release of tension. Scan has show L2 Biotics not involved. Please. Stand still. Scanner sensitive. Needs still subjects. May sit down. Understand humans easily experience Post Traumatic Stress Disorders. Impossible to get scan results for further study if do not stop walking away."
Alenko stopped in his escape and glared at the woman before him.
"Ah excellent. Has stopped walking," Alenko heard Mordin said somewhere behind him.
Shepard had literally jumped when he said he loved her. How could she? First she pretended she was dead and then she just rejected his confession with a brush of her finger? And not only did she do that, she had then cut him off, and left him with the motormouth Salarian. Alenko was now steaming.
"Mordin," Shepard nodded to the scientist then turned.
"Alenko," she greeted as Garrus fell in line by her side.
"Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?" Alenko felt he had the right to know.
"I was err... Dead?" Shepard answered. "Clinically dead. It took two years to bring me back."
"And I am supposed to believe that? With reports about you and Cerberus?"
"Alenko, remember I did say "dead"? I didn't zombie-walked myself to a Cerberus base and said "Hey, ye'all! Spend a few billion credits and bring me back. I will make it worth your while yah!" But here I am, like it or not. And since I am back, I might as well save your ass and then listen to you bitch about something I had no control over."
"There were rumors that you weren't dead. That you were working for the enemy." Alenko retorted. "Alliance intel thought that Cerberus might be behind the missing human colonies. They got a tip this colony might be the next one to get hit. And here you are, standing under the Cerberus' logo. So all those rumors months ago were true."
"Rumors?" It was Garrus who spoke up. "Months ago? You knew Shepard was alive and you did not inform any of us? Damn it Alenko! How many different ways of an asshole are you?"
"Let's forget about Cerberus here and focus on the big picture," Shepard reasoned. "The Collectors are targeting humans and its the Reapers they are working with. We should concentrate our effort in stopping them instead."
"We all know what Cerberus is like! They could be using this to manipulate you. What if they are behind this? What if they are working with the Collectors?"
"They are not. They are the ones who gave me the resources to stop the Collectors."
"Suggest conversation to not continue," Mordin had finished his scan and was now standing next to Shepard, like Garrus. "Arguments such as these only happen in Council meetings. Nothing but politics," Garrus smirked at the comment. "No real work being done. Bickering and heightened emotions do not save lives. Adapt to situations. Change when needed. Enemy of my enemy is my friend. Human saying. Surprised Alenko human never knew that."
"And you should know me by now, Alenko, that I take what I can get if it means I can save lives!" Shepard said.
"You are too emotional to think straight, Alenko," Garrus added. "It's the Reapers that's the main concern here. Cerberus, we can deal with as and when we feel there is a need."
"She is the one not thinking straight, Garrus! And you are helping her! For all you know, she could be brainwashed by Cerberus! You have changed. All of you! But I still know where my loyalties lies! You turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed me."
Blinking at the finger pointing at her, Shepard decided she had heard enough. It was not that she did not want to talk him over to her side. She would have loved her old team back. But Shepard was Shepard. She had only so much patience for unreasonable people. Alenko was proving to be one of those unreasonable people right then. Old team be damned. Two years. Two years she was gone and he had became more bitchy than Ashley and more ignorant than Liara but had none of the two women's openness to learn. Shepard decided she was about to do something unspeakable and she totally would enjoy rolling with it.
"Kaidan," She called him by his given name for the first time since they met up again.
"What?" Alenko asked.
"You know Cerberus had me for months. Why didn't you rescue me? Or try? You know what Cerberus was capable of..." She pouted and looked really sad.
Alenko was taken aback. He did not know what to say.
"I..."
"You allowed them to brainwash me?" Shepard pouted even more. "If Wrex had gotten the information you had, I am sure he would gather every resource and help he could gather and stomped the Cerberus base they were holding me in," Shepard forged a bit of tears and blinked.
"Vakarian would have done the same," Mordin was a quick study. He caught on. "Stomping base immediately, yes. Gathering resources and help, no."
"What?" Garrus was stunted. "No! ... I mean yes! ... I mean I would have stomped it, yes, but I would have gathered resources!"
"Unlikely," Mordin said matter-of-factly.
"So why? Kaidan? Why didn't you tried to rescued me from the hands of those guys? Why did you not use the information you had but allowed such things to happen to me?"
"I..."
"Now see, it's all your fault. Now I couldn't even remember the night you were talking about."
"What?!"
"I do not remember sleeping with you, Kaidan."
Garrus groaned. Did she had to be so blunt. Shepard glared at him.
"I say," Shepard did a hundred and eighty degree turn in emotion and lost the look she had earlier. Cooly, she continued, "I do not remember us having sex, Kaidan. Oh, I will remember it if it had happened. I remember everything in the old Normandy. I remembered Tali throwing up in her helmet in the Mako because I drove vertically up a mountain instead of around it. I remember Garrus cursing me in Turian whenever he had to fix the ride. I remember thinking how dare he and thinking if I should beat the crap out of him or push him against the Mako and fuck him..."
"What?!" Garrus gapped.
"Shut up," Shepard continued as if she had not been interrupted. "But I do not remember fucking you!"
She let out a breath and relaxed her shoulders, "So Kaidan, are you sure you have not been brainwashed? By the Alliance? Are you sure you not caring enough to rescue the woman you claimed to love, after getting the reports, was not planted in you? Or, are you sure it wasn't you being fed stories that did not happen? Like between us?"
"What the hell are you talking about?" Kaidan raged.
"Brainwashing," Mordin reminded him. "Yes. Has been in among human history a long time. Use of discomfort, pain. Alternation between giving kindness and cruelty. Affects brain. Makes subject not know right from wrong. Alenko should see specialist. Does exhibit certain traits of being brainwashed."
Shepard thought she had made her point with this man and was satisfied. Sense or no sense, she had rattled him up enough and that was what she wanted. She turned around and headed up the short flight of stairs, comming the Normandy as she did so. There was no need to stay any longer. The whole stunt would crash and burnt if they did and she would rather leave as the victor, in everything.
"Joker, get us out of here," She said. "Mordin, leave the release serums here. Alenko can administer them to the colonists himself. I've had enough of this place."
The shuttle arrived in no time at all. It must have been already enrouted when Shepard commed the ship. The three boarded it without looking back. And there on the colony was left one Kaidan Alenko, stupefied for a second time in less then a Horizon hour.
"Garrus," Shepard kicked the Turian sitting opposite her in the shuttle lightly on the thigh after a few moments of silence boarding it. "Are all Turians that bad actors? Made me wonder if I want to watch "Fleet and the Flotilla"," She laughed.
"Laugh it up, Shepard," He answered back. "For my defense: One, I was caught off guard. Two, you were having fun at my expanse too."
"Should know Shepard will use you," Mordin said without looking away from the scanner screen. "Alenko displayed easy jealousy when Vakarian name mentioned. Had proven the theory earlier when scanning him. However, must be very drunk. Or drugged. For Shepard to not remember having intercourse relations with him."
"No," Shepard said. "I remembered before the little stunt I pulled just now. And yes, I was drunk. And it was only one night. And no, he was not my boyfriend. And I was on all fours and totally screaming out someone's else's name into the pillow. Oh yes. I remember that alright. I was just too drunk and thought it was Garrus."
Garrus' eyes widened till they almost popped. Inside the shuttle, the female laughter roared so loud it could have been heard miles away if not for the vacuum of space.
Notes:
Updated 4/11: Kudos to my gaming buddy, Cody, for helping me weed out my mistakes.
Update 4/10: Decided to write the full Kaidan encounter from ME2 through to ME3. Kudos me! I am such a kudos ho...
I seriously have trouble with the whole Kaidan encounter. I have to do something about it before it drives me crazy! I need Shepard to have the last say with him!
Never played Renegade Shepard. I usually only option-renegade when I felt I might drop dead and die of annoyance if I did option-paragon. But with the whole Kaidan encounter, even the renegade options didn't cut it for me.
Sorry Alenko fan-girls. I never played ME1... and the Alenko I saw just won't stop pissing me off.