Songfic inspired by 'Alone' from 'Heart'. Jordan realises something. Takes place during the time Jordan and Angela were 'just' friends.
P.S. Don't ask me how my filthy mind turned this beautiful, heartfelt song into something so... beautiful yet dirrrrty and heartfelt yet nasty, with Jordan enjoying himself solo... But hey, evertyhing involving Jordan Catalano is a beautiful thing, right?
P.S.2 Sadly I still don't own the characters, otherwise there'd be no need for Jordan to have fun by himself, now would there? :P
R&R please if you like it... Would love some feedback, otherwise I'm gonna feel terribly embarrassed for publishing this here! Please let me know I'm not alone in this...
Rated M for masturbation!
Alone, by Lady(dragon) Guinevere
Closing the door of his car behind him, Jordan Catalano walked towards his father's house in a straight line, ignoring the birds' chirps and rays of sun filtering through the trees. Like many times before, his thumbnail found its way to his mouth, only to be bitten once more. Jordan ambled through the backdoor and headed straight for the stairs. Two steps at a time, he found himself one floor higher in just a few measly heartbeats. Flinging open the door to his bedroom, he tossed his bag in the right corner and threw himself onto the unmade bed. Everything in his room was exactly the way he left it this morning. Even he was exactly the same. Raking his fingers through his hair, Jordan took a deep breath and shut his eyes for a moment. Tucking his arms under his head, he adjusted himself so he was comfortable. Opening up his eyes to stare at the ceiling, he changed his mind and shut them again. Like it hurt to look at the ceiling.
Jordan VO: "I'm like, just lying here on my bed. Thinking of her. Again. I'm confused 'bout it. Why is she like, in my head like, all of the time? The only thing on my mind, is like, her face, and her lips. The things she says, like 'Why are you like this?' that make me even more confused. And through her words all I hear is like, the ticking of the clock. Nothing else."
"Wow, the room's like, dark all of a sudden. I don't think I heard that many ticks from the clock. How can it be like, dark already?"
Adjusting his eyes to the dim light surrounding him, Jordan sat up straight. He gazed at the telephone on his desk and felt compelled to walk over to it. Picking up the hook, he realized he didn't know Angela's phone number. Throwing the hook aside, Jordan stumbled over to his bag, nearly tripping over the dirty laundry scattered over the floor. He switched on the light, instantly squinting his impossible blue eyes at the brightness trying to protrude his brain. Rummaging his bag, he finally found the withered piece of paper with Angela's phone number scribbled on it. Straitening it out, Jordan headed back towards his desk to pick up the hook once more. His eyes shifting from the note to the phone dial after every digit, Jordan felt his stomach twist into a knot. After dialling the final digit, he paced back and forth through his room. The first tone sounded, making Jordan's thumb reach for his mouth once more. The second tone sounded, Jordan's thumb nail crunching between his teeth this time. Abruptly, Jordan stopped dead, turned on his heels and chucked the hook onto the phone.
Jordan VO: "Why am I like, trying to call her? Dunno what to say her anyway. I'm not that good with words and I hate it. It's like, I don't wanna disappoint her or anything. I just can't be what she expects. She's like, better off without me. She should find someone else. Someone who's like, not me. Maybe she already did. Maybe, she's like, not at home. Like, on a date with some other guy. Who's not me…"
His hands clinched into fists, Jordan's tense muscles had nailed him to the floor. His heart rate went four times faster than the clock's ticks and a red blur hindered his eyesight.
"No!" It sounded like someone else bellowed that angry sound, not Jordan. Rapidly, Jordan grabbed hold of the telephone, yanked the cord from its socket and tossed the phone across the room. Smashing into the wall, the phone gave a cry of discontentment while several shards chipped off, flying in various directions. The bulk of the phone landed on the floor with a loud thump and one last yelp of helplessness.
Jordan's hands reached up to cradle his vigorously shaking head. "No…" As harsh and heated as the other 'no' had sounded, this time Jordan's voice broke and the word was laden with despair. Pacing in front of his bed once again, plastic shattered underneath his shoes. Banging his head into a closet, Jordan cursed his illiteracy and inability to show his emotions.
Jordan VO: "I gotta like, show Angela I care. I have to. I never like, wanted to do relationships, 'cause people *leave*. But what if I was like, wrong, all this time? What if people like, leave 'cause you *don't* do relationships?"
His head throbbing, Jordan pulled his shirt over his head, revealing his lean upper body. The shirt got thrown onto the chair that already hoarded more pieces of attire. Strands of hair tickled his neck and shoulders a bit. His shoes got kicked off and soared into the same direction as the shirt had done. Unbuckling his belt, Jordan's eyes got a glazy look. He unbuttoned his fly and his jeans fell to the floor, exposing his trim legs as far as his black, figure-hugging shorts would let them. Jordan stepped out of his jeans and kicked them aside, after which he removed his socks one by one. One quick look at the clock told him it wasn't even midnight, even if it felt like he had been up here for years already. He switched off the light, ignored the scraps of plastic that stung his feet as he moved and lowered himself onto the bed once more.
Jordan VO: "I don't wanna be that guy who can't commit. Not like, now, anymore. I guess I don't wanna be alone anymore. I want her. She made me wanna be some other guy. Some guy who's like, good enough for her. A guy who like, does relationships and stuff."
Jordan always got by on his own, his mother abandoned him when he was still a little boy and his father hadn't cared about him since. Jordan was strong, he didn't need anyone. Not ever. Relationships weren't real, emotions only caused your heart to break so he didn't want them. He didn't care his life was empty, at least it was painless.
A shiver crept down his spine as Jordan realised he was still sitting upon his bed, dressed in nothing but his shorts. He tossed the sheets aside and lay down on his bed, pulling the sheets up to his chin. His eyes closed, Angela's face floated into his mind once more.
Jordan VO: "Like, when I met her I just thought she was, you know, different… And then I like, got to know her better and I thought about kissing her. I mean, not like how I kissed those other chicks, you know? Again, different… Like, there was more to her. Like, I didn't just wanna kiss her to kiss her, but like I wanted to touch her lips, too. Not just because she has like, those really full, red lips. And not because she's like, always talking too much and I like, know that's how to make her stop. It's like, I wanna be part of her, and not just like fucking, no like, deeper, or something. I wanna like, hold her in my arms. And that's different for me too."
Cradling himself in the warmth of the blankets surrounding him, Jordan's breath hitched slightly as he thought about Angela. Inhaling deeply, it was like he hoped to pick up her scent even though she had never set foot in his room. Images of those plump, red lips caused Jordan's finger to trail over his own lips, softly. His tongue flicked over his lips, and he opened up his mouth slightly to allow a soft moaning 'Angela' to escape. His mood changed as swiftly as it did whenever he was with her. One minute she was talking and he found himself listening, the next minute he was distracted by her lips and found himself wondering what they would taste like on his.
His groin twitched immediately, fuelled by thoughts of her curvy, red lips. His heartbeat accelerated and all the blood went from his brain down to his centre, instigating his arousal. Disappearing under the covers, his hand trailed over his bare, heated chest, electrifying his skin. Nipples hardened under the light grazing of his fingers, scorching his skin as his stealthy fingers followed their path further down. Rubbing over his shorts, Jordan felt he was becoming harder and harder.
"Oh Ang…" Tossing his head back, Jordan shut his eyes. The palm of his hand kept massaging over his shorts, feeling the hardness underneath it become bigger and stiffer with every stroke. The images in his mind became bolder, grazing under Angela's shirt, Jordan's hand cupped one of her breasts.
"Ooohhh…" Familiar with the territory, Jordan's fingers crawled under the elastic of his shorts, tangling their way through the pubic hairs until they reached the top of his stiff member. His hand slid down over the smooth skin covering up the hardened shaft, and Jordan wrapped his hand around himself. Velvet wrapped around steel, that's what it felt like. His other hand slipped under the covers as well, drawing imaginary circles over his chest, around his nipples, through the few curls that sprung from there. He imagined his nipples were Angela's and practically saw her hot, wet mouth opened up to moan. Fantasizing that his tongue flicked over Angela's nipples, Jordan squeezed his throbbing erection harder, gently pulling its skin up and down.
The sleight of his free hand led to Jordan's shorts, pushing them down his lean legs, allowing his erection to spring free. Entangled in the fabric of his shorts his feet kicked and squirmed until the last bit of restraining material was off and away.
Slowly at first, Jordan found a rhythm that amplified his arousal. His hips bucked into his hand in a somewhat more incoherent rhythm. His body became warmer and warmer, but unlike the blood that rushed down to his core, the hotness gathered up in his skull. He increased the rhythm of the hand wrapped around his erection to a faster pace. The other hand was now lost and unguided, and swung next to his head, braiding itself into Jordan's hair. The slick skin slid over the hard length smoothly, fingertips sweeping alongside the proud, pink and highly sensitive head. Inside of his body, the tension built itself up to the level of unbearable, yet pleasurable pain. Bucking his hips wilder and faster into his own hand while squirming his body, Jordan was afraid he couldn't take any more of the deliciousness coursing through him..
Before his closed eyes he saw how his fingers were able to pleasure Angela, by encircling her most sensitive spot. Grinding his teeth, Jordan groaned while his head flung from the left to the right, sweeping his hair along with it. Filaments of hair gently beat his eyes, cheeks and lips, before wildly being swept in opposite directions. Some strands stuck to his sweaty features, absorbing the drops of perspiration greedily.
Jordan VO: "Fuck, I wonder what it feels like to like, be inside of her. To like, feel her… everywhere. Ooohh, and to like, have those full, red lips wrapped around my…"
The thought of Angela's plump, red lips embracing his erection, her mouth sucking him and her tongue flicking over his cock, swirling down his length, finally set off the explosion that was waiting to happen inside Jordan's body.
"Angelaaahhh!" Streamers of warm cum pulsated from his erection, spiralling through his fingers, dripping down his hands onto his sizzling body. A paralyzing sensation spread through Jordan's loins, like hot boiling lava erupting from a volcano. Waves that coursed through his legs and upper body continued, until his entire body was saturated with the familiar phenomenon. The initial numbness faded into mild shudders, and Jordan rode out every last surge of his intense orgasm until he felt tranquil and calm again.
Only lately, the sense of reaching an orgasm had started to amaze him again.
Jordan VO: "It's like, before, I used to, you know, *jerk off* to like, feel calmer or something. And sex was just like, I dunno, somethin' I did 'cause I had to, like brushing my teeth, you know? But Angela she like, really turns me on and I'm afraid I'll like hurt her, you know? So I need to like, jerk off, but now it's like, different and deeper somehow. It's like what she said after all, it's not *just* sex. I should have like, told her tonight. Now she still doesn't know that I, you know, wanna be with her. But, how do I like, tell her? We're never alone anymore and stuff. Maybe she'll come to the boiler room if I like, ask her. Maybe…"
Jordan VO: "Gotta get her alone, and like, tell her I don't wanna be like, alone anymore."
'Alone' by Heart
I hear the ticking of the clock
I'm lying here, the room's pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone
And the night goes by so very slow
Oh I hope that it won't end though
Alone
Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
You don't know how long I have wanted
to touch your lips and hold you tight
You don't know how long I have waited
and I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
and my love for you is still unknown
Alone
Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
Alone
Alone