This is my first fanficition so be harsh on me so I learn. I hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the character or the world, they all belong to Disney and Tim Burton, but I do wish they were mine.

Alice counted the little black marks on the paper. 2095 days since her return from Wonderland. Almost five whole years of counting days and she slowly felt the years filling her mad brain with grey thoughts of a numb, regular day.

Alice visited the Ascot gardens every year at the exact same day the hole opened the last time, wishing it had opened again, but it never had. After a while she started to think it might have been nothing but a silly dream she should forget everything about because she was not going to see her Underland again. It was one thing and mostly one thing only that brought her back from her delusions. Her promise to Hatter. She said she wouldn't forget him and no matter how much the Otherworld pulled her memories she was determined not to break her promise. Hatter was pretty much the only thing on her mind all the time and he had been for all those years. Every streak of orange could be his hair and every glistening piece of green could be his eyes.

It felt exactly as though she was going even madder, the way she loved him. Other men had asked for her hands, of course, with the company she was rich, determined and, even though she wouldn't dream of thinking so herself, gorgeous. They could be nice, sweet and even funny but she always thought they missed a streak of…madness.

Every time she closed her eyes and daydreamed she thought of him. That day at the Red Queens castle when he got furious with himself. The anger she felt upon seeing his chain binding him, the sorrow she felt upon watching him hate something that much and the last thing, the relief she felt when holding his face and watching him turn back to his proper Hatter-manner. Not that there was anything particular proper about it and that was just how she liked it.

Even her nightmares held Hatter. Killed by Stayne, executioned by the Red Queen, forgetting her. She missed every part of Wonderland, yes, but she felt like she lost a part of herself whenever she thought of him.

Alice Kingsley drew yet another line in her book of days since Wonderland and went to bed, wrapping her blanket harshly around her so she could dream about all of her friends.

In Underland it was still broad daytime when Alice went to bed, since time works differently there, as you all know. For a certain Tarrant Hightopp time was going more slow than ever, it seemed even more slow than when it stood completely still and it probably was, but the days were ticking by in natural speed, making it four and a half years since The Frabjous Day. He mostly sat at the dinner table outside of the March Hare's, singing himself a little lullaby, without any greater meaning but to keep him awake. Sometimes Mallyumkun lured him off and they would have a great afternoon, like the times they had before Alice. Usually he was so lost to his own madness though, that both Thackary and Mallyumkun stayed away from him. They whished they didn't have to but the last time they sat with him a whole afternoon Thackary almost lost an ear in one of Hatters outbursts. They had practically moved to Mirana's castle.

Tarrant didn't care though. His mind was like a big bowl of fog and he only waited, waited and sang. They few moments when he found clarification he still was just screaming at himself, hurting himself, wondering how he could let her go. How he could put himself in such a depression. Wondering if she was still alive up there and breaking the porcelain because he couldn't protect her. This day was a happy, foggy moment though and only riddles, ridiculous thoughts like the reason to why the sky wasn't brightly red and the song flew to his head. That particular song echoed through all the woods of Underland as he sang it loudly.

"Lullabies and ligaments and lopricads and larveas

Linnioni, laziness and ladies and lerveas

And loads and loans and lots and labove

I was considering words with an L, like… Love."

He wasn't quite sure about this love part so he whispered it quietly. He sure felt something but it was more sad and missing and warm and longing. It wasn't like they way you loved a sibling or a parent or a friend. Well, he did feel like that for a friend, but that again meant that it couldn't be love because he didn't feel like this for just anyone. Only Alice.

Suddenly something poked him on the shoulder and the soft voice of a woman called his name. "Tarrant?"

He felt butterflies in his stomach, just hoping it would be Her and he slowly, slowly turned around, feeling like shattered glass when he was facing the eyes for the White Queen.

"D-do you know why a raven is like a writing desk?" he said, trying to avoid the gaze of her eyes on him. It felt as though she was reading his mind and he didn't like it because it was not a rather pleasant place to be, in fact it was terribly crowed and horridly messy. He doubted that Mirana would approve of such a state of mind, especially since his worries was quickly returning just as the madness was.

Mirana didn't answer his question; she just had a seat at the long table, giving him a sad smile. Hatter felt too drained to tell her the impoliteness of sitting down when no one offered her a seat and he didn't really care as she actually was his friend but also the mighty queen and he would never deny her a seat, never.

The sat in the awkward silence, thoughts of failing filled Hatters head more and more and he just wished for Mirana to leave to he could surrender to the angry mad hatter again, pushing all the awful thoughts out of his mind. At last, Mirana spoke. "Tarrant. You can't sit here anymore. It's been almost four and a half years of your life, wasted. We moved on. You should too, before there's too much madness and too little Tarrant in that brain of yours. I've been letting this go on for too long."

"It's Alice, your highness." The white queen gave him a furrowed brow. "I'm sorry. Mirana. I need to wait here, I've told you. What if she can't find me if she returns? Maybe she… forgot, then she will probably go the same way as the last time and here I will be, waiting to explain and take care of her." He had a hint of sorrow in his eyes when he looked at her.

"You're right about one thing. It is Alice. The champion. The one who slayed the Jabberwocky. She will remember this time and you can come live in Marmoreal if you want to, working as my royal Hatter. She will have no trouble finding Marmoreal, you know it as well as I do."

Tarrant looked at her with tried eyes, eyes that almost lost all spark of green. "I'd love to be your royal hatter, I would." He looked horribly thorn by the choice of staying or going. "It's just a few days till' the hole will open and maybe then she will come back and I can go to Marmoreal after that. I still couldn't work like this, at least I think so." He looked away for a second and then he turned to her again. "So… You still have no idea why a raven is like a writing desk?" He said, as he always did when he felt uncomfortable.

Ignoring his pleading question she picked up the subject again. "I wish I didn't have to do this as you are one of my dearest friends and it is against my values to hurt any living creature but this really has been going on for too long, just as I said. " She flickered her eyes for a moment as Tarrant just stared blankly at her. "The hole will open again, yes. For the 11:th time since Alice. Don't be all impossible here, Tarrant. You told me it was Alice we're talking about and I confirmed and I will confirm again. She would have gotten here if she wanted to or if she could. She hasn't." As Tarrant was to open his mouth she put up a finger and continued talking, this was clearly the hard part since her voice was low and sad. "I – I sent McTwisp after her, Tarrant. It was a year ago and she was no where to be found. Maybe she moved on with her live of maybe she's sick or injured or travelling or… I would rather not say this, but you need to hear it. She might not even live anymore. I don't think she will ever return."

The green eyes found a spark of life and turned into a tone of darkly red. "Ow dare ye say anytin' like tha'? Th' lassie will return to mi arms, Ah' 'now she would never give up on me, nosheneverwould'ave." He spoke faster and faster, slamming chairs to the ground and screaming and, actually, growing. He grew so quick that he soon was bigger than a house, just out of pure anger. The queen had to leave to not be in real danger but she returned every day to watch him but as she one day was only an inch from receiving a deadly blow with the table to her head she realised she had to leave him to his own madness, letting the Underlandians listen to Tarrant's screams until he had calmed himself down.