Penelo stared at the busy streets of Rabanastre from the wall she was sitting on. Boredom like this hadn't hit her in a long time. With everything peaceful now after the fall of the Archadian Empire there wasn't much to do anymore. Vaan was off on a job for Migelo and had left her behind. Boredom had set in only hours after she had watched Vaan leaving for Balfonheim.
The streets were busy as always but there wasn't any talk of war, just discussions of trade. Penelo sighed as she wondered what to do for fun. She had thought about going down into the Garamsythe waterway and training herself a bit more but there were only so many monsters down there. She had her katana on hand but it felt like it was more for decoration than anything now. She wanted to go fight something but there was a reason she was sitting here on the wall being bored.
Migelo had handed her a letter that morning. It had told her to sit on the wall outside the Sandsea bar. The letter had come from Ashe, someone everyone had lost touch with a little in the months that had passed. Ashe wanted Penelo to accompany her on a journey to the Phon Coast. According to the letter, Ashe just wanted to get away from things for a while.
Penelo thought the note sounded a little odd but it had been a request and not an order. The other part of why she was here was she had chosen to accept Ashe's request. The only problem was that Ashe was a little late and Penelo knew the trip would take days on foot. Maybe that was what Ashe really wanted, just to get away from everything for a week or two.
A flash of white moving through the crowd toward her told Penelo of Ashe's coming arrival. She jumped down from the wall to greet Ashe.
"Morning Ashe. It's been a while." Penelo said with a smile as Ashe walked up to her.
Ashe returned the smile and said, "It really has been too long. I see you got my letter. I wasn't sure if that Bangaa would deliver it."
"He probably wouldn't have if he hadn't been an old friend of Migelo's. He says they make good couriers if they know the person they're delivering to." Penelo said. "It's a good thing you marked that the letter be sent to Migelo."
"Actually it was supposed to be sent directly to you. I'm glad Migelo got his hands on it though. At least I can trust him." Ashe said as she looked around.
Penelo tried to catch Ashe's gaze as she said, "Well are going to stand here talking all day or are we going to get going?"
Ashe laughed lightly at this. She had forgotten how impatient Penelo was about some things. "Yes of course we're going to get going. You have what you need for the trip?"
Penelo nodded and said, "I should have everything I need for a trip from here to Balfonheim on foot. Migelo made sure I did before I left his shop."
"That's good. Then we can get going." Ashe said as she turned around.
Penelo followed her down the street and out into the courtyard that lead to the large doors that lead out into the Westersands. Penelo thought it was odd to go this way but it did give them a way around the Nebra. The heat of the sands was barely tolerable to people who didn't live in the area but to Penelo the wind and sun felt good.
As they walked simple magic was all either of them felt the need to cast at the various monsters that attacked on occasion. Penelo sighed as it was simply just minor annoyances and nothing that the two of them couldn't handle. It wasn't like it had been when they had gone into places like Giruvegan or the Necrohol of Nabudis. Penelo had liked the sense of adventure that those places provided. Her thoughts wandered back to the present as she took out one more enemy with a carefully aimed Fire spell. Her thoughts wandered over the possible reasons Ashe had asked her to accompany her. Surely she had her own personal guard now and she was more than capable of defending herself from monsters, but her letter had said that she had wanted to get away from everything for a while. Penelo was silently frustrated by her own thoughts. She decided to just focus on the scenery in front of her.
Ashe looked over at Penelo as they walked. Her mind fought with figuring out how to tell Penelo what her reasons were. She felt that being blunt and telling her up front would backfire but not telling her would have the same the effect. Still, only telling her part of the reason might lead her to be distrustful later. The silence was what was driving her stir crazy with thoughts. She wished there was something Penelo would talk about to her mind off of her own thoughts.
Penelo sighed a wiped a bit of sweat from her forehead. It had gotten hotter as the day wore on. It was nearly midday by the time they had reached the northern side of the Estersand. Penelo was still familiar with the area and knew that the route up and into the Mosphoran Highwaste was slowly getting closer.
"All this fighting is a nice break from all the boring stuff Migelo has me do in the town. I like it there and Rabanastre is always going to be my home but I liked what I saw when we traveled around together during the war." Penelo said, breaking the silence that had been between them for hours.
Ashe felt relieved to hear Penelo speak. "It was weird. That journey, the entire time we were all together, all I could think about was bringing back my kingdom and returning Dalmasca to what it once was but I keep feeling like I've been failing ever since we won."
Penelo was surprised to hear this. She kept her tone playful as she said, "I'm sure you're doing a good job with things. Would you rather leave it to Vaan or Balthier?"
Ashe giggled at this and said, "We'd all be sky-pirates if I did. But you really think I'm doing a good job?"
Penelo nodded and said, "Of course. Migelo wouldn't have nearly as much work for me as he does if you weren't doing your job well. You may not always see it but everything you've done has made the whole kingdom far more prosperous."
Ashe smiled. She enjoyed hearing compliments like this. "Still I'm worried about things. I feel trapped in my own name. You're the first person to simply call me Ashe in a long time. It's always 'Queen' or 'Ashelia' or 'My Lady'. I don't like titles at all but I can't simply order nobles to no longer call me by my proper title or name."
Penelo stretched her arms slightly. "Is that why you wanted to get away from everything?"
Ashe's mind raced as she tried to think of what to say. This had been what she had been trying to avoid explaining. Sure Penelo's wording gave her some room to no tell her everything but a half answer would be followed by another question and then another until Penelo had been told every last little detail in Ashe's reasoning.
Ashe nodded and said, "It was part of my reason. I also just wanted to get out of the city for a while. I figure my advisors can function without me for a month or two."
Penelo shot Ashe a look and said, "A month or two? I thought we were only going to be out on the Phon Coast for a week or two at the most."
Ashe was glad the heat of the day had already flushed her face bright red. She could feel herself blushing as she replied, "I guess I should have told you that in the letter. Are you fine with the change in plans?"
Penelo sighed slightly and said, "Of course I'm fine with it. We'll just need to stop at a shop on the way. The caravans still run through Mosphoran coming out of Nalbina. We should be able to catch one and purchase the extra supplies we'll need. That or we backtrack through Mosphoran to Nalbina."
Ashe thought about it for a moment. "I thought you had enough to get you to Balfonheim. That's at least a month's journey. If we need anything we can always get it at the Hunter's Camp. We'll be in the area and it would be far easier than getting it at Nalbina."
Penelo had forgotten about the Hunter's Camp. It really had been a long time since she had been outside of the area that encompassed Rabnastre and Nalbina Fortress. The last time she had left the area was a trip out to Bhujerba with Vaan to pick up something for the shop. "Sounds like you've had this planned out for a while Ashe." Penelo said after a moment.
Ashe smiled. She had wanted to do something like this for a lot longer than just a few days ago. "I've had this planned for some time now. It's just that this is the first chance I have had to actually be able to get away from things long enough."
Penelo stopped walking and said, "It wasn't just on a whim that you asked me to come along was it?"
Ashe turned to face Penelo and tried to think of an answer. "No. It wasn't just on a whim that I had you come along."
"Then what was it Ashe? What was your reason for having me come along?" Penelo asked
Ashe looked right into Penelo's eyes and said, "Would you believe me if I told you I'm not quite ready to tell you?"
Penelo was puzzled by Ashe's words. Her mind began thinking through any reasonable reason Ashe would have as she replied, "I can understand that but I want a decent answer from you when we reach the Phon Coast."
Ashe breathed a sigh of relief at this. At least she had some time to think everything over once more. It was something she had been thinking through for weeks already and it annoyed her that she couldn't bring herself to tell Penelo what she wanted to. It had been hard enough realizing her exact feelings for Penelo. If there had been less things to worry about during the war Ashe knew she would have told Penelo back then instead of waiting until now. Now with all the time in the world available to her on this trip and nothing serious to worry about she just couldn't up and tell her.
As the day wore on closer to night the two of them entered the Mosphoran Highwaste. Being in this area at night was dangerous as several of the paths passed by some very tall cliffs and stepping off of them would be a certain death sentence. The silence that had been between them at the beginning had returned. The only thing that had been said was a mention of setting up camp for the night. The only other thing that was a constant besides the silence were the monsters that roamed the area.
They found an area to set up camp for the night and as they finished Ashe broke the silence between them.
"I want to tell you my reasons for asking you to come along. The only thing that's been preventing me from doing so is how you will react to them." Ashe said as she stared into the small fire they had going.
Penelo sat down next to the fire and said, "Ashe you should know that you can tell me anything. We are friends after all."
"I know. It's just...this is different." Ashe said as she sat near Penelo.
Penelo smiled and said, "Just say what's on your heart. That always works for me when I can't think of a way to say something."
Ashe took a deep breath and looked at Penelo. She decided that she wasn't going to hide how she felt any longer. "The reason I asked you along is that I..." Ashe paused, trying to find the courage to say what she wanted to as her heart raced. "I love you Penelo. That's why."
Penelo stared at Ashe in disbelief. Ashe had turned a bright red from embarrassment as Penelo took a minute to process what she had just heard. "You...love me?" she asked quietly.
Ashe nodded and said, "I do and I've felt this way for some time. I started realizing my feelings around the time when we went to Mt. Buromisace."
Penelo was stunned by this. The realization that Ashe had felt like this for well over a couple of years was astonishing. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
"Because of the war and how unsure I was of everything at the time. Now that I've had time to think through my thoughts I realized I should have told you then rather than waiting until now."
Penelo realized she was still staring at Ashe. "I can understand why you had wanted to wait. This isn't something you can just casually throw out there."
Penelo tried to figure out just how to tell Ashe how she felt about the whole thing. "You'd think I'd be able to say something back to you fairly quickly about how I feel but I can't."
Ashe smiled and said, "Well like you said, just say what's on your heart."
Penelo let herself say the first thing that came to mind. "I love you too Ashe but I know it hasn't been for as long. For me I think it started a week or two ago. Ever since the end of the war you're the only person I keep constantly thinking about. Romantically anyway, with Vaan it's more of a brother-sister kind of thing."
Ashe smiled and inwardly sighed. At least her feelings hadn't been toward someone who hadn't loved her. "I'm glad to hear you feel the same. Maybe we have a reason now to talk a little more often on our trip."
Penelo laughed slightly at the mention of the lack of talking. "To be honest it makes me a bit nervous to talk to you. It always has. You're pretty and smart and the fact that your royalty doesn't escape me."
Ashe stared at Penelo and said, "You don't treat me like I'm a queen though. Whenever you talk to me it is like you are simply speaking to an old friend. You're beautiful in your own right and I'm jealous of the fact that you can walk through a crowd without attracting attention unless you want to."
Penelo blushed brightly. She hadn't been complimented like this in a long time. She stared at Ashe and then at the fire, trying to figure out exactly what to say next.
Ashe looked at Penelo and moved closer to her. She moved in a little closer and gave Penelo a light, gentle kiss. She was a bit surprised when Penelo returned the kiss. Ashe slowly broke the short kiss and smiled at Penelo.
Penelo was completely surprised by the kiss and was even more surprised at how much she had enjoyed it. It was kind of embarrassing to her that Ashe had kissed her first. Embarrassing that she had wanted to do the same thing. As their first kiss broke Penelo renewed it, this time with a bit more passion. The impulse to just want Ashe like this was all she could think of.
Ashe gently broke the kiss and pushed Penelo away slightly, "I'm sorry. This...is just a little sudden for me."
Penelo was surprised by this and asked, "Then why did you kiss me first?"
Ashe blushed and stared into the fire. "I don't know. I'm just now able to really let my feelings be real to me and I've fallen in love with you all over again but this just feels like it is going too fast. It feels like, if we kept it going at this pace we would never be able to be a couple for very long. It would just burn out and crumble beneath us."
Penelo gently put a hand on Ashe's shoulder and quietly said, "You want me to be something more than just your friend now. You want me to be your lover. That's something that is going to take time for the both of us to get used to. I kissed you back because I was so surprised by the first one I wanted to make sure it was real. I'm not as impatient as you think. At least I won't be with this. We're going to need some time to think everything through now and make sure that this is what we both really want."
Ashe felt a tear run down her cheek as she said, "When did you become the one who always knows just what to say? When did you become so caring and loving?"
Penelo gave Ashe a hug and wiped the tear away. "When we saved Dalmasca from the Empire I learned a lot of things. One of the things I learned was something Fran once told me one evening. She said, 'To be with the one you really love you must always put their needs above your own but at the same time you must not forget your own. You have to balance it perfectly or it will never work the way you want it to.' I have a feeling she was talking about what was between her and Balthier but it made sense. Now that I have someone who I really love and care for I have to be able to put them above myself sometimes."
Ashe felt safe for some reason as Penelo hugged her. She slowly put her arms around her and pulled her in tighter. She felt relieved to have told Penelo that she loved her and to hear it back but the kiss had simply been an impulse and made her feel like everything was being rushed along too fast. She had seen relationships like that in her own court and even in her own life. She still cared for Rasler of course but he was long gone and the Occuria had forever stained her memory of him.
Maybe that was part of why she had really begun to fall in love with Penelo. Because Rasler had become someone she no longer loved she had sought out a place to put her love and Penelo had just happened to be the right person in the right place. She had tossed the idea around of trying to like Balthier or Vaan but neither of them were really interested, they were too obsessed with piracy and Balthier seemed to be just happy with Fran. Basch was of course the first person taken off her list by a matter of him simply being too much older. That had left her with Penelo and at first she had really felt that that was all it was. That she had fallen in love with Penelo simply because she was the only one available to love without feeling like she was going to have her heart torn out again.
The hug made the awkward silence tolerable for Penelo. She really didn't know what else to say. She wasn't sure if Ashe had really gotten over everything from the past. It had just been a moment of remembering everything from what had happened during the war and all the time spent travelling. Penelo still felt so unsure of her own feelings. How long had it really been for her since she had started feeling this way? Had it really been for as long as she had said or was that just something she had said to lower the level of awkwardness that had arisen between her and Ashe?
The warmth was slowly going out of the hug as the two of them tried to make sense of it all. Penelo quietly let go of Ashe without saying a word and set her bed up and tried to get some sleep. Ashe merely watched as Penelo curled up and went to sleep. Ashe caught herself watching Penelo and think about how cute and beautiful the girl looked as she slept. It was maddening to her that she couldn't get her thoughts straight. She knew that this was going to take a lot longer than she had hoped.
Ashe curled up next to Penelo and gently put an arm around her. It had been an unthinking gesture but for some reason it just made her feel safer. Ashe quietly fell asleep as the crackle of the dying fire and the smell of smoke drifted across her senses and lulled her into a deeper sleep.
(Author's note: This is going to be a long haul. I'm coming into this purposefully trying to rival Another Side, Another Story and maybe even pass it in length. Final Fantasy isn't unfamiliar territory for me and this is a pairing I've been wanting to do for the longest time. I hope you all enjoy it. Next Chapter t come soon. Read and enjoy.)
Shinobi of the Onyx Sands