RED VS BLUE: THE WEDDING OF CABOOSE AND SHEILA

"OK, tell me again why we're doing this," said Church as he put on a tuxedo, fixing his hair in the mirror.

"Well, it's because it was the only way we could get Caboose to shut up when he kept begging," said Tucker.

"Oh, right," sighed Church. "I've grown soft. So, where's our lucky bridegroom?"

"Oh, I have Sister and Doc watching him," said Tucker.

"You sure that's a good idea?" Church asked.

"Well, it was a better idea than getting the Reds involved."

Meanwhile, at the Red Base, preparations were underway. Donut was elected to be the wedding planner. He also happened to be the Best Man since nobody else wanted to.

"OK, Simmons, are all the seats put up?" asked Donut.

"Yeah, we got all the seats, although I think the invitations were a bit unnecessary. Who's going to come anyway?" asked Simmons.

"It's the thought that counts, Simmons," answered Donut. "Where's Grif?"

"Sampling the buffet, what else?" Simmons remarked, "And I still can't believe you convinced Sarge to perform the ceremony."

"He seemed happy enough to do it," said Donut.

"Of course I am!" answered Sarge.

"Sarge, why aren't you dressed?" asked Simmons. He and Donut were in tuxedos but Sarge was still in his armor. "The wedding is in an hour!"

"Because, Simmons, the Blues are on the guest list and there's no way I'm walking around without my armor or my shotgun," said Sarge, "Still, this is really a beautiful thing, to bind two loving people in holy matrimony."

"Yeah, except one of them is a tank," remarked Grif.

"Shut up, dirtbag. You just don't know romance when you see it," said Sarge.

Meanwhile, Tex was with Sheila. The Freelancer was out of armor and wearing a black dress that really showed off that she was indeed a woman. "Nervous, Sheila?"

"A little bit," answered the tank. "But I do love Caboose."

"I was wondering, what happened to you and Lopez?" asked Tex.

"We simply grew apart," said Sheila. "He was romantic but not very committed."

"Yeah, tell me about it," agreed Tex. "But are you sure you and Caboose will work out?"

"Caboose has simple needs and he does care for me," said Sheila, "I do not have any doubts."

"OK then, if that's how you feel I can't stop you."

Meanwhile, Doc was explaining to Caboose and 'The Birds & The Bees'. Unfortunately, it was harder than he thought as Caboose just became confused. Besides, it wouldn't matter really. Sheila was a tank so how could a human and a tank do it? Doc really wasn't sure if it was possible, then again neither was ripping a guy's skull and beating him to death with it.

Back at the Red Base, an angry Simmons shouted, "Grif, why the fuck is half the wedding cake missing!-?"

"That was the wedding cake?" Grif replied.

"Yeah!"

"How was I supposed to know that!"

"I think the miniature bride and groom on top would be a clue! Dammit, we don't have time and the wedding's starting soon!"

"Simmons, chill!"

"I can't! Don't you understand what this means!-? The bride is going to literally blow us up!"

"Oh…well…nice knowing you Simmons."

"Grif, get back here and help me fix this!"

And so with only half a birthday cake, the wedding was conducted. Caboose stood next to Sheila as Sarge performed the ceremony, "Dearly beloved, and Blues, we are gathered here today to join these two…um…to bind these two in holy matrimony. If there is anyone who objects to this union, please speak now or forever hold your peace." Everyone held their peace since Sheila's cannon was aimed right at them. "Alright, do you, Sheila the Scorpion Tank, take Michael J. Caboose as your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do," answered Sheila.

"And do you, Michael J. Caboose, take Sheila the Scorpion Tank as your lawfully wedded wife?" asked Sarge.

"I do!" chirped Caboose.

"Alright I now pronounce you man and tank. You are now married. Congratulations!"

"Aren't you supposed to say 'you may now kiss the bride'?" questioned Donut.

"Do you see a possible way of that happening?" Sarge asked, pointing at Caboose and Sheila.

"Oh, I see your point."

Simmons blew his nose, sobbing, "Oh, this is so beautiful."

"What's with you?" asked Grif.

"I always cry at weddings."

"Throw the bouquet!" cried out Sister.

"Firing Main Cannon," said Sheila with the bouquet loaded.

"Of shit," Church grimaced. "EVERYONE, RUN! RUN!"

BOOM!

"SONOVABITCH!"

KAMEN RIDER CHROME: I just wanted to try my hand at a Red VS Blue Fanfic and I think for something short I did pretty well. If you guys have any ideas for RvB please let me know.