It starts off like any other day.
Aviarius, Electronique, and Mathter team up to take Team Go out once and for all — it makes Shego laugh because at least taking the three of them out at once will clear her calendar out for the week.
But wait — there's more! A bank robbery! Just some dumbass cretins who really want that street cred from nabbing cash in her city.
Meanwhile, a subway train goes off the rails! Will Team Go get there in time to save the day?! Find out next time! Same Go-Time, Same Go-Channel!
Ugh.
The robbery — that's fun. She practices her juggling with the goons and has a blast. But it ends promptly because Hego just has to barge in and cuff 'em so they can stop the fucking train from — god. Why does he always have to be the worst?
She spends most of her time filing her nails during the rescue mission. Her powers are all offensive — not really useful for the spelunking debonair that Hego, Mego, and the Wegos have to do. Of course she gets chastised for not tagging along — at least show up so that people know you care!
But the people of Go City already know she doesn't care, so what's the point? The only one not in on the joke is Hego. Sweet, naive Hego.
She yawns. It's crazy, if she really wanted to she could craft this whole average ol' day for Team Go into a stellar memoir that sweeps the nation. People would eat that shit up but then again...making a memoir also means writing. Writing means being exciting.
Shego is decidedly not excited. For anything. Like if she has to schmooze at another one of those stupid, remarkably ineffective fundraisers, pretending to laugh at the jokes of balding white men...fuggedaboutit! There is no denying it; Shego is bored.
But that changes this evening. When the black drapes itself over the city, things get popping and Shego encounters something — someone — that changes everything. But we'll get to that.
Though you already know who this is. I mean c'mon, you read the ticket stub right?
It's a tech heist. Some geek junk, she doesn't really care. Point is the loot is in their backpacks. That's all she cares about. Not the heinous injustice that our youth have sunk to!Fuck that noise. She's more concerned about the fact that these guys are a breath of fresh air. See, check this out.
No wacky gimmicks, no monikers, no costumes, not even domino masks. Just two kids, or like, people her age. But they're younger than the usual crowd. Red is the ringleader by a long shot, she leads Shego into a chase that actually exhausts her, and the kid doesn't even have superpowers! At least from Shego can tell.
Blondie on the other is a big buffoon. She's 100% cetain that he is her sidekick. He yelps in fear at the sight of her dumb brothers and starts knocking things over to distract them.
Shego can't quite put her finger on it, but she knows Red somehow. She's got this wavy mane of auburn, wide green eyes, a round face, rose-tinted skin, bushy eyebrows, and sheer grit in her expression. Red twists and kicks like a dancer, spinning and pirouetting with finesse and ease. It doesn't even matter that Shego's plasma flares are kicked up into high gear because none of the flurries get remotely close to the thief. Not even a sizzle.
Worse yet, the girl quips like she's freakin' Spider-Man. It kinda pisses Shego off. She's here to fight, not play linguistic ballet.
Quipping is dumb — Shego could design a spreadsheet illustrating how many times her brothers have been sucker punched while saying certain kinds of quips. Huh. Maybe she could do that instead of this dumb shit. Become like an analyst who like figures out the optimum models for super-heroism.
Oy vey.
Shego ends up quipping anyways — once the girl pins her to the floor. Like, how can she not? It's kinda kinky. The girl forces Shego's wrists to the floor and hovers over her for a moment, looking at her face for a little too long. It's strange — as her head blots out the skylight and her face slinks into the shadows above her, Red stiffens. Despite the dark, that grit in her mouth still shows.
"Still running around with lunkheads, I see. What's that about?" the girl drawls, but raw emotion prickles all over. This girl...cares?
Shego furrows her brow. "Hego wonders the same thing about me every day. You should ask him, Princess — "
Shego kicks the girl in the stomach and manages to pile drive her into the cement floor. Shego twists back, crouched way down to the floor, preparing her plasma charges. Red recovers fast and rushes forward, hitting the ground at a roll, just maneuvering between two blasts like she's some kind of reckless pilot from World War II. Red's hands flash out and smack Shego's wrists again.
"You're kinda kinky — " Shego starts to laugh when crack! the girl's boot nails her in the jaw. White dots blur her vision and before they blip out of the way two fists to the face, bam!
All because she quipped like a total stooge.
(In Shego's defense, quipping has done this to her brothers like a gazillion times. One mark on the record ain't too bad.)
"Ron! Stop messing around!" Red hollers. Immediately her sidekick, still knocking expensive shit over like nobody's business, gives Red a thumbs up and vaults over a table, doing some serious parkour to make it to her before Shego can get back up.
Wait.
Ron.
Blond.
Blond Ron? Nonono. Wait. Freckles?! She sees freckles as he runs by!
...Ron. She knows this kid!? Wow, too bad, puberty hasn't done him any favors apparently, but she knows him because they went to high school together. Ron Stoppable, it has to be — well. Who cares about him really, the girl is the prize because —
"Kim?!" Shego blurts out. "Kim Possible!?"
The girl stops in place and turns back, brushing the hair from her eyes. "Took you long enough, Sheila. You look good by the way, been working out?"
"KP! Stop flirting with the enemy!" Ron yelps, reaching into his baggy cargo pants and pulling out a little remote control that looks like it got stuck to a wad of gum. "Rufus, buddy, get outta here." He grabs the pink blob resting on the remote and yanks it away, unveiling a big red button. The blob — a naked mole rat apparently — climbs onto Blondie's shoulder just as he gleefully pressed the button, and blows out a hole in the ceiling. A rope ladder descends fast — typical — and the two grab onto it just as it lifts high into the air.
Fuck. Kim Possible. The Kim Possible. Of all the people to stomp back into her life, it had to be her. The one that kind of sort of got away —
— ah shit, Blondie dropped the gross little rat thing.
Shego catches Rufus because she's not an asshole. So far this has still been a typical superhero throw-down — in her line of work you get blasts from the past on the reg. But what happens next is the thing that turns it all on its head.
A cloud of dust kicks up as someone harshly crashes into the floor, descending from way up high. Before she can figure out what happened, a fist swings at her from the dust.
Oh. It's Blondie. Wait. If he's down here already, he must have jumped from all the way —
"Are you crazy?!" Shego yells.
Blondie's legs are all screwed up from the fall. He grimaces and swings at her again. "I'm not leaving Rufus behind!" he growls and — well — Shego's not down to clown… with him at least. So she knees him in the stomach and he crumples up fast. She glances up and sees the last rung of the rope ladder vanish into the night.
"Some best friend you picked there, huh?" Shego snarks to Blondie's unconscious body.
"Yes. He picked me out preeeeetty well."
Kim stands high above Shego on a girder, hands on her hips, haughty as ever. "Ron's very important to me so let's make a deal, yeah?"
"Yeah," Shego narrows her eyes and checks her shoulder. Her brothers are still fumbling with all of that junk Blondie knocked over. She blows a loose hair out of her eyes and turns back to Kimmie. She mirrors the haughty hip pop and cranes her neck. "All the stolen geek junk for the rat."
Kim hesitates, but still slings her backpack off, dropping it besides her. "Fine, but what about Ron? I don't know what else I can give up."
Shego didn't think that far. Because no villain has ever done something like this with her before. "What?"
"Ron's my best friend. He comes with me."
"Well — your goon is also a criminal and he's knocked out so…."
"Not quite!"
Ron springs back up and wraps his noodle arms around her head — fucking kid played possum! Ooh! That makes her mad. Shego spins and kicks and tries to throw him off — but he just hangs there. It's not even like he's impervious to damage — she feels his lean body taking each and every hit, and she hears his wracking coughs but he stays there, all the while shouting at KP to move on and go without him.
Which obviously she's not. It's fucking bizarre. Who does this? They're villains, aren't they? He's a sidekick! A common mook! Ditch him!
At some point, the boy's thumbs sink into her eyes and it hurts like a fucking bitch. She loses her patience and blasts him in the stomach. It burns a bit more than she intended and he soars high into the air. The black sweater flutters around him and she can see the massive hole she burned out. She feels bad for a second but then the kid pulls out a hair drier and shouts "BOOYAH!"
Ron throttles into the air, head bumping against the girder Kim stands on. He falls but manages to grab onto some of the piping with one hand. "KP," he wheezes. "Rufus. Take care of him." His scrawny arm pulls with all of its might and for a moment, he's totally level with the crouched Kim. The ugly rat scurries out from under his sleeve, hopping onto Kim's hands. Shego's hands smack across her body; she doesn't have a clue when Ron pickpocketed her.
Very quickly, Ron's arm snaps and he falls. Kim screams and nearly shoots off the girder leaning out to grab him, one arm catching him and stretching as far as it can go. Kim tries to lift him but she's not strong enough for that kind of heave-ho. She kicks the iron and pulls, face going red, but it's clearly not happening.
For a second, Shego considers helping them. They care about each other. That's more than she can say about her brothers...but they are finally wrapping up and if her brothers see this, Kim and Ron will both be in orange jumpsuits.
For some reason, Shego doesn't like that image very much. At least for Kimmie.
"KP, you gotta let me go or they'll get both of us," Ron wheezes.
Kim looks past the girder and sees Team Go approaching fast. "No, Ron. I love you — "
— for some reason, hearing Kim say that to such a doofus makes Shego's heart ache —
" — you're my best friend," Kim finishes, her voice a bit higher than she probably wants it to be.
Ooooooh...best friend? That is something Shego can get behind.
Shego looks up and snaps a few times. Kim looks past Ron and down to her.
"Go," Shego only mouths the words. "It'll be okay."
Kim gives one last look to Ron and finally drops him, and she's out of the lab before the boy even hits the ground.
Blondie has to hit the hospital before anyone even thinks about tossing him in the slammer. The burns Shego gave him are pretty gnarly, though after an hour lecture about morality from Hego, Shego forgets why it's even that big of a deal. She's conflicted over it. On one hand, the kid's a normie. Totally didn't have it coming. On the other hand, he's very annoying. Totally did have it coming.
Either way, the only way to get out of taking the Go Jet home with her brothers is to chill out in the hospital for an extra half hour, feigning kindness by watching Blondie take a snooze on the wafer thin mattress.
This is a decision that she regrets. Because twenty five minutes into the half hour, Blondie gets a visitor and it turns out Ron and her share mutual acquaintances.
Ann is a doctor, a damn good one at that. Red hair, bob cut, blue eyes, rose-tinted skin, a bit of a resting smirk. Looks a lot like —
— no. That'd be weird, wouldn't it? Besides, Shego knows who Kim's parents are. Granted, they're both men and — nah nah nah. No way. Ann and Shego are friends, she would know if Ann had a daughter.
The friendship ignited after Shego overdid it during The Battle to End All Battles (as Hego christened it, Shego calls it an average Sunday morning), and wound up getting carried out on a stretcher. The doctor that cared for her was very sweet, and two ended up talking a lot. She's far older than Shego but hey, she's always gotten along better with older people anyways.
"Long day?" Ann asks, taking Shego's hand and sitting besides her.
Shego raises an eyebrow at the touch. She's still not used to platonic intimacy, but it's just Ann. Shego grumbles something and digs her hands deeper into her track jacket. "Yeah," she grunts noncommittally. Shego's not supposed to be so liberal about the whole secret identity charade when she's in civilian mode but she can't lie about that shit to someone she's close to.
Y'know, to have a friend and not tell them? Her brothers don't get it, but then again, her brothers' only friends are each other and she is friends with… erm — Ann. So there!
"Don't feel too bad about this one," Ann chides. Ann never needs to ask what's bothering Shego. "Ron Stoppable is a mercenary. If anything, he's fortunate to be here. Lots of untreated wounds that he really needed someone to look at it. Maybe play it cooler next time though," she squeezes Shego's knee. Not flirtatiously or anything. Friends. Maybe paternally. She doesn't really know.
"What's up?" Shego asks after an overlong pause.
Ann frowns. "Can we talk?"
Of course Ann didn't want to talk right then, of course she just had to make Shego wait a few freaking hours for her to punch out.
It's fine. Gives her an excuse to sleep in and maybe play hooky on Aviarius' 9AM bank robbery. She smiles at the thought of it.
It's 3AM, and the two are both very quiet walking down this puddle laden street. It's Shego's first time seeing Ann in her civvies — a bomber jacket matched with black skinny jeans. Definitely not what Shego expected. Very strong butch vibes.
Ann crosses her arms because it's cold — or maybe because Shego's supposed to take her hand? No. God no. She keeps her hands plowed into her pockets, hoping this isn't what she thinks it is.
Then they get to the gay bar.
"Whoa whoa!" Shego backs off, hands waving frantically in the air. "Ann, I like you a lot but — "
Ann titters and pinches Shego's cheek. "That's cute. You're cute. Sheila, read the room, you're half my age, we're good. Besides, I'm twice taken."
"Twice?" Shego raises an eyebrow. "Who? Why didn't you tell me?"
"You never asked," Ann shrugs and tucks some hairs behind her ear. "Now — don't get rowdy on me. We're about to meet some people. They're — it'd be easier for you to just meet them, it's complicated."
Shego bites her lip. "My kind of people or yours?"
"Both."
They go in. It's pretty barren, a little seedy too. Drinks look cheap though. She's actually kind of aggravated that Mego didn't take her here on her birthday… purple boy still doesn't get that she's 100% gay. Oh well, it's kind of fun watching her brothers fuck these kind of things up.
Immediately, Shego spots two men sitting close together at the bar. She recognizes one of them without hesitation. That clean-cut gray hair is unmistakable. It's James Possible, a rocket scientist and also Kim's father. Which means… Shego narrows her eyes and looks back to Ann, quickly mouthing, "Why didn't you tell me?!" and groans loud before stomping over to James with an extended arm.
"Hey — um — Mister P?" Shego squeaks, shaking his hand.
"Jim's fine, thanks for coming," Jim looks to the man next to him and pats him on the back. "And this is my husband — "
"Andrew Lipsky," the man says. Broad-shouldered, black mullet, ragged ponytail, scar running down the cheek. Tiny fingers, very weird. Voice is dark yet warm. Grin is like a shark's. He hastily pushes his bifocals back up his nose before taking Shego's hand into his. "I've heard so much about your exploits, it's nice to finally meet you."
"Ah," Shego says dryly. "Um — I'm sorry, fellas but I'm not really getting what's going on right now."
Ann slips into the stool besides James, quickly draping herself over his back, reaching over to fix Drew's messy hair. Shego watches the whole thing play out like she has to rewind the tape to make sure she didn't miss something. Ann chuckles and drums her fingers against Jim's sloping shoulder.
James is positively glowing. "So Shego. It's come to our attention that you just met our daughter tonight..."
Shego snaps and points to Ann. "Surrogate mom?"
Ann snorts, fingers intertwining with Drew's, James briefly pecking the underbelly of her wrist with a kiss as it passes over. "As if."
Shego rewinds the tape again. "Um. Oh! You're — wow. Didn't expect that. Up to speed."
"No worries," Ann laughs, whispering directly into James' ear. "Jim?"
James blushes. "Obviously our Kimmie-cub hasn't really been on the right track lately and we thought…um..."
"James, I've got it," Drew slips in. For some reason, he seems a lot more plugged into this sort of thing. Doesn't even bat an eye in the face of a bona fide superhero. "Our Kimberly has become a mercenary. We've tried to turn a blind eye to her work but — a lot of people are gunning for her now. Your brothers incuded, and the agency I used to work for…"
"Global Justice?" Shego suggests.
"Mm," Drew yanks out the hair tie and lets his greasy black locks drape over his shoulders. "Perhaps you've heard of my work then. I go by a moniker to keep our family protected from riff-raff."
"Nah," Shego shrugs.
"Hm. Give it a moment. It'll come to you. Doctor…"
Shego purses her lips.
Drew's brow furrows. "Doctor Deee…"
Shego shrugs.
"Doctor...Draaaaaah…"
Shakes her head.
"Drakken!"
Raises an eyebrow.
"Doctor Drakken!"
Fails to suppress a chuckle. "Doctor Drakken?"
"Ah-HA-haha! I see my reputation precedes me!"
Meanwhile, James and Ann are tittering up the soundscape to playtime at daycare.
Shego mutters "Oy." under her breath. She does actually know who this is — Doctor Drakken is a scientist specializing in arms manufacturing. She's had tabs on him and his agency for a long time now. Can't be too careful. "So what? Cyclops puts her eye on Kimmie and you amscray?"
"Something like that," Drew leers at her. "Kimberly is a good person. She's just — messed up, is all. We thought maybe you could help us."
Shego looks the three of them over; their eyes all so wide and hopeful. It makes her want to vom. "I don't know… My brothers definitely wouldn't approve."
Ann groans, stealing some of James' appletini. "Sheila, you hate your brothers. Why don't you just quit already?"
"Well — whatever happened to truth, justice, and the American way, eh?" Shego itches the back of her neck. "I don't know honestly, this gig is dicey. Don't tell anyone I told you but — Princess was kind of a handful tonight. I'm not even confident I can smack handcuffs on her, let alone convert her into being a goodie goodie two shoes."
A little pause settles over.
"Princess?" James repeats.
"That's cute," Drew smirks.
"Very," Ann adds on.
"Oops," Shego groans. "I didn't — fuck. I didn't say that, I mean like — the point is — I have enough on my plate as is, and I can't handle a gig like this solo — "
"Don't matta! As the — erm — kids say," Drew stands up with poise, one hand folded behind his back, the other ready for a handshake. "I will be accompanying you on this little journey — " Not knowing there's a little dip in flooring behind his stool, Drew trips and James quickly catches him by the chest. Drew laughs it off and re-adjusts his glasses. " — I am a genius after all."
"Um — " Shego looks over to Ann, her being the most credible of the lot. " — you want me to do a team-up episode with Poindexter over here? No thanks."
"Shego!" Drew whines. "Words hurt! You'll need me if you're taking on Global Justice."
"Yeah, if, as in so not. I'd rather take the bounty I'm sure they put on her," Shego drawls. "Either way, Cupcake is — " Drew crosses his arms. " — what?"
Drew waggles a tiny finger at her. "My my Shego, with all the pet names, I'm concerned about you being around my daughter, so I'd like to chaperone."
"Ditto," James offers, throwing an arm around Drew. "We know it's a lot to ask, and we don't have anything to offer, but — we just figured… you of all people — "
" — would understand," Ann presses her cheek up against James' shoulder blade.
Drew's eyebrows pop up seductively and he purrs, "Or you could do it for love."
"Ohmigod fine," Shego grabs Drew's hand and yanks him over, rapidly shaking his arm, so much so that the pencil thin dweeb rattles.
"I'll save your fucking whacked out, estranged, and admittedly gorgeous daughter from herself. Happy?"