*Invisibly Shaken*

Disclaimer: I do not own any Yu Yu Hakusho characters.

Summery: This is my first fanfic so be gentle please. This is set after the end of Yu Yu Hakusho. Just a little thing I had come into my head when I heard the song Invisibly Shaken by Rodney Atkins. Songfic. K&B paring. Tragic ending you may need some tissue for this one.

My friends say
They're proud of me
For taking our break up
So casually
But they don't see
What lies beneath my smile

It appears
That I'm okay
And I moved on
When you walked away
But the truth is
Since you said goodbye

"I can't believe I let her do this to me again!" Kurama yelled at the image in the mirror. It was an unfamiliar man he was staring at. Tears streaking down his pale skin. His normally green eyes glazed over from all the crying. "I can't believe I fell right into her damn trap AGAIN! What does she see in him that she can't see in me?" He looked at himself hard in the mirror to try an answer his own question, but could not find the answer. "DAMN!" Kurama punched the mirror, furious with the image staring back at him. "Why can't she love me as much as I love her?" He says in a soft whisper as he slides down the wall and sits on the floor. Pulling his knees to his chest, and popping more pain killers into his mouth as memories of last night flood into his head.

I'm invisibly shaken
And quietly breakin'
Desperately takin' one breath at a time
Beneath this composure
I know it's over
But baby I'm dying cause you can't be mine
But I will never show the toll it's taken
Cause I'm invisibly shaken

Flashback

"Hey Kurama, where ya been I've been waiting forever?" An energetic Botan leaps into Kurama's arms greeting him with a deep and passionate kiss. "I'm sorry my love, I was held up at work" "No problem, but we have to hurry or else the restaurant will give away our sets." Kurama gently puts Botan back on her feet. She grabs his hand and drags him done the street to their restaurant. The restaurants name was Soul Food. It was known as the best American restaurant in town, and Botan's favorite. "Few…we made it." Botan says trying to catch her breath. Kurama looks at his watch, "Yes and with five minutes to spare." The waiter leads them to their table hands them a menu and leaves with a promise to return to take their orders. "Lets see what shall I have everything looks so good." Botan says practically drooling over the menu. "Anything you want my dear." "I think I'll have the stake and fries." " That sounds wonderful I think I will have the same." By this time the waiter returns and takes their order. The food is served rather quickly. "Mmm…this is so delicious!" Botan says while chewing a big bight of her stake." "Yes it is. I must say love I have come to love this place just as much as you." "I doubt that." she says through another big bite. They finish their dinner with a little small talk and Kurama starts to walk her home. He notices that she wants to say something but is holding it back. In fact now that he thought about it she's been acting like that all night. Then all of a sudden she stops walking. Kurama stops and looks at her trying to figure out what could possibly be wrong with his love. "Botan…is everything ok my dearest?" "No." She answers in a small whisper. He runs up to her. "Tell me what's wrong Botan so I can help. Did someone hurt you?" "No." "Then what is it?" In an even smaller voice she answers, "I don't think I love you."

End Flashback

His hand hurt bad now. So he got up and put a gaze around it to stop the bleeding. Popping more pain killers he laid down on his, yet again, empty bed. He don't really remember when he started with all the pain meds. Maybe it was after the third time she left him for Koenma. Yes Koenma. Everyone knew it was bound to happen sooner or later, but after Kurama confessed his love for her she kept going between to two of them. Like she couldn't make up her mind, and it was killing Kurama. He loved her for so long and so much that every time she left him it was like a big whole in his heart. His phone ringing drug him out of his mind and into reality. He answered it with a soft hello. It was Yusuke begging him to come to the club with him tonight. As much as Kurama tried to tell him no Yusuke just didn't wanna hear it. So reluctantly Kurama got up, dressed, and headed out the door.

He met up with Yusuke and Keiko at the club. Keiko ran up and gave Kurama a big'ol hug. "Kurama its been so long. Where you been." "No were really just busy with work." Yusuke puts an arm around Kurama and says. "Yea yea yea work work work that's all you seem to do know a days. Lets just focus on having fun tonight ok. Unwind a little." Kurama nods his head and follows the now married couple into the club. Right as he walks into the door he looks up and sees a woman at the bar with beautiful blue hair running all down her back. Yusuke sees her also and pulls Kurama to the side. "Look I had no idea she was going to be here tonight, but I heard that Koenma left her for Ayame and she is all torn up about it. Who knows maybe if you go and talk to her…" "No! I wont. Not after what she did to me." He turns around and starts walking toward the exit when his name is called. He doesn't even have to turn around to know who's beautiful voice that was. "Yes Botan" Not wanting to be rude he walks up and sits beside her. "Umm…I'm sure you heard about me and Koenma?" It was more of a question then a statement so he answered her. "Yes I am." "Well…Kurama…" Not knowing what to say she just comes right out with it. "Look I made a HUGE mistake. I should have know Koenma would do this to me. I was wrong for what I did to you and I'm sorry!" Seeing that Kurama seems untouched by her speech she tries again. "Kurama It's you I love and now I see that so please give me another chance. Please!" Kurama puts his hand in his jacket pocket feeling the bottle of pain killers in it. "If he ask for you back would you go to him?" Confused she ask, "What?" "If Koenma leaves Ayame and ask for you to come back to him would you do it?" He looks directly at her this time making sure she understood every last word he said. "Well…I…umm…" He grips the bottle in his hands, "That pause is all I need." Kurama gets up and starts to walk away till she pulls him back. "Please Kurama…just…just…give me time to sort things out in my head I'm confused." "About what Botan." The look that he gives her is one of pain and suffering. "About what to do Kurama. I lie awake at night wondering if I made the right choice and I even cry sometimes because I know how much I must have hurt you." "Well don't worry you wont be confused much longer." With that he gets up and leaves the club. With Botan calling after him the whole time. He looks back once but only to get one last look at the one woman he had ever loved or will ever love.

If it looks
Like I don't care
And it's not killing me
Seeing you here
And hearing you say
You want to try us again

Believe me, it ain't easy
Being this cool
But too many times girl
I've been your fool
And I know I'd just
End up here again

He got back to his apartment just before the rain started poring down. He walked over to his window and looked out at the storm that was brewing. "What a beautiful night. A perfect night for what I have in store." He pops the rest of the pain killers into his mouth and walks over to the bathroom. Looking down at the glass spread all over the floor from were just hours ago he had broken it. He picks up a piece and looks at his reflection in it. Walking over to his bed and sitting on the end of it he begins to talk to no one but himself. "I hate seeing her hurting. That's all I saw in her eyes tonight. The pain of losing him and the pain of not knowing who she truly loved. Well I can fix one of her problems for her. It is the least I can do for the woman I love.

Invisibly shaken
And quietly breakin'
Desperately takin' one breath at a time
Beneath this composure
I know it's over
But baby I'm dying cause you can't be mine
But I will never show the toll it's taken
Cause I'm invisibly shaken

A block from Kurama's house

"Hurry Yusuke I'm telling you something was wrong with him when he left. The look in his eyes. It didn't look like he was all there. Like something was missing." Botan says as her and Yusuke run toward Kurama's place in the pouring rain. Yusuke had told Keiko to go home because of the rain. "Yea you wanna know what that something is Botan, it's you" Botan stops at Yusuke's comment. "What?" "Is it not obvious to you Botan at how much that man loves you. He would do anything in the world for you." "I know but…" "But what Botan. What Koenma is that what the problem is? He is a nobody. I mean he dropped you as soon as Ayame said the word. Do you think Kurama would even think about leaving you." Botan looks down at the cement. "No I know he wouldn't." "Then tell me Botan what is keeping you from him." She thinks long and hard about this question. Now that she really thought about it nothing kept her from him now. She knew that if Koenma wanted her back she would say no. She finally realized what her heart wanted. Kurama. She loved Kurama. Without a moment notice she took off down the street and into Kurama' house. With Yusuke smiling right behind her.

Just as she entered the door to his room she stopped mortified by what she saw. Kurama was lying on his bed with blood dripping down both of his wrist. "Oh my Gods Kurama what have you done?" She ran up to him and put his fragile head on her legs. In a weak voice he answered. "Making your choice easy my love. I hate seeing you hurt. So I helped make it easy for you." Yusuke walks in at this point but stays quiet to let them be alone. "But Kurama this isn't what I wanted. What I want is you Kurama YOU. I have made up my mind that if Koenma was to ask me back out I would say no, because I love you Kurama it's you I love!" Tears are poring down her face just as hard as the rain outside. Kurama lifts a weak and tiered hand up to her face to wipe away some of her tears. "Please don't cry Botan I don't want my last memory of you crying over someone like me." "But Kurama I…" Kurama put a figure up to her lips silencing her words. With a struggling breath he lets out his final words to the woman he loves. "I know Botan and I love…you"

Baby I'm dying cause you can't be mine
But I will never show the toll it's taken
Cause I'm invisibly shaken