The night shift was kicking his ass, and he could barely sit up straight as he chugged another one of the special green protein shakes his head nurse, Abby made for him. Fitz watched as Abby doled out information to the new fleet of alert nurses, they listened intently, Fitz on the other hand was just trying to stay awake as he waited for his list of patients. Working the ICU was a tough job, especially at night during Christmastime; it never ceased to surprise him how many medical maladies occurred around holidays.
"How many tonight?"
Fitz asked Abby once the assembly of nurses had dispersed.
"Too many,"
Abby commented warily.
"I was trying to get Dr. Johansen in here; I was thinking she could take one end of the wing and you could take the other. But she's so tied up at some gala and can't be disturbed. She's like a doctor in name only."
Fitz cracked an exhausted smile at Abby, her kind eyes warming.
"How are you?"
Abby asked a moment later. Fitz avoided her eyes, taking the tablet and signing into the hospital's portal. He quickly surveyed his patient list for the night.
"Fitzgerald. How are you? Are you eating? Sleeping? Sometimes I think if I didn't make you those drinks you wouldn't eat anything all day."
Fitz hated to admit that she could be right; he couldn't remember the last meal he had that hadn't come out of a container or a box.
"I'm fine, Abby. I'm good. Tired, mostly. But since I'm up all night and barely sleep during the day, that makes sense, doesn't it?"
Abby smiled at him sadly.
"Are the nightmares still every night?"
Fitz shrugged, thinking of his reoccurring nightmare. He almost shivered, but suppressed them for Abby's benefit.
"Every other night I guess. Doesn't matter."
Abby opened her mouth to object as Fitz held up the tablet.
"I have a new patient I need to check in on. We'll finish this up later."
Abby shot him a glare, which he ignored and set off down the hall to the last room on the hall.
The door was mostly closed, Fitz pushed it open to see the curtains drawn.
"Hello? May? Are you attending to Ms.-" he checked the tablet for the patient list.
"-Pope? I'm just here to explain some of what occurred during her surgery."
May peeked her head from around the curtain.
"I'm just getting her into her gown. One minute."
Fitz took the free moment he now had and ducked to the next room to check on Mr. Leroy who was recovering from a touchy hip surgery. Mr. Leroy was fast asleep, having increased his morphine drip.
"I'm back-"
Fitz stopped in his tracks as he realized May had gone after dressing Ms. Pope.
Ms. Pope was beautiful.
Her eyes were big, he could tell, though her eyes were shut.
He almost smiled at her, but he fought it as he went to stand beside her bed.
Her shiny dark hair was haphazard, the likely once perfect curls were now fatigued and hung limply around her shoulders.
Her lips were a deep shade of pink, and her cheeks were rosy, despite her current situation.
She was beautiful.
He'd thought it twice; the second time was almost more true.
"Ms. Pope?"
Her shiny eyelid twitched, but did not open.
"Ms. Pope."
She stirred and slowly opened both eyes.
"Where..?"
Her voice was scratchy and rough, she looked frightened; her eyes widening.
"You're at Good Samaritan Hospital, in Aburn. I'm Dr. Grant. I'll be taking care of you during your stay."
She didn't reply.
Instead she stared at Fitz, her large eyes meeting his.
"I'm scared."
He smiled at her, trying to radiate calmness and kindness.
Looking behind the curtain he retrieved at chair and sat at her bedside, pulling her hand in his, he squeezed it encouragingly.
"How about some TV?" Fitz asked diplomatically.
"You can't be scared when you're watching Disney."
Fitz tuned to Disney channel and found one of their original movies was playing. She didn't react to this much, but continued to hold his hand tightly.
Of course Fitz had to inform her of her surgery results, but that would wait. At the very least he would leave once she got her medication.
xxx
Fitz left Ms. Pope's room twenty minutes later, as April, one of the other nurses tended to her medicine needs. Fitz walked toward the nurses station to find a smug Abby.
"You were with her for a while."
"She was scared. I turned on Disney for her, waited for April to come fill her meds."
Abby nodded, an impressed look on her face.
"Is that a new thing we do? Hold the patients hands?"
Fitz rolled his eyes.
"You were spying on me?"
"Think of me as big brother. I'm just asking. When did you invoke this new policy? There must have been an email that I missed."
"No policy. I just thought it was the right thing to do. She needed to be comforted."
Abby nodded.
"Right. And you do that better than anyone."
"The sarcasm is noted. I may not be the most emotional person. But I have a little thing called bedside manner."
"Bedside manner. Sure."
Fitz turned to the calendar tacked to Abby's cork board.
"December 23. It'll be a year in two days."
Fitz said this reluctantly.
But, he was afraid if he didn't say it, if he didn't speak the words and feel them on his tongue that they would cease to be true.
"I remembered. Is that why? Why you held her hand? Old habits?"
Fitz shook his head, recalling the song he used to sing to his wife when she would lay in one of those same beds.
"No. Not really."
"It's okay if Olivia reminds you of her."
"Olivia?"
Abby motioned down the hall.
"Ms. Pope's first name is Olivia. You know I like to be on a first name basis."
Fitz nodded, swishing her name around.
"Olivia. That's a nice name. But no. She doesn't remind me of Melody."
"Ok."
Abby said this in a clipped tone, averting her eyes from Fitz immediately.
xxx
"She's buzzing for you."
Abby told Fitz shortly after five am. Fitz sat up from his resting place against the wall; he was on his very brief fifteen minute break.
"Who?"
"Who? Olivia. She's buzzing for you."
Fitz crossed his arms.
"Is she the only patient in this unit who's awake?"
"Please. Please. I hope so."
Harper, a passing nurse called, waving her hand emphatically.
Fitz smiled shortly before heading off toward Olivia's room.
She was up, and propped on pillows when he arrived.
"Can't sleep?"
She looked up at his words and smiled a tight smile.
"It's so strange; too quiet around here."
Her comment sounded stronger than her previous words.
"It's eerie. I agree. You get used to it."
He added that with a shrug as he formally entered her room.
Olivia made a face.
"I hope I don't."
He grinned. "Me too."
"I'm sorry I keep bugging you," Olivia offered after a moment of silence. "I was thinking about the last time I felt safe… And… I guess I thought of you."
Fitz didn't know how to reply, so he didn't.
Olivia quickly backtracked on her words.
"That's so weird. I'm sorry you must think I'm pathetic and crazy…"
Fitz shook his head, finding his voice.
"I think you're honest. That's nice. A change of pace."
Olivia returned his grin.
"Thanks… For saying that. I appreciate that. I talk without thinking a lot. Most of the time it's spot on… But I guess the medicine is messing with my quickness."
"Yup. Meds tend to do that. But we need to keep you feeling nice and nothing for a few more hours, then we'll get you on a regime more suited to your activity level."
Olivia stared at Fitz a long moment, fear creeping into her eyes.
"Do you know what happened? To me, I mean."
He gave a slight tilt of his head.
"Car accident. It says car accident on your chart."
Olivia crossed her arms.
"Read it to me."
Fitz had never had a patient speak to him like Olivia was before. For some reason, he found himself complying.
"Car accident; blunt force trauma, concussion, broken ribs, possible hearing damage."
"Is that the synopsis?"
Fitz closed her chart after marking a visit from himself in the five am time block.
"That's the good stuff, yes." Fitz answered her, setting the tablet down. "Are you still scared?"
Olivia shrugged, rubbing her hand against her bare arm for warmth.
"More like confused. I'm still trying to piece together what happened. Nothing's making sense… I remember getting into my car and getting onto the highway, that's it."
Fitz wished he could fill in the blanks for her, but her crinkled brow was more than enough for him to want to hug her too.
She looked so broken to him.
More broken than he was.
"I'm sorry."
Olivia looked up at him again, and hugged her arms to herself.
"Me too. You don't have to stay… You don't need to listen to me whine about this."
Fitz thought of Abby and her question. He walked closer to Olivia's bed, sitting in the chair again. Taking her hand, he felt the sadness that he'd been carrying… All day, for many weeks, three years… Seep off of his skin, like every part of him was crying.
Olivia watched him take her hand.
"I want to stay. I do. And I will. Once I'm finished my shift I will be right back here, and we'll talk. About everything. Anything you want."
Olivia grinned, and gripped his hand harder.
"It's a sad story."
"What is?" He asked curiously.
"Everything. Anything? It's a sad story."
"I can handle it." Fitz assured.
"I think you can." Olivia mused as Fitz let go of her hand gently and made his way toward the door.
"You have sadness in your eyes."
Olivia told him, once he really did have to go.
Don't we all? Fitz thought. But instead, he just said:
"Ok."
xxx