"Ha ha" Snape said as he put that annoying house elf Harris into a box and tied the bow "Now I can finally get into the hide out and shag that hot prisoner in there. Won't Voldemort be surprised when he finds this nice little present. Mwhahahaha!"
Snape then proceeded to put the present on the stoop, ring the door bell, and run away.
"Hmmm… a present for the Dark Lord" Wormtail mumbled to himself. He carried it in and placed it in front of Voldemort. He opened it and suddenly a spunky elf popped out and jumped around. "Hello!" he screamed excitedly while he waved his arm furiously. "What's your name? My name is Harris. I was sent to you as a present from….. oh wait not allowed to tell you that. What's your favorite color? Mine's orange, I love orange, and it's the color of oranges. One time I was walking through the woods and I met a gnome. He had a crazy little hat and he said his name was Spike. He asked me if I would like to trade my soul for an orange and I almost did it bu-"
"SHUTUP!!" Voldemort screamed. God he's almost as annoying as that sodden boy Harry. That little fucker just wouldn't DIE!!! "If you're a house elf at least make yourself useful and make me some soup" Voldemort said.
"Okay and Harris skipped off singing "THEY SEE ME ROLL ON, MY SEGWAY I KNOW IN MY HEART THEY THINK I'M WHITE AND NERDY…." At the top of his lungs. I am going to kill whoever gave me this Voldemort thought. Ten minutes later Voldemort heard a scream "Oh no, that's not good. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! Help me, help me, save me, save me; I'm going to die" Good Voldemort thought as he ran to see what was wrong "Oh my god! What did you do?" Voldemort screamed. Soup covered the walls and the oven was on fire. Harris was sitting in front of the oven with a marshmallow on a stick and graham crackers and chocolate by his side. Voldemort zapped out the fire and Harris started talking again "Hi Voldie! Do you like s'mores? Gosh I sure do love them! All the chocolate and the marshmallow and the graham crackers! They're just so delicious! You know what delicious reminds me of? It reminds me of my friend Elvis, everyone called him delicious. I loved Elvis he was really good singer, we were great pals, but he's dead. You know who else is dead, well lots of people. I love people they're so great, they're just gorgeous. You know who else is gorgeous? I'm gorgeous, my mom said that. My mom was so nice she used to make me s'mores. When I was good she used to give me sugar cubes. Mmmmm…..sugar cubes are amazing! I wonder what makes them taste so good?" "Maybe it would be the sugar!!!! You moron!! Wormtail come kill this thing!"
"Yes master" Wormtail took him to their killing room upstairs and pulled out a machine gun. He started shooting him over and over. "OH MY GOD HE WON"T DIE!" Voldemort screamed, grabbed all his horcruxes, and ran towards the window full speed and jumped out. Suddenly there was a huge splat outside! Wormtail shot all the horcruxes so Voldemort wouldn't come back and then jumped out the window himself" Suddenly Harris started singing White and Nerdy and Dancing. As Snape snuck out of the back door he saw the splattered remains of the men "Oh bugger" Snape said "Ahhh Oh well someone else can clean that up" and he walked away