Friday
The setting isn't particularly important for this story – but it's set around mid/late season 10, any time before FW&FS, in my mind, at least.
Rating: K
Disclaimer: Nope, not mine.
Summary: "Hey, Mac, it's me," Harm began leaving a voicemail when Mac didn't answer her cellphone. "Just making sure we are still on for tonight. 1800 hours, right? Call me when you get this so we can touch base."
JAG HQ
Friday
1400 hours
"Hey, Mac, it's me," Harm began leaving a voicemail when Mac didn't answer her cellphone. "Just making sure we are still on for tonight. 1800 hours, right? Call me when you get this so we can touch base."
Nearly two hours after Harm left that message, he exited the courtroom and made his way back to his office. He checked his cellphone and frowned when he realized there were no missed calls from Mac. He looked at his office phone and saw that he had no voicemails on his direct line there either. Slightly concerned, he began to throw the files he needed for this weekend in his briefcase at a faster pace.
"Hey, Jennifer," Harm called when he saw her walk by his office.
"Sir?" she asked as she stopped in front of the door.
"Were there any messages for me while I was in court?"
"Commander James called about the Burke court martial, sir. The slip should be on your desk."
Harm looked down and noticed the pink message slip and nodded. "I see." He moved it, and looked around for another one. "Just that one?" he asked, hoping that Mac may have left a message for him at office instead by chance.
"Yes, sir."
"Do you know if the colonel has called this afternoon? I left a message earlier for her to call me back."
"Sir, the colonel took a personal day today. I'm sure checking in at the office was the last thing on her mind," Jen offered.
He and Mac had been starting to get even closer since her accident on Christmas Eve. Their friendship was back on track, and he truly felt like they were slowly in the process of working their way towards something more. They talked to each other every day, ate lunch together, spent their free time together, and talked about their lives with each other again. So, obviously he knew that Mac had taken a personal day. In fact, the reason she took a personal day had to do with their plans for later that evening, so he really didn't know why she wasn't calling him back. It wasn't making any sense to him.
They had standing dinner plans every Friday night after work since New Year's - the only exceptions being one Friday when he was sent out to the Patrick Henry and another Friday when Mac was TAD to the Seahawk- but tonight's plans were a little different than the weeks previous. It was more than just dinner, and he was starting to wonder if Mac didn't want him there all weekend. But, he reasoned, if she didn't want him there, she most likely would have called to tell him that she changed her mind.
"Yeah," he finally agreed with Jennifer, halfheartedly. "I'm sure that is all it is." He reached for his briefcase and cover. "Well, I need to get going, have a good weekend, Petty Officer," he said as he secured his office for the night.
Harm tried calling Mac another time has he made his way to the parking garage, but again, it went to voicemail. He was supposed to go home and change before he met up with Mac for the evening, but he couldn't let it go that that he didn't hear from her all day. Instead of heading towards his apartment, he decided to go the opposite direction towards Mac.
When Harm arrived, he knocked on the door, but there was no answer. When his second knock went unanswered, he used his spare key to let himself in. "Mac?" he called as he walked through the threshold. "Is everything okay?" He stumbled over items strewn across the hallway, and frowned. "Mac!" He called louder this time as he went further into the household; his level on concern growing more and more by the second.
"UNCLE HARM!" Little AJ screamed when he heard his godfather's voice. "You're here!"
"Unca Harm!" Jimmy copied his brother.
Harm made his way to the kitchen of the Roberts' house and saw quite the scene. Mac had the twins secured safely in their bouncy seats sitting on the countertop, Jimmy was completely covered in spaghetti sauce at the table, and AJ had appeared to have spilled a good amount of his pasta and garlic bread on the floor instead of himself.
In his excitement, Jimmy squirmed free from his seat and made a beeline for Harm.
"Jimmy! No!" Mac called as she ran after the boy. She swiftly managed to slip herself between Harm and Jimmy and save Harm's uniform from the sauce covered hands of a toddler. Harm couldn't help the smirk that appeared on his face at their close contact. He could smell her shampoo and her perfume mixing together beneath his nose.
"Want Unca Harm!" Jimmy sobbed as Mac picked him up. "Unca Harm!" he waved his arms and tried to break free of Mac's arms.
Mac carried Jimmy over to the sink. "You can see Uncle Harm after we get you cleaned up. We can't get sauce all over his uniform," she explained as she reached for a wet paper towel and began to clean up the child. "I wasn't expecting you until 1800 hours," she said to Harm.
"I called you twice on your cell, but you didn't call me back," Harm said as he sat next to AJ at the table and used a napkin to help him clean up some of the food that he spilled. "I guess it's a good thing I got here when I did, Mac, it looks like you could use some help from the Navy."
"Very funny. Didn't I just save your uniform?" She countered back with a smile. "My battery died on my cell and I forgot the charger at my apartment. Why didn't you just call here when I didn't call you back?" she asked. "If you would have done that, I could have told you everything was fine and to come over after you changed."
Harm took a moment to ponder the question. "Honestly, Mac, I don't even know. I just needed to know that everyone was okay," he shrugged. "I figured that driving here first and worrying about changing out of my uniform later made more sense to me in the moment."
She smiled warmly at him. This scene felt so domestic to her and made her feel content – even if it was only temporary. "How'd you get in? I did lock the door, didn't I?" she asked as she finished cleaning Jimmy's hands and then began working on removing the sauce from his face.
"I used the spare key Harriet gave me...the same day she gave you yours." He reminded her.
"Oh, right," Mac replied. "You know, since I fed AJ and Jimmy, it's only fair that you get bath duty for them and dinner duty for the twins." She smiled at him.
"It's only fair, huh? You weren't even expecting me to be here yet!" Harm pointed out, amused.
"Well, Counselor, I guess that is just a technicality." Mac grinned sheepishly, her eyes sparkling with her own amusement. "Luckily for you though, I am feeling generous enough to fix the bottles for Nikki and Michael. You'll just have to feed them." Then she turned her attention to the toddler in front of her. "Okay, Jimmy. All done."
"I see Unca Harm?"
Mac nodded and Jimmy ran back over to Harm and jumped on his lap. "Hi!"
"Hi, Little Man!" Harm exclaimed as he ruffled the boy's hair. "Are you having fun with Aunt Mac?"
Jimmy nodded. "Yes!" He squealed.
"Uncle Harm, is it true you're gonna stay all weekend like Aunt Mac?" AJ asked.
"Sure is," Harm replied without missing a beat.
"Oh, wow," AJ said. "I got to sleep at your house, and I got to sleep at Aunt Mac's, but I never got to have a sleepover with both of you at the same time before. This is gonna be so cool!" His face light up before he turned serious. "Why don't you and Aunt Mac live together?" AJ asked curiously.
Harm stopped bouncing Jimmy up and down on his knee and looked over at Mac. She was standing at the sink still, filling a glass of water. AJ's question clearly had an impact on her because the water glass was overflowing and Mac was just staring at AJ.
"Um, well," Harm cleared his throat. "What do you mean, AJ? Why would Aunt Mac and I live together?"
"Cause she's my aunt and you're my uncle." When Harm didn't say anything else, AJ continued. "Joey at school has sleepovers with his Aunt Jenny and Uncle Bobby all the time. Sometimes they even sleep in a tent in the backyard with his cousin!"
"Well, AJ, Joey's Aunt Jenny and Uncle Bobby are probably married. Aunt Mac and I aren't married, so we don't live together," he explained.
"Why aren't you married? Don't you love her?" AJ asked next.
Mac interrupted before Harm could reply. "AJ, why don't you help me load the dishwasher so Uncle Harm can change out of his uniform," she suggested.
"Okay, Aunt Mac," AJ said as he picked up his dish and walked over to where Mac was.
Harm disappeared for just a few minutes to retrieve his bag and change into a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. He smiled as he listened to Mac's one-sided conversation as she attempted to soothe the fussy twins.
"Now, now, I know you're hungry, but you just have to bear with me for a minute. Okay? I'm almost done fixing your bottle, and by then Uncle Harm will be back."
"Uncle Harm is back," Harm said as he entered the kitchen and removed Nikki -who was crying the most- from her bouncy seat. "Hi, there, pretty girl," he cooed at the baby with a smile. The baby began to stop fussing when Harm picked her up. "You're hungry, huh?" Mac handed him Nikki's bottle and he began to feed the baby.
Mac watched the scene in front of her, and it filled her heart with joy and made it ache all at once. "I'll feed Michael," Mac said as she began preparing the next bottle.
"I can multitask and feed them both, you know."
Mac shook her head and went to remove Michael from his bouncy seat. "No, I want to do it. Really."
Harm could tell in her tone that it was important to her. "Okay, Mac," he said softly.
They stood together in the kitchen, each one of them with a baby in their arms. Mac noticed how intently Harm was focusing on her, and she suddenly felt the need to sit down. "Um, we should, uh, go to the other room," she stammered. "The burp cloths are in a basket by the couch."
"After you," Harm said as he nodded for her to lead the way.
The two of them entered the family room and sat beside each other on the couch. AJ and Jimmy were sitting on the floor playing with their train set .
"This is nice," Harm said after several moments had passed.
"It is," Mac agreed softly, her gaze focused on the baby in her arms.
"Maybe we should modify our Friday night plans and offer to babysit at least one Friday night a month," he tentatively suggested.
She brought her gaze to his. "That's a really nice idea, Harm. I'm sure Bud and Harriet would appreciate that, and I'd like that, too," her voice became softer as she brought her gaze back to the baby.
"I'm still here, Mac," he reminded her, simply, after a beat or two had passed. He knew that she would know what he was talking about. He ducked his head a bit, encouraging her to make eye contact with him.
She slowly brought her gaze up to his once again. "I know," she barely whispered. "And that means the world to me," she assured him.
"But," he prompted her, knowing there was more.
"It's not fair to you."
"Mac..."
"It's not, Harm," she fought the urge to cry. "I can't give you the life you want. You deserve better. You deserve someone who can give you that life- this life," gestured to the kids in the room.
"Who are you to decide what I want?" He countered. "I don't care how it happens, as long as it happens with you. I mean that. I want you for you, Mac."
She wanted to believe him, but something inside of her wouldn't let her do so - after all these years, she was now the one who was struggling to let go. "Can we table this conversation for now?"
"Like we tabled our conversation in Paraguay?" The words slipped out before he could stop them and he immediately regretted them - they sounded bitter even to his own ears. "I'm sorry, Mac," he apologized. "That was uncalled for."
His words struck a chord with her. She knew she made a mistake in Paraguay and she regretted it and her actions ever since. She didn't give him a chance then, and essentially, that was what she was doing now. She was once again making a decision that affected both of them without even discussing it with him first. "No, Harm. You are right."
He cocked his head to the side, speechless. He was obviously expecting a fight from her.
"I promise we can talk about this later...just not right now. Okay? I promise." She repeated.
Harm seemed satisfied with her promise to discuss the matter later. "I'm gonna hold you to that, Marine." He said in a light tone with a small smile.
"I know you will," she replied gently.
Sometime later, after the twins were fed and burped, Mac announced it was bath time for AJ and Jimmy. After she stood up from the couch, Harm placed Nikki in her free arm and Mac ventured up the stairs to get the babies ready for bed.
"Okay, you two, bath time," Harm said as he clapped his hands to get their attention. "You heard Aunt Mac."
Jimmy pouted and AJ whined that he still wanted to play.
"Good sailors follow orders, don't they?"
"Yes, sir!" AJ said.
"Yes'ir," Jimmy attempted to repeat.
After Mac changed Michael and Nikki into clean diapers and pajamas, she rocked them to sleep before gently placing them into their cribs. She stood in the dimly lit room for two minutes and thirty-six seconds watching them as she mourned the life she may never have. With one last sniffle, she wiped her eyes, and then slipped out of the nursery.
In the hallway, she could hear laughter and splashing coming from the bathroom. She decided to linger out of sight near the door so she could observe without being seen.
"Sing a song, Uncle Harm!" She heard AJ request.
"A song? What type of song?"
"A bath song, silly!"
"I don't think I know any bath songs."
"What about the Rubber Ducky song? Mommy sings that one...Daddy knows almost all of it, too."
Harm shook his head. "No, I don't know that song."
"You hafta know a bath song..."
"Hmm..." Harm thought for a moment. "Okay, I got one. Are you ready?"
Jimmy and AJ clapped their hands.
Harm cleared his throat dramatically. "One, two, three," he counted off. "Splish splash, I was takin' a bath long about a Saturday night..."
The two brothers laughed hysterically at Harm's antics as he gave them their bath. Mac was grateful for the way the mirror was situated – it allowed her to get a view of Harm. He was kneeling beside the bathtub dancing in place. Mac couldn't help but to notice how animated he was. He looked so happy and relaxed. It had been a really long time since she had seen him that happy, and it made her happy that he was happy.
"Rub-a-dub, just relaxin' in the tub...Thinkin' everything was alright..." Harm continued.
He shampooed each boy's hair.
"Well, I stepped out the tub, put my feet on the floor...I wrapped the towel around me...And I opened the door, and then..."
His rinsed the shampoo from their hair.
"Splish, Splash! I jumped back in the bath...Well how was I to know there was a party going on..."
The boys laughed when Harm made a surprised expression. Mac bit back a chuckle each time Harm sang the phrase "splish, splash," and the boys would flail their arms about causing waves of water to splash over the edge of the tub and directly on Harm.
He was a good sport about it and continued on with his singing.
"Yes, I was a-splishin' and a splashin'...I was a-rollin' and a-strollin'...Yeah, I was a-movin' and a-groovin'... Woo!"
Mac couldn't help but to notice that he skipped over a couple verses of the song, probably because if bath time continued much longer all the water would be outside of the tub.
"We was a-reelin' with the feelin'.. Ha! We was a-rollin' and a-strollin'...Movin with the groovin'...Splish splash, yeah!"
He pulled released the plug and allowed the water to drain from the tub as he reached for the two towels beside him. By some miracle, they managed to stay mostly dry.
"I was a-splishin' and a splashin' one time...I was a-splishin' and a splashin'.. Woo-woo!...I was a-movin' and a-groovin'..."
He finished the song as he lifted Jimmy and AJ from the tub one by one and wrapped them each in a fluffy blue bath towel.
"I like that song, Uncle Harm," AJ laughed. "It's silly!"
"Silly!" Jimmy chimed in his agreement.
Suddenly, though, AJ turned serious, "Uncle Harm..."
"Yeah, AJ?"
"You didn't answer my question before."
Harm furrowed his brow. "What question, Big Guy?"
"Do you love Aunt Mac?"
Harm should have seen that one coming – this was the son of Harriet Sims, after all. There was no way he was going to let that question go unanswered.
Mac sucked in a breath and closed her eyes – praying that Harm was completely oblivious to her presence just some ten feet away. There was a difference between wanting someone and loving someone. She couldn't help but to wonder of Harm just wanted the lifestyle he promised her on the steps of JAG the day AJ was born. Maybe he didn't love her per se….maybe he was just in love with the idea of a family.
"I love Aunt Mac so much. More than you can even imagine... maybe even a little bit more than you love her," Harm winked.
"I love Auntie Mac soooooo much. That means you must love her a whole bunch."
Harm nodded. "I do. I love her a whole bunch," he confirmed.
"Then marry her and you can live together and then I can have sleepovers with both of you." AJ said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world to do.
Harm smiled, sadly. "I wish it was that easy."
"Why not? You're both grown-ups, right? I told Mommy I loved Ellie from school and I'm gonna marry her, but she said I'm not a grown up. Apparently only grown-ups can get married," he huffed as he crossed his arms. "I am almost six, you know."
"I know how old you are," Harm assured him, and Mac could pick up on a hint of sadness in his voice.
"If you love Aunt Mac, and she loves you then just get married! I know Aunt Mac loves you."
"And just how would you know that?" Harm asked, curiously.
"Cause she always sits by you when you come over for dinner. That's what girls do when they like you."
"Is that so?" He asked, before thinking to himself, -oh, to be young again. "Okay, off to your room to get dressed," Harm said, hoping to end the conversation there.
Mac quickly slipped into AJ and Jimmy's room so Harm wouldn't notice that she was listening to them the entire time. She turned on the light and went over to the dresser to retrieve a set of pajamas for each boy.
"Auntie Mac!" AJ exclaimed when he ran into the room.
Harm followed directly behind AJ with Jimmy in his arms, hoping that AJ wouldn't tell Mac about the conversation they just had.
"You two – or three -" she corrected after looking Harm up and down and noticed just how much water was splashed on him, "look squeaky clean!"
"Uncle Harm even made me wash behind my ears!"
Mac laughed. "I knew he would. There's no tricking Uncle Harm." Mac tossed Jimmy's clothing over to Harm and then began to help AJ get dressed. It amazed her how easily she and Harm slipped into this lifestyle. It felt so right and so forbidden all at once.
"Movie, peez?" Jimmy requested.
"Hmm, what do you think, Aunt Mac? Do we have time for a movie before bed?" He raised an eyebrow.
"Hmm," she pretended to think about it – she knew that he knew she would say yes. "One movie should be okay."
"Lion King!"
"Yeah, Lion King!" AJ chimed in after his brother.
AJ and Jimmy where exhausted after their busy day with their Aunt Mac, and fell asleep twenty minutes into the movie -which was no surprise to Mac. Harm carefully lifted Jimmy from the couch and handed him to Mac before bending down to pick up AJ. The pair brought the boys upstairs and placed them into their beds.
"Sweet dreams," Mac whispered before placing a kiss on Jimmy's cheek. After she finished, she walked over to AJ's bed and did the same thing.
Harm pulled the door shut behind him after and he and Mac stepped out of the room. "Have you eaten yet?" he asked Mac.
"You know," Mac chuckled. "I haven't...you probably haven't either, right?"
He shook his head. "I didn't. What do you want? I'll order something for us."
"It doesn't really matter. What are you in the mood for?"
You - he almost said aloud. Luckily he caught himself first and said, "Doesn't matter."
She shrugged. "Honestly, I'm starving. Something quick would be great."
"Harriet always has a fully stocked kitchen, I can whip us up something," he offered.
"You had a long day, I'm sure. You don't need to cook for me – a bowl of cereal would be fine."
He wrinkled his nose. "Cereal for dinner should be illegal - especially on a Friday."
She smiled, thinking of all the Friday dinners they shared recently. Some were casual, some were fancy, but eating cereal in the Roberts' kitchen definitely would have been a first. "Hmm," Mac pondered. "Do you feel that way about all breakfast food for dinner or just cereal in general?"
"Just cereal." He crossed his arms.
"Then, I'm thinking eggs for dinner sound good."
He flashed his usual smile at her. "I happen to make a great omelet, Marine. You're in for a treat."
The two of them returned to the kitchen and Harm began gathering the ingredients he needed for their dinner.
Mac found herself excited by the prospect of him cooking breakfast food for her. He made her dinner countless times over the years, but there was something about him making breakfast food that felt intimate to her. Sure, they had slept in the same quarters before, but they usually skipped breakfast those days or had a muffin in the morning. She couldn't help but to wonder what "the morning after" would look like for them if it ever happened. Who would be awake first? Would he make breakfast for her? Or would she surprise him by making breakfast first? Would they tease each other over the strength of the coffee?
"Have you heard from Bud and Harriet?" Harm's voice rattled her from her thoughts.
"Bud called right before you got here. Harriet and her mother having been arguing all day." Mac replied as she began to finish cleaning the mess from the dinner she fed the kids earlier.
"What else is new?" Harm chuckled. "What is it, again? Her parents' 40th anniversary?"
"Yes," Mac nodded. "I guess Bud said her mom is knit picking everything for the party, and Harriet said it was worse than how her mom was acting when she married Bud."
Harm whistled. "Poor Bud – caught in the crossfire, I'm sure."
Mac nodded in agreement. "He said that they should be home by 1600 hours on Sunday, though."
"How are we going to entertain four kids all weekend?" Harm asked.
"I thought you'd be begging to take them to the Air and Space Museum," she quipped.
Harm shrugged. "I hear that there's a new dinosaur exhibit at the Natural History Museum."
She raised an eyebrow. "You're going to pass up an opportunity to tell AJ all about the history of flight?"
"If it means you get to teach him about an ankylosaurus or a pterodactyl, absolutely."
"Sometimes, you're full of surprises, Flyboy."
Harm transferred the omelets from the pan to plates. "I like to mix things up every once in a while. It keeps things interesting."
"You're something else," she chuckled. "Did you bring the files for the Burke case? We can go over them if you want." Mac asked as they sat down at the table.
"I did bring them, but I don't really feel like working tonight, Mac."
"I don't feel like working either," she paused for only a second before continuing. "But, I do feel like talking now...about us," she clarified.
"Now?" He couldn't mask his surprise.
She nodded. "I'm ready."
His lips curved upward into the faintest smile. "Me, too."
Mac took a deep breath and plunged into the conversation. There was no going back. "Do you love me or do you love the idea of a family and see me as a way to get that?" she asked in a rushed breath.
Harm stood up from his seat across from her and moved so that he was sitting directly beside her. "Mac," he reached for her hand. "I love you."
"Even if I can't give you a child of your own?" her voice was small.
In this moment, it was the first time he ever doubted making the baby deal in the first place. He didn't know how he could ever make her believe that that the baby deal wasn't the only reason he wanted to be with her. "I shouldn't have suggested that damn deal."
Mac pursed her lips together.
He saw how hurt she was, and rushed to continue what he was trying to say without causing her anymore pain. "I never should have made the deal about a baby," he clarified. "I should have said – if in five years neither one of us is in a relationship, we go halves on a life together."
"Why five years?" She finally voiced the question she had since he picked that number all those years ago. Her voice was small and unsure as she asked.
"It felt...right."
She processed his words for a moment. "Is that why you kept us from hitting the iceberg that night in Sydney?" She finally asked. "Because the timing wasn't right?"
He nodded slowly. "I loved you so much then, Mac, and I wanted to say yes more than anything..."
"But?" she prompted him.
"We would have crashed and burned before we even began."
"You seem sure of that," she tried not to sound too hurt or insulted, but it was difficult. However, another part of her reminded her that she deserved it – especially after the way she treated him last year.
"It was the usual MO for both of us."
She cocked her head to the side, knowing he wasn't wrong. "We had a lot of growing to do, I guess. We are both strong willed, and stubborn, and opinionated. We wouldn't have been able to compromise..."
"Will we ever be able to comprise?" he asked.
It only took a nanosecond for Mac to realize that he was teasing her, and not referring to when she told him it would "never" work out, and she allowed herself to smile. "Touché."
"Do you resent me for that? For not being ready then? I didn't say no, I just said not yet," he reminded her, fighting the urge to remind her that she was the one who told him it would never work out between them.
She sighed heavily. "At the time, yes. I think it was why I ran to Mic and that just goes to show how immature I was. I went from wanting to be in a relationship with you, accepting an almost engagement ring from Mic in a matter of hours essentially. That's not one of my better moments." She paused. "Do you resent me for what happened in Paraguay?"
He sighed and shifted awkwardly in his seat – he was an attorney after all- he knew that question was coming. "I was angry and hurt, Mac, but it led me to Mattie and she needed me then. I needed her, too. I just needed some time."
"I'm not good at relationships," she blurted out quickly with a scoff. Memories of what he said about the men in her life before the Jagathon came flooding back to her – even he didn't think she was good at relationships. "I've been working on that. I'm still seeing Commander McCool. I think it's helping."
Harm smiled softly at her, and she continued. "I want this to work with you more than I have wanted anything in my life, but I don't want you to resent me in five, ten, fifteen years if we can't have the family you have always dreamed of.
"The only family I've dreamed of is the one I have with you," his response was firm. "The details don't matter – they never mattered. You have to believe me, Mac." Mac still looked uncertain, and Harm continued. "I wish," he began softy, as he brought his free hand to her face and pushed her bangs behind her ear, "that you could see yourself through my eyes. I wish that you could see how much I love you and that I love you for you. Deal or no deal."
She desperately wanted to, but fear was still holding her back. She stared into his eyes and found hope there. Maybe they could finally be able to let go at the same time. "Can we try to make this work between us?"
Slowly, he shook his head from side to side. "No. We won't try to make it work; we will make it work. We're both too stubborn for it not to work out, right?"
Mac chuckled softly. "You have a point there."
He leaned forward slightly, but stopped just short of kissing her.
She searched his eyes, trying to find and answer – wondering if he was actually expecting her to throw a red light at him.
He brought his thumb to the corner of her mouth and lightly ran it across her lower lip.
Mac involuntarily licked her lips in anticipation.
"Permission to kiss the colonel, ma'am?" His voice was low.
She broke out into a complete grin, recalling how he asked for "permission to come abroad" when they had first met.
His own grin mirrored hers.
"Granted indefinitely, Commander."
They had an eternity to spend together, after all.