The series: Harry Potter

Rated: M

Warnings: a short smut, perhaps bullying and language, a bit angsty themes

Disclaimer: well, obviously I'm not J.K. Rowling who created the characters and surroundings used in this story. I only own the plot of this fic.

Other: check the author's note in the end. I can't say much about the main pairing though; this mostly deals with James/Peter but I could still guess that the main pairing is James/Lily.

Enjoy.

The boy sitting in the train was small and silent; one wouldn't have noticed him if he had been in a large group. Even now he almost went unnoticed by the fellow students (or young people who were accepted to attend the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and would soon become the students of the said school) – his parents had always said that his spirit animal would have been a mouse, a small and silent yet cunning mouse. And that was true.

But then one boy with his friend noticed him and came to talk to him. The mouse-like boy couldn't help but notice how confident the other boys seemed to be like they had nothing to worry about – especially not the one with jet black hair, hazel eyes and eyeglasses. The boy started to feel slightly better; now he at least knew a couple of people. They talked about the houses and the sorting ceremony, the lessons and the professors – and of course the numerous feasts which took place in the school every now and then. The small and shy boy felt relaxed in this company and when a third boy, a silent but a wise one, also joined them, he felt very happy. At least he had managed to talk to someone.

It was the 1st of September in 1971: the first time Peter Pettigrew met James Potter, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin in the Hogwarts Express.

Peter sat on the chair with the Sorting Hat on his head. The Hat had difficulties with deciding if it should sort him into Slytherin instead of Gryffindor.

He swallowed. Sirius and Remus had been sorted into Gryffindor already and James would definitely be a Gryffindor too, there was no doubt about it. But if Peter got sorted into Slytherin he would have to make new friends and start all over again. The people sitting in the Slytherin table seemed somehow… Scary, especially the older ones. He didn't recognize anybody else but Lucius Malfoy; well, the Malfoys were pretty well-known in the society so even he was able to recognize the blond. The said prefect stared at him with steely eyes, glaring at him like he was just plain rubbish.

"Please, don't sort me into Slytherin. I don't want to go there" Peter whispered, understanding the same moment that if he was going to be this much of a coward he wouldn't be sorted into Gryffindor either. He bit his lip trying to prevent himself from saying anymore. The Hat was still thinking, the people in The Great Hall were staring at him. It made him dizzy, nauseous and nervous; he hated it when people noticed him. Usually he just got called names and so on. With James, Sirius and Remus that wouldn't happen… At least he didn't believe so.

"You are cunning and you know what you want in your life" the Hat said then, scaring Peter quite well. "It's written in your mind. You idolise those who have the power and the might to affect other people. You would like to be like them… And Slytherin would made it possible. But you truly seem reluctant to go there… Well then.

Let me sort you into GRYFFINDOR!"

The huge weight was lifted from the young boy's shoulders when the Hat shouted the last word. The table where Remus and Sirius already sat started applauding and whistling. With legs that felt like jelly Peter walked there and sat on the bench, next to Remus. Now people were already paying attention to the new person sitting on the chair (the girl got sorted into Ravenclaw). Finally it was James' turn. The hat didn't even properly touch his hair when it already shouted out "GRYFFINDOR!"

Peter hadn't been this happy in his whole life. James sat opposite to him and grinned when Sirius patted him on the back. Peter smiled at the boy and then turned his attention to the chair, the hat, the student and Professor McGonagall.

What went unnoticed by him was the mischievous glint in James' eyes. You see, James Potter was pretty arrogant and thick-headed at one point and he saw a perfect chess piece in Peter. The hazel-eyed boy smirked. These years would be funnier than he had thought…

"Oh, Snively! Look at here!"

And Peter would laugh when a handful of worms hit Severus Snape's face with full force. The other students in the potions class also erupted laughter when they noticed what had happened. James smirked; Severus Snape truly deserved that one simply by existing. The only one who wasn't laughing was a girl from Gryffindor; Lily Evans was her name if Peter recalled it correctly. She seemed to be the only true friend Severus had – and the only one James praised like she had been a goddess of beauty and strength or something. Now the red-haired girl walked to Severus, starting to help him to clean up his face, his desk and his robes.

The pure anger flashed in James' face; it didn't go unnoticed by Peter who decided not to say anything about it. An angry James wasn't a funny James, that's what he had learnt during the few months they had been studying in Hogwarts.

The potions professor, professor Slughorn, wouldn't have paid attention to the whole situation if it hadn't been Lily Evans who shouted his name and told him what had happened. In his mind Slughorn sighed; this would have been considered as a wonderful prank the days he had been young but now the young Snape seemed to be on the edge of tears. Slughorn didn't actually care about the boy that much; even though he was a Slytherin he wasn't rich, handsome or even pure-blooded and the professor absolutely didn't want the boy to start crying in his class. That would have meant that the professor himself would have needed to help the boy and he truly had more important things to do.

Snape was ordered to leave.
Lily glared at James, apparently trying to murder him with the glare.
James just smiled at Lily.
And Peter suddenly felt a bit hollow, even though he was laughing.

The problem wasn't that James bullied Snape; truly, the boy seemed to deserve it. Actually Peter didn't even know what the problem was. He sighed and started to pay attention to his cauldron again, only to notice that his potion had been ruined.

James spared a glance at the smaller boy. Good, the other one had at least laughed… Maybe he could use the smaller one as some kind of a jester? After all, the Pettigrew boy wasn't that different from the Snape guy.

The first year went by without any bigger events; James and Sirius continued to bully Snape, Peter idolised them (especially James) and Remus tried to prevent them from doing stupid things (failing miserably). Luckily James and Sirius were good students so they were usually forgiven; Peter as their friend was quite often forgiven too if they were caught from breaking rules or something. He felt like he belonged to the coolest gang ever – yet at the same time feeling that something was off. He would spend his nights thinking about what was wrong but never quite realising it.

Had he realised it, he would have been spared from many psychologically tormenting things… And perhaps from the things which would shock the wizarding world over twenty years later.

His obsession on James Potter grew bigger day by day. Peter worshipped him like a god; the boy was idolised by many people, he was clever, he had a great sense of humour and he truly was popular. Many times Peter thought if he should ask James some advice but always bit his tongue preventing himself from speaking; James would have considered him as a brainless idiot.

Well, little did he know that James respected him almost as much as he respected a flobberworm.

After the first year, on the summer holiday between the first and the second year, Peter had so much to tell to his mother about his new friends. Mrs. Pettigrew seemed to be happy about the fact that her son had actually managed to make any friends; when Peter had had to live the muggle style life he hadn't had that many friends, just bullies and people who girls would call 'frenemies'. Anyway, she was also worried; the history of the house of Black was… Well, quite black, and she also knew that James was the only child of his parents. She couldn't help but wonder what kind of a person James really was.

Finally she sighed.
"Well, as long as they don't hurt you, you can hang out with them."

And Peter looked at her with his big eyes, full of trust on his friends.
"Mother, why would they try to hurt me? They're my friends."

Friends who didn't even write to him in the summer – well, except Remus. But maybe they were busy, Peter thought every time he woke up and there wasn't an owl delivering a letter to him.

James Potter couldn't have cared less.

In the second year they discovered that Remus was a werewolf. It was pretty great shock, especially to Peter who didn't have that much information of those creatures of the night. James and Sirius had at least heard of them and knew something. But even though Peter didn't have the knowledge he decided to stay by Remus' side. The boy looked so fragile when his friends discovered his secret, so fragile and so scared with a pleading gaze; 'don't leave me'.

And of course Peter couldn't leave him; Remus was his friend – the only true friend which he would discover later in his life, even though the realization would happen too late.

They learnt new skills and improved their old skills; they became better in the subjects they studied, even Peter, who wasn't naturally that good in studying. Also he improved his skills and worked hard to get better grades. The joy was visible on his face every time he succeeded in doing something; when he brew the potion correctly, when he casted a spell making no mistakes.

And James Potter would have his hazel eyes on him every time he didn't notice, watching him like a hawk which stalks its prey.

In fourth year something finally started to happen. James had been waiting for many years now, making his plan perfect. This would show the Pettigrew guy what it was like to be humiliated in public. But making the plan had taken him many years; making the plan actually work would take him pretty many years too. But he could wait: he was surprisingly patient person if he had to be.

The boys were now fourteen, the age in which everything sexual truly started to interest them (well, Remus never showed any signs of interest but everybody knew that it was the Remus thing; he didn't show his feelings that often either). The perfect timing with his plan, that was sure.

The first step in his plan was not to flirt to Lily when Peter was present. Remus didn't know about the plan and Sirius thought it was the greatest plan in the history of humiliating pranks so James didn't have to worry about them. He managed not to flirt to the red-haired Gryffindor girl when Peter was there. The still mouse-like boy thought that it was very odd from him but didn't say a word. Actually, for some odd reason, it felt pretty good to see that James seemed to have given up on Lily.

But instantly when Peter turned his back the flirting started again. And, of course, nobody told Peter because nobody thought that it would have mattered. In a few years at least James would discover how great the hurt was but now, well, he was just a teenage boy who loved to make pranks, more or less hurting ones.

The next step was getting closer to Peter. It wasn't that hard; everybody who had eyes could see that Peter idolised James so much that he almost kissed the ground which the Potter boy walked on.
"Nice prank, Peter!"
"Wow, Peter, you casted that spell very well!"
"Look Sirius, Remus, Peter managed to brew this potion perfectly!"
Yes; who wouldn't want to hear nice words from their idol? At least Peter wanted – his main goal in life was to become accepted in his idol's eyes and now he seemed to have reached it.

Of course Peter felt also confused: why did James pay attention on him so much instead of paying attention to Lily? Why did the black-haired boy spend so much time with him instead of humiliating Snape and making pranks with Sirius? Why did James Potter flash him a smile every now and then, when they passed each other in the corridor or when their gazes met over the cauldron?
It felt weird yet so good at the same time.

And before Peter even noticed it properly, he had already created some sort of a crush on James Potter – and walked straight into the trap set for him.

In their fifth year something greater happened.

James had been waiting for this moment so long he couldn't even remember anymore. Now would start the step three of his plan and he seriously couldn't wait. He was sitting in the Astronomy Tower, waiting for Peter to arrive. He hoped that the other boy would make it pass the prefects and the professors who were patrolling at night; otherwise he would have to wait for his chance longer than expected and he wouldn't have appreciated that very much.

Suddenly the prince of Gryffindor heard steps from the stairs and smirked. It had to be Peter – and a few seconds later he was able to see that he was concluded right. There stood Peter Pettigrew, trying to breathe properly, face flushed likely from running.

"You wanted to meet me?" Peter asked in his rat-like voice; it was silent yet annoying if you asked anybody in Hogwarts. But James didn't let it bother him now, not now, when he was so close… He had to put his act on quickly, otherwise the other boy would have guessed that something was horribly off. As an answer to Peter's question James nodded and sighed. "Peter… I really wanted to speak with you about something. I've grown… To like you. And I actually mean… That I like you. In that way. You know…" James grew silent, biting his lip. This would be so fun…

Peter seemed to process the information given to him but then it really hit him.
James Potter liked him?
James Potter liked him more than he liked Lily Evans?
James Potter… Loved him?

Peter stared at his friend with wide eyes. Was the other really serious about it? Could the other boy truly feel the same towards Peter than Peter felt towards him? It seemed so; James looked so fragile in the light of stars, gazing shyly at Peter and then again out of the window. Peter thought that it was cute; he had never seen James this way. In the faint light he looked like a lost angel, so lost yet so handsome… Peter couldn't help himself, he had to touch that fantastic creature, he had to feel that it was real. So he did something that felt just right; he raised his hand, cupped James' face gently and made the other boy look at him.

James shivered but not from passion; the other one's touch didn't feel very good. He forced himself to think about Lily, how her touch would have felt on his skin… And he had to focus on keeping his act on. Peter looked pretty unsure, his small eyes full of questions and emotions James had never seen in them before.

Pathetic.

Then Peter opened his mouth to speak. "James… I have to admit that it felt weird when you first started to hang out with me. And to see that you've given up on Lily… But, to be honest, after a while I understood that it was perhaps the greatest thing in my life so far; to see you not trying to flirt to her every time you happen to see her. I have to say that this all is kind of new for me but I have to admit… That I like you too", Peter whispered, not quite managing to hold James' gaze towards the end of his last sentence.

And James new exactly what to do.

Manipulating himself to think that it was Lily in front of him he cupped the other boy's face and kissed him gently before Peter even had time to react. The smaller boy felt his heart swell, the world was spinning around him; James Potter himself was kissing him, caring for him, showing his love towards Peter through this kiss.

Except that James Potter had never love him and would never love him but that was something Peter didn't know.

The next day Peter was studying in the library, still feeling happier than ever. When they had left the Astronomy Tower that night he had been able to steal a kiss from James every now and then under the Cloak of Invisibility. They had made it to the Gryffindor Tower safe and had spent a bit more time in the common room until going to the dorm and falling asleep – not in the same bed though, James said that he hadn't told anybody yet and he didn't want their relationship to be revealed yet.

Peter was just finishing his essay on charms when somebody said from behind him: "Don't let him make you just one of his puppets."

The rat-like boy almost dropped his quill on his parchment; yes, he got scared easily. He turned and saw none other than Severus Snape who had sneaked behind him to look for a book from the shelf. "Excuse me?" Peter asked, not quite understanding what Snape was trying to tell him. And Peter didn't want to start a fight in the middle of the library so he could just listen what Snape had on his mind (of course he could have just ignored the Slytherin but you know, curiosity killed the cat).

The Slytherin boy sighed while letting his gaze explore the bookshelf. "Pettigrew, you really can't be that naïve to believe that James Potter would actually like you? Didn't you spend enough time with him to see how he treats those who are lesser than him? I say this once and only once; you're no more but a jester to him" Snape said, finally finding the book he had been looking for.

Peter sat there, dumbfounded for a moment; then he truly registered Snape's words and felt the anger swell up in his chest. "How dare you, Snively? James had been my friend for years, he would never betray my trust! How dare you compare myself to you?" he asked, noting satisfied that he had managed to hurt the other boy with his words.

"I don't even know why I bothered – you truly seem a match made in Heaven or actually in Hell. But, if something happens someday, something you just couldn't expect, remember my words" the long-haired teenager said turning his back to Severus and disappearing soon.

Peter was left there, hurt and angered. How the Slytherin dared to say something about his boyfriend? How did he dare?

Sweat on the skin, shimmering in the candle light. Light touches, all over their bodies. Whimpering from lust, from need, laughing to make the atmosphere just a bit lighter. Gazes with great promises in them – except that in another gaze all of those promises were false.

They were at James' place; it was Christmas holiday. The snow was made everything look more illuminated, more fantastic, but the boys didn't care about it; now, they had much more important things to do. For example making sweet love to each other in the December night in a romantic atmosphere James had created for them. Everything was so peaceful, except in Peter's mind; he felt dizzy, he felt like he wasn't able to decide how he should be there – James had done so much for him, the black-haired boy's mouth was doing some amazing things to his shaft and the gaze directed at Peter… It would have been enough to make Peter come had he not been able to control himself.

The night went on. One might have been able to hear silent whimpers of pain and soothing voice just after them; the voice which told the other one that everything was alright, it would feel better soon. And even though Peter felt like he just couldn't take it, he let James continue – and yes, when the brown-eyed boy continued thrusting into the smaller boy Peter could feel how much easier it felt and how much more pleasure it brought to both of them.

Only that James pretended that he was making love to Lily instead of Peter – even though it was pretty difficult in the moment but at least he managed to manipulate himself to think so.

And when he came, a few seconds after Peter, he almost shouted Lily's name out loud.

The snow had started to fall. It was peaceful, it was beautiful… And all of it was just a lie.

It had been two years since the boys had started 'dating'. Of course everybody knew by now – and also almost everybody knew that it had to be fake since everybody who wasn't blind could still see that James still had a strong thing for Lily. And now, in their seventh year in Hogwarts, James decided to reveal that it had all been just a theatre in which Peter had been his puppet.

In the morning everything seemed just normal but someone sensed that not everything was like it was used to, and that someone was a certain Severus Snape who arrived in the Great Hall to have breakfast with his friends. It was raining outside; damned November. He sighed and sat next to Avery who mumbled 'good morning' before turning his attention back to The Daily Prophet. Severus gave a brief nod as an answer and started to pour pumpkin juice into his goblet.

And then he lifted his gaze only to freeze on the spot (well, he managed to put the juice back onto the table before he spilled it all over the said obstacle).

There, in the Gryffindor table, James Potter seemed to be eating Lily Evans' mouth with his own one. Everybody could see it. Literally everybody and especially the one who was supposed to see it; Peter Pettigrew who sat on the bench and stared at James and Lily not believing what he was witnessing. Then James broke the kiss with Lily and turned to Peter. "Did you really believe that I could have loved you? Bloody hell, dude, you thought that I was gay? Seriously? But wait a second… You obviously are! You told me you had loved me for a long time before I 'confessed my feelings' to you!" James shouted – and the whole Gryffindor table started laughing, except Remus and Lily (who was still smirking a bit; she though that the prank wasn't actually that bad).

Severus let his gaze follow the rat-like boy who bolted out of the Great Hall, trying to escape the laughter and shouting. The Slytherin teenager sighed; hadn't he tried to warn? He poked Avery with his elbow. "Avery… It's our time to do the job", he whispered. It took a while from Avery to register his words but then the other boy nodded and both of them rose from the table, excused themselves and walked out of the Great Hall as quickly as possible without being suspicious. As expected Peter was nowhere to be seen anymore. Severus sighed. "Okay, Avery; you check the empty classrooms nearby, I'll check the bathrooms. He can't have run very far after all" the black-haired boy said, taking the course towards the bathrooms.

Surprisingly enough Avery managed to find Peter in an empty alcove where the boy was sobbing silently. The Slytherin teenager smirked; it actually made him feel some sort of a pleasure to see the other boy like this. After all also Pettigrew had bullied Severus.

It took a couple of minutes for Peter to understand that there was somebody standing by him. When the smaller boy looked up he shivered violently – first James humiliating him and breaking his heart and now a Slytherin standing next to him smirking like a madman? It really wasn't his day… Apparently the Slytherin one – Avery was it? – had something to say to him.

"Pettigrew… How did it feel like, to be humiliated like that? Right in front of everybody? Did it feel good, huh?" the boy asked him. Peter couldn't answer; a mental image about James kissing Lily in front of him was too vivid and bursting in tears again was too close. Then the Slytherin boy said something that actually made Peter listen to him.

"Wouldn't you want to have a revenge?"

It was cold and windy night. A couple of years had gone by. The Dark Lord – who called himself Voldemort even though nobody wanted to say his name out loud – had risen and spread now fear and destruction in the wizarding world. People who fought against him had gone hiding – and so had Lily and James with their little boy Harry. Peter had still stayed by their side and all these years the couple had thought that Peter had forgiven James – even though James hadn't forgiven himself. He had grown up and understood how hard it had been for Peter yet he couldn't bring himself to apologize. No, instead of that he had married Lily and now they had an amazing son, a house in Godric's Hollow and a cat sleeping on a sofa silently purring while dreaming.

It was cold and windy night. It was 31st of October in 1981.

Peter had been waiting for this moment for a very long time. Now it was time for him to have his revenge; he had joined the Death Eaters and he knew that if he served the Dark Lord for the rest of his life, the Lord would kill the Potter family – which he would have done anyway because of the prophecy, but Peter saw it in this way and thought that serving the Dark Lord for the rest of his life wasn't that great of a price.

There was a couple of knocks on the door.

Peter stood up from the chair (he had been drinking tea in his apartment's kitchen) and went to open the door. There stood Severus Snape, who apparently had been crying but was now as steely and calm as usually. Peter didn't want to point the crying thing out – he still didn't enjoy the company of this man. How could he enjoy it? He had been stupid enough to believe James instead of Severus and the Gryffindor boy had really made him pay for it. Now seeing Severus brought all those memories into his mind again.

"They're dead. The boy survived. The Dark Lord has fallen and the Order is looking for you", the spy said, walking into Peter's apartment without invitation. Peter swallowed when he locked the door again and followed the man in black into the living room.

"Is he really… Dead?"
"Yes, Pettigrew. He is dead."
"Great. For that I'm willing to pay the required price."
"You're being naïve. And stupid. But I won't say anything more about that; they're dead. James died first."
"Not so good. He should have seen Lily and Harry die. Would have served him right."

And Snape knew that it was pointless to continue with that conversation so he just asked Peter to make some more tea. After drinking a couple of cups of it the black-haired man took his leave. "Be careful, Pettigrew. You will be needed in the future."

After meeting Sirius Black Peter had no choice; he became a rat, his Animagus form, and started to look for a good family. Soon he found one: a family full of noisy but funny redheads. Especially the twins seemed to be funny.
And Peter stayed with them for many years living a life of a pet rat, not knowing that Severus had told everything to Dumbledore, not knowing that the Dark Lord was still alive – and not knowing that somewhere there, among the piles of dust in Godric's Hollow, was a half-written apology to Peter with a signature "James Potter."

A/N: I have no idea why my head comes up with stupid ideas like this. Seriously; I don't actually like this plot that much. I love James and Lily very much but this just... Wanted itself to be written. I just have to say that I don't think that Severus (or Avery) would have tried to get people to join Voldemort's ranks because of a nasty break-up but... Well, again, my head comes up with the most stupid ideas ever.

I also haven't had time to update my other fics so I'll probably write a couple of more one-shots before continuing the multi-chapter ones. I'm very sorry about the delay but I managed to write myself into the writer's block with those... -_-" Perhaps I should next try to write a new generation fic?

Well, you can always review this but please, don't rip my head off. I actually need it even though the ideas it gives to me might be hideous sometimes.