Disclaimer: I think it's quite clear that I don't own Pokemon….and if it's not, your stupid and I hate you. ;)

Author's Notes: This initially was suppose to be a short, one page max-monologue, with no real details or descriptions…and then it turned into this….well, give it a read :)

Someday Never Came

I had told her, "someday". It's strange that I still remember it now, after so many years…But I guess that's just how it is. Sometimes you can't forget those simple, seemingly insignificant facts about someone who means a lot to you.

Of course, there are hundreds of them, that even now I can't stop from coursing through my mind. A time she laughed, a time she cried, a time where she promised me she would always be there.

….and it was that time, she lied.

But then, I guess, so did I. I had told her "someday" but someday never came.

I wonder what she would think, if she saw me now. If she saw how much I'd changed. When she left…the way she left…it caused a sort of instant maturity that couldn't be avoided. It was an experience that made me aged beyond my years and yet, at the same time, made me want more then anything for both of us to remain kids forever.

Every so often, I like to believe she'd be happy…you know? That's another thing I remember, how angry she used to get at me for being so dense. Back then, I never really took her seriously but I've begun to realize just how "dense" I was. My mind flashes back a thousand times to the stupid things I did and said and I'd give up everything to take to them back. Still, as much regret and hurt and shame as I may feel, I can't take them back, not ever. I guess that's why I try so hard not to mess up now, like it's some kind of apology to her.

I wish she would accept it so I could see her smile just one last time. Those smiles. Those smiles that never seemed special till this moment. I wish I had treasured them then, as I do now….but I didn't.

She traveled along side of me as my friend, my confidant, my strength, my support. She was my everything and I never even realized it. I was so busy with my own journey, obsessed with catching pokemon and winning badges, I never noticed her or thanked her for what she did for me. She gave up her own life and her own dreams for my sake. She followed me relentlessly, she was mean, she complained, she yelled, she whined, she shouted, she hit…but she never left my side. The annoying things she did were only to keep me from seeing the truth…and it worked…or at least it use to. She was loyal, strong, supportive, compassionate, sympathetic, caring, encouraging…selfless. She was the best friend anyone could have ever asked for. She was perfect.

And I loved her.

God, how I loved her…and how I love her still. And how I wish I could have realized that when it mattered. Every time I think about it, it hurts. A physical and emotional pain….not of my heart breaking…but of my heart being gouged out and torn into pieces, of my stomach being mutilated by acid, of my mind imploding in on it's self. To remember that night…that stupid, awful night, that brings me to hysterically tears, that makes me rush to the bathroom and spend an hour throwing up, that leaves me a pale ghostly shell of what I once was.

That night is one of those things…those specific details you'll never forget… but unlike her smiles and laughter…this I wish I could forget…I wish I could keep it from my mind forever…but I can't.

It was right before a big match, the biggest, I guess you could say…but all that's insignificant now. I didn't think anyone could be more nervous then I was that night…but she was and I couldn't understand why. It was late that night…or extremely early that morning… that I lay awake in my sleeping bag. Frustrated, I gave up at trying to sleep and quietly moved towards the place where our fire had once been. Only after I had started a new fire did I hear her behind me.

"Couldn't sleep?" she whispered. I nodded. "Me either," she smiled as she sat down beside me, "Nervous about tomorrow's match?" "Yeah…I mean…could I have went all this way for nothing? What if I lose? Maybe it's not even worth humiliating myself over" I said, not at all hesitant about spilling out to her a sum of what had been silently tormenting me for hours. We had traveled to long to keep secrets from each other, or so I thought.

She looked a bit taken back, "Ash, if there's one thing that traveling all this way with you has taught me, it's that you don't give up, not ever, and I'm not about to let you start now. Your special Ash, your different then anyone I've ever met… I know you can do this. You've proven to me a thousand times that your capable of being the world's greatest pokemon master. Now's your chance to prove it to everyone else." She said it all with a certain confidence in her voice, which seemed to be even further strengthened by the faint crackling of the fire. I blushed and rubbed the back of my head, "Uh…thanks Myst…" And suddenly, I did feel better. "So, why are you up this late?" I asked, uncertain of why this strange feeling in my stomach wouldn't go away.

That nervous look I had seen on her face earlier reappeared. She suddenly looked paler, smaller, and afraid. Not the strong confident girl I had always known. But just as quickly, a look of fierce determination came over her face. Whatever was bothering her, she wasn't going to back down from it any longer.

So there, in her face, was the definition of bravery. It wasn't that she had no fear, it was that she was going forward in spite of it. "Ash…" she stopped, taking a deep breath. "I don't…I don't know how to say this…but….for a long time, I've been, keeping a secret from you because I didn't want to hurt our friendship…but it's killing me and it's only fair that you know.." she stopped again and looked me straight in the eye. She was shaking near violently and breathing hard, but she forced her voice to come out tough and unwavering, "I'm in love with you, Ash Ketchum, and I have been from nearly the moment I met you. I thought it would fade away, I thought it was just some stupid crush…but it's not Ash, it's love…"

Such sweet words that have become to me sharper than knives. She sat there and stared, still shaking a bit. My best friend, waiting for my words that would make or break her, but I was imprudent. I was as dense as she always said and I was too stupid to realize how I really felt or how my words would impact her. "Myst…I mean, uh…thanks?…I just don't think…I feel that way about you." 

And she broke.

Silent tears fell down her face and I could see her hurt even in the dim light of the fire. I could feel it. "But, hey, we'll always be best friends, right?" I said nervously, praying it would comfort her a tiny bit, or at least help ease the awkwardness of the situation. "Of course," she answered, her voice shaky and quiet, standing on the verge of hysterical sobs. Tears still streamed down her cheeks. She got up slowly and turned to walk away.

"Wait, Myst! I'm sorry! Please don't go!" I yelled just quietly enough not to wake Brock or Pickachu. She turned back around and smiled through her tears, "It's okay Ash, I should have known you wouldn't feel the same way…it's not your fault… I just need to be alone for a little bit. I'll be back before your match. And don't worry, I know you'll do great." She paused for a second, before walking over and kissing me on the cheek, and with that, I watched my best friend walk into the darkness.

I didn't sleep at all the rest of the night; I couldn't stop thinking about what she had said to me and what I had said to her. I said that I didn't feel the same way…but did I mean it? It took those hours of thinking and looking back, to realize, I didn't. It was a new and exciting revelation and I couldn't wait to share it with her. I was so scared she'd be too angry with me. That she probably hated me now but then…she said she'd be at the match…I'd win it for her, I'd apologize and tell her how wrong I was. Tell her how worried I was about her all night, how amazing I realized she was, how I couldn't go on without her, how she'd made me see that I'd fallen in love with her a long time ago.

As I entered the stadium, I had the same nervousness in me that I had seen in her hours before. I scanned the crowd quickly, finding the place where my mother, the professor, and Brock sat. Brock shook his head solemnly; she wasn't there. My insides lurched, she had promised she'd be at this match…she wouldn't abandon me like this…not for anything. But with or without her, the match went on.

I was down to two pokemon when it happened. My eyes, still searching for her, fell upon a dazed Brock, an officer Jenny kneeling beside him. But it wasn't the girl-crazy daze officer Jennies usually induced in him. It was disbelieve, utter shock. Officer Jenny turned to my mother and Professor Oak and I watched as the same dazed expression came over him and as my mother broke into tears.

The match went on, at least for a little bit. My mind was anywhere but on the battle and it had begun to show. I suddenly wanted to hurry up and lose so I could find out what was happening. It was then that my mom, red eyed and teary, entered the stadium. "Ash," she started, quivering voice trying to sound comforting. I saw Jenny enter from the other side; she spoke quickly to my opponent, who nodded gravely, and quickly withdrew his pokemon. Something terrible had happened.

I turned back to my mother, searching desperately for an answer. "Ash…it's…Misty…she's…she's dead."

...it's useless trying to describe the emotions those words evoked, and still do. It was everything, the stadium, the city, the world, the universe, all of it, falling to pieces around me. It was screaming disbelieve and horror and madness that I can't explain.

So I won't try to.

A swarm of Beedrills, they had told me, after I had calmed down enough for them to talk. That's what had done it, a swarm of Beedrills, which she could have taken out easily if she only had her pokemon with her… It was then that I remembered that she hadn't taken any of her things, not even her pokeballs. She had intended to come right back…but she never did.

They questioned me about for a long time. Why had she gone for a walk in the dark all alone? If she knew the forest was dangerous, why didn't she take her pokemon? I couldn't tell them the truth but I couldn't let them believe it wasn't my fault, because it was. I said we had gotten into a huge argument over something that I was obviously to blame for and she had just walked away to calm down.

Sometimes I'm selfish enough to imagine what it would have been like, if that night had never happened. To think of what could have been. But that's all it is, what could have been but what now, can never be.

If I hadn't let her walk away, if I had been for her just ONCE as she had always been there for me….things would have been different, things could have been incredible.

I can't forget my best friend, the love of my life, as she walked into the darkness. I can't forget that I caused her to do it and that I didn't stop it. The place she kissed my cheek still stings with a horrible bittersweet irony. I remember the funeral, filled with people she loved. What if they knew what I had done? What if they knew I had killed her? But they didn't…None of them, not her sisters, not her friends. So many came up to me there, and in quite whispers, they're tear stained faces told me how much I had meant to her. If only they knew. If only it had been different, if only I wasn't such a fool. If only I had stopped lying to myself and told her how I really felt. If only, if only…

But what good does if only do? It's over now and she's gone. A hard truth but a truth I've had to except. But then…the Misty who traveled with me all those years, who I shared all those memories with…is never really gone, because she is part of me.

I had promised her that someday I would return that bike to her…but someday and many others never came. Now, as I kneel beside a quiet grave, I whisper to her quietly,

"I promise Misty, someday…we'll be together again,"

Another one of my silly promises…except this time…

I'll keep it.

Fin.

Phew! It has been a LONG time since I've written an AAML, I know it sounded a little…okay…very…OOC for Ash's POV but I was trying to show how much he's matured. There was so much more I wanted to put down, more about the funeral, about how she had died thinking he didn't love her but homework calls :( Anyway, hope you liked it! :D please review!

"Have you hugged an author today? Write a review and make ones day" :)