So it's finals week guys, gals, and nonbinary pals. But here I am, writing this. I'm sorry for hurting Cyborg, I love him but the poor guy doesn't get enough love and OOF writing this made me really sad. I hope you all enjoy!
Victor Stone still wasn't used to being alone. He should be, but he isn't.
Technically, he isn't alone. He has the other Titans. His friends. His brothers and sisters. But despite how much he cares for them, they will never equate to what he truly desires deep down.
He misses his mom. He wishes she hadn't died, and that she were still on this Earth. Before the accident that ruined his life and took away his mother's, his mother was what defined family for him.
Elinore Stone was everything Vic wanted to be and more. Some of his friends on his football team had thought it was a little odd for a guy to look up to his mother so much, but who else did Vic have? She truly was his idol. Smart, dedicated, caring, and hardworking, she would spend her time at the lab but still found time to spend with him, her son. This is why Vic will forever and always defend his choice in a hero; his mother was there, his father was not.
Silas Stone was the opposite. He supposed he had to give the man some credit. He was incredibly intelligent, his name well known and would spread like wildfire around the scientific community. Like his wife, he was smart, dedicated, and hardworking, but rather than being dedicated to his own son, he was dedicated to his work. Vic couldn't recall a single football game, awards ceremony, or even elementary school spelling bee that Silas attended. Memories flashed in his mind of his win of the fifth grade spelling bee, his first touchdown, his induction into the Honor Society; scanning the crowd with a wide smile but his face dropping when he only saw his mother waving back at him. It was moments like that, both the big and little things in life that Silas had missed that made Vic such a mommy's boy.
That being said, Vic knows he's not a special snowflake. Though not entirely certain (he never pushed for his teammates to give him their life stories), he just has that gut feeling that the other Titans have familial issues as well. For all he knows, he could be the easiest off. At least his father isn't a demon, like Raven's. At least his father is still alive.
Is it bad for Victor to wish that his mother and father had switched places on the day of the accident?
He often finds himself wondering what would have happened if his mother had been the one to find him laying on the ground, barely alive and surrounded by his own blood and guts. Would she have let him die? Or would he be where he is now, half human and half machine? She knew how accomplished he had been in his 17 years of life, unlike Silas who hadn't even known that he in fact had a 4.0 GPA and was on his way to living a life of success. Silas, who took that all away from him.
So, yeah, he misses her. He wishes she was here. Even if he had still somehow become a Titan, he could see himself forgiving her because he knows she cared. And when times get rough, when he finds himself unsure if he truly is a man rather than a machine, he could run into his mother's arms and hear her reassuring him that he is her son and he always will be. Instead, he's stuck with his father. His father he refuses to communicate with. His father who he hasn't seen since he ran away, since before the met the other Titans.
Vic misses high school. When he was in high school, he probably would have said the opposite because who the hell actually says they like high school? But if he had known where he would be in the future, he likely would have changed his answer. Back then, he truly had it all. He was popular, athletic, smart. He had so many friends he couldn't even count. He was attractive, and he actually had a girlfriend who he loved and who loved him back.
He would never admit this to his teammates, but he couldn't even describe how much he wanted that back.
Vic misses being seen as normal. He feels horrible for saying it, but he really does. He absolutely adores his teammates, his friends, but is it so wrong to want to be normal? To be able to go outside and not be treated like either a god or a monster? To have someone look at you like you're the most handsome guy in the world, instead of being gawked at like a freak?
That is what separates him from the rest of the Titans. They'd all found love in each other. Robin and Starfire he'd expected. They'd been flirting since day 1, and even then, Robin is a full-fledged human, and Starfire can pass as one. An extremely tall, tan, and attractive one (he'd seen the way people gawked at her in the street, but it was because they thought she was hot rather than horrifying), but nevertheless a human-looking alien all the same.
But then Beast Boy and Raven got together. It was honestly a huge surprise to Vic when his little buddy had shyly approached him and confided in him that he had feelings for the half-demon, but he masked his shock rather well and helped him ask her out without looking like a fool. It's funny, in a way. Vic somehow managed to retain his ability to woo the ladies but couldn't even do it for himself. He was happy for them, he really was, but much to his disappointment, he saw a lot less of his best friend. He really should have seen it coming, but who was he to sacrifice his best friend's happiness for his own?
It stings a little, being the only single person on the team. Of course, he would never date one of his teammates himself, as he thinks of Starfire and Raven as younger sisters, but he can't help but long for the days when it was so easy for him to get a girl. He misses his ex-girlfriend, even though he shouldn't. It's been years, but Marcy Reynolds really was something special. He could still remember how she shunned him after the accident. He was astounded, wondering how someone so sweet and who was worried sick about him could suddenly turn her back all because of how he looked.
He guesses that he's insecure. It's a weird feeling, one he'd never felt before the accident. He used to be so…ideal, but now he's not.
That's why he genuinely enjoyed attending Brother Blood's HIVE Academy, no matter how short term it was. He shouldn't have, since he knew it was a school for villains, but it was just so reminiscent of a real high school that he couldn't help himself. He made friends, a girl liked him, he was powerful in the eyes of his peers, he looked human. It was all a ploy, and he didn't have real human skin, but it all looked and felt so real. And yeah, Jinx maybe isn't your typical girl. She's a villain, one he's fought plenty of times, and she has gray skin and can do magic, but she liked him. She found him attractive and they had laughed and bonded and he really found himself having a crush on her.
But then the ring malfunctioned, and he had to reveal himself. He remembered how angry she was that he lied, and suddenly he remembered that she was only attracted to the version of him that was all human, despite the conversations they'd had in the short while they were on the same side.
He also remembered Sarasim. How could he ever forget Sarasim? She was beautiful, strong, and everything he looks for in a woman. But she was of the past, and he's of the future. She saw him as a hero, saw his mechanical parts as armor, which was the first time he'd ever thought of his parts as a blessing rather than a curse. But she's dead now, and will never return. She holds a place in his heart next to Marcy, despite them being so, so different. Marcy was his first love, and Sarasim was his last.
He wasn't sure if he'd ever have another.
Beast Boy would sometimes joke that he and Bumblebee are mean to be together. Vic would have to politely disagree. She's pretty, and their personalities mesh rather well, but he knows when a girl isn't into him. She sees him as a friend, sometimes a rival depending on the situation. Plus, she reminds him too much of Marcy, and he really doesn't need those kinds of memories constantly filling his head.
Yeah, Victor Stone is lonely. He shouldn't be, but he is. He's constantly surrounded by friends, but they can never fill the hole he feels in his mechanical heart. He can't help but feel that if one Titan ever had to take a stand and lose their life it's him. Because he's so lonely. Because no one loves him in that way. Because he's single and always will be. Because his father wouldn't care. Because his mother is dead.
Because his mechanical parts are his armor, and if somehow his armor broke, well, what's the point? He was given a second chance at life, but Vic finds himself not believing in second chances. Not when his whole future was taken from him in the blink of an eye. Not when he thinks his father should have let him die.
Who is he to get a third chance at life if he could barely even handle the second?