He's laughing at me again.

He thinks I'm weak

I'm not weak; I've just never seen death this way before. What's he doing, what is he feeling after he did that? I don't think I can do this, it's too much too soon. I'm turning back.

"Severus, where are you going?" His voice was like a bark, sudden, sharp and strong.

"Nowhere, my Lord." I felt my mouth say obediently.

"Good. I have a job for you, kill it." As if from nowhere the now-orphaned girl is being pushed towards me, snivelling and shrieking. She's crawling towards me. She knows I'm not capable of doing it. She sees the pity in my eyes, she sees my fear. I can't let my guard down; I can't let him notice too. If he did, I'd surely be dead within a minute. Stupid girl, why does she have to look at me like that? Why did she have to look into my eyes like that? Why is she seeking mercy from me? She looks so young, can't be much older than five or six, much too young to witness what she had done. Much too young to be killed.

"What are you waiting for?" He was standing at my side, shouting incoherent commands down my ear, insulting me, taunting me, and perhaps even testing me. Yes, that's it... He's testing my loyalty. I don't know if I'm ready to pass that test yet. This girl, a snivelling, crying wreck was still too beautiful to me. She was an innocent, and did not know of the people standing before her. Didn't know what we were, what we'd become, she did not know of the horrors that lay ahead until we came along and took them away from her. Her innocence to me was beauty. I longed to be innocent once more.

"Traitor, coward, unworthy... Spy."

"I am not."

"Then be done with it." The girl is screaming, I think I might pass out, it's so high pitched. Her wails and panic are making me dizzy.

"I can't... Please my Lord, teach me. I don't know what to do."

"Very Well." Why is he just pointing it at her? If he's going to do it, why not get it over and done with? Her screams are louder, makes me feel sick.

"First you make them terrified, and then you tease, and when they think you're going to change your mind, you shock them... But we'll be skipping all that today. However, the last ones always fun. Avada Kadavra!" What? She's screaming. Too young. Glowing green, and now she's falling, falling away from me. Her eyes are glazed, and her face sweaty, tear-stained and lifeless

I feel trapped, throat is too tight, not enough air for my lungs. My throat wants to growl and shout but it hurts. My knees are trembling, can hardly stand. He's watching me, disappointed. Saying something, but his voice is so far away, getting further still. I scream, sounding just like the little girl, alone and in despair. All alone, just black with green lights flashing left and right. I want to breathe, I want to save her. I want to be out the darkness. My legs give way and I spiral downwards.

"Severus. Please wake up." I can see the light through my eyelids but I keep them shut tight, and kick and scream at whatever is holding me down. The voice sounds almost foreign to me, and still very distant.

"Calm down, your safe." I could have stopped all that if I was braver. Is the Dark Lord holding me down, torturing my mind and body before killing me because I'm a coward? I kick and and scratch at the hands that hold my shoulders. I scratch until I feel flesh tear under my nails, enough to hurt and draw blood. Still the hands are there holding my shoulders. Now he's really going to kill me.

"Oh God... Severus can you hear me? Do you know who I am?" My eyelids fly open at the familiar voice. It was not his, it was someone much more comforting.

The first thing I see is Remus, half naked and straddling my legs and his bloody hands holding me up by my shoulders. He looked panicked and his face was red, he'd been crying. His hair was sticking to his forehead, stuck with drying blood. What was he doing in my room? What was he doing waking me up? Why is he helping me?

"You were dreaming again," he brought one hand up to stroke my hair out my eyes, "It sounded worse than usual, so I thought I'd better wake you." I couldn't help but watch his chest rise and fall with rapid breathing. I sprang forward, knocking Remus off me and onto his back. I hovered over him, staring into his amber eyes before hastily catching his bottom lip between my own. Remus gasped at feeling my lips on his own, his open mouth was all too tempting so I took advantage, letting my tongue slip inside to seek out his own. They crashed against each other at first desperately, and I ran my hands passionately through his tawny hair. He gave a deep throaty moan into my own mouth and my whole body tingled with pleasure. I pulled back, searching his face for expression, his eyes were full of lust, yet something else was there. Hurt? Concern? I placed soft kisses on his forehead, cheeks, nose and jaw, on every inch of his exposed skin.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," I whispered, collapsing down beside him after I'd finished my task of kissing down his chest and stomach. He turned on his side to look at me, propping himself up with his elbow. I really had hurt him, I'd scratched his face, hands and arms, and on his hip was a bruise that was quickly forming from where I'd kicked him.

"I should have expected as much if I was trying to wake you from one of your dreams. But tonight I couldn't just stay in the next room and listen to you panic." What did he just say?

"You've heard me before?" I could feel a pink blush creep up my chest, neck and cheeks. He nodded, at this all I wanted now was the bed to swallow me whole so I could hide.

"I'm sorry. I should really use a silencing charm, I had no-" Remus leant forward and grabbed my jaw, his thumb stroked over my chin and he kissed me hard and slow cutting me off mid-sentence. His tongue massaging against my own and as he pulled back he gave my lip a playful nip with his teeth.

"That won't be necessary, because from now on I'm planning on being here every night beside you."