1On the Wings of an Angel
By Tria
rated: T for oh so many reasons. Just kidding mostly language and some content
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the CSI:NY characters, and I'm not entirely sure who they belong to so hey don't sue me I'm just a poor college student typing this up while sitting (fully clothed) in an empty bath tub. Lol. I'm not kidding.
Author note: this is my first CSI:NY fanfic I've done others for law and order svu but that's it. I hope I do it justice it's a great show. This is DL all the way.
Summary: Kinda post 'Silent Night' Lindsay has started to lean more on Danny for support but she is still holding back. A really rough case sends her through a tail spin. When she doesn't show up for work the next day...well..you're just going to have to read and find out now won't you. DL.
Lindsay's POV
With out blinking I unlock the door to the place that I've called home for the past 7 months or so. My body seems to be controlling itself as I make my way over to my couch, dropping the brown paper bag that I'd been clutching on the table in front of it. I dropped to the couch as if all energy had been pulled out of my body. My body ached all over, and silent tears ran down my face. The events of the day mixed in with my own horrific experiences in my mind. The case had brought back so many painful memories, that came back in horrific flashes. The case had involved the murder on an entire teenage slumber party, including the mother and father of the party girl. Although the scenario is not identical to mine, but it was close enough. The case had proven no cause for the attack. I've realized that I keep referring it as 'the case'. I'm not sure why. My therapist back in Montana would have surely said that it was my way of distancing myself from the events. Which I'm sure makes sense, but I've found a better way to forget. I lean forward and empty the brown paper bag of its contents, two bottles. One of whisky, the country's girls drink right? The other a simple bottle of wine. I know its not the best way to deal with my problems, but right now my body and my mind needs to forget.
I open the new bottle of whiskey and take my first sip, allowing the burn of the alcohol to run slowly down my throat. There is not need for a glass tonight, tonight is just about forgetting. I sit in silence as time passes and I self medicate myself with the bottle in my hand. The room is dark and all I can hear is the sound of the New York streets on the ground below. I can feel the effects of the alcohol, though I'm not entirely in an intoxicated state. Thoughts of today's 'case' keep leaking back into my conscious thoughts, and every time one did I'd take another drink.
The sound of my phone ringing broke through the silence of the room. I look at the phone but don't have the energy to answer. After the third ring it goes the answering machine. "Hey. It's Lindsay. I can't come to the phone right now, after the beep you know what to do. Cyah."
I sound happy in my greeting, and right now I find that sickening, I shouldn't be happy. The thick Statan Island accent of Danny Messer came through the "Umm Hey Lindsay. I know that today hit ya kinda hard, and I just wanted to know how you were." There is a pause as if he was trying to find the words to express what he really wanted to say. He sighed "Well, call me if you need anything. I mean It Lindsay Anything. I'll be over there in a flash. Guess I'll see ya tomorrow. Bye."
He called me Lindsay, not Montana. He's really worried, I hate that I worry him. Part of me hates that he cares. If there is no one that cares, there is no one to let down right? On the other hand like he had pointed out before. They had this 'thing'. I've come to terms with this before. That me the Montana native had fallen for the stereotypic New Yorker. The Staten Island Italian had taken my by surprise, and it was not something that I had planned on happening. It scares me. With my past I've taken pride in not letting my self loose control, especially in front of others. With only one touch Danny can make me loose all control and that scares me. What if I loose control and tell him everything? Lets face it, I'm broken. Nobody wants someone who's broken.
Though I try to distance myself from him, I can't deny that I need him. I've never needed anything so much, and the thought terrifies me. I should need anything. Need is a weakness, and that's the last thing I need is more weakness.
I take another swig of whisky and the thoughts in my head get fuzzy. This is what I need.
One last long swig and I put the whisky on the table and grab the bottle of wine. I stumble to the one place that I feels safe. No, its not my bedroom. I lean against the wall for support for a moment in my bathroom, and try to focus on the buttons on the CD player that I keep in there. When I finally find the right one I climb into the tub and lay down with the bottle of wine. Cold water from the slow leak in the spout drips slowly on my toes. Music fills the room with a song that I felt fit the situation.
"You brought that bottle home in a paper sack Don't you know You remember whiskey on your daddy's breath Don't you know Though you're lonely Don't you know Nobody drinks alone"
Drew the blinds and locked the doors
And there's nothing but empty there inside that glass
So you pour a little more
And there's no one there to judge you
At least that's what you tell yourself, but
Nobody drinks alone
Every demon, every ghost
From your past
And every memory you've held back
Follows you home
Nobody drinks alone
So you always stick to wine
And you scared your little brother half to death
You just kept it all insideYou can hear your mama cryin'
Only now she cries for you, and
Nobody drinks alone
Every demon, every ghost
From your past
And every memory you've held back
Follows you home
Nobody drinks alone
Hey don't you let that feelin' fool ya
Nobody drinks alone
Every demon, every ghost
From your past
And every memory you've held back
Follows you home
Nobody drinks alone
I close my eyes as the song ends and enter unconsciousness.
Sorry its kinda short this is kinda just like an intro. Please let me know what you think. The next chapter should be up really soon.
Tria