Grey taught canvases stare back at her, hundreds of caffeine drained eyes pulled by red yarn into sullen faces. They knock past blinded, perhaps by there own tormented cycles. Grit wears away at her feathery feet, pink as dawn-clouds. Lost, the express wind knocks her through skyscraper shadows. Dust and snow infests the air gnawing away her face, her nose, her soul. Her paper bag of hope once free to fly its cage was now trapped behind a grit bin, forever perhaps. Through the soiled suits and kohl mistakes, he hit her with voltage so strong her weak body set as if death himself had kissed her. She halted respiration knotted; a thousand memories speared her fair skin growing like rose thorns by the second. The final memory, which grew was that of the flower. Broken, sap running down the stem poisoning each barb in its path. Such destruction Nature herself could not undo. She fled through the foggy complexions and nicotine yellow rays. Through alleys and restaurant gutters, hitting the barbs and Gucci handbags trying to out run her own fear. Her race took her down the blackened stairs of the underground where on the late night, half light carriage she had nowhere else to run. The apartment door whined open, that familiar smell of damp floorboards embraced her as she walked in. Everything looked unfamiliar a guest in her own home she caught a glance of her reflection in the hall mirror. For a few seconds she saw dark eyes hollowed cheeks and the valley of her collar deep its white hilltops and grey crevices, then it was gone, giving way to self-criticism. Hatred welling up as the fat shapes, emerged seeming to grow the longer she looked until the image before her was one of grotesque bulges a twisted face with uneven eyes. She rocked her vision darkened everything tipped as if at sea swaying. Churning her stomach swirls of grey and green his face staring back through the waves. She sat down in the threadbare armchair. She felt dirty as the street. He had tainted her she wouldn't let him in. The dirt like the monster in the mirror spread through her brain. Her hands crawled with bacteria the room too, the carpet, her clothes all soiled. They itched at her skin thick with creatures smothering her until she couldn't breath. He had seen the grease, microbes and fat. She got up swayed a little picking up papers and plates. Finally she took the monster to the bathroom. The shower was scolding, hot enough surely to kill them, burn him out of her mind. She scrubbed her skin scrapping it like a stained sheet. Clawing her nails through the soap forcing white into the quick then scratching it out with the brush again and again, until her whole body was burning then she turned the dial to blue as far as it would go. A silent scream as glacier flavoured tongues tasted the burns and raw edges. She took a white towel and stepped onto the tiled floor her blue toes clashing with the mint green. Again she swayed dark curtains drew across her consciousness but cleaner now she didn't care. ------------------------------------ She threw her clothes into the machine adding powder and strongly perfumed conditioner, to erase any scent any taste of him. If only she could do that to her brain. Down a bottle of pre-package, red, sugar coated, wonder drug chased with a good shot of vodka and clean her brain forever. Wash away the memories and smudge his face into the crowd making him unrecognisable, unimportant. The hypnotic tumble of the water was making her nauseous and dizzy again. She stood up slowly, logic bickering with disorder over whether she deserved a glass of milk. The noise was too much she comprised pouring half a glass of skimmed, drinking it quickly before she changed her mind. She went to lie down the night before had comprised of a late shift and a couple of left over essays sleep was some how not in the schedule. Sealing her self into bed resting her head on the soft feather pillows she dosed, he was laying beside her the connection was there again his warm soul buzzing like a faulty bulb. She turned over facing him his strong presence swaddling itself like vine leaves entwining around her. A woven cradle of trust gently suspending her whole body. All was calm as she drifted away in her basket down stream. Starlight skies of magpie blue watched her. Under tree root bridges, the silken water curved spinning white ribbons around her forever. Leaves whispered to her above. A rock came into view; time had cut away the image of his face. It loomed ahead cruel and stern. Panic set in the vines grew tighter, no escape the water flared around her angry, faster. The leaves hissed at her now mocking, whipping her with their dislocated arms. Star lights flashed, fear swelled in her as she was dragged through the currents watching the water greedy hands just waiting for her to fall. The basket collided with the rock. His face was hard. Blank, black eyes staring into her before she was flung away destined for the river ghosts. Water pulled her down. She fought, wrenching against the steel wires around her. Sinking deeper, falling, their fists blasted up her nostrils, into her eyes, her mouth pounding to get to her lungs. Spinning, her entire body thrashed in time to the ancient drumming in her head telling her to get out, to breath. One arm broke free, disabled she clutched through the darkness her eyes too clawing for light. Gasping, she broke the dream; still panic stricken her heart was a wild bird screeching in her rib cage. Her eyes watered searching the apartment, dark and cold. He was gone now. She was exposed her covers thrown. Reality was hemmed carelessly with the sense of her unsettling dream. Tangled knots joined the two worlds. Darkness was all around her it's leering faces and whispering voices. She tried to bloke out. Fearing to reach down for her blankets encase hands grabbed her or the voices grew louder. There she huddled senses flaring and skin shivering, Waiting desperately for light to paint colours and for familiar noises to fill the air.