Author's note: I know you guys have been patiently waiting for this companion piece for Photograph, I was struggling to come up with the perfect ending, I think this is it because when I read it I smiled, and when I smile at something I write I know it's the way I want it.
Thank you, Elaine, for reading this quick for me and my loyal readers!
"Jenna, I said no. Shaw, grab her; don't let her wake her daddy," John kept his eyes shut, sighing. He must be having a dream about the woman he loved and about his beautiful little girl. Why was Shaw in it though? Maybe she was going to babysit Jenna so he could have Joss all to himself. So he could kiss her and love her body. But that would be strange since Shaw would rather gnaw off her own arm than babysit their daughter. He felt a weight on his stomach, then a high pitched squeal. His eyes snapped open, peering up at his little girl's beautiful face. Her blue eyes glittered, framed by her caramel skin, making them pop, her tight curls had a little pink bow in them, a large smile on her tiny lips, and her tiny fists smacking his chest. "Shaw, I told you to not let Jenna wake John up." Jenna leaned down giving him a sloppy kiss on the cheek.
"Why not, Jenna wouldn't listen anyway, she saw her Daddy."
He yawned heavily, wrapping an arm around his little girl, so he could sit up. He eyed Shaw and Joss. Shaw was close to the bed, as if she had come to stop the little girl but failed, and Joss was in the corner, setting up a play pen.
"How did you two get in here?" he asked dangerously after giving Jenna a sweet kiss. The little girl grabbed his cheeks, playing with his stubble.
"Picked your lock, duh" Shaw explained. Joss moved over to look at them with a smile. "Finch gave Carter and I a new case, so we had to drop your little ankle biter off here." He glared at Shaw. "Sorry, we had to drop your little noise maker off here." Shaw turned to eye Joss. "So now that he's awake, can we go?"
"Our daughter isn't a pizza delivery, Shaw." Joss snapped. John watched her, loving the anger on her beautiful face. He wished Shaw and Jenna weren't here, because he would grab her and show her exactly everything he felt for her. He knew Joss was attracted to him or what happened in the precinct wouldn't have occurred, she had been consumed with passion. It had been mind-blowing; she was everything he always imagined and more. But something was off with her since she came back. He knew what it was instantly, because he had seen the same look in his own eyes in the mirror time and time again. It was the look of guilt. It didn't matter that he and Taylor forgave her even though there was nothing to forgive, she did what she had to do to keep Taylor safe. But it just didn't matter, she just wasn't ready to forgive herself over what she perceived she did wrong, getting her to believe otherwise was going to be one uphill battle.
"So, you're working your first case." He murmured attempting to distract himself from his thoughts. He wasn't a patient man and waiting for Joss was killing him already. It had been a week since she came back into his life along with their daughter, one he loved so much it hurt. They had a lot to discuss and figure out but he loved Joss and wanted her, he wasn't sure how long he would be able to wait until he forced the issue which wasn't something he wanted to do. They argued well, but he didn't want to fight with her, he just wanted to love her.
"Yeah, Finch called me up and asked if I was ready to get to work and of course I jumped at it. I can't keep letting you and Finch pay for everything for me." She said with a heavy smile. That was his Joss, independent and would not accept anything unless she could pay it back. "He told me that you worked late last night on your own solo case, but Taylor has college classes so he can't babysit. I know you're tired but I need to work this case, get back to some semblance of my former life, so please can you watch our daughter?"
"Of course," he answered with a yawn. He was tired but not being with his baby girl just wasn't going to happen. He would just nap when she did. But he hoped that if Joss worked this case, felt more like herself, then maybe he could try romancing her to get her back. He wasn't romantic by nature but he would try for her sake, if it meant he could get what Taylor had said; his ready-made family. He wanted Joss and Jenna to be with him, have a room for Taylor to stay in as well when he wanted to swing by.
"Thanks John. We knew you were probably sleeping and we knocked a few times before lock-pick happy Shaw here let us in. I was trying to get her play pen set up, but Jenna saw you and wanted you. I told her no, but our little girl has a mind of her, I wonder where she gets that from." She crossed her arms across her chest, smiling at him.
"You, Joss," he teased.
"Oh, I don't think so, she gets that all from you, mister," Joss argued, smiling at the same time.
"Yeah well, your noise maker climbed onto Reese's bed all by herself without any help; in fact she refused it when I tried to help her up there. Sound familiar, Carter?" Shaw teased and he grinned having an ally in Shaw. "She's stubborn, temperamental, and wants to do everything on her own. Come to think of it, that descibes both of you, this kid has a double dose of independence; I just hope she doesn't grow up to brood too."
"You tried to help her up?! I told you to not let her bother him!" Shaw shrugged off Joss's anger.
"Sleeping Beauty needed to wake up before we left, so why not let her pounce on him. Carter, she was going to wail anyways if she didn't get her way, she's daddy's little spy," Shaw said with a flap of an arm at him. John tried to put Jenna on the bed beside him so he could get up, but she just crawled back on top of him. "See what I mean."
"Our daughter is not going to be a spy!" Joss assured her while John decided it time to tease her, just a'little to rile up, get her to give him that look she used too. He looked down at Jenna.
"I'm going to teach you surveillance, then how to hide in plain sight, I'll teach you stealth movements so you can attack your target without making a sound, doesn't that sound fun, my Jenna?" he kissed her cheek, knowing it was going to irk her momma. The little girl babbled incoherently at them speaking in baby talk that no one could possibly understand, though she was giving him a large smile. "See? Jenna's game." He looked up at Joss, seeing the look on her face that he was hoping too.
"Oh no you don't, you aren't teaching our daughter how to be a spy!"
"Why not?"
"Because she's not even two!"
"Okay, as much fun as it is to listen to you two argue again, we need to head out for our new number, Carter." Shaw brought an end to the banter.
"Right, her bottle, extra diapers, her schedule, a change of clothes, and a pair of pajamas are in the Disney Princesses tote bag," she recited. And John finally realized that they were really leaving and this was going to be his first time alone with Jenna since finding out he had a daughter. Shaw and Joss were walking towards the door. As he stood up, Jenna clung to him like a vine.
"Wait, what if I hurt her?" he asked, getting both women to pause and turn to look at him. Shaw's glance happened to rake over him which he pointedly ignored, while Joss looked at him like he grew a second head.
"John, you won't hurt her," Joss said reassuringly, with a tiny smile she was trying hard to hide.
"Not intentionally," He agreed, feeling a little panicked. When they had Leila, he had Finch typically there to help him, he rarely was alone with the baby, and with Jenna, Joss was always with them. What if he hurt her by giving her something she wasn't supposed to have? Or worse yet, not realizing his own strength and he hurt her by touching her? He'd die if he hurt his daughter. He felt a touch on his hand seeing that Joss was standing directly in front of him, one hand on Jenna's face and the other grabbing his free hand.
"You'll be fine with her," she assured. He stared down at her. "Stop thinking you are going to hurt everything you touch." She whispered for his ears only, her eyes suspiciously moist.
"Stop thinking you need forgiveness, I just want you," he whispered back and she blinked rapidly as she took a couple steps back, clearly startled by his words. She didn't say another word before she turned on her heels and fled. The door shut, leaving him alone with Jenna who was wiggling to get down. He set her on her little feet and she scampered to his bed to try to climb up the obvious mountain to her, while his mind was very much on her mother.
"So that was eye-opening," Shaw spoke. Joss sat in the car beside Shaw, allowing the woman to drive as they drove towards where their new number, Leslie Parks, worked at. She was a massage therapist for a high-class spa.
"I don't want to talk about it." It had been a week ago today when she came back into the lives of everyone she cared about, the same ones she had give up to try to keep safe. 'Angela Smith' was thought to be dead, as was 'Jocelyn Carter' no one outside of her son, Fusco, Finch, Shaw, and John knew the truth. To the world she was now Jocelyn Kramer early retiree, from the prestigious law firm of Gutierrez and Associates. Andrea Gutierrez had been a number they saved and was all-too-happy to help in any way she could. Joss had been shocked at the detail Finch went into for her new alias, even helping Joss with Jenna's birth certificate to reflect her new name and her daddy's alias of John Warren. She grinned, happy to have a father listed on her daughter's birth certificate, even if it wasn't his real last name.
John helped her get settled in her new condo that Finch bought for her and Jenna. It was a large three bedroom, two bathrooms, place loaded with all the extra bells and whistles. Finch had bought it for her, claiming it was a belated baby gift. As if she could accept a gift of a home! He already helped her get her son and the man she loved back; he did more than enough for her. She would pay him back, she even tried to get him to give her something smaller but he refused. He said Jenna would grow and Taylor would likely wish to visit from time to time. She couldn't argue with his logic, nor would he allow her to anyway.
Things between her and John were….tense. Nothing was said or talked about, but she could see the underlying tension he was under. She could see it in his eyes when he looked at her, hear it in his voice when he spoke, and felt it in his touch when they brushed against each other. He was waiting for her because, if she was honest with herself, she had always known how he felt about her. Had always known that John had feelings for her, she sighed as she looked out the window, knowing he'd marry her, love her, and cherish her forever. But she didn't deserve that or him, she couldn't let go of the fact that she caused him so much grief, withheld his child from him, hurting their daughter in the process as well. Jenna was starved for John's affections. John was always over at the condo since they moved in 5 days ago and Jenna was all over him. He tried to talk with her and Taylor, but Jenna demanded his attention from the minute he set foot into the door till the minute he left, leaving her to tend to a screaming and crying baby.
She had been incredibly selfish; her daughter, her son, and the man she loved had paid for that selfishness. Now she was going to make it up to them, somehow in some-way.
"You're awfully quiet, thinking about Reese in his underwear?" Shaw snickered. Of course the woman that didn't know how to handle emotions automatically jumped to the most shallow of topics. Which was actually alright by her, it got her out of the funk she was sinking into.
"Yeah," she agreed without elaborating further and Shaw didn't ask. She pulled up to the spa that their new number worked at, before cutting the engine. They sat in silence, Shaw with her binoculars out looking in the spa window.
"We need to get eyes and ears on her."
"I agree," Joss said while unbuckling her seatbelt going for the door handle.
"Where are you going?"
"To get a massage with Leslie Parks." Joss smiled and Shaw grinned.
"Relieve some of that Reese tension."
"Yeah I got a knot with his name on it," she agreed as she climbed out, slamming the door shut before hurrying towards the entrance of the spa. She entered, seeing the upscale art lining the walls; impressive, yet inviting.
"May I help you?"
"Yes I'm Jocelyn Kramer, and I was hoping to get a massage," she said.
"We don't allow walk-ins unless, of course, you are going to sign up to be a member." The receptionist was young and perky.
"I understand, do have an applications I can fill out? The young receptionist gave her the form, pointing where she had to fill everything out. Joss nodded, smiling, taking the form to the side to fill out. She darted her eyes everywhere. "The place is upscale, Shaw," she whispered.
"Yeah, see our number yet?"
"No, she's probably in the back working, but they take their spa seriously, you have to sign up and become a member before you can use it." She whispered seeing a woman showing a gold card to the receptionist who smiled and motioned her graciously through doors to the spa area. "I think I've seen the receptionist before, I'm going to take a photo of her; get it to Fusco," she murmured. She pulled her cell out, while the receptionist was looking down, she took a photo of her and sent it to Shaw's phone. She finished filling the form out, handing it back to the girl. "Here you go," she said with a smile which the receptionist gave readily back.
"Thank you, it takes up to twenty-four hours for the management to approve your membership; your phone number on here is correct?"
"Yes,"
"Well I hope to see you in the future, Ms…..Kramer." she grinned after looking at the application.
"Likewise," she said, sickening sweetly as she exited. She just remembered where she'd seen the young woman before, and a smile filled her face as she walked towards the car.
"You look so hot Carter, all smug, Reese is missing out." Shaw said, even from the distance she was from the car she could see the woman's , he was getting to spend some quality time with his pride and joy. She'd say she was missing out instead, but she kept that bit to herself.
"Maybe it's because I think I know a little about what's going on here and we need to have Finch and Fusco to do some digging for us. This case is going to be a cake walk."
"Ooh, do tell, Carter." Shaw's voice echoed in her ear and she climbed into the running car and explained her theory.
It was late, they solved their case, and she felt good because her instincts had been correct. She felt like herself a little bit again. The receptionist was Laney McDaniels, a prostitute she busted a few times back in the day, which she remembered after a few minutes of trying to place a name with a face. It wasn't that far of a stretch to believe that their new number, Leslie Parks, had been busted for being a comely escort herself which Fusco confirmed for them. Leslie Parks had been arrested a few times for prostitution. Finch had hacked into Ms. Parks bank account, seeing she had just recently received a hundred thousand dollar debit into her savings account. Shaw had thought blackmail if it was a power player who was cheating, while she agreed. Well they had been close.
It was indeed a payout to keep her mouth shut but not because she was blackmailing anyone. It was because she was pregnant with a married hedgefund manager's baby; Devlin Drake. They learned Mr. Drake did not have a prenuptial agreement and if his wife divorced him he'd lose more than half of his money and assets, which for a multimillionaire was quite a loss.
They had bluejacked Ms. Parks' phone, listening to her talk with a friend about not giving the baby up and not giving up the notion of Devlin coming around to leaving his wife for her. Poor delusional young woman, didn't she know that the guy wasn't about to leave his wife? Doesn't matter if he had fallen in love with her or not, the guy was more into his money; there was no way he was leaving his wife for her. She pulled up to John's upscale apartment complex with a smile. He missed all the fun. She and Shaw got into a shootout, she got to kneecap two hitmen, Fusco arrived and arrested them, and the bounty on Leslie's head faded when uniformed officers arrived at the Drake's residence due to evidence given anonymously from Finch. Her first case was a fun one, learning if the girl was the victim or perpetrator, and then figuring out who wanted to harm her, and stop it.
If there was one thing this case taught her, it was that she was happy with this new life. Sure it was unconventional, sure she wasn't a cop anymore, but she was helping people still. She helped save Leslie, she helped save the unborn baby's life, and it felt good working with the team again. She wasn't ready to forgive herself over two years of pain she induced in her son, in the man she loved, and in her daughter, but if she could feel the glimmer of happiness working side by side with her friends, then at least it was a step in the right direction. Joss climbed out of the car, feeling nervous about seeing John after leaving him to spend literally all day with Jenna. She dropped Jenna off at eight A.M.; it was after ten thirty already. She called him once, and he told her he took Jenna out for a walk with him and Bear. She had heard Jenna asking him for a titty….which John explained was a kitty. She had hung up feeling wistful she wasn't able to be with them, but glad they were enjoying their daddy/daughter time.
She got to his floor moving quickly, wanting to see her little bundle of energy, knowing she was asleep. Her hand hesitated only a moment before knocking. She hesitated because she was mentally preparing herself for seeing the man she loved with their daughter. It was always a breathtaking sight. But when no footsteps came and the door remained closed, she frowned. She knocked again and again, before a smile filled her face. There was only one reason he wouldn't be answering the door; she immediately yanked out her own lock pick, determined to see him asleep from being run ragged by their daughter. She heard the click, then opened his door slowly and let herself inside. She shut and relocked the door as quietly as possible before removing her heels and moving further into his place. It didn't take her long to find him, more correctly, them..
Tears immediately welled up in her eyes.
God she wanted this to come home to every night. A stubborn tear slipped out, sliding down her cheek, then another, and another. She soon sniffed quietly, pulling out her cell phone before moving to take a photo of them. She wanted this, a real photograph of her daughter and John together. John was lying on his couch on his back, one ankle crossed over the other, he was barefoot but dressed in his black dress pants, and a gray cotton t-shirt. On his wide chest laid Jenna in her Rapunzel pajamas with a tiara on her head, thumb in her mouth, daddy's hand curled into her like a teddy bear would be. And beside her was the cutest little baby kitten she'd ever seen, nestled in John's other arm asleep too. It was extremely tiny, all black with a tiny pink collar around its neck. Bear who laid on the floor near his master's feet, wagged his tail and watched what she was doing. She realized she was crying harder when their vision blurred, but she stubbornly ignored the ache in heart and tears she could barely see through as she took about five photos at different angles, catching the kitten and Bear too.
When she finished taking photos of the sight that was making her weep, she put her phone back in her pocket, barely made it to his bed, laid on it, and sobbed. She curled his pillow into her and buried her face in it to muffle her sobs to not wake them up. She wanted them. She wanted it so badly. She ached, her heart burned for him, and she sobbed harder.
"Joss, what's wrong?" his sleepy voice filled the room, so quiet but so commanding. But she didn't lift her head from his pillow as her body heaved. She was too busy allowing the pain that she swallowed down for two years come out. She felt a light touch on her back as the bed dipped with his obvious weight. "Joss, what's wrong?" His voice was in her ear, she felt him spooning behind her, and he sounded so lethal, like he was worried someone had attacked her or someone she loved.
She clutched his pillow, trying to reign in her emotions, feeling embarrassed over him catching her sobbing, but she felt his soft fingers gently pulling her hair free from her face. He pressed a soft kiss to her wet cheek, before he soothed his loving fingers across her body, even through her jacket and blouse she could feel the burn of his touch. When the last bit of her sobs ebbed, tears still flowing freely down her cheeks, she lifted her face a little from his pillow.
"I'm sorry," her voice cracked.
"What happened?" he nuzzled his nose to her cheek sweetly, pressing a kiss, trying to soothe her, and she moaned in anguish as she wiggled free of him.
"Stop." She sat up on the edge of his bed, rubbing her face. "I don't deserve you."
"You're perfect, you deserve anything you want in life, Joss, whether it's me or not." She shook her head.
"You call hurting you and my son perfect?"
"Why are you punishing yourself for doing the right thing?"
"The right thing? The right thing was making you believe I was dead?! That sounds selfish."
"No, it sounds like a mother trying to protect her son, you had no idea you would end up pregnant when you agreed. Your choice boiled down to protecting your son, and you chose right."
"There were other ways; I could have gone to Finch. I mean look at the life he gave me. I love this life. I love being with my son, being with the team and my friends again. Jenna gets her father and I didn't think of it. I didn't ask for help, again, and it hurt you and my son because of it."
"You don't think I ever live in the what ifs, Joss? They can kill you and they never end. What if I got there quicker, what if I just did something different, what if I never went back into the army, would my life be where it is now? What if, what if, what if. They are a plague and they haunt you. I know, I've been through it. I know what it feels like to let the past dictate your future." She stared into his eyes. "Joss, you saw me at my lowest; I was so close to ending it and you walked into my life."
"And I left you, you admitted you wanted to die. Shaw told me everything! Everything John. She told me you left the team; she told me that you were willing to give up your life for revenge! How can I even expect you to look at me after that pain I caused you?!"
"I promised myself if, by some miracle I ever saw you again, I'd stop holding back everything I ever wanted to tell you. I'd stop hiding my feelings for you and I lied to myself. Because I didn't do that; I didn't tell you when you walked into that safe house that I love you more than anything on this Earth. I didn't tell you that I wanted to be with you in any way you'd give me. I got lost in you, then you introduced me to Jenna, and everything happened so quickly that night." She just sat there, staring at him, because she was focused on one thing, and one thing alone; John was in love with her. Sure, it was one thing to figure he did, but actually hearing it caused her heart to swell. "Joss, I have loved you for a long time, but I can't force you to forgive yourself." He looked away. "It doesn't work that way; I know from firsthand experience."
He climbed off the bed and she just watched him. His gaze sweeping to the couch where their daughter laid with the kitten sound asleep after being moved there by John when he woke up to Joss's crying. Bear remained rooted near the couch, carefully guarding his two new charges, Jenna and the tiny kitty.
"I'll wait for you, however long it takes, I'll wait for you." He said, bringing her gaze back to him. He gave her a small smile. "I even had this really lame idea that by the time you came back to pick up Jenna, I'd have this place lit up with candles, soft music playing, and figured I could try to be romantic for you. But I sort of fell asleep, Jenna is worse than boot camp." She let out a watery laugh, not really able to picture John as being romantic. But it was the thought that counted.
"You got a kitten," she motioned to the little black cat.
"Yeah, Jenna has a way with words." She shook her head, wondering if Jenna already figured out that her daddy was going to give her anything the little girl desired. She already saw new toys all over his place, including a little pink stuffed Disney Princesses couch near his desk with a dollhouse next to it. He must have taken Jenna to a toy store at some point today. "Jenna picked her out at the animal rescue, her name is Peanut but I'm thinking she needs a better name." He grimaced at the name for the kitten.
"What, big, strong John Reese doesn't want a kitten named Peanut?" she teased, he looked down at her and smiled. "How about Belle?"
"Why Belle?"
"Because your daughter loves the Disney Princesses and I don't think you wanted to name a black kitten Snow White." He chuckled.
"Which one is her favorite?"
"All of them." He laughed.
"Okay Belle it is." She stood up from his bed, and he moved so quick she didn't see it coming. He yanked her to him, his arm snapped around her back like a steel band, and his mouth was on hers. She should have guessed he was distracting her with talk about princesses, naming the kitten, and, oh god his mouth was amazing. She helplessly kissed him back, her hands reached up wrapping around his neck. He broke the kiss softly. "I love you, Joss."
"I love you too, John." She whispered back.
"Then stop fighting me."
"I'm not, it's just I can't forgive myself yet." She should have known that was too easy. John Reese never gave up on a fight. His mouth took hers and she moaned softly, kissing him back. He tugged her jacket from her body. He broke the kiss once more pressing kisses to her jaws, her cheeks, and then her neck.
"Stay." Was he demanding or begging, she wasn't sure.
"John, please." She whispered as his hands were slowly roasting her, as his touch electrified her. "I have to go," because if she stayed she'd never want to leave.
"Who's stopping you?" he asked with a smile as his tongue circled her racing pulse on her neck. His hands cupping her ass, her hands resting on his hips, and she bumped him feeling his burgeoning erection. "Go on, Joss, I'm not holding you here." His hands fell to his sides, releasing her ass.
"John," she moaned knowing she could easy pull free of him, but she didn't want to. She didn't want to move away from him, grab Jenna and take them back to her lonely condo. She wanted to stay here with John and Belle, with their daughter snoozing happily next to her new pet kitten and Bear keeping watch, and she wanted to climb under the covers and play with Jenna's daddy so badly she could taste it.
He stepped back, eyeing her so seriously.
"Joss, it's your choice. Stay with me, or go, I won't hold you if you want to leave, but I won't make it easy either." She swallowed hard, feeling his love for her ebbing out of him. She wanted to stay but could she? Could she let go of the guilt she harbored for the past two years? It was the only thing holding her back from this man and his love. He welcomed her back with open arms, she wouldn't have to live with half a heart, and it hit her. She was really being selfish right now, not back then. She was withholding a life that she wanted, he wanted, and Jenna wanted over irrational guilt. She had prided herself at helping John learn to live again, and here he was in love with her, wanting to be with her and their daughter, and she was going to allow pain and guilt of the past steal her future.
She grabbed his cheeks and pulled him to her, kissing him with every ounce of love she could pour into it. She loved him and now really did need to beg for forgiveness.
"I'm so sorry," she said between kisses.
"You're apologizing again," he muttered.
"But this time it's different, I'm apologizing for trying to push you away for no reason."
"Oh, I like this apology then." He said with a smile against her lips. She giggled wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. "So I take it you're staying?"
"Yes, yes a million yeses." She moaned as he scooped her up into his arms. "I love you, John."
"I know you do, I love you just the same, Joss." He deposited her on the bed, before climbing on it, and kissing her. He sat back after a moment. "We can make love right?"
"Why the hell can't we?" she would die from the need of him if he didn't get inside her.
"Jenna," he motioned to the couch way across the other side of the room where Jenna snoozed. "She won't wake up?"
"You can cry my name all night and she won't hear a thing," she assured him, earning her a sexy look before he nipped her.
"I think it's gonna be you crying my name," he whispered in her ear.
"Nu-uh, it's gonna be you." She grabbed his butt, his mouth catching hers, and both became frantic to find out who would be right.
Author's note: And I know some of you guys will be miffed to see I left out the smut, but I felt if you guys want a smut end I could post a chapter 2 to this or something. I liked this ending with the hint of what was to come without actually writing it :D So tentatively this companion piece is a oneshot unless I get a lot of requests for smut.
Thanks for reading, and being so utterly patiently everyone I hope it was what you were hoping for!
