This mess she had gotten herself into was of her own doing. They had all advised her to let this man go. Don't get any closer to him, he's not worthy of your attention, but like a rock rolling down a steep hill she knew what she wanted and this guy was who she wanted, who she should have, who she had to have and come hell or high water, she was going to have him regardless of what anyone said.
In high school, Sasha Thomas had been the "All American Teenager". A big part of the upper crust and a member of the National Honor Society, she was the Homecoming Queen her senior year , was class valedictorian and voted most likely to succeed. The envy of everyone, she always had by her side the cutest guy in school. With thick, blond hair swirling down past her waist and a 5'10", 125 pound killer bod, she had it all. She even lead the Grand March of the prom during her senior year. It went well for her being the most popular girl at school and she reveled in being the center of attention.
Graduation was anticlimactic because afterwards, she no longer was the star of the show and she felt lost. She stayed in town that fall to go to the Junior College on the Hill. - no big-time University for her. She had wanted to go back to her old home town to attend college there with all her friends, but Daddy said, No. You stay where your parents are. Being that Sasha was so headstrong and determined, it lead to the inevitable arguments that always ended with Sasha storming off to her room with a slammed door. Her parents were always devastated after such an episode and wondered where they had gone wrong . But since Sasha's younger sister had gotten herself pregnant the previous summer and was a wife and mother by the time she was a Junior in high school, their parents were unusually strict about all their remaining daughters.
Jesse Conway came from across state and was attending the JCOTH on a basketball scholarship. He was the highest scoring person no the team during his senior year of high school, was voted "Athlete of the Year" and "Mr. Wonderful." He always wound up with the prom queens or the most popular girls. He was 6'3" of tough sinewy muscle, tendons and bone. Quite pleasant to look at, he knew it and was hot on himself. Having misogynistic tendencies, he was often sarcastic toward the women he was involve with in any relationship.
She first saw him during registration for classes about a week before the term started. Mmmmmmmmmm, she thought, that's a fine-looking guy.. I'd like to have him. She heard through the grapevine that he was here to play basketball for the Mojavians and when cheer-leader tryouts started two weeks later, she was there and was picked as one of the eight for the coming season. Cheerleading was the most unlikely thing she could think of participating in as when she was in high school, it was never anything she would consider even being the least bit interested in becoming a part of. She considered it way beneath her talents. In fact, she thought it silly to be yelling and bouncing around in butt-kissing skirts, kicking up heels and acting the fool over a stupid game. Yet she went out for it this time.
Sasha was finally able to meet him four months later at a basketball practice in the gym of the JCOTH where she accompanied Sarianne, a cheerleader-mate who had come to wait for her boyfriend who was the team's trainer. Sasha had come to see Jesse. As she watched his moves out there, she started fantasizing.
Sasha wasn't the only one fantasizing. Jesse, who had seen Sasha cheerleading at the games they'd already played and thought she was a fox, was watching her out of the corner of his eye. He'd thought she'd do just fine, and finally made his move. After practice, he came over to her to introduce himself and offered to take her for an after practice coke when he finished his shower. Sasha agreed to wait for him.
Thus began the romance of the century between Sasha Thomas and Jesse Conway started for all the wrong reasons. Sasha sorely missed her achievements during high school and wanted to regain some of those 'crowning glories.' As an ex-homecoming queen, it was right and proper that she have a super jock for a boyfriend and Jesse Conway filled that role. Sasha was so proud to be seen walking with Jesse and loved the couple they made. The 6'3" bunch of muscle, bones and sinewy body of Jesse walking alongside the 5'10" willowy figure of Sasha Thomas - it made a wonderful sight. What was more , Jesse enjoyed it himself as he thought it proper that "Mr. Wonderful" be dating a homecoming queen.
For two years all through Junior College, they dated. Sasha would have enjoyed herself more if Jesse had been more considerate of her. When he would want to call her attention, he would address her as 'My Little Bitch' or just plain 'Bitch' or 'Yagga' That was when he actually spoke to her. Half the time he just whistled at her and she would turn around to come to his side. He was always slightly disrespectful when he addressed her and hardly ever showed a tender side. That was when he was sober; after he'd been drinking, the asinine behavior got worse and he'd turn downright boorish and unmanageable..
Jesse was a down and out alcoholic. Hen ever should have had even one drink, but on nights when he was out partying, he'd down up to 15 bottles of beer in a night. He was proud of how he was able to handle the drink. However, when he was under the influence, he was particularly abusive to Sasha calling her all sorts of derogatory names, criticizing her in front of her friends, making snide comments on her "fat butt" even though she was as trim as a model. During those times, he was of no use to himself , much less anyone else.
More than once, he came to classes on Monday hung-over and feeling like crap from partying over the weekend though he was always able to function and scarcely anyone knew he was suffering a massive headache and a queasy stomach. Sasha, who by that time, was in way over head, was powerless to help him. At first she'd try to reason with him that he was only hurting himself when he drank himself into a stupor. He would retort he was a big boy now and he could handle things herself. "So don't worry about it."
After many such exchanges, Sasha finally changed her way of thinking, 'fine, handle it then' and tried no more intervention. When Jesse was sober, he was almost a perfect date. He'd open doors for her (albeit nonchalantly) let her go first through line at the snack bar. It was those times that Sasha considered her life almost perfect if he'd just not made those smart sassy comments to and about her. "Hey Yagga, get your sweet little bazongas over here"? "When you walk, your ass end looks like an apple"? And he'd always smile when he said it. The head cheerleader dating the captain of the basketball team; it sure was fitting. Everyone thought they were the cutest couple. But when he was asinine...
One night after a movie, as they were driving home, Jesse wanted to stop in at a bar just for a few minutes. Sasha didn't think it was a great idea, she just wanted to get home, but Jesse was determined he wanted to stop in "just to see what was going on". So, against her better judgement, Sasha agreed. Besides, he was driving her car and had full control of the situation. However, once inside, Jesse really went to town with ordering up the beers. Instead of a "few minutes" time stretched into more than an hour and he finally talked about what they would do after they left because Sasha was like a "whoring bitch in heat." That did it, she angrily left him at Dudley's Lounge sitting alone and she walked around the block., wondering what she'd do next. This treatment was not to be borne. As she approached the night club from the other side, she saw Jesse walk out the door with some other woman by his side.
"Jesse!" she yelled at him.
He turned to look back at her as did the woman. "Hey! You had your chance and you surely don't expect me to go home alone now, do you?!"
"Jesse! Don't you dare!"
He turned away then and started walking off as he yelled over his shoulder. "Don't you tell me what to do, BITCH!" And he walked away with the woman close by his side.
She got into the car with her spare key she kept in her purse and drove home. She told herself she didn't care where Jesse went. He could rot in Europe for all she cared. But the truth is, she did care, a lot. The man she loved was going at it with someone else and it killed her.
The next day she officially broke up with him. At classes, she saw Jesse with another female student all the next week. So she found herself another guy, but it was not the same. She and Tim did NOT make the perfect couple. The excitement wasn't there. Here she was the head cheerleader going out with someone who's greatest claim to fame was being a member of the chess club.
On the fifth day, they "made up." Jesse was so sorry he screwed up, it was all his fault. He'd never drink again. Or if he did, he'd stop before he got too out of control. Please come back to him, they were too perfect together to let it all fall apart.
So she took him back. Not only did she genuinely love him and didn't want anyone else to grab hold of him, he was too much of a Mr. Wonderful, she also had a certain image to uphold at school. She had genuine hopes of marrying the guy and wondered what their children would look like. With two gorgeous people and her brains - though Jesse s always able to get on the B honor roll, he didn't share her smarts and he had to struggle at times - they'd be sure to have at least one good-looking, intelligent kid.
At first Sasha's parents were impressed with Jesse. Her mother was swept off her feet the first time she met him as he was an impressive presence and she thought Sasha had caught herself a nice-looking guy. He was ever so differential to her, well-mannered and considerate Sasha's father had a fine time talking sports with him; they shared a certain affinity towards the same teams. They even talked about taking a fishing trip to Marsden when there was the time as Jesse had extensive experience with the sport what with living his childhood on the shores of Lake Tarantua where the elusive yellow-sided sturgeon lived. Sasha's parents loved Jesse but they hadn't seen him at his worst when he'd been drinking.
However after the big break-up, right before they made up, Sasha had finally confessed to them Jesse was abusive to her and mean, when he was drunk. She told them of the incident that precipitated the break-up and that it had happened before and her parents were properly concerned. They told Sasha he wasn't worth the pain and degradation of being called a 'bitch in heat.' Sasha though was adamant that Jesse was really a decent guy. HE just wasn't himself when the 17 beers took over. Her parents counseled keeping her difference. Sasha responded she knew what she was doing.
What could they do? By then Sasha was a sophomore at the Junior College on the Hill and 19 years old; a legal adult. They couldn't forbid her seeing him. Thus they observed helplessly as if they were on the sidelines as Sasha took Jesse back and the two became the couple to watch again.
Then came the inevitable arguments mostly about Jesse's wandering eye. Jesse would ask Sasha to talk to this one student he was giving the eye at college since the first day of classes simply because she had fallen for him yet was ignoring him. (Jesse couldn't stand ignorance, especially when it concerned him). He planned, while Sasha and she were talking, he'd walk up to the two and give the poor love struck student a thrill. It didn't exactly make Sasha happy as she herself felt threatened by the almost fanatical attachment Jesse had with the student, LuAnn Oldhammer who appeared to be as enamored with Jesse - Sasha could feel it even though LuAnn did nothing to show her feelings. HER GUY! LuAnn Oldhammer wanted her guy.
One time, she caught a glimpse of Jesse's desperate need for retaliation. They were on their way out to dinner and Sine Guy had just taken the parking space Jesse had his eye on. Jesse went on to park his car further away and as they walked past the offending vehicle, he ran his car key along the passenger door, leaving a foot long deep scratch without a word and silently walked off with Sasha having witnessed the incident. Sasha thought if Jesse would only just relax and not be so paranoid, he'd have a better time of it. She said so one time which lead to one big argument and Jesse took off for the Gaslight to drink the night away again. I'll show her, I don't need her to enjoy myself, he thought. However the next day he was his old non-committal, subdued self , albeit hungover.
One thing about a relationship with Jesse Conway, there never was a dull moment.
In due time they were engaged and they announced it to her parents over dessert one night. After the dishes were cleared and the men had retired to the living room, Sasha's mother took her aside for a private talk.
"Does he still drink?" Janice asked. Sasha averred he did.
"Does he verbally abuse you those times?" came the next question and Sasha agreed that he did BUT it was getting better.
"Honey," said Mom. "Please don't marry Jesse. He's bad news, a woman can never make a man quit drink. And it'll only get worse," she prophesied
Sasha comforted her mother, telling her she knew what she was doing. It ended with she was a big girl now and knew what was best. Jesse would change once they were married.
Later came the conversation with her father, who also counseled her to break the engagement if she had any doubts at all as divorce was not an option in the Catholic faith. At that point, Sasha lost it.
"Have you been talking to Mom! Why are you two ganging up on me. I love Jesse and he loves me and when we marry, it will be forever. Things will be just fine and I don't need you or Mom to be coming down hard on me as if you can't stand to see me being happy , always trying to run my life. Just get off my case already," and she stormed off to her room and slammed the door.
Well, Sasha had made her case totally clear. There was nothing for her parents to do but try to support her decision to marry this unpromising guy and hope she came to her senses before it was too late.
The ironic party of it was that, though the two loved each other, Jesse was who Sasha had to have if she was to keep her social standing in the educational community or so she thought. It was the same with Jesse. The next day at classes, Sasha was busy telling all who mattered that she and Jesse were engaged. Jesse was telling the news also, nonchalantly of course.
For all that week, it was the news item of the moment. Have you heard...and Sasha was in her element. Until Jesse's basketball teammate, Carey Arnold approached her, asking if she really should do this. Barry had been privy to some fairly disgusting aspects of Jesse's life, mainly his propensity toward drinking until he blacked out one time that Sasha had no idea ever happened. He told her of the time Jesse drove 50 miles to Norwalk one night then passed out. When he woke up the next morning, there he was, in his car, totally unable to remember how he gotten there. He speculated he had driven someone home after the bars closed the night before. When he recounted the mystery of how he had gotten there, he was amused. Carey didn't tell her about the women Jesse would bring back to the dorm when he was drunk only to spend hours in his room with them, he couldn't do that to her. He only asked her did she know...
"Oh Carey, not you too," Sasha had teased and walked away. Her mind was still made up. - she was marrying Jesse no matter what anyone said. Her mind was still made up - she was marrying Jesse no matter what anyone said, she deserved him.
The plans for the wedding moved on and with great misgivings about the intelligence of the decision, Janice made reservations at the Ramada Inn, the reception was to take place, talked to a photographer, ordered the flowers. Sasha and Jesse met with the Father of the St. Mary Catholic Church and began taking marriage avowements or whatever it was called (as Jesse would call it) on how to be a good spouse. Jesse began learning about Catholicism, albeit non-committal and halfhearted. Father Carmichael would hand over reading material to Jesse who would bring it back the next session having read it. Sasha wondered if he had actually read what was given to him as she knew some of it was highly technical and she would have been pressed to read it all in the time frame Jesse professed he'd digested it. But she didn't say anything and if Father Carmichael wondered about it, he didn't speak up either.
The wedding was set for last summer. Two weeks before the date, Jesse really tied one on at his bachelor party. The next morning when he didn't show up at Sasha's house to take her to work, she went to his apartment to find him passed out on the couch where he'd fallen when his buddies brought him home the night before. He didn't know how he got home, the last thing he remembered was the spot about halfway through this video when this buxom blonde was passionately enjoying being the object of four men's attentions as they did everything perverted imaginable to her. Then Sasha was there shaking him awake and he was in his own apartment. Shit was his first thought. He'd missed out on all the fun at the party. Sasha went to work alone and Jesse called in sick and stayed home with a hangover. She began to feel uneasy about marrying him. But this would work, it had to because good things always happened to Sasha Thomas
Sasha's mother tried one more time to get her to come to her senses. Five days before the wedding , she told Sasha nobody would think any less of her if she called it all off. It would be simple, just tell Jesse she couldn't go through with it.
"But, I can and I will," was Sasha's reply. "I love him, Mom.' Case closed.
The wedding went off without a problem. In no time at all, Sasha had become Sasha Conway. Mrs. Sasha Conway. Mrs. Jesse Conway. She had won over LuAnn Oldhammer, the thought of THAT made her giggle. They took a wedding trip to Florida where for two weeks they were a newly married couple. When they got back, things were once again right. They were the couple of the century and Sasha never was so happy.
Then married life began.. They moved three states away where Jesse was attending classes at Northwest as a transfer student on a full basketball scholarship and Sasha, the home coming queen, straight A student, member of the upper crust in high school went to work as an administrative assistant from 8:00 to 5:00 every day to support them both as Jesse studied. She didn't like this arrangement, but they were saving money this way as Jesse had his scholarship for this time only and who know what would happen in two years when Sasha would get her degree if she went to college first. So Sasha went to work as being married to Jesse was everything to her.
For the next two years, Sasha's biggest problem wasn't his drinking (he was dry) but his sarcastic, demeaning comments were what hurt the most. When she made the bed he'd belittle her tries, "Yagga, the sheet is wrinkled, pull it down". Or "That's no way to make a bed.". He'd make smart-ass comments on her makeup, her clothes, One time, she cooked all morning to make him a wonderful Sunday dinner and as he was waiting for the expected gourmet feast, he said, "Well here I am waiting for the slop bucket." Sex with him was his way only.
Then the inevitable drinking began again. He had just graduated from college, had his degree. The years of cramming and deprivation were over and he celebrated that night. A lot. At 3:15 that morning, Sasha got a call from a bartender. Jesse was passed out at his bar and he needed to close-up shop. She better come get him.
With bleary eyes and a heavy heart, Sasha motored on down through the deserted streets to pick up her man. Why in God's green earth didn't his friends bring him home, did he drink them all under the table?. It was starting again. There was just no middle ground with Jesse.
The next morning, Jesse was hungover. As usual he couldn't remember anything from 11:30 the previous night on. When she got home from her job, Sasha berated him for falling off the wagon and he promised he'd never take another drink.
"That's what you said the last time," she reminded him. This time, he meant it. Blah, blah, blah and Sasha believed him because she needed to. She needed someone to support her now that it was her turn to go to college in the fall. Jesse had to supply that support. But he needed a job to supply that support and to get a job, he had to remain sober. She pinned a lot on him to keep things going straight.
Jesse was indeed hired as Communications Executive for the hospital in town and that fall, Sasha started college. Then the unthinkable happened. She was in the middle of mid-terms for her third quarter when Jesse was fired for drinking on the job. With no income coming in, Sasha had to take incompletes in all her courses to go back to work. She had never had an incomplete in her life. But after all the opposition to this marriage, she couldn't ask her parents for help, so back to the job force she went.
She was furious. She had depended on Jesse and he had let her down. To top if off, she was seven months pregnant and the only ob she could hope to land would be temporary or very low paying with no benefits. She ended up a cashier at an Arbees restaurant. Look, at her, Sasha Thomas, valedictorian of her high school class, taking orders at a fast food joint. She hated Jesse for what he had made her into and her anger burned.
After the baby came, a little girl they called Amanda Marie, Sasha was off work as she recuperated. It had been an uncommonly difficult birth for her but she adored her daughter and thought her exquisite. As for Jesse, for the first time in their life together they were attentive. After he lost his first job, his mother had read him the riot act and told him he better get his act together and he quickly found another job, lower paying than what the Communications Executive had commanded, but at least he was bringing in money. After work, he cooked the evening meal, brought Amanda to Sasha to feed her and even changed diapers. Amazing, Sasha thought. Fatherhood had really brought out the best in him. It wasn't to last though.
When a marriage is young, things are easier to handle, but it's when the white hot passion of the courtship and the brand new love of the early connubial bliss inevitably dies down that the marriage is truly tested. So it was with Sasha. When it finally happened, she learned that she had nothing left for Jesse, all they had going for them were the early emotions which were now gone. OK, he was the father of her child, but that was all she felt for him.
One night, over supper, when Amanda was four months old, Sasha brought up the issue that she wanted to go back to classes when the next term started. Now that Jesse had his job, they could make it on his salary and she felt it was her turn. Jesse, in a direct turn about, reminded her of the baby. If she went to classes, and he worked, who would take care of her - Sasha had to stay home and take care of Amanda. Sasha, totally flabbergasted at his two-faced attitude, reminded him that when he wanted to have a child, he'd assured her this baby wouldn't interfere with her education, that they'd use Day Care. Well, he had changed his mind; he didn't want his child cared for by strangers. Thus began the argument of the century - Jesse was the father, he should stay home for child-rearing. Jesse couldn't stay at home, he had a job which was more than she had. Back and forth, round and round. Finally Jesse said, "If you want me to stay home, fine but you get a job then, Bitch!"
By then Sasha was in tears. She screamed at him she wished she'd never married him when she did. She went directly from being her father's daughter to her husband's wife. She asked him sarcastically if he'd proposed because of the easy sex he'd be sure to get.
That broke something in Jesse. "I didn't have to marry you for sex. I could have gotten sex anywhere!" he yelled and burst out the door. Sasha ran after him furious he was escaping from yet another argument.
"Jesse Conway, this isn't finished yet!" she yelled. Over his shoulder he yelled back, "You just wait!" He got in the car and raced off, burning rubber.
Sasha went back inside to cool down. That little snot. After all she had done for him, he runs off like that. She sacrificed her own education to put him through college and now, it looked like she'd have to put it off for another six years until Amanda was old enough for first grade. She, a pampered homecoming queen was set to be tied down with a child and a husband who got his kicks from making asinine comments. Damn it all the injustices of this world. It just wasn't fair.
That night about 11:30, Jesse walked into the house. One his arm was this red-haired frowsy woman, who was as drunk as he was. Sasha, who had been sitting on the couch waiting for him (after all, he HAD to go to work tomorrow, he HAD to come home), looked at the two with incredulity. Now what. Before she could say anything, Jesse said it all.
"I told you I could get sex from any woman," he slurred. I didn't NEED to marry you, we've been going at it all night long now, haven't we Clarrice."
"That we have and you are one hot stud," the woman slurred as she almost fell down. Sasha watched speechless,
"Clarrice, I want you to meet my wife, Sasha. Also known as Bitch, or Whoring Bitch, or Yagga.'
Sasha finally found her tongue and said, "Get out."
Apparently, Jesse thought she was talking to the woman, because he responded, "Hey, this is my house too and I can bring anyone in here that I want," and he covered the lower part of the woman's face with his mouth and groped her ample breast with his hand, almost pushing it out of her low-necked blouse. As they stood there in the den, Jesse lifted her up slightly and ground his pelvis into hers as he continued feeling her up. There was no questioning the significance of the moment - Jesse wanted to prove something to her. They were going at it right there, in the den, right in front of her! Enraged, Sasha couldn't believe her eyes. Then as if appearing to remember they weren't alone, he said, "Let's go into my bedroom, there's more privacy there," he said and they both started toward the hall. He looked back at Sasha and winked.
THAT did it. An unholy scream came from Sasha , starting deep in her belly and rising in volume until it exploded out her mouth. "GET OUT!" she screamed. "OUT! OUT OF THIS HOUSE! BOTH YOU!"
She grabbed the baseball bat that stood next to the hallway and went after the two as they ran for cover and out the front door. Sasha locked and bolted the door after them. She dragged the 150 pound mahogany bookcase to the door to stand it in front of it. She plopped the 50 pound reclining easy chair in front of that. He'd never get back in now. Tomorrow she was seeing a lawyer about divorce proceedings she didn't have to take this crap.
She finally collapsed back on the couch. She was bone tired and weak, the adrenalin was gone and there was nothing left. She was so weak, she didn't think she could pick up a gallon of milk. Her back hurt. Then the tears came.
Vindictiveness was one of Jesse's biggest faults. He had shown it before like he had shown it tonight. But this last was too monstrous to sit by and let pass. She began remembering how he had acted when she had given birth to Amanda. She was still in the hospital and he was dreaming how they'd word the news in the paper back home and his remark, "That'll show her" meaning LuAnn Oldhammer for sure. His remark when their contribution to the Fred Freeman Telethon was read on the air two weeks after they were married, "I hope that little snot LuAnn Oldhammer heard that." The truth began to dawn on her. What if he married her to retaliate against LuAnn Oldhammer? What if the only reason Jesse got her pregnant was to "stick it to" LuAnn? What if, HORRORS, he got her pregnant to interrupt her own education plans? He knew she desperately wanted to go to college to get her degree.
After about ten minutes she started to calm down and think rationally. She never should have married Jesse at the time she did; it was the stupidest thing she could have done. The warning signs were out, yet she didn't pay attention. They were both still teenagers, way too young to be married. It should have been the time of her life. She wished she'd have finished college and had a career before she settled down. Instead she had gone directly from being her father's daughter to Jesse's wife. She never had the time to be her own person. She wished she had lived a little before she became a spouse. Why didn't she listen to everyone? What in hell was she going to do now?
She spent the whole night alone and thinking about what was happening and when 5:45 A..M. came around and Amanda started her first robust cries of the new day, she was through with Jesse. She wasn't going to sit by and watch him trash her life. She didn't care where he spent his nights. She wasn't going to bail him out of any problems he got in. She would file for divorce within the week.
Sasha had her mind made up and then discovered the truly awful ramifications of what she had done. She had married Jesse as a Catholic and Catholicism didn't recognize divorce. Annulment was one answer, but she wasn't going to illegitimize her child over this mess that Amanda Marie had nothing to do with, she was just an innocent bystander. In the days that followed, she talked to the Father of her church, he was most unsympathetic and his basic message to her was "No divorce." Either she'd 'live with it', or become excommunicated. Then she turned to her family for help in persuading the church to grant her a divorce.
For once, Sasha's parents wouldn't back down though. They refused to go along with this. Sasha was a married Catholic, and that was the end of it. If she divorced Jesse, her family would divorce her. When she investigated annulment, that avenue closed before she could even enter it.
Sasha snapped then. 'The hell with Catholicism then' became her attitude. 'I don't want to be a part of any religion that would rather I be miserable than grant me a divorce. I'd rather be excommunicated then. Screw God for creating a religion like Catholicism.'
From the All American Teenage Home coming queen to the town pariah, it''s what religion and marriage to Jesse Conway had reduced her to. Screw everyone then. She didn't need them, she could take care of herself. With the same headstrong determination that had gotten herself into this mess, she was going ahead with freeing herself again.