A/N: I don't have enough one-shots. Most importantly, I don't have enough KakaSaku stories.
Summary: Kakashi Hatake learned that fear came in many different forms and came with many different emotions. One shot.
Sheer Terror
One Shot
Time was unbearably slow. He hated it.
Kakashi exhaled as he shifted his arms slightly, the IV tube strapped onto his wrist wriggling around as he did so. For the past three months he had been resting in this damned hospital. He had accepted a mission given to him by the ANBU Black Ops. The objective was to eliminate a five-celled squad consisting of S-ranked rogue ninja (they were surely all in the Bingo Book). Of course, he succeeded in completing the task. However, by the time he made it back to the village he was dead tired and fell unconscious.
He was told that he was in a coma for a month and had sustained severe injuries, both internally and externally. His rib cage was broken and it thankfully did not puncture his lungs. His chakra system was also terribly worn out and he had been having difficulties replenishing his chakra, therefore making it nearly impossible to control it and continue his career as an elite shinobi. Aside from those, he was also wounded in various places, large cuts etched into the flesh on his back, arms, and face. He could say that this was by far the worst handicap he had ever acquired.
The jonin turned his head and his one-eyed gaze met the back of his former pink-haired student as she worked around the counter, her hands reaching to retrieve medicine capsules and other materials. Sakura had been his caretaker since day one. She had always refused to resign her position and watch over another patient and never bothered to leave his side. When she was forced into taking a break, she would only be absent for approximately two to three hours before returning to keep an eye on him.
It was simply all havoc, he thought. A young woman her age was not supposed to be cooped up in a small, stuffy hospital room keeping an eye on an old geezer such as himself. Although she did keep him company from time to time, he did not want to be selfish. He had attempted a couple of times back then to persuade her into leaving him in someone else's care, but she stubbornly abstained. He even threw in a couple of promises (bitter, worrisome ones, he must say) such as paying back every cent he owed her and Naruto after the countless times of leaving the paycheck to them. It was certain that she was interested, but she was smart enough to know the real reason behind his actions.
Kakashi was unable to understand why Sakura would want to care for him. When she was a genin, it was extremely easy to read the contents of her mind. Heck, he could even decipher the expression of the blunt Sai if he wanted to! It was a skill he obtained from his father and his former mentor, Minato Namikaze, and he was quite adept. However, the young girl had matured and somehow managed to make it difficult for him to see what was troubling her. Nowadays, it was a rare occasion to see her enjoying life, smiling and giggling happily.
To be honest, it bothered him just a little. For him, it was normal to see her grinning, drooling over guys, and losing her temper every now and then, but that was back then when she was only a child. Her mature form was the complete opposite and she took situations much more seriously. He somewhat missed seeing his former student's childish personalities. Not only that, but just the thought of them maturing made him feel old and wrinkly.
The silver-haired man shook his head, nearly groaning inwardly. In an attempt of sitting up, he held onto the metallic handle bars provided for him at the sides of the hospital bed and unsteadily pulled himself up. He struggled to prop his back against the wall behind him and he could hear the bed trembling beneath him from his effort.
"Don't push yourself. You're still slowly recovering and overexertion will only worsen your current state." The pinkette turned on her heel and made her way to his side, a clip board and pencil in hand. She was wearing a large white coat than hung midway down her thighs. Underneath was a red blouse and a tight pencil skirt that accentuated her curves, making her seem only more womanly. Her pink locks were tied up into a bun, a few strands surrounding the sides of her face and a narrow needle holding the rest in place. A black pair of rectangular glasses sat on the bridge of her nose, topping off the last of her sophisticated appearance.
"I'm in perfect shape," he insisted, running a hand through his course silver mane.
"Tell that to all of the wounds covering your body," she drawled, adjusting the lens in front of her eyes.
His eyebrows furrowed. "Since when did you start wearing glasses?" he asked, hoping to change the subject.
"Since I started developing bad eye sight after having my eyes damaged during a mission. We went over this many times already, Kakashi," she answered subtly. She pulled out her stethoscope and equipped it. "Now, it's time for your daily check up. Remove your shirt, please."
He glared at her nonchalantly.
"If you don't choose to cooperate, I guess I will have no choice but to force you to wear the patient's uniform from now on. If I recall correctly, you hate wearing those."
Sighing heavily, he complied and pulled the dark sleeveless top over his head, exposing his scarred upper body and face. There was no hesitation while he did this, for Sakura had already seen him bare before. When he first found out that she was his caretaker, he stubbornly refused to strip himself in front of her, but after relentless nagging he finally did as he was told. Her reaction to his face was a bit unexpected. She had taken in the sight of him without his mask calmly, making no exclamation about it. There was, however, a pinch of shock and adoration, but it still surprised him that her reaction was not like others.
Sakura gently pressed the diaphragm against his back, telling him to breathe in and out slowly. She repeated the process a few more times before making him exercise his limbs, ordering him to do specific movements. When they finished, he slipped into his shirt once again, but left his mask pooled around his neck instead.
"Here, take this pill." She held out a large round pill and he reluctantly took it. "It's similar to the soldier pill, so you don't need to swallow it with water. Just chew it."
"I hate soldier pills."
"It's not a soldier pill."
"But you said it's similar."
"Don't be a baby. Just take it."
Praying that it would not be horrible, he popped it into his mouth. It left a bitter sensation on his tongue and he shuddered from the disgusting aftertaste. Fortunately, it was not as terrible as taking the soldier pill. That was far beyond inedible.
"See? It's not that bad," she commented, pulling a stool over and claiming her seat.
"It was still bad," he muttered, giving her a bitter look.
"But not as bad," she repeated with a small coy smile.
He chuckled silently at her slight tease. It was nice to know that she joked around every once in a while. He was almost starting to think that she was becoming as reclusive and solitary as him. It would definitely not suite her.
"What's so funny?" she demanded softly, her pink eyebrow raising.
"Nothing, nothing," he quickly replied, swatting his hand in the air to dismiss the topic.
"Ah." Her smile faded and she crossed her legs. "So, you might be able to get out of this hospital by the end of this month."
He hummed. "Is that so?"
"Mm. You're recovering pretty fast and your chakra system is slowly beginning to function normally again. I surmise that in about two to three weeks you'll be up and walking on your own feet."
"Hmm, what a relief. For a moment, I thought I'd never get to leave this place."
Sakura clicked her tongue. "You are most likely going to have to continue taking those pills though…for approximately three months. Just to ensure your health and safety."
"Great," he said sourly.
She tucked a strand of her hair behind her ears and removed her glasses, tucking it onto the edge of her wooden clipboard. "Please…promise me that you'll just follow our instructions. Don't overdo it. Just relax and don't anything so reckless. Alcohol is definitely prohibited for the time being and try to refrain from accepting Gai's outrageous challenges."
"You sound like a frustrated mother," he murmured half-jokingly.
There was no response and her face remained impassive. Kakashi stared in hopes of deciphering her expression, but with no avail. It was depressing to see Sakura act this way. She was undeserving of all of the frustrations and conflicts that life had in store for her. Her soul was too pure and kind to put up with the chaos. More specifically, he was a hazard toward her. Picking up the broken shards that he had become would only bring her wounds and pain.
Kakashi knew that he was broken. All of the scars he sustained from his past could not be mended and they were always haunting him, reminding him of the terrible fool he had been as a child. When his father committed suicide, he refused to open up toward others. Since then, he vowed to only abide by the rules of being a shinobi. There were many strict laws placed down for those who wished to become shinobi, yet no one never took them as seriously as he had. However, after witnessing one of his closest friends' death, he began to go by his own rules. "A shinobi who violates the rules is scum, but a shinobi who abandons their friends is worse than scum," he was told.
Because of this, he never passed any of the genin that were placed under his supervision. His very first team, consisting of Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke, would probably be his very last. They all had a potential he had never seen within other children and he had to admit, they resembled his old team; Naruto as Obito, Sasuke as him, and Sakura as Rin. Truth be told, he found it extremely odd that he ended up teaching his former sensei's son.
His lone eye returned to the young girl sitting beside him. He wondered why she was so insistent on taking care of him. He tried not to let his mind dwell on the thought too much, but with each second passing his curiosity only grew larger.
"Sakura."
"Hmm?" she hummed, her gaze capturing his.
Kakashi scratched his chin, heaving a deep sigh. "Is there a reason why you want to be my caretaker?
They lapsed into a short period of silence. Sakura could only blink and laugh nervously. "What do you mean?" she said, a neural grin being etched onto her lips. "Am I not allowed to watch over my poor, dear old sensei?"
If there was one thing he certainly knew about Sakura, it was that she was an awful liar.
"Sakura, I mean it," he pressed on. "You have never treated me this way before, and I would know since I've been sent to the hospital too many times to count. I can understand that it can be worrisome, but you should know already that I can take care of myself. If Lady Tsunade was the cause of all of this, I would like to politely ask you to tell her that I am capable of—"
"It wasn't Lady Tsunade who told me to do this," she interrupted.
His eyebrow rose. "Then, was it Shizune?"
Sakura shook her head in response. Her eyes drifted away from his and she began to tap her fingers against her clipboard. "I was the one who made the choice. No one made the decision for me," she finally answered.
He paused. It took a while to process what she had just said and when he did, he was only able to stare at her incredulously.
She had never wanted to watch over a patient so much, especially when it came to him. He had always been a stubborn one, refusing to do many things and always acting in such a way that only worsened his condition. Not once had the girl ever wanted to take care of him. Whenever he was sent to the hospital, she would avoid him like the plague.
"Why?" was all he could say.
Why? He was a recluse, a cold one indeed. He had failed her many times, both as a mentor and friend. Sasuke's departure was positively his fault. He had sensed the vengeance buried deep beneath the boy's barren heart, yet never bothered to pursue the predicament. Just a few years ago, the Uchiha heir lost his life against Naruto in an extravagantly violent battle. The Uzumaki passed away shortly after, and although he left this world with a small reassuring smile, he could never stop blaming himself for not being strong enough.
Kakashi eluded her. Once he saw a glimpse of her, he would disappear from the setting in only a matter of seconds before she would look around, questioning if she had really seen him or not. He was never there for her, but would always watch from a distance and notice the somewhat depressed emotion hiding within her pale, emerald eyes. It was simply ignominious; his inability to comfort others was scornful. He was never well adequate with those kinds of situations, though he always regretted not trying. Even an awkward attempt would have been sufficient enough to let her know that she was not alone.
But he never did anything. He only stood still, hiding within the large crowd, watching as she forced herself to grow up.
Watching as she independently went through the hardships of loss. Watching as she built barriers around herself. Watching as her entire personality changed.
He had failed them.
He had failed her.
So, why was she doing all of this?
"Why?" he asked more pertly.
His voice was shaking with anger and guilt as the nightmarish memories began to seep back into his mind. His hands clenched and remained close by his sides to restrain them from gripping onto the handle bars provided at each side of the bed and breaking them off. He was undeserving of her kindness and affection. No, she was undeserving of a malevolent, ill-minded man such as himself.
Her hand suddenly found his. Her thumb gently caressed his skin, which strangely calmed him. His eye found hers and saw the pain illustrated on her face — a pain that he did not recognize. The ache in his chest worsened as she hung her head, biting her bottom lip as an effort to hold back the tears that were about the spill forth.
"I can't lose you, Kakashi," she ground out, her eyelids clasping closed. "I've lost almost everything. Naruto and Sasuke are gone…and Sai and Yamato are too busy with their ANBU missions to mind me." The grip around his hand tightened and he stiffened, a mixture of shock and pity filling him. "I'm afraid. No, I'm terrified that I'm going to lose you. You're all that I have left."
Kakashi sat stone still, startled by her statement. Sakura was afraid…of losing him, the most degrading shinobi known to man? Now that he thought about it, he himself had never been afraid of losing anyone. One of the rules laid out for shinobi was to never expose or express any sort of emotion and he resided by that law at all times. Perhaps this was why he never experienced such a feeling and was incompetent of assuring his comrades. It was definitely not a talent he was blessed with.
He trembled at the kunoichi's shuddered intake of breath. "You were gone for three years, Kakashi," she whispered, "and for three years I worried about you, praying that you'd come back safely. My heart nearly stopped when I saw you in this very hospital, unconscious and hurt all over. I thought you wouldn't make it. I thought I'd be all alone…"
"I failed you as a sensei," he pointed out quietly. "Is it still worth all your time concerning yourself over me?"
"You didn't fail me," she objected with a weary sigh.
He shook his head. "I did."
"You can think whatever you want to think Kakashi," spoke Sakura, "but you aren't a failure as anything. You have my complete respect and I appreciate all you have done to keep us safe back when Team Seven was still intact. I know it was probably hard for you after Sasuke left us, it was hard for all of us."
"It was my responsibility to watch over you three, yet I somehow managed to screw up and in the end, I couldn't do anything."
"You did everything you can do to help."
Kakashi broke free of her grasp and glanced elsewhere. They fell into another period of unbearable silence and deciding that he had enough complications for today, he settled back underneath the covers, pulling his mask back up to cover his face. He gave the window sitting across him a dark one-eyed glare and saw that the sun was beginning to set over the horizon. It was getting late and that fact merely irritated him even more. Just how long had he been indulging himself in this pointless quarrel?
He felt her petite hand linger on his shoulder and he shrugged it off. Knowing Sakura, she most likely recoiled and was now giving him an anxious gaze, fidgeting nervously with her fingers. He pushed away the thought and closed his eye, breathing heavily. He could still feel her presence behind him and knew that it would be quite a while before she left to catch up with her own sleep.
Almost inaudibly, he heard her say, "Promise me that you won't be so reckless. I cannot afford to lose you, Kakashi. I'm serious."
He grew slightly reticent and groaned inwardly. "I'm not very good at keeping promises. You should know that by know, Sakura," he mumbled, bringing his arm over his eyes to shield himself from the blinding rays of sunlight. It remained silent and it was assured that she was waiting expectantly for a suitable answer. Defeated, he breathed, "I promise."
"Cross your heart and hope to die?" came a small voice.
"I cross my heart and hope to die," he repeated lazily.
It became quite once again and he took this time to focus on sleeping.
If there was one thing that he learned today, it was that fear came in many different forms and came with many different emotions. The expression that was conveyed on Sakura's face had been nothing but absolute sheer terror and it was truthfully hard for him to look at. Not only that, but he had never been so afraid of seeing her grief and sorrow. He hoped that in the future, he would be somehow able to comfort her and bring her happiness.
To somehow provide her company and friendship. To somehow erase all of the bad in her life.
He knew very well that he could not keep any promises, but this time, he would try.
As Kakashi Hatake fell asleep into a deep slumber, he was unaware of the soft pair of lips that descended upon his forehead.
Reviews Are Appreciated
