Whispers

Don't own, please don't sue

Warning: Character death, one-sided Sirius/James. Don't like don't read

Sorry for all grammar mistakes. Not a native English speaker

I'm thinking of making this story longer, where James follows Harry, like a guarding angel. If there is interest in that. Please tell me, otherwise this will just stand as one-shot for now.

Hope you like the story.

…

…

"We want you to be the secret-keeper."

James is smiling, but the smile doesn't reach his eyes. It's clear that he is worried. You-know-who could come for the Potter family any day now. Come for his family. And as the head of the house, it's his responsibility to keep them safe. They are the last of the once and noble house. James parents died two years ago of old age. And his father's brother, Harold, died under the last Wizarding war. So it's just James and Harry left with the Potter blood.

Sirius doesn't smile as James thought he would. He just sits there in the chair and looks out over city. It's a nice view. You can see much of London from here.

They are in Sirius apartment, it has a nice balcony, where they have spend much of their younger years having fun and drinking. They are still young though, barely 21. They shouldn't be thinking about death and fighting in wars. But that's just how things are. When they first started Aurora training they were thinking about the glory and the knowledge that they were fighting for something good. But the last three years have taught them otherwise. There is no glory in taking life, there is no right way to fight a war. War is brutal and terrifying. And they have spent many nights just lying in bed and hugging their love ones. James spends more time then not holding around Lily while she cries, she is so worried what world their son, Harry, will grow up in.

James shifts slightly in his seat. Sirius is still not saying anything, he just sits there and chews on his lip. He looks thoughtful, and James can't really read the expression Sirius has in his eyes.

"We want you to be the secret-keeper." James repeats, more quietly this time. He couldn't be hundred percent sure Sirius heard him the first time, but he is pretty sure he did. But he repeats it to get Sirius to snap out of his thought.

Sirius sighs and picks up his glass. "I can't." he mumbles.

James frowns, not sure he heard that right. Not really wanting it to be right.

"Can you repeat that?"

Sirius takes a sip and looks at him. "I can't, alright. I…" He looks away, and again James can't read his expression.

James sits up, and looks hard at him. "You what? Why don't want to keep me and my family safe? You want us to be taken by you-know-who and killed?!"

Sirius flinches and looks hurt at him.

"Of course not. You are like a family to me."

James feels a bit bad. Of course Sirius doesn't want them dead. But he doesn't understand why his best friend, his brother, won't do this.

"Then why?" James asks with a quiet tone.

Sirius shifts on his chair and bites his lip.

"Because… Because I'm the obvious choice. Everyone would think you would choice me, and come after me." He looks up at James with eyes that shine in the dim light. "If you choose one of the others, without telling anyone, then they would come after me in the belief that I'm the secret keeper. There be no one else who would know except of us!" Sirius looks almost excited about that idea, like if it's one of the pranks they pull out of thin air.

James frowns a little. Even though Sirius is smiling, it doesn't reach his eyes. They are sad, with a mix of hurt. James doesn't understand why Sirius looks so hurt.

James isn't excited by his idea. He would prefer that Sirius is the secret-keeper. But Sirius keeps pushing it on, coming up with good arguments why his way is better. In the end, James just gives up, reluctantly though. He could never say no to Sirius, and he's not going to do start now.

Together they decide that they should appoint Peter as the secret keeper.

…

…

…

Harry is sitting on the floor in his pyjamas and laughing. He has such a cute laugher. It makes James happy to hear. They have been afraid of taking Harry outside ever since the Fidelius charm was put in place. There isn't any good of having a kid in the house all day. He should be outside playing and exploring. When James was little he had the entire Potter mansion garden and the forest behind to explore.

It's Halloween today, and James would love to take Harry out for some trick and treating, but he can't. Not while there is a threat for his son's life out there. They couldn't go last year either, Harry was only three months at that time. But there would be other years. When the war is over, he and the rest of the Marauders could take him out for some real trick and treating. That thought makes James smile. He misses his friends. He misses to talk to others.

James waves his wand, making puffs of coloured smoke erupt from his wand. Harry giggles and tries to capture the smoke. It's a game they have played many times before, but it never cease to be fun for the little boy. That's kids for you, he thinks, they can find the littlest of things fun.

A door opens, and James looks up to see his wife. Lily Potter is a beautiful woman with long red hair and green emerald eyes. Her eyes soften and a small happy smile comes on her lips when she sees her husband and son playing.

"I think it's time for bed," she says with her soft voice.

James gives out a small groan. "But I'm not tired."

Lily rolls her eyes and gives out a small huff. "I wasn't talking to you."

James grins in respond. "Yes ma'am." He scoops up his giggling son and hands him to Lily. She takes him in his arms and kisses her husband on the lips. "And you better remember it."

James chuckles, throws his wand down upon the sofa, and stretches, yawning…

Suddenly a door bursts open and James turns around in alarm, and starts to sprint into the hall. He can feel his heart hammer in panic.

And there, coming over the threshold, is Lord Voldemort himself.

"Lily! Take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off!" Even while saying this he knows it's a lost cause. The dark lord's wand is already pointed at him. All James can think is; I failed. I failed my family.

"Avada Kadavra!"

The green light bursts from the wand. Like eager lighting snakes they fly towards him, and his entire sight get blocked by that green pulsating light. It's irony that they have the same colour as Lily's eyes.

Before he knows it he gets thrown backwards, and everything turns black.

…

…

…

James opens his eyes and blinks confused around. What just happened? He sits up and shoves a hand through his hair, making it go everywhere. His head is pounding and he can't remember how he got to be lying on the floor.

He gets himself up on his feet and starts looking around. He's home at least. So that's a starter.

"Lily?" he calls out for his wife, but there is no respond. He knits his eyebrows together. James looks around again, and noticed that the door is open. Maybe Lily went out? But why would she go outside?

"Lily?!" He calls out again, much louder this time. Not liking this at all.

James is feeling itchy all over, and his head his pounding like if he was run over by a hippogriff. He closes his eyes and tries to remember what happened, but with no luck. All he can see is a bright green light.

How weird.

James moves into the living room and looks around. Everything is normal here. He sees his wand lying in the sofa. And he gets this urgent feeling that he needs it, badly. Quickly he moves towards the sofa and bends down to pick it up.

James frowns. He move his hand to pick it up again, but somehow is hand is just going straight threw it. He straightens up and looks at his hand confusion. What is going on?

He moves to pick the wand up again, hoping that he was just seeing things. He moves his hand deeper this time and… His hand slips straight threw the sofa, like if it's not there. Like if it's a hallucination or something.

James moves backwards in shock. He looks at his hand, then at the sofa. This is… This is… What in Merlin's beard?!

Suddenly a roaring sound breeches the eerie silence that had been there before. James jumps and looks around. What has this surreal world in store for him this time?

The sound disappears as fast as it came. Shorty after the sound of steps coming up the house appears. James can hear the person's, or creature's, breath go in and out fast, ether of freight, anticipation or just from the running. James can't really tell.

"James!?" Someone calls out, and James feels so relived. He recognizes that voice. He can't believe he didn't recognize the sound of Sirius' motorcycle either.

"I'm here." He says and steps into the hall. Sirius is standing in the door, looking tired and anxious. He's long black hair is a mess and he's rather pale. Probably from the ride on the bike, James thinks.

"Merlin, Padfoot. I'm glad to see you." He starts walking towards his friend, but something makes him stop. Sirius isn't even looking at him, he's staring with big eyes on a spot on the ground. James follows his eyes and freezes.

There, lying immobile on the floor, is… him.

James blinks his eyes in surprise. Why would he be lying here when he was… Well, over here?

Sirius walks fast towards the other him and falls down beside it. He takes his hands on it's shoulder and starts to shake the body.

"James!" Sirius screams, heartbroken. A noise which makes James' chest ach. "Wake up!"

James gulps and looks at the scene with big eyes. He doesn't want to believe what he is seeing. The other him is just lying there, staring up at nothing. No one is home. Why isn't there anyone home? Is the only thought that comes to him.

Because it's you, a voice says inside of him. It's you who are lying there on the floor.

James doesn't want to believe that, but he knows it's true. He remembers now. He was in the living room with Lily and Harry. Then...Then the door burst open. He remembers running into the hall to stall Voldemort. He remembers getting hit by the killing curse.

A low sob escapes him. He failed. He failed. He couldn't save his family. His wife. Dead. His baby boy. Dead. All because he couldn't protect them. He took a hand to the face. They are dead, he whimpers, you stupid stupid arrogant man. Why did you drop your wand?

Sirius has stopped shaking his body. Now he just sits there leaning over his body and cradling his face. Tears are running down Sirius face, and it makes James wants to wail. He's never seen Sirius cry before. Sirius who was always so strong. Sirius who never cries for anything, not even when he left his family, not when his own baby brother died, is now sitting on the floor. Crying for him.

James drops down on the floor next to him. He's whimpering slightly, feeling so fucking useless. He wants to cry, but he can't, he has no tears. He doesn't have any heart beater either, his mind notice, but he doesn't care. He doesn't care about anything anymore.

Sirius is mumbling something over and over again, and James leans a bit in to hear the whispering words.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry." He mumbles again and again. James gives out a low sigh.

"It's not your fault, Sirius. We could never have known that…" He knitters his eyebrows together. How did Voldemort know how to find us? The moment he thinks it, the answer comes to it. The only one who could tell where they were was Peter. His good childhood friend had ratted him out. James tightens his jaw. It's all that bloody rats fault!

James roars with anger. He'll kill him! He'll fucking kill him! James lashes out with his anger, wanting to smash something in pieces.

Suddenly all of the mirrors and windows in hall smashes, and pieces of glass start falling down with loud noises. James blinks in surprise. Did he just do that?

Sirius moves his body to protect his own, not wanting to damage James' body anymore. James frowns at this, not really seeing the point. He's not there anymore. It doesn't belong to him anymore. Sirius starts pressing his lips against "his". And James frowns at that as well.

"What are you doing?" This seems like an even weirder thing then protecting the hollow shell of his body. But Sirius doesn't answer, he can't see him.

"I love you James, I love you more than anything in the world. And I'm so so fucking sorry. I should have told you, I should have told you." Comes the sobbing voice from Sirius. He keeps kissing James lips and face, like if it could bring him back.

James stares at his best friend with a confused expression.

"What do you mean that you love me?" Again he get's not reply. Only Sirius whispers that he loves him.

James bites his lip and looks at his friend for a long while. The eerie silence is back. It feels like if nothing is real. It feels like a bad dream. Please oh Please wake up.

Suddenly a low cry breeches the silence, and James and Sirius looks up in confusion.

"Harry!" They say simultaneously and before any of them knows it, they are up on their feet and running towards the sound. They reach the bedroom at the same time. James notices Lily lying on the floor, the brilliant green eyes empty of life.

"Lily," James gives out a low sob. I failed. I promised I'd keep your safe. I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

His eyes doesn't water, he has no tears to shed. But he knows if he had only one, he would give it to his wife.

James looks up when he can hear a small giggle. And he takes a hand over his mouth in relief. Harry is already. He's alright. He wasn't a total failure after all. But his heart still bleeds from the loss of his wife. He would have been happy if Harry and Lily were okay, they are the only one who matters. He'd died a thousand times over as long as they would be safe.

Sirius is holding his arms protectively around Harry.

"It's alright, Harry," he mumbles to the sleepy boy, "go back to sleep, you are safe." Harry looks with sleepy eyes at Sirius, grabs his shirt and closes his eyes again. A low yawn escapes the little boy's mouth.

James notices a scar on Harry's forehead. It looks like a thunderbolt, but he doesn't care right now. All he can think is: Harry is alive. He's alright!

"Hello? Is anybody here?" A booming voice calls out.

"We are in here!" Sirius calls out, recognizing the voice coming from their good friend, Hagrid. Steps can be heard before the big frame of Hagrid appears at the door.

"Is that you Sirius?"

Sirius nods and gives the big man a small, sad smile.

"Yeah. And Harry is fine." He's fine. "I don't know how though, why did Voldemort let him live?" Sirius frowns, but James doesn't care. Not as long as his son is alive.

Hagrid only nods in respond, he is happy too that the boy is alive. "I dunno. Mayhap Dumbledore might know?"

Sirius looks at him and nods. "Yeah…"

The silence returns. Both men in their own thoughts. Both of them mourning the loss of their good friends. James is starting to feel light headed, and his mind is starting to get slow and heavy. He feels so tired. Maybe it's time to cross over? He doesn't know why he stayed behind in the first place. Maybe he just wanted to know that his family was alright. Yeah, that's it, the voice murmurs in his head. Time to go then.

"I'm keeping Harry!" The sharp voice of his best friend pierces James' cloudy mind, and he focuses back on the two men. Sirius is looking angry and defensive, he's clutching Harry towards his chest.

Hagrid mumbles a bit desperately. "Professor Dumbledore told me to get the lad. And I'm gonna do as the professor asks."

Sirius growls and takes a step back. "I don't care! I'm his godfather, It's my responsibility to take care of him."

Hagrid looks at him and sighs. "I know, Sirius, I know. This is a hard time for all of us. Please let me have the lad. It's not like you won't see him again." He gives him a small, sad smile. "Just give it a little time, you are grieving and yer not thinking straight."

Hagrid keeps pleading, and in the end Sirius reluctantly agrees and hands over Harry.

"Just. Take my bike, you will get around faster that way." Hagrid nods and thanks him. He takes Harry and starts walking out of the house.

Sirius and James trails behind them. James is so tired. Just taking a single step is exhausting, and his head is spinning. A little bit more, he thinks, little bit more. That's all he asks for. Just a little bit more time to be sure that Harry will be okay.

James and Sirius stands side by side while watching Hagrid step up on the monster of a motorcycle. He gives them a wave, starts the motor and is soon up in the sky and on his way to Dumbledore.

James looks at Sirius and smiles.

"You'll be alright too, Sirius." He takes his hand on Sirius shoulder, careful so it doesn't go through it.

Sirius turns towards him and stares straight at him.

"James?" He knitters his brows together in confusion.

James smiles softly at him. "Take care of him, Sirius." He closes his eyes. He is so tired. Before he knows it he's drifting. And everything turns white, and he feels like he's floating on a cloud.

Take care, Sirius.

Sirius stands there alone and blinks in surprise. He was so sure James stood there next to him a secound there. He thought he could hear James whisper in his ear.

Sirius closes his eyes. I love you, he thinks. You won't go un-avenged. He tightens his jaw. He'll kill Peter, if it's the last thing he does! He takes a last look into the house. Seeing James lying there, staring at nothing makes his heart ache. He flickers his wand and the door closes.

Sirius turns around and starts walking down the street. He has a rat to catch.