Definitely Not Miranda
Kurt doesn't know if it's a good idea that he's standing outside NYU with two cups of coffee waiting for Blaine. He doesn't know if it's a good idea, but he knows that it's the right one. And yeah…it might be a little creepy that he used his position at to get a copy of Blaine's orientation itinerary, but desperate times and all that.
It's been five months since Kurt last saw Blaine and they haven't necessarily been good months either. He thinks, finally, that he might be able to work things out with Blaine. Thank god Tina let slip that Blaine was going to be in the city over Spring Break. She felt bad about it, but Kurt, even though he doesn't believe in fate, saw it as a sign that he was ready to move forward with his life.
It's a cool, early spring day, so he hopes the coffee is appreciated; or at least enough of a peace offering to pave the way for conversation. He glances at his watch and notices that Blaine should be finishing his last workshop for the day any minute. His heart starts to race as people begin streaming out of the entrance. Kurt notices Blaine first. He looks good. "Duh," Kurt thinks. He always looks good. Tired maybe, but happy? Kurt hopes he's happy.
Blaine glances up and notices Kurt looking at him. He stops. Kurt sees so many emotions pass over his face: surprise, hope, confusion, and one that stops his heart – fear. Knowing that he'll have to make the first move Kurt walks up to Blaine.
"Hi."
"Hi," Blaine says breathlessly.
"Walk with me?"
Blaine simply follows.
"Oh!" Kurt hands Blaine his own cup of coffee.
Blaine thanks him and takes a sip. Surprised he turns to Kurt, "You remember my coffee order?"
"Of course."
Kurt and Blaine walk to nearby Washington Square Park and sit on one of the benches in the sun. Kurt tilts his head back and soaks it up. Blaine can't seem to look away. Finally Kurt sits up and looks at Blaine. "I bet you're wondering what I'm doing here?"
"Yes…not that I'm not glad to see you, I am!" Blaine cries. "I just thought that you'd never want to see me again."
"In the beginning I didn't want to," Kurt starts, "I tried so hard to get over you – "
"I'm so sorry Kurt. I – "
"No," Kurt stops Blaine before he can continue. "I am going to say what I need to say and then it will be your turn to talk, ok?"
Blaine nods.
"When you told me that you were with someone else I felt like I was dying. You broke my heart Blaine. I never want to feel like that again. I was so mad at you for such a long time. I tried going out with other guys, tried getting over my feelings for you. Some of them were nice, others not so much. All of them were failures. Do you want to know why they were all failures, Blaine?"
Blaine gives a shaky nod.
"They were all failures because not one of them made me feel like you did. You made me feel so loved and so special. I thought I had lost that. I thought that I would never be able to be happy again. I still don't, feel happy I mean. But I'm getting there and I hope you'll be able to help me."
Blaine can't take it anymore and breaks down into heaving sobs. "I'm so sorry, Kurt. I'm so s-s-s-sorry. I don't know what to say to make you understand how sorry I am."
Watching Blaine, the love of his life, look so wretched Kurt can't help but tear up as well. "I know," Kurt says softly and hands Blaine a handkerchief, "but I need to know why. I deserve to know why and you owe it to me to explain."
Blaine looks at Kurt and then looks away. "I have no excuse for what I did Kurt. I was lonely and insecure and I thought that it wouldn't matter or make a difference."
"Wouldn't make a –. How could you think that Blaine? Didn't you think about how it would make me feel?"
"Before I keep – Before – I need to explain something about my family Kurt. You've met my parents but you don't know what they're actually like. And not that this in any way excuses what I did or can make up for it, but maybe you'll be able to understand it a little bit better." Blaine takes a breath and "My father has been having an affair for as long as my parents have been married."
Kurt gasps at this but Blaine keeps talking.
"He never kept it a secret and the worst part was that my mother didn't care or not that she didn't care just that she thought it didn't matter. She kept saying he would come to his senses and leave the "tramp" and come home to her. You are so very lucky to have the father you do Kurt. You can't imagine what growing up in that environment will do to a kid. And I knew, I knew, that cheating on you was wrong, but we hadn't seen each other for months. You hardly had time to even talk to me. I know I should have found a way to tell you that I was feeling lonely and left out, but I just thought that you didn't have time for me anymore. And then I stupidly believed that a one night stand could make me feel better; make me forget about you. I felt so horrible afterwards; I couldn't seem to shower enough. Then I booked the earliest flight I could to come tell you." Blaine sighs shakily. "And I just can't say I'm sorry enough. I don't know how to make you forgive me or if you even want to forgive me."
"I do forgive you. And I'm not saying that we're ok, but I am saying that we're going to be ok."
"How can you forgive me?"
"Do you remember when we watched the first Sex and the City movie together?"
"Yeah."
"Do you remember how Steve said – "
"How do I know you won't punish me for the rest of my life because of this?" Blaine cut in with sincerity, like he was asking Kurt the same question.
"Exactly and how Miranda couldn't be sure that he would never have another indiscretion."
Blaine shook his head yes.
"But the love I feel for you, the love we feel for each other," at this Kurt glances at Blaine who nods emphatically, "won't allow that to happen again. I won't allow it to happen again." Kurt said forcefully.
"And I remember as we were watching it that I thought that that was what true love was really about. Being able to love someone so much that you forgive them, even when they do what you did to me."
"And I think if Miranda can forgive Steve then I can find it in my heart to forgive you."
"But…Kurt…that was just a movie. How can you – I broke what we had."
"Yes you did and together we can build something even better. Something built on total trust and honesty. And I promise to never trivialize my feelings for you or make you feel like I don't have time for you or that I don't care."
"And I promise to always come to you if I'm feeling left out or unwanted. I promise that I will never break your trust again. I love you so much Kurt."
"I love you too, Blaine."
Blaine leans in to give Kurt a hug and he squeezes so tightly when Kurt accepts. They pull apart and Kurt takes Blaine's hand in his and they sit on the park bench and drink their forgotten coffee. And while both feel that they may not be whole now, they know they are on the path to becoming whole once again.
After a while Kurt speaks up, "While I feel that my Miranda analogy was appropriate, maybe it wasn't the best because I am definitely not Miranda."
"No," Blaine laughs, "You are Carrie Bradshaw through and through."
Kurt laughs as well while shaking his head yes.
"And," he said quietly, "even though you cheated, you're not Steve either."
"Then who am I?" Blaine wondered.
"Mr. Big."
Blaine smiled at that and squeezes Kurt's hand. He knew that somehow everything was going to be ok.
"Don't they get together in the end?"
~Fin~