I haven't written in a long time, but this season finale broke my heart and I couldn't sleep because insomnia is my partner. So, this happened.
From what I've read on SN's interviews post finale, this is not what is going to happen when the show comes back, but I just cannot accept that Brennan wouldn't figure it out or that Booth would be able to live in the same house, sleep in the same bed, see her hurting like she is and not tell her.
I didn't get anyone to proofread this, all mistakes are mine.
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She was curled up on her side of the bed when he finally got the courage to go upstairs. He knew it was going to be painful to tell her he thought it would be better if they didn't get married, he just didn't think it would be this painful.
Temperance Brennan had shared her thoughts on marriage with him pretty much ever since they first started working together. It wasn't something she'd ever consider for herself, and yet, there she was today. She was reading a bridal magazine, looking at wedding dresses. For herself. She was actually giddy as she talked about the ceremony and how she'd love to have Christine as the flower girl. She wanted to marry him because it would make him happy. She wanted him to be happy, because if he was happy, she was happy.
She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, and he was never happier than he was the moment she proposed to him that morning. I love you, I want you to be my husband. How long has he been yearning to hear those words from her? Granted, he was being honest when he told her what they had was enough. They were living as a married couple pretty much since they found out they were going to have Christine. Even at the beginning, when they were splitting time between their apartments, they never spent a night apart until the day she had to run away with their seven-month-old baby.
Pelant.
He would kill the son of a bitch. He was mad, he was frustrated… he felt helpless. He knew he would kill no matter what Booth did, but Booth knew messing up with Pelant was not the best idea at the moment. He needed a little time to think about his next move. When Brennan ran away with Christine and he found out Pelant had been in their house, he made the FBI go through everything looking for bugs or something that could be a threat for them. They never found anything and Booth made sure to install the best security system money could buy. But that didn't put his mind at peace. That man was dangerous, and he had no idea how he did the things he did, but now he had Hodgins' money and he had access to things he didn't before. Booth knew he couldn't simply put his family at risk. He couldn't let Pelant hurt Christine. He couldn't let him hurt Brennan.
He hurt her anyway. In the worst way possible.
Seeing the pain on her face when he told her he didn't think they should get married made his stomach turn. When she took a deep breathe and her voice failed as she said she loved him and wanted to marry him, he felt actually sick. But the worst of all was when she told him he was right, that she was impressed he finally saw things through her perspective. She was holding back tears, he could see that. She was lying, because she wanted him to think it was fine. But it wasn't fine. It was nothing close to fine. He could also see her putting the walls back around her heart. Gone was his giddy, happy Bones. She'd put back that mask she liked to wear when they first met.
It pretty much killed him, that moment right there. He wanted to raise from the armchair, sit next to her on the couch and hold her like his life depended on that. He wanted to tell her the truth, tell her he was only doing this to protect her, to protect their baby. He wanted to tell her that he loved her more than anything in the world, and that nothing would make him happier than to have her as his wife.
But he couldn't.
Not yet.
Not now.
So he watched as she walked away from the living room. He heard her stop before walking upstairs. And, for hours, he heard her soft sobs muffled by the door, while he felt his own heart falling apart.
˜B&B˜
She didn't know how long it had been since she went to their bedroom and closed the door. She just knew that her head was hurting from crying. It was stupid. She shouldn't feel this way. Like Booth said, this was never something that she wanted. She'd always thought marriage was an archaic institution. So, why did it hurt so much? Why did it feel like someone pulled her heart out and left it out there to bleed?
Booth wanted this. He wanted to marry her. Marriage was something he'd wanted for a long time. He had wanted it with other women, she remembered that. How could she not? He'd been pestering her about getting married ever since they got together. He looked so happy when she proposed to him. Brennan wasn't good at reading people, but she could read Booth. He was happy.
She heard him opening the door and pretended to be asleep. She felt him staring at her, not moving from the doorframe. Then she heard him walking around their room looking for something.
It was then that it hit her.
˜B&B˜
She got up from the bed the moment he sat and got ready to lay down next to her. She didn't look at him, she simply stood up and walked towards their bathroom. Not before long, he heard the sound of water falling.
What was she doing?
He sat on the bed dumbfounded when Muse started playing loudly from the dock station they had on their bathroom.
Something was wrong.
"Bones?" He called out for her, but she never answered. "Bones?"
Worried, he was glad to find that she didn't lock out the door.
She had stripped down to her underwear, her eyes were still puffed from all the crying, but he saw now something that wasn't there a couple of hours ago. She wasn't looking sad or sorry for herself anymore. She was angry. And determined.
It wasn't only the water on the shower that was running, but also the water on the sink. He moved to turn it off when she stopped him on his tracks.
"Don't!" She had to yell, the loud music making it hard for him to hear her, even though they were only a few feet apart.
"Bones, what are you doing?" He asked, walking closer to her.
"Strip down and get inside." She said, entering the shower box.
What the hell was going on here?
This is madness.
He did what he was told, too worried to question her.
Brennan pushed him to the wall closer to the showerhead, standing with her face only a few inches from his. When her eyes met his and held them for a few seconds, Booth felt like she was looking at his soul.
"Tell me the truth." She whispered, her breath warm on his face. When he didn't say anything, she continued. "It wasn't your mother on the phone this afternoon."
It wasn't a question. She knew.
"I'm not stupid, Booth." She said. "I couldn't see it earlier, I was too surprised and admittedly, shaken, to think rationally, but I can now. I just can't believe I didn't see it before." She let out a sad laugh. "You've been acting weird since you received that phone call in the park. You've been wandering around the house checking every corner as if you expect to find something there. I thought you didn't want to marry me because of something I did." She felt the tears burning in her eyes again. "I thought maybe you didn't love me the way I thought you did."
He rested his hands on her waist and touched his forehead to hers. "Bones…"
"But that wasn't it, was it, Booth?" She lifted her head so she could look at him.
"He can hear us." He murmured in her ear, holding her firmly in his arms, the way he had wanted in the living room.
Brennan suddenly felt three hundred pounds lighter.
It wasn't her fault.
She tightened her grip on him.
"No, he can't." She said, keeping her voice low. "Even if he has a listening device inside this shower box, which I highly doubt, the sound of the water and the music will muffle our voices."
"He'll kill you. He'll kill innocent people. He'll go… he'll go after Christine." He cupped her face in his hands. "He told me if I didn't break off the engagement, people would die. He told me that if I told you…"
That made her mad.
"He'll kill anyway, Booth. He's a psychopath." She said between her teeth. "Doing what he tells you to do won't change that."
"Bones… you- you don't understand." He felt weak, completely defeated as he rested his forehead on hers again. How did he ever think he could keep this from his genius partner? "I can't lose you." He dropped a soft kiss on her lips. "If anything happens to you… to our family… I'll die." He kissed her again, this time a bit harder. "I'll die, Bones."
She dropped her head to his shoulder.
"We can't keep letting him be in charge of our lives." She said. "He's done enough damage already, don't you think?"
"Yes." He agreed. "God, yes. What are we going to do, Bones? He can't know you know."
"We'll work something out." She touched his chest. "But I need you to promise me you won't keep things from me anymore."
"I just wanted to keep you safe."
"I know." She said softly. "But I need to know I can trust you."
"You can." He took her hands. "Always."
"Pelant wants to break us apart. He want to make us miserable." The water was hot and the steam turned the air around them heavier. "Our only chance of bringing him down is if we stick together. If we break apart, he wins. We can't let him win, Booth."
"I'm sorry." He touched her lips with his. "I'm so sorry. I love you so much, Bones." He brought her closer, running his hand through her hair. "When someone threatens your life… I just can't think straight."
"I'll be fine." She stroked his cheek tenderly, trying to reassure him. "And so will you."
"Yeah?" He smiled a little as she leaned in and caught his lower lip with hers.
"Yeah." She kissed him. "We'll think of something." Another kiss. "Tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?" He asked, turning her around so she was the one with the back on the wall.
"Yes, tomorrow."
He smiled, and kissed her deeper. "I love you."
"I love you, too." She said a little breathless as he dropped kisses down her neck.
"Bones?" He said against her throat.
"Hmmm?"
He lifted his head from her neck and he smiled as she groaned a little, instantly missing the contact.
"Will you marry me?"
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So, this is it. I realize there was a huge amount of water being wasted there, but we'll just pretend there wasn't, okay? If was all for a good cause.
How did you feel about the finale?
All I know is that those are going to be loooong five months.