THE ARMAGEDDON PLAN
By David Solomon
SC4000@aol.com
Deep in the core of time, there lay a creature strong enough to eliminate all existence. Ever. But who cares? No one! That's right! Nobody cares because nobody knows. Nobody knows because...well...nobody...knows.
And who could be more clueless than...Cloud! That's right, Cloud is faaaaaaaaar to busy with his new marriage to be worrying about the apocalypse! But who's he married to? Hmmm...I'll give you a hint. Begins with a T, ends with an A (no pun intended), and is a little iffy in the middle. That's right! Iiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttt's TIFA! I refuse to output the mental energy to create some sort of creative situation where Cloud meets another person from another RPG (or the real world, for that matter), and will just leave it at that. Besides, it was kind of obvious that would have happened. At least Aeris won't be revived...yet...
So, anyway, one day, Cloud and Tifa have...you guessed it, a baby! But what to name the baby? That's a tricky question. It can't be something normal, like Fred, or Joe. It has to be something very much like the universe they are in. What will they name this baby?
"How about Crono?" Cloud asked.
"Crono?" Tifa pondered. "Why Crono?"
"In the two weeks that he's been alive, he's done nothing but look at the clock," Cloud pointed out. "And I know a little latin. So, we'll call him the latin name for time."
"But, what about the h?"
"The h?"
"It's spelled C-H-R-O-N-O."
"There's only 5 spaces, and the h is silent."
"Ah."
What an interesting plot twist! I'll bet you weren't expecting that! Were you? No. But how can this be? I mean, Crono was born over a thousand years before this time? Well...it just so happens that one day...Cloud took a walk with Tifa and baby Crono! And then it hits you; Cloud never takes walks! He's an anti-social being. But...that all changed throughout the course of FF7. So that's out. Hmm...how could this make sense...well..............MAYBE A GIANT PORCUPINE LEAPED OUT OF THE CORE OF THE PLANET AND DESTROYED EVERYTHING BUT NOT BEFORE CREATING A VORTEX THAT WARPED HIM THROUGH TIME!!!! Confused? I'll elaborate...
One day, Cloud, Tifa, and Crono were taking a walk. Crono was only about 4 months old.
"It's a nice day for a walk, isn't it, Cloud?" Tifa asked. Cloud just kind of groaned.
"It's hot," he said. Tifa just laughed. And then she stopped laughing. Because the ground started to shake. And there's nothing funny about that. Then, the ground started to shake more. And more. And more. And more. Pretty soon, Cloud and Tifa fell on the ground. Tifa held Crono tightly. He wasn't hurt...much...because if he were, then everybody would be like "That's disgusting! You can't have babies die or get hurt in stories! It's just not republican!" So Crono was unharmed. But Cloud and Tifa were pretty scared when they saw a giant...being...appear over the horizon. All they could see were spikes. Lots of spikes, coming out of what appeared to be...a red orb. But you know that's stupid. Because you know exactly what it is...unless you haven't played Chrono Trigger. If you haven't, stop, because this is a spoiler. If you have played CT, keep reading, because you know it's...LAVOS! At least, you think it is...while at most, it's not. Not really. It kind of is...all of a sudden, a fe
w laser beams shoot up into the air. And what goes up, must come down, unless it's Kevin Smith's career. One of these laser beams lands...NEAR CLOUD AND TIFA! RUN FOR COVER! THEY MIGHT DIE! AND THAT'D BE SAD! BECAUSE YOU'VE BECOME SO EMOTIONALLY ATTRACTED TO THEM SINCE YOU'VE PLAYED FINAL FANTASY 7, WHICH FOR ALL YOU KNOW COULD VERY WELL BE THE GREATEST RPG EVER!!! And all the old school RPGers sigh, because they know that Final Fantasy 7 sucks along with every other RPG on the planet, except for Dragon Warrior. But don't worry. Because they don't die. And no, neither does the baby. But I'll tell you what does happen. The beast's appearance causes the laser beam to create a dimensional vortex right in front of them. The shaking, meanwhile (which is STILL going on. I just didn't mention it, because there were no changes on the Richter Scale), finally causes Tifa to lose her grip on Crono, who crawls...through the vortex! Aaaahhh!
"Crono!" Tifa screamed. She then began to cry. Well, not yet, because she was still fearing for her life.
"My God, you're Cloud and Tifa!" A random man on the street said.
"You don't need to tell your God," Cloud pointed out.
"I don't? Aw...follow me!" Cloud and Tifa, assuming that following him couldn't possibly be worse than sitting and waiting for a laser beam to kill you and depress all your fans, did the action in which the random man on the street commanded them to complete. They followed him to a bomb shelter he just happened to have.
"Would somebody please tell me what the hell is going on?" Cloud asked in frustration. Meanwhile, Tifa was obviously hysterical over the lost of her first child. The random man began to speak.
"My name is Randy Picadelli..." Tifa made a really loud sob. "...and the year right now is 2300 A.D. From 65,000,000 B.C. to 1999 A.D., a creature by the name of Lavos gathered energy in the earth's core before finally exploding out of the earth in the year I mentioned when stating the time period in which he did his action. What was supposed to happen was that he was supposed to destroy the world, and in this time period, there would be lots of radioactive snow, lots of destroyed domes, and many poor people eating whatever they could to survive. Fortunately, three people from different time periods around the world came to 1999 A.D. and stopped this beast."
"What the [um...uh...let's see...er...how about heck? No...well...er...um... how...about...darn! Yes, darn!] is your point?" Cloud asked.
"This!" Randy responded, taking out a pencil and pointing to the tip. He placed his fingertip on the tip before drastically recoiling it back and sucking it. "It's sharp, too."
Cloud stood up, before falling down. After all, it was shaking a lot. "You especially insipid ignoramus! Then what's that?!" Cloud pointed to the door.
"Well, it's a door." And everybody laughed hysterically, before realizing that it was a stupid joke. Then they stopped laughing, closed the window, turned their computers off, and wandered over to the mall, where they were not surprisingly killed by a large mob of penguins upset over the loss of Antarctica to the Polar Bears.
"No! I mean outside! What's causing all that stuff outside?!"
"A creature that entered the earth's core at the exact point time began. He entered the core invincible but unable to destroy, and stayed in there for billions of years, Now, he's out, and he is going to destroy the universe! He's only starting here! His name is...Lazeus."
Tifa was still crying. "My baby...is dead..."
Randy was angry. "Stop whining! Your baby isn't dead! The vortex took him to the year 1000 A.D.! If you hurry, you might still be able to save him!"
"Might?" Cloud asked.
"Fine, yes, you will save him. Because if you didn't, there would be no story. But hurry! Otherwise, the pace will be affected."
Cloud and Tifa nodded, and opened the door. Then they shut it. Why? Would you go outside if large laserbeams were falling down and destroying everything.
"I'm scared," Cloud said.
"You're scared!" Randy shouted. "Look at me! I have to sit here, and wait until you fix the future! You're scared. Ha! Did you ever see the movie A Clockwork Orange?"
"...no."
"Neither did I. Oh, by the way, take this. You'll need it." Randy handed them a necklace with a blue gem on it. Cloud took it. Then, Cloud and Tifa opened the door, and ran outside, heading towards the vortex. In a dark or twisted fanfic, one of them would get mangled and dismembered by a laser, while the other made it through the vortex. The other one would then be extremely sad, but would have to continue on, because they would have no time to grieve. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your taste), this is not what happened. Both of them made it safely through the vortex. Meanwhile, Randy just made a realization.
"Damn! The time period might have changed slightly in the lengthy time I described what was happening!"
*****
"Where in God's name are we?" Cloud asked.
"And what's going on over there?" Tifa asked, pointing to a place that appeared to be a large fair.
"It appears to be a large fair," Cloud asked. "Or what's left of it." They both wandered over to that area. They saw a few people cleaning up various different food particles, balloon scraps, and cat poop.
"What happened here?" Cloud asked.
"Jeez, man, where have you been?" The cleaner responded. "Only the biggest party of the millenium...or...the first party of the millenium."
"The...first...party..." Cloud's eye twitched as he looked around. He saw nothing of advanced technology. "...of...the...mill...mill..."
"What year is it?" Tifa asked.
"of...the...mill...mill..."
"Oh, I get it!" The cleaner said. "You must be mental hospital escapees. That's why you're both so stupid."
"mill...mill..."
"It's 1000 A.D. You just missed the millennial fair, where we had a big celebration. This guy saved not just the world, but all time periods the world was in. He destroyed this monster that was causing confusion all over the existence of time. Lavos! That's what it was called."
"Lavos? Are you sure it's Lavos?"
"Surer than the deoderant."
"mill...mill..."
"Who defeated him?"
"His name was Crono."
"Millenium!" Cloud finally finished.
"Great job!" Tifa shouted in frustration. Now say "Apple! Ap...ple!" Then, it hit her. "Wait, did you just say Crono?"
"I hope so. Every now and then, I accidently say cruton."
"I'm serious."
"So am I! A young teenager by the name of Crono actually defeated a giant monster that was disrupting time!"
"Crono, eh? What's his last name?"
"Um...er..." the man looked back and forth. "That's easy...it's...uh..." all of a sudden, the man turned into a bunch of 1s and 0s and was eradicated from existence.
"Whoa! Freaky mookie!" Then, a thought came to mind. "Wait, Tifa, we don't know where he lives!"
"That's right!" Tifa looked over at another guy cleaning up, who had witnessed the whole 1-0 spectacle. "Hey, cleaner guy! Do you know where Crono lives?"
"Just run away from here until you get really close to a house!" The man responded. "And don't ask me anything about Crono's last name!"
"Why not?"
"Just don't!"
"Okay..." Cloud and Tifa took the man's directions and came upon a house.
"Those remains made the party look an awful lot more modern than I would expect from a party in 1000 A.D.," Cloud pointed out.
"What makes you say that?"
"Well, I always thought that 1000 A.D style parties involved people rubbing bleeding elbows together while drinking beer out of dirty cups and watching women dance." They came to the door. "Plus other things." Cloud knocked. A woman answered the door.
"Hello..." the woman greeted. "...may I ask who you are?"
"Why, certainly!" Cloud said. "But we ask first. Is Crono there?"
"No, actually, he's at a friend's house. I'm his mother. Who are you?"
"We're his parents."
A long silence. The mother covered her mouth, startled by the fact she just heard. "Come in. Quickly." They did.
"I'm sorry to be bothering you," Tifa said. "But we really just want to see our child. He disappeared in this vortex, and we went through it, and all of a sudden he's a teenager..."
"I'll explain," the mother said. "You see, 17 or so years ago, I was taking a nice walk with this man who later got accused of...well, anyway, I was walking with him, and then he tripped and fell. I helped him up, but he pushed me away. So I told him that I hated him, and we never saw each other again."
"Very interesting!" Cloud said. "Well, Tifa, I guess we'd better go."
"Wait-you didn't tell us anything!"
"Just give me a minute!" The mother said. "So anyway, the next day, I was taking another walk, this time alone, and I come across this...portal."
"A portal?"
"A portal. And out comes this cute baby! At first I was a little scared, but then I'm like, 'what the hell?' So I took him home. The only word he ever said was Chrono, so I named him Crono. But, how could you be his parents?"
"I'll answer that, because Cloud is an idiot," Tifa responded. "You should have seen him when he realized he was in 1000 A.D. Mill...mill...mill...mill..."
"Shut up!" Cloud said, surprisingly offended.
"You see, we come from the year 2300 A.D."
"Really? Before Lavos was destroyed, that was a post-apocalyptic world!"
"Really? Because...it's fine. Except, a giant creature came out of the ground, and started shooting lasers, and the world starting dying, and these...portals started appearing. Crono climbed through it. He was just a few months old. But we went through the same portal, and now he's 17?"
"Wait-Lavos came back?"
"No, this guy called Randy told us the creature's name was Lazeus."
The mother gasped. "The God Fire."
"What?"
"In the old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old language of the cavemen people, la meant fire, vos meant big, and zeus meant God. Later, that went through a long series of languages before finally resting on Greek, where Zeus was known as the king of the gods. Lavos is the big fire, and Lazeus is the god fire."
"Do you know anything more?"
"I'm afraid not." The mother suddenly got a concerned look on her face. "You're...not going to take my baby away, are you?"
Cloud gave a look of frustration. "He's OUR baby. Me and Tifa's. You just found him in a forest. Tifa went through all the labor, with those paced breaths...and the contractions...and the blood...ew...where's the bathroom?" The mother pointed in the direction of the bathroom. Cloud ran, and in a few seconds he was making those loud throw-up noises that you always hear in the movies and TV shows, but never in real life. Meanwhile, the mother was a bit teary eyed.
"Please don't take him away."
"Why not? He's our baby. Just like Cloud said. You're being awful selfish."
"Selfish?" The mother stood up. It was clear she had been upsetted. "Selfish?" She took several steps towards the chair she was sitting in. "I find a random baby in the forest, and I raise him, despite having a very small income job. I mean, look at this house! And I bring him into my loving arms. He'd be dead if it weren't for me. And you can find the courage to call me selfish?"
Tifa stood up, meeting her eye to eye. "Do you know what it's like to have a baby and then six months later lose it?"
"Do you know what it's like to raise a baby from an infant for seventeen goddamn years and THEN lose it? You're the selfish one!" They both sat down, all flustered. "He can't speak, you know."
Tifa looked up. "What?"
"He's a mute. He can't speak. All of us just know what he's saying by the look of his eyes. If you took him back to the future, he would be unable to adjust. Nobody would understand him! He wouldn't understand anybody! Is that the life you want for your child?" Cloud exited the bathroom.
"Not really," he responded, jumping in. "But, you know what they say, a lost, disturbed, mute child is better than no children."
They both looked at him. "Who said that?" Tifa asked.
"I don't know. Maybe J.D. Salinger."
"Well, that would make sense."
"Listen, both of you," The mother began. "I really would appreciate it if you just left. I can't stand to spend another second with you. It just..." she burst. "...breaks my heart!"
Knock, knock, knock, knock. The mother quickly wiped the tears away, and opened the door. It was Crono.
"Hi, Crono!" She said. "Did you have fun."
Crono nodded sophistically.
"Come on in! I was just talking with some friends. They were just leaving." She looked at both of them.
"Actually, we were thinking of staying for quite some time," Tifa said sarcastically.
"Really?" Cloud asked. "I kind of forgot why we're here."
Tifa scoffed. "Crono, your mother has something to tell you."
The mother looked at Crono. "You'd better sit down. This will take some time." Crono sat. "Crono...I...well, you see, I...I'm not your real mother."
Crono's expression turned serious.
"Your parents...are sitting over there." She pointed to Cloud and Tifa. Cloud waved. Crono took in a deep breath.
"Now, honey, I know I should have told you, but the fact is, I never thought they would come...I was going to tell you, but it would only upset you--" and it did. Crono ran upstairs to his room. The mother ran up with him. A long pause.
"You know," Cloud began. "I was the one that wanted the dog."
*****
Many minutes later...
"I told Crono the entire thing," the mother said. "And he did not take it well. He wants to stay in his room, and refuses to leave until he feels like it."
"And what does it feel like?" Cloud asked.
The mother gave a slight smile. "I don't know which it you're talking about, but either way, it would probably get me banned from nickelodeon."
"So, are you feeling better," Tifa asked. "Sorry about what I said those minutes ago."
"A little. I've grasped it. I just can't let you leave with Crono yet."
"Well, I expected that."
"I wasn't!" Cloud pointed out. "Does that make me a stupid person?"
"Cloud, you are already so stupid, you couldn't become any dumber if you switched personalities with Shelley Long."
Cloud sighed. "I used to be so smart. What happened?"
"You watched Ready to Rumble."
"Oh." Crono came down.
"Crono," the mother began. "Are you okay?" Crono nodded. "Oh?" the mother said. "You want to take them to Lucca. You say she might be able to help with the Lazeus situation?"
"Hell, that'd be great!" Cloud said. "I could use a scene change."
*****
Lucca sat in her house, working on some random piece of machinery that had no importance to any events that had occurred or will occur in any time period following the present. Or the past. But she felt different. Because every time she saw Crono...
"Mom?" She asked, just as Lara was entering the room. "How do you know when you've fallen in love?"
The Mom looked with a very startled glance. Then she grinned. Too much. "Hahahaha!" She screamed. "I knew it! Taban, get in here! Now!" Taban got in.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Taban, give me 100 right now! I won the bet."
"A bet?" Lucca asked.
"We had a bet as to whether you would ask about love before the age of 21," Lara said. "Then, we had an additional parameter; who you would ask. As you can tell, I said you would ask before you were 21. And you asked me! So, actually, that's 200!"
Taban handed over 200. Then, he walked away. Meanwhile, Lucca made a mental note never to ask her parents anything ever again.
"Now, love, Lucca, really begins with monkeys. You see..."
A ringing of a doorbell.
"I'll get it!" Lucca stood up and ran to the door as fast as she could. Behind the door was Crono, Cloud, and Tifa.
"Hi, Crono! You just saved me from a terror beyond anything you could imagine! What? Who are those two people?"
"Hi...Lucca!" Tifa said.
"Hey, what are you," Cloud asked. "Some sort of punk kid?"
"Excuse me?"
"Your hair. It's purple."
"You'll be happy to know that's 100% percent natural!"
"I'll bet it is," Cloud said sarcastically. "So, Crono tells me you can help us to escape an otherewise apocalyptic event that occurs 1300 years from the present time."
"Well, wait Cloud," Tifa interrupted. "Shouldn't we tell her who we are?"
"Oh. Right." They both informed Lucca of all the events that occurred to bring them all to thir present locations. Finally, Lucca was a little confused.
"Crono," she began. "How can you believe these people are your parents?"
"Hey, you think we would lie about something like that?" Tifa asked.
"Sure we would!" Cloud responded. "I mean, not that we are...or...anything..."
"Fortunately, I'm a genius," Lucca said. "So, come with me!" They both followed her to this machine.
"This is what I like to call the Find-Out-Whether-Somebody-Is-Your-Father-Or-Just-Another-Freak-That-Lives-Off-Of-************, or the FOWSIYFOJAFTLOO* for short. Here's how it works. There are two chairs. On each chair, the armrest has a place to...place your palm on. These two palmrests are hooked up. If you two are genetically related, it will show a green light. Otherwise, it will show a red light."
"Green/red?" Cloud asked. "Isn't that a little cliché?"
"Everything's a cliché nowadays. But no matter. Tifa, you sit on one chair, Crono, you sit on the other." They both placed their palms on the palmrests. The light turned green. Then, they did the same thing for Cloud, and got the same result.
"My God!" Lucca shouted. "They were telling the truth! Do you have any idea what this means?"
"That we get a free sample of bullion cubes?" Cloud asked.
"No, that your great, great, great, great, great, great, great...+...great great great grandchildren are living in the same time period as you are!" Lucca grabbed her head. "That's really twisted!" She fell back a little, and stopped herself by pressing her hands down on one of the palmrests. Cloud was still sitting down, resting his hand on the palmrest. A green light flashed. Everybody stared at the machine. Taban and Lara were stunned.
"Mom, Dad?" Lucca looked at both of them.
"We're your biological parents, we swear!" Taban said.
"Yeah!" Lara added. "You don't forget something like having a child."
Lucca thought for a second. "Huh. Oh, well. That's not first priority. First priority is saving the future! Now, you said that this La...zeus monster was about to destroy the entire universe? Well, there's only one person who would know about that."
"And who's that?" Cloud asked.
"You wouldn't know him. His name is Gaspar. But, before I can get to him, I have to reassemble the Epoch."
"The Epoch?" Tifa asked.
"A time machine. You see, this guy...well, he lives in the future."
"He lives in the future?" Cloud asked.
"That's what I said."
"Wow! You know, this morning, after our walk, I was planning on watching TV. But this is so much more exciting!"
Tifa yawned. "It's late. We'd better get back to work in the morning. Where should we sleep?"
*****
Lucca found herself in a strange dimension, with very strange colors surrounding her everywhere. This territory was far from new to her. And in front of her, she saw the man she was more afraid of than anything else in the world.
"Hello, Lucca!" the man said. "This is your wake up call!"
"Oh, please," she said. "Not now."
"Lucca, why resist? You have no power."
She nodded her head.
"Now, today, we're going to go over a few things. First of all, you're ugly. That's why you must always keep that helmet and glasses on. They can only improve your appearance."
Lucca nodded.
"Second of all, Crono does not love you. He does not care for you in any way. Keep your distance from him, as closeness will only affect your relationship."
Lucca nodded.
"And third of all, you are a miserable excuse for a daughter, one who will never accomplish anything in life. Nothing you have created has been of any use, and saving your mother was sheer luck. Luck is all that will give you any success whatsoever. Is that understood?"
Lucca did not nod.
"IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?!"
"Yes! It is understood!"
"Good!" The man took a few steps closer. "You realize that his heart is with Marle. After all, she was the one that saved his life, not yours."
"Yes. Yes, she saved him."
"Good."
"But..." Lucca paused.
"But what? Failure?"
"It's just...I need to rebuild the Epoch...to save the world."
"To save the world? You actually think that you can save the world?"
"I already did, once."
"Bah! You did none of the work. You tagged along with everybody else. You're a hyena!"
"No! It's not true!"
"You're a hyena!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Suddenly, Lucca woke up. Had she screamed in the dream, or in real life? Apparently, it had been in the dream. Lucca cried.
*****
"I'm not sure," Lucca said that morning, looking at all the pieces of the Epoch.
"N-not sure about what?" Cloud asked. "We have to destroy that Lazeus character."
"Well, there are so many parts...and I'm not sure..."
"Lucca, you have to do it. It's our only hope. You can. I know you can."
She sighed. "Well, all right. I'll need everybody's help, though. Everybody!" Everybody came in. "We're going to build this thing. But it's going to take a lot of work. Everybody's going to have to pitch in!"
And so they did. A week passed. But working together, they finally finished it.
"It's a beauty!" Tifa said.
"It sure is," Lara said.
"I'm proud of you, Lucca," Taban said.
"Really? Thanks, Dad."
"Hey!" Cloud shouted, from another room. Everybody ran in.
"What's going on?" Lucca asked.
"What's going on?" Cloud asked, holding the blue gem necklace and a red gem necklace in the same hand. "What's going on?" They were both glowing eerily. "That's my question!"
"They're reacting!" Tifa said. "Cloud, what have I told you about snooping in other people's drawers?"
"Gaspar probably knows about this," Lucca pointed out. "Well ask him when we get to the end of time. Which we'll have to do tomorrow, because I have to do a few maintenance checks on the Epoch. Meanwhile, everybody else has the day off!"
"Hooray!" Cloud said. "I'm going to watch TV!"
"What's a TV?" Lara asked.
*****
"Hi, Lucca," Tifa said. "Just checking in."
"Hi, Tifa."
Tifa sat down. "So...how long have you been friends with Crono?"
Lucca thought long and hard. "Oh, a long time. I'd say...since we were about 5."
"Really? You must be best friends."
"Oh, we are. We are." The later phrase was somewhat distant.
Tifa got curious. "You love him, don't you?"
Lucca stopped what she was doing and turned to Tifa. "What makes you say that?"
Tifa smiled. "You know, I've been asked that question about 50 times, and every time, I respond with the same answer; your eyes. Your eyes tell me. You look at Crono differently than you do anybody else. I know it. And you know what else I know? He loves you."
Lucca went back to what she was doing. "It's...not true."
Tifa stood up. "Why are you hesitating?"
"What?"
"You hesitated. It's almost like you didn't want to say that."
"We don't love each other."
"Oh, Lucca, just admit it."
"We don't, okay!" Lucca threw down her tool and stood up and turned around to face Tifa. "We don't! Just...shut up!" Lucca went back to work. "Sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you."
Tifa became more curious. "What's under that helmet, anyway?"
"What?"
"You always wear that helmet. Why?"
"I don't know. I just kind of like it."
Tifa moved closer. "Let me see your hair."
"No...get away..."
Tifa made a dash and lifted off her helmet. Lucca's purple hair fell all the way down. And for a few seconds, there was an awkward pause.
"You're beautiful," Tifa said.
"Give me my helmet back!" Lucca shouted.
"But..."
"Give it back! Now!" Lucca grabbed the helmet and put it on. "Now, get out. Now!" Tifa left.
*****
"Just who do you think you are?" The wake up call asked. Lucca was back in the color world.
"What do you mean? Hey, you can't be here! You've never visited me two consecutive days."
"When you tagged along with everybody else and took credit for saving the world, I gave you a warning. You have not taken care to heed this warning."
"But...I have to save the world..."
"You can't save the world! That's my point! And for a second, you thought Crono loved you. And you TOOK OFF YOUR HELMET IN FRONT OF SOMEONE ELSE! You know what that means?"
"Oh, no. No no no no no no no no no..."
The man approached Lucca. "Stay away from me..."
"You need this." He punched her. She fell down.
"Stop it!"
"You're weak. You'll always be weak." She tried to get up, but he punched her again. "Ever since last year, you've needed me. Needed me to keep you on the ground. And you've always oppressed me at least somewhat. But I will not tolerate it anymore. You will follow me. You will appreciate me. You will agree with everything I say."
"Okay! I agree with everything you've ever said about me! Just please stop bothering me!"
"Lucca," he smirked. "I am never going to leave you. You've gotten used to me. Why should I leave?" He began the steriotypical, generic, evil laugh. Lucca cowered back. She screamed. And then she woke up. Again, the scream was in the dream. She cried.
*****
"I am so ready!" Cloud said, leaping into the room with the Epoch the next morning. "If you knew how ready I was, you'd be really surprised...because...I'm... really ready!"
"Good for you, Cloud," Tifa said. "Now shut up. Where's Lucca?"
Crono and Cloud both shrugged. It was 10:00 AM. Lucca had said for them to meet at 9:00 AM. Finally, Lucca dragged herself into the room.
"Mission canceled," she said. "I'm sorry, everybody."
"What?" Cloud was upset. "Why?"
"Because I can't do this. I just can't."
"You're chickening out?" Tifa asked. "You can't do that! What about the future?"
"It's not my problem." She began walking away.
"Something's wrong with you." Cloud said. "Something in your mind's telling you that you can't do this. And you're listening."
"Look, just stop bothering me! I'm sorry I let you all down." She ran off. Crono followed her. Cloud and Tifa were left in the room alone.
"It's a self-esteem demon," Cloud said. "It bothers you in your sleep. I can tell. I used to have the same problem."
"What are we supposed to do?"
"We can't do anything. Crono might be able to do something, though."
*****
Crono entered Lucca's room. She was crying on her bed.
"Crono, what are you doing in here? Get out!" Crono ignored her screams and sat down on the bed next to her.
"I don't want you in here. Get out!" Crono just sat there. "Get out! GET OUT!" Lucca tried to push him off. He kept sitting there.
"GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!" Crono grabbed Lucca and pulled her into a hug.
"What are you doing? Let go of me!!! Let...let..." Crono didn't let go. Lucca's anger began to fade.
"Crono...I..." she hugged back. "I...love...you." And at that point, she knew he loved him too. She pulled off her helmet.
"Oh, Crono..." What happened next is not necessary to describe.
*****
"Well, this is just great!" Cloud said, at around 3:00 PM. "We get to spend the rest of our life in the past! Oh, that's right! It's the present! Haha!"
"Cloud, just calm down. I'm sure everything will work out."
"It will," Lucca said, coming out with Crono. "I'm ready." Tifa smiled. She kenw what had happened.
"Ha!" Cloud leaped up. "So, we're going to go to defeat Lazeus?"
"No," Lucca said. "We're going to go to the end of time."
"The end of time?" Cloud asked, grabbing his head. "The end of time?"
"That's where Gaspar is. If four or more people try to travel through time, they end up there. Fortunately, that's where we need to go. Oh, and we can't forget those two gem necklaces. I have a feeling that they'll come in handy. Now, let's push the Epoch out of the house and get in."
Once the Epoch was out, all four of them tried to climb into the three seater.
"Ow! My foot!" "Hey, get that away from there!" "No! Don't push that button?" "Hey, guys, guess what?" "What?" "**********************" "Oh, my God! Don't tell us that!"
*****
"Do you know what's more boring than standing under a lamppost in the end of time for uncountable periods of time?" Gaspar asked.
"Standing in an empty room without a lamppost!" Spekkio responded.
"Good point," Gaspar stated. All of a sudden, the Epoch docked to his left.
"Thank God!" Gaspar said. "Something!" Crono and Lucca got out, but the other two people he didn't seem to recognize.
"I don't seem to recognize you two," Gaspar said. "Who are you?"
"My name is Cloud, as in cirrus. The one to my left is Tifa. She runs a bar called Breakfast at Tifanys."
"It's 7th Heaven, you idiot," she corrected.
"Oh. Right."
"And what is this all about?"
"I think you know," Lucca said. "Tell me, Gaspar. Have you ever heard of a creature called Lazeus?"
"Name rings a bell," he said. "Oh, oh my...Lazeus?" He left the pole and began frantically running around. "Lazeus! Lazeus!"
"Calm down!" Tifa shouted. "What are you talking about? And while we're on the topic, what do these two gem necklaces do?"
"GREAT SCOTT!!" Gaspar raised his hands up and began shaking them around while running like mad. "It's the Armageddon Plan!"
"Calm down!" Cloud shouted. "What plan?"
Gaspar injected himself with Valium and sat down. "I think you should all sit down," he said. They all sat down.
"In the beginning, there was the big bang. The beginning of time. The Creation Plan. It was at this point that the elder gods realized that humans would eventually rise from the primordial elemants that were springing to life on one of the many planets created. This planet is called Earth. They feared that humans would eventually get so advanced that they would take over the entire universe and rule with evil and greed in their hearts. So, they sent a giant monster to the center of the core to absorb energy, also known as the Armageddon Plan. In the year we refer to as 2300 A.D., the monster was set to come out of the Earth, and destroy everything the universe had to offer. This period of destruction took a hundred years, but finally, everything was gone, except for a small piece of sidewalk, a lamppost, and a small room. Only one creature survived the whole episode. And his name is Spekkio."
"The end of time!" Lucca gasped.
"Then...what's with this Lavos?" Cloud asked.
"In 65,000,000 B.C., it was feared that the humans would become advanced enough that they would be able to stop Lazeus from destroying the Earth. So they sent a smaller creature to penetrate to the Earth's core and absorb energy from the core. This one was set to go off before 2000 A.D., to weaken the human race enough so that they would not be able to stop Lazeus in three hundred years."
"So, all that time we were exploring 2300 A.D.," Lucca began. "We were just days away from witnessing another apocalypse?"
"You just missed it," Gaspar replied.
"Hey, wait a minute. What about my theory! The one about the monster being an alien from another planet that consumed DNA and then went on, like locusts?"
"I'm afraid you were completely off. If you had acknowledged that it was a demon, and not an alien, then you would have figured all this out."
"Then, what's with the gems?" Tifa asked.
"It is an official rule that every plan must have a form of cancellation. The blue, red, and yellow gems are part of the cancellation plan. When the three gem necklaces are brought together in front of Lazeus' heart, his invincibility shield will drop, and then he can be destroyed."
"There must be a catch," Cloud said.
"I'm afraid there's two. The heart can't be destroyed with regular weapons, and the third gem necklace is inside of Lazeus. The gods cheated around the rule."
"Well, that's just great! What are we supposed to do?" Crono nodded, and made a few strange hand motions.
"Crono says that there must be something in the future that can help us," Lucca said.
"Of course!" Tifa said. "The shield materia."
"Let's go back to our time and get some," Cloud said.
"The portal to 2300 A.D. is right over there," Gaspar said, pointing. Cloud and Tifa went to the portal. In an instant, they were back.
"Here we go," Cloud stated, happily prancing about, holding a shield materia in his left hand. "By attaching this to a part of your weapon or armor, you can cast a spell that will temporarily place an indestructible barrier around you. But since weapons are useless, I'll equip it on my armor."
"Indestructible..." Lucca thought for a second. "That's it! How long can you cast the spell for?"
"Oh, not long. Maybe ten seconds."
"Ten seconds? Oh, well. That will have to do. Gaspar, do you have a portal that goes to the beginning of time?"
"As a matter of fact, I do." Gaspar pointed to one portal standing far away from the rest of them.
"All right, I think I have a plan." Lucca walked in front of everyone. "If Cloud stands right..." Lucca ran to a point near the portal. "...here, and activates the shield materia, we can bump him with the Epoch at a speed as close to the speed of light as we can get before traveling through time. The shield will protect him from any harm, and he will shoot through the portal at a speed close to light. Meanwhile, we have the big bang happening, and Lazeus will be coming out of it and start heading towards the earth at a very fast speed. When Cloud comes out of the portal, he will be heading towards Lazeus, on a collision course."
"Hey, wait a minute!" Cloud interrupted. Tifa placed her hand over his mouth.
"If he can keep the shield on for long enough, he and Lazeus will collide at a combined speed faster than the speed of light. At this speed, time becomes unstable, and you should be able to pass through Lazeus' otherwise unbreakable shell like paper. You'll have both gems with you, and when you enter Lazeus..."
"Uh, I hate to interrupt," Gaspar said. "But the power of the gems is so great, that to travel through time with more than one of them on the same person would cause that person to disintegrate, and his particles would be lost in time."
"And we certainly don't want that!" Cloud stated.
Lucca thought for a second. "Okay. Slight change of plan. Cloud will be holding the blue gem, so when he gets into Lazeus' shell, he will have both the blue and yellow gems. Meanwhile, me, Crono, and Tifa will get in the Epoch with the red gem, and go back to the beginning of time with them. If we appear in the right location, we'll fly right through the hole made by Cloud's collision. According to the power level of Lazeus' heart, he will have created a thin layer of tissue there the moment Cloud breaks through. This tissue will be easily breakable, and easily repaired once we crash inside. That way, we won't be violently sucked into space. With the three gems united, we will work from there to destroy Lazeus."
"Just one question," Tifa said. "Is this right?"
"Pardon?"
"I mean, the elder gods wanted us to die so that we wouldn't rule the universe with evil in our hearts. If we stop Lazeus, that might happen."
"It is in your nature to want to save yourselves," Gaspar said. "You never know. The gods may be wrong about the evil of the human race."
"Well, let's not get too ahead of ourselves!" Cloud pointed out. "We still haven't destroyed Lazeus."
"Well, I guess we'd better get to it, then!" Lucca said. "All right! Everybody get into position!" Cloud got to the position Lucca had marked. He got prepared to turn on his shield. He placed the blue gem in one of his pockets. He zipped it tightly. What was he supposed to do?
Meanwhile, Lucca, Tifa, and Crono got into the Epoch with the red gem.
"All right, Cloud, are you ready?"
"As ready as I'll ever be," Cloud said. The Epoch went off the ground. It flew some distance away from Cloud. Then, it began to fly in a circle. As the Epoch's speed increased, the circle became bigger. Pretty soon, it was just a yellow blur. The circle became bigger faster. Cloud started to feel the wind of the Epoch's wings as the circle neared him. Finally, just as the circle began to disappear from the nearly light speed, Cloud turned on his shield.
The Epoch hit Cloud's shield dead on, and Cloud was blasted into nothingness.
"Now, let's get the Epoch going!" Lucca said. "I'll show you the exact coordinate we want to get to the beginning of time in."
*****
The transition was a little fast. Cloud already found himself in the beginning of time. He looked around, and he saw millions of objects flying past him. He was heading towards Lazeus at a speed he could never imagine himself going at (let alone when he's not in a vehicle). Cloud already felt his power weakening and the shield growing thinner. He had to keep it on a little longer. If the shield went away, he'd be torn apart! But then, he saw Lazeus. Before he knew it, he was in Lazeus. He bounced against the inside of him, and the blue gem flew away from him. Cloud ran to it and picked it up, then looked to the left and saw the yellow gem. He picked it up. Then he looked up. And there he was.
"Hello," Lazeus' heart said. "You must be Cloud. It is a pleasure to meet you." He fired a laser from his heart at Cloud. Cloud was pushed far back. "I will not let you destroy me." He fired another laser.
*****
"Oh, no!" Lucca shouted. Crono gasped. "We miscalculated!" The three watched as Lazeus flew right past them. "Hurry!" Lucca shouted. "We've got to catch up!" Lucca turned back on the power, and they began flying towards Lazeus.
"We have to get ahead of him, then slow down, right?" Tifa asked.
"That's exactly what we have to do. As to whether or not we can, we'll have to see." They sped up. It felt like it was taking years for their speed to increase. But finally, they saw Lazeus back in their sight. And Lazeus became closer. And closer. And closer. Finally, Lucca leveled off the speed when they were just slightly ahead of Lazeus.
"We have to time this just right," Lucca said. "Crono and Tifa, look behind you. Tell me exactly when the thin tissue is on the same line with us." Several seconds went by.
"Now!" Tifa screamed. Lucca slammed the emergency break. They flew right through the tissue, and smashed across the inside of Lazeus. They came out of the wreckage to find Cloud getting beat up by Lazeus.
"It's about time you showed up!" Cloud shouted. "Quickly!" They put the three gems together.
"No! Damn it!" Lazeus' heart stopped glowing, and became a dark blue.
"Yes! We did it!" Lucca and Crono hugged, and Tifa and Cloud hugged. "But it's not over yet." They all turned to look at Lazeus.
"So, you got the shield down," Lazeus stated. "But how do you expect to defeat me? You can't use weapons. They'll have no effect."
"Nothing is stronger than words," Cloud said, with a chuckle.
Lazeus laughed. "Still, you have no idea how to defeat me! And even if you do, how will you get home?"
All of a sudden, tensioned grabbed the four.
"I...never thought of that," Lucca said. "Guys, I'm..."
"We are martyrs!" Tifa shouted. "We will sacrifice our lives for the sake of humanity! And we will like it!" She turned to Lucca. "Lucca, you have done such a fine job, there's simply nothing you could do now that could undo all the glory you deserve."
"Why...thank you," Lucca said.
"How touching!" Lazeus boomed. "But you still haven't defeated me."
"Lazeus!" Cloud said, with a repressed smile. "What is Crono's last name?"
A long pause. "I...I..." The heart began to shake. "I...I...you...you bastard!" The heart shaked more, and pretty soon, it began to grow. And grow.
"What's going to happen?" Cloud asked.
"Rebirth," Crono replied.
Everybody gasped. "Goodbye, Crono!" Tifa shouted. "We'll all always love you!" And in the large explosion that followed, there came darkness.
*****
Cloud and Tifa woke up in the bomb shelter. They were a little dazed.
"Where are we?" Cloud asked. As if to answer that question, Randy was there, sitting in the exact same place they had been.
"I knew it!" He shouted with joy. "I knew you could do it! You both saved the world once, who says you couldn't do it twice?"
"Hey, man, thanks for everything," Cloud said, shaking the man's hand.
"Oh, no! Thank you." Randy replied.
"So, what're you gonna do now?" Tifa asked.
"I don't know. I think it's better that way." And, with a wave, Randy walked out of the bomb shelter. Cloud and Tifa did the same thing, and headed home.
"Oh, by the way, Cloud," Tifa said. "I think I figured out why that light turned green when Lucca's palm was on that machine."
"Yeah, I was wondering about that. I thought the machine just screwed up."
"Oh, I don't think so. You see, didn't you notice her high level of confidence towards the end?"
"Actually, I did."
"I think she got over her self-esteem demon. And that means that she declared her love to Crono, and that means that they're inseperable. And you know what that means..."
"They got married and had kids?"
"Yup. And..."
Cloud stopped walking. "Wait...you mean that...Crono and Lucca...and me...and...HOLY ****! My son is my great, great, great, great, great times infinity grandfather! That's REALLY twisted!"
"Hey, at least it's not cliché."
Cloud laughed. "I guess you're right."
THE END
By David Solomon
SC4000@aol.com
Deep in the core of time, there lay a creature strong enough to eliminate all existence. Ever. But who cares? No one! That's right! Nobody cares because nobody knows. Nobody knows because...well...nobody...knows.
And who could be more clueless than...Cloud! That's right, Cloud is faaaaaaaaar to busy with his new marriage to be worrying about the apocalypse! But who's he married to? Hmmm...I'll give you a hint. Begins with a T, ends with an A (no pun intended), and is a little iffy in the middle. That's right! Iiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttt's TIFA! I refuse to output the mental energy to create some sort of creative situation where Cloud meets another person from another RPG (or the real world, for that matter), and will just leave it at that. Besides, it was kind of obvious that would have happened. At least Aeris won't be revived...yet...
So, anyway, one day, Cloud and Tifa have...you guessed it, a baby! But what to name the baby? That's a tricky question. It can't be something normal, like Fred, or Joe. It has to be something very much like the universe they are in. What will they name this baby?
"How about Crono?" Cloud asked.
"Crono?" Tifa pondered. "Why Crono?"
"In the two weeks that he's been alive, he's done nothing but look at the clock," Cloud pointed out. "And I know a little latin. So, we'll call him the latin name for time."
"But, what about the h?"
"The h?"
"It's spelled C-H-R-O-N-O."
"There's only 5 spaces, and the h is silent."
"Ah."
What an interesting plot twist! I'll bet you weren't expecting that! Were you? No. But how can this be? I mean, Crono was born over a thousand years before this time? Well...it just so happens that one day...Cloud took a walk with Tifa and baby Crono! And then it hits you; Cloud never takes walks! He's an anti-social being. But...that all changed throughout the course of FF7. So that's out. Hmm...how could this make sense...well..............MAYBE A GIANT PORCUPINE LEAPED OUT OF THE CORE OF THE PLANET AND DESTROYED EVERYTHING BUT NOT BEFORE CREATING A VORTEX THAT WARPED HIM THROUGH TIME!!!! Confused? I'll elaborate...
One day, Cloud, Tifa, and Crono were taking a walk. Crono was only about 4 months old.
"It's a nice day for a walk, isn't it, Cloud?" Tifa asked. Cloud just kind of groaned.
"It's hot," he said. Tifa just laughed. And then she stopped laughing. Because the ground started to shake. And there's nothing funny about that. Then, the ground started to shake more. And more. And more. And more. Pretty soon, Cloud and Tifa fell on the ground. Tifa held Crono tightly. He wasn't hurt...much...because if he were, then everybody would be like "That's disgusting! You can't have babies die or get hurt in stories! It's just not republican!" So Crono was unharmed. But Cloud and Tifa were pretty scared when they saw a giant...being...appear over the horizon. All they could see were spikes. Lots of spikes, coming out of what appeared to be...a red orb. But you know that's stupid. Because you know exactly what it is...unless you haven't played Chrono Trigger. If you haven't, stop, because this is a spoiler. If you have played CT, keep reading, because you know it's...LAVOS! At least, you think it is...while at most, it's not. Not really. It kind of is...all of a sudden, a fe
w laser beams shoot up into the air. And what goes up, must come down, unless it's Kevin Smith's career. One of these laser beams lands...NEAR CLOUD AND TIFA! RUN FOR COVER! THEY MIGHT DIE! AND THAT'D BE SAD! BECAUSE YOU'VE BECOME SO EMOTIONALLY ATTRACTED TO THEM SINCE YOU'VE PLAYED FINAL FANTASY 7, WHICH FOR ALL YOU KNOW COULD VERY WELL BE THE GREATEST RPG EVER!!! And all the old school RPGers sigh, because they know that Final Fantasy 7 sucks along with every other RPG on the planet, except for Dragon Warrior. But don't worry. Because they don't die. And no, neither does the baby. But I'll tell you what does happen. The beast's appearance causes the laser beam to create a dimensional vortex right in front of them. The shaking, meanwhile (which is STILL going on. I just didn't mention it, because there were no changes on the Richter Scale), finally causes Tifa to lose her grip on Crono, who crawls...through the vortex! Aaaahhh!
"Crono!" Tifa screamed. She then began to cry. Well, not yet, because she was still fearing for her life.
"My God, you're Cloud and Tifa!" A random man on the street said.
"You don't need to tell your God," Cloud pointed out.
"I don't? Aw...follow me!" Cloud and Tifa, assuming that following him couldn't possibly be worse than sitting and waiting for a laser beam to kill you and depress all your fans, did the action in which the random man on the street commanded them to complete. They followed him to a bomb shelter he just happened to have.
"Would somebody please tell me what the hell is going on?" Cloud asked in frustration. Meanwhile, Tifa was obviously hysterical over the lost of her first child. The random man began to speak.
"My name is Randy Picadelli..." Tifa made a really loud sob. "...and the year right now is 2300 A.D. From 65,000,000 B.C. to 1999 A.D., a creature by the name of Lavos gathered energy in the earth's core before finally exploding out of the earth in the year I mentioned when stating the time period in which he did his action. What was supposed to happen was that he was supposed to destroy the world, and in this time period, there would be lots of radioactive snow, lots of destroyed domes, and many poor people eating whatever they could to survive. Fortunately, three people from different time periods around the world came to 1999 A.D. and stopped this beast."
"What the [um...uh...let's see...er...how about heck? No...well...er...um... how...about...darn! Yes, darn!] is your point?" Cloud asked.
"This!" Randy responded, taking out a pencil and pointing to the tip. He placed his fingertip on the tip before drastically recoiling it back and sucking it. "It's sharp, too."
Cloud stood up, before falling down. After all, it was shaking a lot. "You especially insipid ignoramus! Then what's that?!" Cloud pointed to the door.
"Well, it's a door." And everybody laughed hysterically, before realizing that it was a stupid joke. Then they stopped laughing, closed the window, turned their computers off, and wandered over to the mall, where they were not surprisingly killed by a large mob of penguins upset over the loss of Antarctica to the Polar Bears.
"No! I mean outside! What's causing all that stuff outside?!"
"A creature that entered the earth's core at the exact point time began. He entered the core invincible but unable to destroy, and stayed in there for billions of years, Now, he's out, and he is going to destroy the universe! He's only starting here! His name is...Lazeus."
Tifa was still crying. "My baby...is dead..."
Randy was angry. "Stop whining! Your baby isn't dead! The vortex took him to the year 1000 A.D.! If you hurry, you might still be able to save him!"
"Might?" Cloud asked.
"Fine, yes, you will save him. Because if you didn't, there would be no story. But hurry! Otherwise, the pace will be affected."
Cloud and Tifa nodded, and opened the door. Then they shut it. Why? Would you go outside if large laserbeams were falling down and destroying everything.
"I'm scared," Cloud said.
"You're scared!" Randy shouted. "Look at me! I have to sit here, and wait until you fix the future! You're scared. Ha! Did you ever see the movie A Clockwork Orange?"
"...no."
"Neither did I. Oh, by the way, take this. You'll need it." Randy handed them a necklace with a blue gem on it. Cloud took it. Then, Cloud and Tifa opened the door, and ran outside, heading towards the vortex. In a dark or twisted fanfic, one of them would get mangled and dismembered by a laser, while the other made it through the vortex. The other one would then be extremely sad, but would have to continue on, because they would have no time to grieve. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your taste), this is not what happened. Both of them made it safely through the vortex. Meanwhile, Randy just made a realization.
"Damn! The time period might have changed slightly in the lengthy time I described what was happening!"
*****
"Where in God's name are we?" Cloud asked.
"And what's going on over there?" Tifa asked, pointing to a place that appeared to be a large fair.
"It appears to be a large fair," Cloud asked. "Or what's left of it." They both wandered over to that area. They saw a few people cleaning up various different food particles, balloon scraps, and cat poop.
"What happened here?" Cloud asked.
"Jeez, man, where have you been?" The cleaner responded. "Only the biggest party of the millenium...or...the first party of the millenium."
"The...first...party..." Cloud's eye twitched as he looked around. He saw nothing of advanced technology. "...of...the...mill...mill..."
"What year is it?" Tifa asked.
"of...the...mill...mill..."
"Oh, I get it!" The cleaner said. "You must be mental hospital escapees. That's why you're both so stupid."
"mill...mill..."
"It's 1000 A.D. You just missed the millennial fair, where we had a big celebration. This guy saved not just the world, but all time periods the world was in. He destroyed this monster that was causing confusion all over the existence of time. Lavos! That's what it was called."
"Lavos? Are you sure it's Lavos?"
"Surer than the deoderant."
"mill...mill..."
"Who defeated him?"
"His name was Crono."
"Millenium!" Cloud finally finished.
"Great job!" Tifa shouted in frustration. Now say "Apple! Ap...ple!" Then, it hit her. "Wait, did you just say Crono?"
"I hope so. Every now and then, I accidently say cruton."
"I'm serious."
"So am I! A young teenager by the name of Crono actually defeated a giant monster that was disrupting time!"
"Crono, eh? What's his last name?"
"Um...er..." the man looked back and forth. "That's easy...it's...uh..." all of a sudden, the man turned into a bunch of 1s and 0s and was eradicated from existence.
"Whoa! Freaky mookie!" Then, a thought came to mind. "Wait, Tifa, we don't know where he lives!"
"That's right!" Tifa looked over at another guy cleaning up, who had witnessed the whole 1-0 spectacle. "Hey, cleaner guy! Do you know where Crono lives?"
"Just run away from here until you get really close to a house!" The man responded. "And don't ask me anything about Crono's last name!"
"Why not?"
"Just don't!"
"Okay..." Cloud and Tifa took the man's directions and came upon a house.
"Those remains made the party look an awful lot more modern than I would expect from a party in 1000 A.D.," Cloud pointed out.
"What makes you say that?"
"Well, I always thought that 1000 A.D style parties involved people rubbing bleeding elbows together while drinking beer out of dirty cups and watching women dance." They came to the door. "Plus other things." Cloud knocked. A woman answered the door.
"Hello..." the woman greeted. "...may I ask who you are?"
"Why, certainly!" Cloud said. "But we ask first. Is Crono there?"
"No, actually, he's at a friend's house. I'm his mother. Who are you?"
"We're his parents."
A long silence. The mother covered her mouth, startled by the fact she just heard. "Come in. Quickly." They did.
"I'm sorry to be bothering you," Tifa said. "But we really just want to see our child. He disappeared in this vortex, and we went through it, and all of a sudden he's a teenager..."
"I'll explain," the mother said. "You see, 17 or so years ago, I was taking a nice walk with this man who later got accused of...well, anyway, I was walking with him, and then he tripped and fell. I helped him up, but he pushed me away. So I told him that I hated him, and we never saw each other again."
"Very interesting!" Cloud said. "Well, Tifa, I guess we'd better go."
"Wait-you didn't tell us anything!"
"Just give me a minute!" The mother said. "So anyway, the next day, I was taking another walk, this time alone, and I come across this...portal."
"A portal?"
"A portal. And out comes this cute baby! At first I was a little scared, but then I'm like, 'what the hell?' So I took him home. The only word he ever said was Chrono, so I named him Crono. But, how could you be his parents?"
"I'll answer that, because Cloud is an idiot," Tifa responded. "You should have seen him when he realized he was in 1000 A.D. Mill...mill...mill...mill..."
"Shut up!" Cloud said, surprisingly offended.
"You see, we come from the year 2300 A.D."
"Really? Before Lavos was destroyed, that was a post-apocalyptic world!"
"Really? Because...it's fine. Except, a giant creature came out of the ground, and started shooting lasers, and the world starting dying, and these...portals started appearing. Crono climbed through it. He was just a few months old. But we went through the same portal, and now he's 17?"
"Wait-Lavos came back?"
"No, this guy called Randy told us the creature's name was Lazeus."
The mother gasped. "The God Fire."
"What?"
"In the old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old language of the cavemen people, la meant fire, vos meant big, and zeus meant God. Later, that went through a long series of languages before finally resting on Greek, where Zeus was known as the king of the gods. Lavos is the big fire, and Lazeus is the god fire."
"Do you know anything more?"
"I'm afraid not." The mother suddenly got a concerned look on her face. "You're...not going to take my baby away, are you?"
Cloud gave a look of frustration. "He's OUR baby. Me and Tifa's. You just found him in a forest. Tifa went through all the labor, with those paced breaths...and the contractions...and the blood...ew...where's the bathroom?" The mother pointed in the direction of the bathroom. Cloud ran, and in a few seconds he was making those loud throw-up noises that you always hear in the movies and TV shows, but never in real life. Meanwhile, the mother was a bit teary eyed.
"Please don't take him away."
"Why not? He's our baby. Just like Cloud said. You're being awful selfish."
"Selfish?" The mother stood up. It was clear she had been upsetted. "Selfish?" She took several steps towards the chair she was sitting in. "I find a random baby in the forest, and I raise him, despite having a very small income job. I mean, look at this house! And I bring him into my loving arms. He'd be dead if it weren't for me. And you can find the courage to call me selfish?"
Tifa stood up, meeting her eye to eye. "Do you know what it's like to have a baby and then six months later lose it?"
"Do you know what it's like to raise a baby from an infant for seventeen goddamn years and THEN lose it? You're the selfish one!" They both sat down, all flustered. "He can't speak, you know."
Tifa looked up. "What?"
"He's a mute. He can't speak. All of us just know what he's saying by the look of his eyes. If you took him back to the future, he would be unable to adjust. Nobody would understand him! He wouldn't understand anybody! Is that the life you want for your child?" Cloud exited the bathroom.
"Not really," he responded, jumping in. "But, you know what they say, a lost, disturbed, mute child is better than no children."
They both looked at him. "Who said that?" Tifa asked.
"I don't know. Maybe J.D. Salinger."
"Well, that would make sense."
"Listen, both of you," The mother began. "I really would appreciate it if you just left. I can't stand to spend another second with you. It just..." she burst. "...breaks my heart!"
Knock, knock, knock, knock. The mother quickly wiped the tears away, and opened the door. It was Crono.
"Hi, Crono!" She said. "Did you have fun."
Crono nodded sophistically.
"Come on in! I was just talking with some friends. They were just leaving." She looked at both of them.
"Actually, we were thinking of staying for quite some time," Tifa said sarcastically.
"Really?" Cloud asked. "I kind of forgot why we're here."
Tifa scoffed. "Crono, your mother has something to tell you."
The mother looked at Crono. "You'd better sit down. This will take some time." Crono sat. "Crono...I...well, you see, I...I'm not your real mother."
Crono's expression turned serious.
"Your parents...are sitting over there." She pointed to Cloud and Tifa. Cloud waved. Crono took in a deep breath.
"Now, honey, I know I should have told you, but the fact is, I never thought they would come...I was going to tell you, but it would only upset you--" and it did. Crono ran upstairs to his room. The mother ran up with him. A long pause.
"You know," Cloud began. "I was the one that wanted the dog."
*****
Many minutes later...
"I told Crono the entire thing," the mother said. "And he did not take it well. He wants to stay in his room, and refuses to leave until he feels like it."
"And what does it feel like?" Cloud asked.
The mother gave a slight smile. "I don't know which it you're talking about, but either way, it would probably get me banned from nickelodeon."
"So, are you feeling better," Tifa asked. "Sorry about what I said those minutes ago."
"A little. I've grasped it. I just can't let you leave with Crono yet."
"Well, I expected that."
"I wasn't!" Cloud pointed out. "Does that make me a stupid person?"
"Cloud, you are already so stupid, you couldn't become any dumber if you switched personalities with Shelley Long."
Cloud sighed. "I used to be so smart. What happened?"
"You watched Ready to Rumble."
"Oh." Crono came down.
"Crono," the mother began. "Are you okay?" Crono nodded. "Oh?" the mother said. "You want to take them to Lucca. You say she might be able to help with the Lazeus situation?"
"Hell, that'd be great!" Cloud said. "I could use a scene change."
*****
Lucca sat in her house, working on some random piece of machinery that had no importance to any events that had occurred or will occur in any time period following the present. Or the past. But she felt different. Because every time she saw Crono...
"Mom?" She asked, just as Lara was entering the room. "How do you know when you've fallen in love?"
The Mom looked with a very startled glance. Then she grinned. Too much. "Hahahaha!" She screamed. "I knew it! Taban, get in here! Now!" Taban got in.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Taban, give me 100 right now! I won the bet."
"A bet?" Lucca asked.
"We had a bet as to whether you would ask about love before the age of 21," Lara said. "Then, we had an additional parameter; who you would ask. As you can tell, I said you would ask before you were 21. And you asked me! So, actually, that's 200!"
Taban handed over 200. Then, he walked away. Meanwhile, Lucca made a mental note never to ask her parents anything ever again.
"Now, love, Lucca, really begins with monkeys. You see..."
A ringing of a doorbell.
"I'll get it!" Lucca stood up and ran to the door as fast as she could. Behind the door was Crono, Cloud, and Tifa.
"Hi, Crono! You just saved me from a terror beyond anything you could imagine! What? Who are those two people?"
"Hi...Lucca!" Tifa said.
"Hey, what are you," Cloud asked. "Some sort of punk kid?"
"Excuse me?"
"Your hair. It's purple."
"You'll be happy to know that's 100% percent natural!"
"I'll bet it is," Cloud said sarcastically. "So, Crono tells me you can help us to escape an otherewise apocalyptic event that occurs 1300 years from the present time."
"Well, wait Cloud," Tifa interrupted. "Shouldn't we tell her who we are?"
"Oh. Right." They both informed Lucca of all the events that occurred to bring them all to thir present locations. Finally, Lucca was a little confused.
"Crono," she began. "How can you believe these people are your parents?"
"Hey, you think we would lie about something like that?" Tifa asked.
"Sure we would!" Cloud responded. "I mean, not that we are...or...anything..."
"Fortunately, I'm a genius," Lucca said. "So, come with me!" They both followed her to this machine.
"This is what I like to call the Find-Out-Whether-Somebody-Is-Your-Father-Or-Just-Another-Freak-That-Lives-Off-Of-************, or the FOWSIYFOJAFTLOO* for short. Here's how it works. There are two chairs. On each chair, the armrest has a place to...place your palm on. These two palmrests are hooked up. If you two are genetically related, it will show a green light. Otherwise, it will show a red light."
"Green/red?" Cloud asked. "Isn't that a little cliché?"
"Everything's a cliché nowadays. But no matter. Tifa, you sit on one chair, Crono, you sit on the other." They both placed their palms on the palmrests. The light turned green. Then, they did the same thing for Cloud, and got the same result.
"My God!" Lucca shouted. "They were telling the truth! Do you have any idea what this means?"
"That we get a free sample of bullion cubes?" Cloud asked.
"No, that your great, great, great, great, great, great, great...+...great great great grandchildren are living in the same time period as you are!" Lucca grabbed her head. "That's really twisted!" She fell back a little, and stopped herself by pressing her hands down on one of the palmrests. Cloud was still sitting down, resting his hand on the palmrest. A green light flashed. Everybody stared at the machine. Taban and Lara were stunned.
"Mom, Dad?" Lucca looked at both of them.
"We're your biological parents, we swear!" Taban said.
"Yeah!" Lara added. "You don't forget something like having a child."
Lucca thought for a second. "Huh. Oh, well. That's not first priority. First priority is saving the future! Now, you said that this La...zeus monster was about to destroy the entire universe? Well, there's only one person who would know about that."
"And who's that?" Cloud asked.
"You wouldn't know him. His name is Gaspar. But, before I can get to him, I have to reassemble the Epoch."
"The Epoch?" Tifa asked.
"A time machine. You see, this guy...well, he lives in the future."
"He lives in the future?" Cloud asked.
"That's what I said."
"Wow! You know, this morning, after our walk, I was planning on watching TV. But this is so much more exciting!"
Tifa yawned. "It's late. We'd better get back to work in the morning. Where should we sleep?"
*****
Lucca found herself in a strange dimension, with very strange colors surrounding her everywhere. This territory was far from new to her. And in front of her, she saw the man she was more afraid of than anything else in the world.
"Hello, Lucca!" the man said. "This is your wake up call!"
"Oh, please," she said. "Not now."
"Lucca, why resist? You have no power."
She nodded her head.
"Now, today, we're going to go over a few things. First of all, you're ugly. That's why you must always keep that helmet and glasses on. They can only improve your appearance."
Lucca nodded.
"Second of all, Crono does not love you. He does not care for you in any way. Keep your distance from him, as closeness will only affect your relationship."
Lucca nodded.
"And third of all, you are a miserable excuse for a daughter, one who will never accomplish anything in life. Nothing you have created has been of any use, and saving your mother was sheer luck. Luck is all that will give you any success whatsoever. Is that understood?"
Lucca did not nod.
"IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?!"
"Yes! It is understood!"
"Good!" The man took a few steps closer. "You realize that his heart is with Marle. After all, she was the one that saved his life, not yours."
"Yes. Yes, she saved him."
"Good."
"But..." Lucca paused.
"But what? Failure?"
"It's just...I need to rebuild the Epoch...to save the world."
"To save the world? You actually think that you can save the world?"
"I already did, once."
"Bah! You did none of the work. You tagged along with everybody else. You're a hyena!"
"No! It's not true!"
"You're a hyena!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Suddenly, Lucca woke up. Had she screamed in the dream, or in real life? Apparently, it had been in the dream. Lucca cried.
*****
"I'm not sure," Lucca said that morning, looking at all the pieces of the Epoch.
"N-not sure about what?" Cloud asked. "We have to destroy that Lazeus character."
"Well, there are so many parts...and I'm not sure..."
"Lucca, you have to do it. It's our only hope. You can. I know you can."
She sighed. "Well, all right. I'll need everybody's help, though. Everybody!" Everybody came in. "We're going to build this thing. But it's going to take a lot of work. Everybody's going to have to pitch in!"
And so they did. A week passed. But working together, they finally finished it.
"It's a beauty!" Tifa said.
"It sure is," Lara said.
"I'm proud of you, Lucca," Taban said.
"Really? Thanks, Dad."
"Hey!" Cloud shouted, from another room. Everybody ran in.
"What's going on?" Lucca asked.
"What's going on?" Cloud asked, holding the blue gem necklace and a red gem necklace in the same hand. "What's going on?" They were both glowing eerily. "That's my question!"
"They're reacting!" Tifa said. "Cloud, what have I told you about snooping in other people's drawers?"
"Gaspar probably knows about this," Lucca pointed out. "Well ask him when we get to the end of time. Which we'll have to do tomorrow, because I have to do a few maintenance checks on the Epoch. Meanwhile, everybody else has the day off!"
"Hooray!" Cloud said. "I'm going to watch TV!"
"What's a TV?" Lara asked.
*****
"Hi, Lucca," Tifa said. "Just checking in."
"Hi, Tifa."
Tifa sat down. "So...how long have you been friends with Crono?"
Lucca thought long and hard. "Oh, a long time. I'd say...since we were about 5."
"Really? You must be best friends."
"Oh, we are. We are." The later phrase was somewhat distant.
Tifa got curious. "You love him, don't you?"
Lucca stopped what she was doing and turned to Tifa. "What makes you say that?"
Tifa smiled. "You know, I've been asked that question about 50 times, and every time, I respond with the same answer; your eyes. Your eyes tell me. You look at Crono differently than you do anybody else. I know it. And you know what else I know? He loves you."
Lucca went back to what she was doing. "It's...not true."
Tifa stood up. "Why are you hesitating?"
"What?"
"You hesitated. It's almost like you didn't want to say that."
"We don't love each other."
"Oh, Lucca, just admit it."
"We don't, okay!" Lucca threw down her tool and stood up and turned around to face Tifa. "We don't! Just...shut up!" Lucca went back to work. "Sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you."
Tifa became more curious. "What's under that helmet, anyway?"
"What?"
"You always wear that helmet. Why?"
"I don't know. I just kind of like it."
Tifa moved closer. "Let me see your hair."
"No...get away..."
Tifa made a dash and lifted off her helmet. Lucca's purple hair fell all the way down. And for a few seconds, there was an awkward pause.
"You're beautiful," Tifa said.
"Give me my helmet back!" Lucca shouted.
"But..."
"Give it back! Now!" Lucca grabbed the helmet and put it on. "Now, get out. Now!" Tifa left.
*****
"Just who do you think you are?" The wake up call asked. Lucca was back in the color world.
"What do you mean? Hey, you can't be here! You've never visited me two consecutive days."
"When you tagged along with everybody else and took credit for saving the world, I gave you a warning. You have not taken care to heed this warning."
"But...I have to save the world..."
"You can't save the world! That's my point! And for a second, you thought Crono loved you. And you TOOK OFF YOUR HELMET IN FRONT OF SOMEONE ELSE! You know what that means?"
"Oh, no. No no no no no no no no no..."
The man approached Lucca. "Stay away from me..."
"You need this." He punched her. She fell down.
"Stop it!"
"You're weak. You'll always be weak." She tried to get up, but he punched her again. "Ever since last year, you've needed me. Needed me to keep you on the ground. And you've always oppressed me at least somewhat. But I will not tolerate it anymore. You will follow me. You will appreciate me. You will agree with everything I say."
"Okay! I agree with everything you've ever said about me! Just please stop bothering me!"
"Lucca," he smirked. "I am never going to leave you. You've gotten used to me. Why should I leave?" He began the steriotypical, generic, evil laugh. Lucca cowered back. She screamed. And then she woke up. Again, the scream was in the dream. She cried.
*****
"I am so ready!" Cloud said, leaping into the room with the Epoch the next morning. "If you knew how ready I was, you'd be really surprised...because...I'm... really ready!"
"Good for you, Cloud," Tifa said. "Now shut up. Where's Lucca?"
Crono and Cloud both shrugged. It was 10:00 AM. Lucca had said for them to meet at 9:00 AM. Finally, Lucca dragged herself into the room.
"Mission canceled," she said. "I'm sorry, everybody."
"What?" Cloud was upset. "Why?"
"Because I can't do this. I just can't."
"You're chickening out?" Tifa asked. "You can't do that! What about the future?"
"It's not my problem." She began walking away.
"Something's wrong with you." Cloud said. "Something in your mind's telling you that you can't do this. And you're listening."
"Look, just stop bothering me! I'm sorry I let you all down." She ran off. Crono followed her. Cloud and Tifa were left in the room alone.
"It's a self-esteem demon," Cloud said. "It bothers you in your sleep. I can tell. I used to have the same problem."
"What are we supposed to do?"
"We can't do anything. Crono might be able to do something, though."
*****
Crono entered Lucca's room. She was crying on her bed.
"Crono, what are you doing in here? Get out!" Crono ignored her screams and sat down on the bed next to her.
"I don't want you in here. Get out!" Crono just sat there. "Get out! GET OUT!" Lucca tried to push him off. He kept sitting there.
"GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!" Crono grabbed Lucca and pulled her into a hug.
"What are you doing? Let go of me!!! Let...let..." Crono didn't let go. Lucca's anger began to fade.
"Crono...I..." she hugged back. "I...love...you." And at that point, she knew he loved him too. She pulled off her helmet.
"Oh, Crono..." What happened next is not necessary to describe.
*****
"Well, this is just great!" Cloud said, at around 3:00 PM. "We get to spend the rest of our life in the past! Oh, that's right! It's the present! Haha!"
"Cloud, just calm down. I'm sure everything will work out."
"It will," Lucca said, coming out with Crono. "I'm ready." Tifa smiled. She kenw what had happened.
"Ha!" Cloud leaped up. "So, we're going to go to defeat Lazeus?"
"No," Lucca said. "We're going to go to the end of time."
"The end of time?" Cloud asked, grabbing his head. "The end of time?"
"That's where Gaspar is. If four or more people try to travel through time, they end up there. Fortunately, that's where we need to go. Oh, and we can't forget those two gem necklaces. I have a feeling that they'll come in handy. Now, let's push the Epoch out of the house and get in."
Once the Epoch was out, all four of them tried to climb into the three seater.
"Ow! My foot!" "Hey, get that away from there!" "No! Don't push that button?" "Hey, guys, guess what?" "What?" "**********************" "Oh, my God! Don't tell us that!"
*****
"Do you know what's more boring than standing under a lamppost in the end of time for uncountable periods of time?" Gaspar asked.
"Standing in an empty room without a lamppost!" Spekkio responded.
"Good point," Gaspar stated. All of a sudden, the Epoch docked to his left.
"Thank God!" Gaspar said. "Something!" Crono and Lucca got out, but the other two people he didn't seem to recognize.
"I don't seem to recognize you two," Gaspar said. "Who are you?"
"My name is Cloud, as in cirrus. The one to my left is Tifa. She runs a bar called Breakfast at Tifanys."
"It's 7th Heaven, you idiot," she corrected.
"Oh. Right."
"And what is this all about?"
"I think you know," Lucca said. "Tell me, Gaspar. Have you ever heard of a creature called Lazeus?"
"Name rings a bell," he said. "Oh, oh my...Lazeus?" He left the pole and began frantically running around. "Lazeus! Lazeus!"
"Calm down!" Tifa shouted. "What are you talking about? And while we're on the topic, what do these two gem necklaces do?"
"GREAT SCOTT!!" Gaspar raised his hands up and began shaking them around while running like mad. "It's the Armageddon Plan!"
"Calm down!" Cloud shouted. "What plan?"
Gaspar injected himself with Valium and sat down. "I think you should all sit down," he said. They all sat down.
"In the beginning, there was the big bang. The beginning of time. The Creation Plan. It was at this point that the elder gods realized that humans would eventually rise from the primordial elemants that were springing to life on one of the many planets created. This planet is called Earth. They feared that humans would eventually get so advanced that they would take over the entire universe and rule with evil and greed in their hearts. So, they sent a giant monster to the center of the core to absorb energy, also known as the Armageddon Plan. In the year we refer to as 2300 A.D., the monster was set to come out of the Earth, and destroy everything the universe had to offer. This period of destruction took a hundred years, but finally, everything was gone, except for a small piece of sidewalk, a lamppost, and a small room. Only one creature survived the whole episode. And his name is Spekkio."
"The end of time!" Lucca gasped.
"Then...what's with this Lavos?" Cloud asked.
"In 65,000,000 B.C., it was feared that the humans would become advanced enough that they would be able to stop Lazeus from destroying the Earth. So they sent a smaller creature to penetrate to the Earth's core and absorb energy from the core. This one was set to go off before 2000 A.D., to weaken the human race enough so that they would not be able to stop Lazeus in three hundred years."
"So, all that time we were exploring 2300 A.D.," Lucca began. "We were just days away from witnessing another apocalypse?"
"You just missed it," Gaspar replied.
"Hey, wait a minute. What about my theory! The one about the monster being an alien from another planet that consumed DNA and then went on, like locusts?"
"I'm afraid you were completely off. If you had acknowledged that it was a demon, and not an alien, then you would have figured all this out."
"Then, what's with the gems?" Tifa asked.
"It is an official rule that every plan must have a form of cancellation. The blue, red, and yellow gems are part of the cancellation plan. When the three gem necklaces are brought together in front of Lazeus' heart, his invincibility shield will drop, and then he can be destroyed."
"There must be a catch," Cloud said.
"I'm afraid there's two. The heart can't be destroyed with regular weapons, and the third gem necklace is inside of Lazeus. The gods cheated around the rule."
"Well, that's just great! What are we supposed to do?" Crono nodded, and made a few strange hand motions.
"Crono says that there must be something in the future that can help us," Lucca said.
"Of course!" Tifa said. "The shield materia."
"Let's go back to our time and get some," Cloud said.
"The portal to 2300 A.D. is right over there," Gaspar said, pointing. Cloud and Tifa went to the portal. In an instant, they were back.
"Here we go," Cloud stated, happily prancing about, holding a shield materia in his left hand. "By attaching this to a part of your weapon or armor, you can cast a spell that will temporarily place an indestructible barrier around you. But since weapons are useless, I'll equip it on my armor."
"Indestructible..." Lucca thought for a second. "That's it! How long can you cast the spell for?"
"Oh, not long. Maybe ten seconds."
"Ten seconds? Oh, well. That will have to do. Gaspar, do you have a portal that goes to the beginning of time?"
"As a matter of fact, I do." Gaspar pointed to one portal standing far away from the rest of them.
"All right, I think I have a plan." Lucca walked in front of everyone. "If Cloud stands right..." Lucca ran to a point near the portal. "...here, and activates the shield materia, we can bump him with the Epoch at a speed as close to the speed of light as we can get before traveling through time. The shield will protect him from any harm, and he will shoot through the portal at a speed close to light. Meanwhile, we have the big bang happening, and Lazeus will be coming out of it and start heading towards the earth at a very fast speed. When Cloud comes out of the portal, he will be heading towards Lazeus, on a collision course."
"Hey, wait a minute!" Cloud interrupted. Tifa placed her hand over his mouth.
"If he can keep the shield on for long enough, he and Lazeus will collide at a combined speed faster than the speed of light. At this speed, time becomes unstable, and you should be able to pass through Lazeus' otherwise unbreakable shell like paper. You'll have both gems with you, and when you enter Lazeus..."
"Uh, I hate to interrupt," Gaspar said. "But the power of the gems is so great, that to travel through time with more than one of them on the same person would cause that person to disintegrate, and his particles would be lost in time."
"And we certainly don't want that!" Cloud stated.
Lucca thought for a second. "Okay. Slight change of plan. Cloud will be holding the blue gem, so when he gets into Lazeus' shell, he will have both the blue and yellow gems. Meanwhile, me, Crono, and Tifa will get in the Epoch with the red gem, and go back to the beginning of time with them. If we appear in the right location, we'll fly right through the hole made by Cloud's collision. According to the power level of Lazeus' heart, he will have created a thin layer of tissue there the moment Cloud breaks through. This tissue will be easily breakable, and easily repaired once we crash inside. That way, we won't be violently sucked into space. With the three gems united, we will work from there to destroy Lazeus."
"Just one question," Tifa said. "Is this right?"
"Pardon?"
"I mean, the elder gods wanted us to die so that we wouldn't rule the universe with evil in our hearts. If we stop Lazeus, that might happen."
"It is in your nature to want to save yourselves," Gaspar said. "You never know. The gods may be wrong about the evil of the human race."
"Well, let's not get too ahead of ourselves!" Cloud pointed out. "We still haven't destroyed Lazeus."
"Well, I guess we'd better get to it, then!" Lucca said. "All right! Everybody get into position!" Cloud got to the position Lucca had marked. He got prepared to turn on his shield. He placed the blue gem in one of his pockets. He zipped it tightly. What was he supposed to do?
Meanwhile, Lucca, Tifa, and Crono got into the Epoch with the red gem.
"All right, Cloud, are you ready?"
"As ready as I'll ever be," Cloud said. The Epoch went off the ground. It flew some distance away from Cloud. Then, it began to fly in a circle. As the Epoch's speed increased, the circle became bigger. Pretty soon, it was just a yellow blur. The circle became bigger faster. Cloud started to feel the wind of the Epoch's wings as the circle neared him. Finally, just as the circle began to disappear from the nearly light speed, Cloud turned on his shield.
The Epoch hit Cloud's shield dead on, and Cloud was blasted into nothingness.
"Now, let's get the Epoch going!" Lucca said. "I'll show you the exact coordinate we want to get to the beginning of time in."
*****
The transition was a little fast. Cloud already found himself in the beginning of time. He looked around, and he saw millions of objects flying past him. He was heading towards Lazeus at a speed he could never imagine himself going at (let alone when he's not in a vehicle). Cloud already felt his power weakening and the shield growing thinner. He had to keep it on a little longer. If the shield went away, he'd be torn apart! But then, he saw Lazeus. Before he knew it, he was in Lazeus. He bounced against the inside of him, and the blue gem flew away from him. Cloud ran to it and picked it up, then looked to the left and saw the yellow gem. He picked it up. Then he looked up. And there he was.
"Hello," Lazeus' heart said. "You must be Cloud. It is a pleasure to meet you." He fired a laser from his heart at Cloud. Cloud was pushed far back. "I will not let you destroy me." He fired another laser.
*****
"Oh, no!" Lucca shouted. Crono gasped. "We miscalculated!" The three watched as Lazeus flew right past them. "Hurry!" Lucca shouted. "We've got to catch up!" Lucca turned back on the power, and they began flying towards Lazeus.
"We have to get ahead of him, then slow down, right?" Tifa asked.
"That's exactly what we have to do. As to whether or not we can, we'll have to see." They sped up. It felt like it was taking years for their speed to increase. But finally, they saw Lazeus back in their sight. And Lazeus became closer. And closer. And closer. Finally, Lucca leveled off the speed when they were just slightly ahead of Lazeus.
"We have to time this just right," Lucca said. "Crono and Tifa, look behind you. Tell me exactly when the thin tissue is on the same line with us." Several seconds went by.
"Now!" Tifa screamed. Lucca slammed the emergency break. They flew right through the tissue, and smashed across the inside of Lazeus. They came out of the wreckage to find Cloud getting beat up by Lazeus.
"It's about time you showed up!" Cloud shouted. "Quickly!" They put the three gems together.
"No! Damn it!" Lazeus' heart stopped glowing, and became a dark blue.
"Yes! We did it!" Lucca and Crono hugged, and Tifa and Cloud hugged. "But it's not over yet." They all turned to look at Lazeus.
"So, you got the shield down," Lazeus stated. "But how do you expect to defeat me? You can't use weapons. They'll have no effect."
"Nothing is stronger than words," Cloud said, with a chuckle.
Lazeus laughed. "Still, you have no idea how to defeat me! And even if you do, how will you get home?"
All of a sudden, tensioned grabbed the four.
"I...never thought of that," Lucca said. "Guys, I'm..."
"We are martyrs!" Tifa shouted. "We will sacrifice our lives for the sake of humanity! And we will like it!" She turned to Lucca. "Lucca, you have done such a fine job, there's simply nothing you could do now that could undo all the glory you deserve."
"Why...thank you," Lucca said.
"How touching!" Lazeus boomed. "But you still haven't defeated me."
"Lazeus!" Cloud said, with a repressed smile. "What is Crono's last name?"
A long pause. "I...I..." The heart began to shake. "I...I...you...you bastard!" The heart shaked more, and pretty soon, it began to grow. And grow.
"What's going to happen?" Cloud asked.
"Rebirth," Crono replied.
Everybody gasped. "Goodbye, Crono!" Tifa shouted. "We'll all always love you!" And in the large explosion that followed, there came darkness.
*****
Cloud and Tifa woke up in the bomb shelter. They were a little dazed.
"Where are we?" Cloud asked. As if to answer that question, Randy was there, sitting in the exact same place they had been.
"I knew it!" He shouted with joy. "I knew you could do it! You both saved the world once, who says you couldn't do it twice?"
"Hey, man, thanks for everything," Cloud said, shaking the man's hand.
"Oh, no! Thank you." Randy replied.
"So, what're you gonna do now?" Tifa asked.
"I don't know. I think it's better that way." And, with a wave, Randy walked out of the bomb shelter. Cloud and Tifa did the same thing, and headed home.
"Oh, by the way, Cloud," Tifa said. "I think I figured out why that light turned green when Lucca's palm was on that machine."
"Yeah, I was wondering about that. I thought the machine just screwed up."
"Oh, I don't think so. You see, didn't you notice her high level of confidence towards the end?"
"Actually, I did."
"I think she got over her self-esteem demon. And that means that she declared her love to Crono, and that means that they're inseperable. And you know what that means..."
"They got married and had kids?"
"Yup. And..."
Cloud stopped walking. "Wait...you mean that...Crono and Lucca...and me...and...HOLY ****! My son is my great, great, great, great, great times infinity grandfather! That's REALLY twisted!"
"Hey, at least it's not cliché."
Cloud laughed. "I guess you're right."
THE END