(Whistling)...Oh hello there! I bet your wondering what the hell is going on? I'll get to that in a minute but right now I have an important meeting to attend...Oh the names' Laz by the way.
Lazaruz: Convergence
"As the rain began to fall on the dark streets of gotha...Shit wrong universe! (Clears throat). In a Palace in a parallel world four gods must pick 4 universes and combine those universes to make an even bigger fucking universe despite how incredibly stupid and complicated it sounds" A man said to himself as he stared blankly at the world outside of the palace window.
That man's name is Laz. Yep the guy who spoke to you earlier he was a black guy, around 6 foot 1 and had black hair styled like a curly high top fade with a white streak in the middle. He was wearing a red Nike hoodie and black jogger sweatpants and red matching tennis shoes. He also has black ear piercings and white glowing eyes.
"Umm sir? I hate to interrupt you but the meeting is this way." A guard said.
"I know I known just trying to set the mood." Laz said as he began making his way to the meeting room down the long dimly lit hallway.
"Jeez why the hell is this hallway so abnormally long? And what's with the lighting? What a lightbulb is advanced technology or something?" Laz said as he began chuckling at the thought.
*In the meeting room*
Laz opened the door and entered the meeting room he caught the glances of two familiar faces. "Hey Laz." A voice greeted plainly.
"Oh hey Cozmo." Laz said as he gave his otherworldly friend a handshake.
Cozmo stands about three feet taller than Laz. He has pitch black skin covered in the stars of outer space. He wears a white hoodie and black jeans and white high top shoes and has no face. The only thing he has however are big white glowing circles for eyes.
"My brother you have returned" another voice said. "Let u-"
"Cut the shit Jeezuz." Laz said in an irritated tone of voice.
"(Sigh)...fine." Jeezuz said as he removed a brown wig and beard to reveal short brunette scruffy hair and stubble underneath his wig and fake beard. He calls himself Jeezuz because of his godlike powers but his name is actually Freddie.He also removed his white robe to reveal that he was wearing a white t-shirt that said "Forever blessed" in gold letters. He was also wearing white pants and had on socks with gold sandals and a necklace with a gold cross on it. He was standing on a standing stool but got off and was shown to be the same height as Laz.
"I've been telling him to stop pretending to be Jesus for three minutes" Cozmo said.
"Well I think it's fun" Jeezuz said as he joined the pair
"It's not it's offensive" Cozmo said as he looked at his idiot of a brother.
"Look guys I don't have all day so let's just get down to business shall we?" Laz said impatiently.
"Why the hell are you in such a hurry?" Cozmo asked Laz.
"Dude I have things to do. I'm a really busy man I have parties to host, girls to impregnate, a multi million dollar company to run, money to make, aaand, a girl to see." Laz said.
He was lying.
"Oh and a PlayStation 4 to play" Laz said. This was something he wasn't lying about.
"And by girl you mean you porn magazines?" Cozmo said.
"HEY! I told you what I keep those magazines for!" Laz said angrily.
"Really? What do you honestly need to keep porn magazines for?" Cozmo asked "OH! Let me guess for research purposes?" Cozmo said sarcastically.
"Uuuh... yeah! Yeah of course."Laz said as he lied again.
"Where's your brother any way Laz?" Jeezuz asked.
"Who Aruz? Ohh.. he uhhh...slept in today!" Laz said as he came up with yet another quick lie.
"Really? But this day is very important!" Jeezuz said.
"I know...I tried to wake him up but he didn't move a damn muscle."Laz said
"Dude your a fucking pathological liar." Cozmo said judgmentally.
"Shut the fuck up Cozmo!" Laz said angrily.
"Who the hell do you think your talking to?" Cozmo said angrily back.
"You! you god damned polka dotted pussy!" Laz shot back.
"POLKA DOTS?!? THATS IT!?" Cozmo shot out intensely.
"YOU WANNA FUCKING GO??" Laz shot back. Then both Laz and Cozmo got up and stared each other down with Cozmo towering over Laz...But Laz could care less.
"Children! Children! Let's settle down!" Jeezuz said to the pair. Then they both turned their attention towards Jeezuz for his "Children" comment.
"...SHUT THE FUCK UP JEEZUZ!!!" Laz and Cozmo shouted in unison.
"...Ok..Alright I'm sitting down now." Jeezuz said in a low voice as he sat down in a chair.
"..I'm sorry dude." Cozmo said truthfully. " No No it's fine...you said your piece" Jeezuz said as he began to slowly turn his head to the right.
"Dude are you turning the other cheek?" Cozmo asked.
"It what Jesus would have done." Jeezuz said.
"(Sigh)...idiot." Laz muttered to himself is as he sat down across from Cozmo and Jeezuz.
"So are we going to do this or what?"Laz said as he pushed a button to reveal a round table rise from the ground with a holo projector in the center of the table.
"Yeah. So who's picking first?" Cozmo asked."I'll go first." Jeezuz said
"I want the Mortal Kombat universe...because I like Mortal Kombat." Jeezuz said.
"Your picking the Mortal Kombat universe?" Laz said. "Of all video game universes you pick...the Mortal Kombat universe?" Laz said as he began to chuckle.
"W-What's wrong with the Mortal Kombat universe?" Jeezuz asked. "Dude the Mortal Kombat universe sucks monkey nuts! The ninjas all wear the same fucking outfits just with color swaps." Laz said. "The only thing good about Mortal Kombat is their female characters. Especially Jade." Laz said.
"And boy do I love me some jade..." Laz said as he slowly puts his hand in his pants."Jaaade" Laz said in a low voice. "Laz...what the fuck are you doing?" Cozmo said.
"Bet he's fantasizing about screwing jade again." Jeezuz said with a smirk.
"LAZ!!" Cozmo said as he snapped Laz back into reality. "Stop that shit your making us uncomfortable!" Cozmo scolded Laz.
"Sorry guys but I cant quell my love for Jade it's just so strong these days..but seriously are you sure you want to pick the Mortal Kombat universe?" Laz said. " when the first game came out I couldn't even tell reptile and scorpion apart." Laz said.
"Would this have something to do with you being color blind?" Cozmo said.
"Yes...yes it does...fuck you ed boon your a fucking asshole." Laz said the last part to himself but the others still heard him.
"Stop trying to change my opinion because my decision is final!" Jeezuz said.
"Alright fine...select the Mortal Kombat universe." Laz said to the holo projector as a hologram of an orange tinted earth appeared on the table.
"Alright I'm next...I pick the Image universe." Cozmo said. Laz didn't know how long he could hold his laughter.
"Pffttt kekekekeke!" Laz began snickering as he held his head down and banged his fist on the table.
"Is there something funny Laz?" Cozmo snarled at his halfwit friend.
"Dude! And I thought the Mortal Kombat universe was bad!" Laz continued chuckling.
"But you pick the Image universe?!?...boy talk about scraping the bottom of the barrel!" Laz continued. "You could have at least picked the DC universe!" Laz said as he wiped a fake tear from his eye
"You know what FINE!!...I pick the DC universe." Cozmo said passive aggressively.
"Dude I was only jok-" Laz said but was cut off. "Shut the fuck up Laz!" Cozmo shouted at Laz.
"Ok! Ok! Calm your tittys bro!" Laz said. "Select the DC universe." Laz said to the projector as an hologram of a blue earth appeared on the table.
"Alright Laz your turn." Jeezuz said. "Ok...but I would like to pick on my brother Aruz's behalf." Laz said.
"Nope." Cozmo said quickly "No way man you can't pick more than once" Jeezuz said also.
"Uhh there is no rule saying that you can't pick on anyone's behalf and plus..I'm his brother so i should be able to do so." Laz countered their statements.
"It doesn't matter it's not fair to the other people that are picking their universes!" Cozmo responded.
"Fine I'll just ask the M.A.A." Laz said plainly.
"Who the hell is that?" Jeezuz asked curiously.
"The Man Above All." Laz said with a devious grin. "Ohh Man Above AAAAALL!" Laz called in a sing song tone.
Then suddenly a golden light illuminated the room they were in then they look up to see a golden bald muscular man with sky blue glowing eyes looking down on the three men. "Who disrupts my Golden girls marathon?" The Man Above All said in a deep baritone voice.
"That would be me Mr Man Above All!" Laz said ecstatically.
"Oh great it's you." The Man Above All said in a disappointed tone. "(Sigh)...What do you want this time Laz?..Oh wait don't tell me...an endless supply of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Milk?" The Man Above All said sarcastically.
"No man this is important!" Laz said as The Man Above All look at Laz curiously.
"Oh this oughta be good" The Man Above All said sarcastically.
"I was wondering if it's ok if I can pick a universe on my brothers behalf." Laz asked.
"But where is you brother is he not here?" The Man Above All asked.
"Naw breh he called in sick plus he asked me if I could." Laz said lying as usual.
"Don't believe a word this motherfucker says he's lying!" Cozmo said.
"Silence!...well you ARE his brother and it DOES make sense..." The Man Above All added.
"So?" Laz said curiously. "Hmmm...very well you shall select a universe on your brother's behalf." The Man Above All responded.
"WHAT!?! Y-Yo-You can't be serious!" Cozmo said shocked. "This is an outrage!" Jeezuz added.
"Do not question your superior!...I shall be leaving to continue my Golden girls marathon FREE of interruptions!" The Man Above All Said and with that he disappeared in a golden flash.
"Thanks man above all!" Laz said "I tried to tell you guys didn't I?" Laz said as he celebrated his victory.
"Just shut the fuck up and pick the universes" Cozmo said passively waiting to get this whole thing over with.
"Alrighty then...I pick my Original Characters"
Laz said as he earned glares from his friends.
"What the fuck are you two shitheads looking at?" Laz shouted.
"I knew you were going to pick your faggot ass Ocs." Jeezuz said.
"Bitch please...your just mad because you dont know how to make your own Ocs so hush." Laz said.
"(Sigh)...Select the Laz Original Character universe." Cozmo said defeated. "Just hurry up and pick the next one."
"Alright...on my brothers behalf I pick the Marvel universe." Laz said rubbing his hands together smiling.
"Jesus man are you trying to start a global war?" Jeezuz said. "Select the Marvel universe." And with that a grey earth representing the Laz universe appeared along with a red one to represent the Marvel universe appeared as well.
"There they are gentlemen...look at them." Laz said feeling complete. "They're so beautiful." Jeezuz said fascinated. "Alright guys the moment of truth." Cozmo said
"Now we just need to combine them." Cozmo said.
"Are you guys sure about this? I mean we aren't really qualified to do this..we have to be on a God tier and we're only demigods." Jeezuz said.
"Dude everything is going to be fine plus the FAG Above All came in here a few seconds ago and he didn't say a word!" Laz said. "You guys ready?" Laz said as he placed a hand over his and Aruz's button.
"Ready" Cozmo said placing his hand over his button.
"Me to." Jeezuz said placing his hand over his button as well. "Alright then on the count of three. One. Two -"
"Stop right there!" A guard said "You guys back away from the table now!"
"But what if we don't want to?" Laz said. Then the guard pushed a button on his armor and his armor shifted to a silver and blue hulk buster armor with a knight helmet and minus the arc reactor and jet boosters.
"How the hell did he do that? He looks like fucking Reinhardt from overwatch!" Jeezuz said.
"I knew you were an overwatch fag." Cozmo said disappointed.
"Look none of that matters right now let's just push the buttons!" Laz said. "On Three."
"Stop now!" The armored guard said as he began to run towards the trio.
"One." they counted
"Cling! Clang! Cling! Clang!" The armored man ran at a slow but worrying pace.
"Two."
"Cling! Clang! Cling! Clang!"
"THREE!!" They yelled in unison as they all pressed the buttons at the same time and with that the holographic earths spun around the table and in a few seconds they all flew into the middle of the table and collided with each other. Causing the earths to disappear leaving the table empty.
"...Oh my god." Cozmo said. "We just Killed trillions and trillions of people."
"We just committed universal genocide" Laz said worried.
"Were even worse then that angry german guy with the mustache and toupee!" Jeezuz said "I don't want to be like that guy he's and asshole!!" Jeezuz yelled.
"You mean Adolf hitler?" Cozmo said. "Y-Yeah! That guy!" Jeezuz cried. "We're all Adolf hitlers!" Jeezuz said.
"Ohh shit." Laz said. "What are we gonna do?"
"Guys stay calm I'm sure that there's some wa-" Cozmo said but was cut of by a light flashing from the table the table started rumbling and then a brand new earth hologram 20 times the size of the old ones emerged before the trio.
"Universal Convergence complete." The voice from the table said.
"Holy shit...We We w-" Laz was cut off. "WE FUCKING DID IT!!!" Jeezuz shouted in victory picking Laz up in a tight bear hug.
"I'm not a hugger." Laz muttered "Sorry dude my bad." Jeezuz said scratching the back of his head.
"We actually did it...(phew)" Cozmo sighed in relief.
"Would you like to name your new universe?" The table asked. "Yes we'll name it th-"Laz was cut off yet again.
"The Lazaruz universe." A voice said flatly. "Ok! Rendering the Lazaruz universe...Universal render complete...congratulations! You have successfully created your own universe!" The Voice in the table said. "Aruz? But Laz said you called in sick!" Jeezuz said.
"Yeah...I bet he did" Aruz said as he glared at his brother Laz.
Aruz and Laz look exactly the same but instead Aruz is a White guy and has white shaggy hair with a black streak going through it along with black glowing eyes. He was wearing a black Nike hoodie with red jogger pants and black matching shoes. He was also standing at the same height as Laz but is a lot more mature than his brother.
"Aruz! Bout time you woke up!" Laz said and went to shake his brothers hand but Aruz completely ignored the gesture.
"Dont talk to me." Aruz said plainly. "Alrighty then." Laz said as he sat in his chair.
"Did he use my pick to put his shitty Ocs in the universe?" Aruz asked Cozmo and Jeezuz to which the both of them nodded.
"Please tell me he chose the Marvel universe." Cozmo and Jeezuz nodded again.
"Thank the gods." Aruz said and then returned his attention to Laz.
"You sabotaged me to get two picks." Aruz said to his liar of a brother. "So?" Laz said cockily. "What the hell are you gonna do about it?
"I'm telling mother." Aruz grinned at Laz's worried face.
"You snitching ass bitch!" Laz said angrily. "You cant do this to me!"
"Yes I can. Then you won't be able to play that PlayStation your so anxious to get to." Aruz said as he had power over his brother and was enjoying it then he began to leave with Jeezuz and Cozmo.
"NOOOOO!!" Laz shouted. "Get back here you fucking assholes!" He curled up in a ball and said numerous curse words.
"You really gonna tell his mom dude?" Jeezuz asked Aruz."Nah...were all adults here!...well accept Laz." Aruz said. " so we created our own universe...does this make us gods? We are demigods that basically did the impossible so...are we?"
"Unfortunately No." Cozmo said it a dissapointed tone "It's not that simple..wish it was though."
"Damn it." Jeezuz said. "Don't worry man once we get to this party you guys will feel like gods." Aruz said with a grin. "Party? Where?" Cozmo asked.
"My house." Aruz said plainly. "Y-You mean at your mansion?" Cozmo asked. "Yep my mansion. Just don't break any of my shit...Kay?" Aruz replied to Cozmo.
"Understood." Cozmo said. "No problem." Jeezuz said. "Heheh...Alright." and then Aruz snapped his fingers and they were at the front of his mansion.
"Ohhhh shit!!" Cozmo said in suprise."This place is huge!" Said Jeezuz
"Well what are you guys waiting for? The party is inside." Aruz said with a smile."I'll be right behind you I need a quick smoke." And with that Jeezuz and Cozmo raced towards the huge mansion.
"Not a bad day." Cozmo thought."not a bad day at all."
The end.
A/N: Well this is it! Boy this was a lot longer than I originally expected. Just trying to create a universe for my upcoming Spider-Man: Dark Origins fic that I'm working on. Just experimenting with humorous fanfic genre so with that said let me know what you guys think! Who's your favorite out of the four? And don't forget to leave a review! Till next time!