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Disclaimer: the blond one and other characters are owned by Masashi-sensei

If I don't laugh I'd cry

I had a bad feeling about going to that party earlier in the day, I was way behind on homework, Dad was bitching on me about it and Hinata was behaving strangely. She was being even more clingy than usual, making me walk her to every class, drive her home every day and now she wanted me to be with her at Chouji's party.

I tried to get away from her as soon as we walked in through the front door but she clasped my hand and looked at me in a way she never had before, with assertive, persuading eyes. I think it scared me because I just froze in the spot and then allowed her to pull me upstairs. I couldn't even imagine what she wanted and why we had to be alone; this was so out of her normal behavior.

I had been with Hinata for five years; we grew up together, so I should know when she's being weird. Hinata is shy and quiet, she thinks the most romantic thing a guy can do is give a girl flowers, it took her three years with me before she could work up enough confidence to hold my hand in public. I know, she's just so cute! So that's why I couldn't fathom what she could possibly want to do with me alone in a bedroom!

For one moment as she was pulling me through the door of the room I contemplated ripping my hand out of her furtive clutches and run like I was on fire, then I thought of how ridiculous that would look and maybe she might just want to talk.

I sat on the bed and watched the closed and locked door longingly, then Hinata stood in front of me, she still held my hand. I looked up at her and smiled uneasily. She looked really tonight, as usual, but there were some differences that I had noted since she sat in the front seat of my car. Her hair was out and falling passed her shoulders in gentle waves around her exposed, perfumed neck, she'd never worn it like that before. She had on a little pink, thin strapped top, I could see a piece of the black lace bra on the low neck line. And this skirt! Where did that come from!? It looked brand new too which was another weird thing because Hinata had a learnt fear of skirts, especially the short flirty kind. She kept pulling it down but now, inside here with just me, she didn't seem to care.

"I-I'm really nervous." she gasped and then chuckled to herself.

"About what?" I asked, I was trying to sound calm because I was really shaking. She came closer into me and kissed me softly.

"N-Naruto." she said, "Do you l-love me?"

Oh God, I thought to myself, I looked at her in eyes to see if she was truly serious.

"Yes." I muttered and she smiled.

"Because I-I love you too, an-and I w-want t-to be with y-you for the re-rest of my life." Is she going to propose? I can't marry her, we're still in high school! "You're m-my best f-friend and I t-thrust y-you more than anyone e-else. S-so……I w-want to give you myself completely."

"What?" I asked, I was sweating now.

She didn't answer, instead Hinata reached for something in the tiny pocket of her skirt. In her hand, between two fingers, Hinata held the neatly square packet of a condom which said everything she'd left out and I missed with such slap in the face reality that I think I stopped breathing.

Let's pause this- You see, the reason I have been with the same innocent girl for five years straight was not because I was in love, I mean I do love Hinata, I grew up with her, she's a nice girl, but I love her the way you would a friend, or a puppy. Because ever since that day in junior high when Hinata started acting all weird around me that was all I saw her as, a puppy- I mean friend. I thought that maybe if I dated her it would change and I could see her as more (like I a human being perhaps) but I never did. But I couldn't tell her that so I just played along. I guess what I'm trying to say is……(deep breath)……. i have never been attracted to any person of the female sex not at any point in my entire life!!! *pant*pant*pant*

NO! Don't even think it!! I AM NOT GAY!! Never! No!...................NO!!...... Forget I ever said anything!!

The point is the only reason I've been with Hinata this long was because it was a safe, effortless way to get through High School without being hassled by my friends about dating. The worst part about this was that I had to lie to Hinata and that I had to kiss her (it's weird having to make out with your puppy). But on that night it all backfired and I was cornered with the harshest decision I ever had to make.

Okay, play!

For one painful moment Hinata was looking at me waiting for my response. I didn't know what to tell her, what would a normal guy say? 'Oh yeah baby, let's do it!!' BLAH!! I could never picture myself saying that and I don't, really don't want to have sex with Hinata. She's a pretty girl, I knew many guys in school who would kill to be in my position, but I just can't do that. But I have to do something.

I gave her an awkward smile but it seemed to have signaled her because she blushed and kissed me again. She kissed me deeply, with her doing most of the work, but I could feel her anxiety because every now and then her kiss was unsure. I let her push me back onto the bed and then she lied on me still kissing and now touching under my shirt. The entire time I was closely following her every movement on me with the same fearful intensity I would a tarantula on my arm, I was thinking about how I was going to get through this without hurting either of us.

It was when Hinata took my hand and gently guided it up that skirt and I felt the smooth, cold skin of her ass did I jump and pull away from it like it was disgustingly hot.

"I'm sorry." I blurted as I stopped the kiss, she looked at me with wide, confused eyes. I sat up quickly because I just wanted to get out of that awkward position and Hinata slid off of me.

"What's wrong?" she asked worried.

I stared into her cloudy eyes struggling within myself on how to say what I wanted to in a way that won't hurt her.

"Hinata- I…." but I couldn't speak, I had nothing to tell her but apologies because the truth was that I didn't even know what was wrong with me.

She waited for my answer, watched me fail to speak then her expression crumbled to sudden sadness.

"Hinata I'm sorry." I began because I realized that I had hurt her.

"You w-want to b-break up w-with me." she said, "That is w-what you want r-right?"

"No, that's not true!"

"Y-yes it is, that's w-what you've w-wanted for a-a long t-time now. I thought that w-we were just s-settling down and getting c-comfortable w-with each other. I t-thought that it w-was t-time for u-us to move o-onto the n-next level of our re-relationship but it w-was r-really just as I f-first thought. You're b-bored with me and y-you want to m-move on!"

I was shaking my head no and as tears were reddening her eyes, "No Hinata, that's not it."

"Don't lie to m-me N-Naruto, don't d-deny that y-you don't feel it, just w-worn out and t-tired, it's j-just time w-we ended it."

I said nothing because for some odd reason she was actually making sense, "You're tired of me?" she asked and I shook myself out of it.

"What? I'm not tired of you, I love puppies-"

"What?"

"I mean you! I love you, I just can't do this."

She nodded, "I understand Naruto." she told me as she got off of the bed, "I understand what you want" Are you sure? Because if you do I would really love if you could tell me so that I can understand it myself-wait a minute, where did the stutter go!!?

"You want t see other people." damn!!

"No, I don't want to see other people," I told her shocked by the suggestion, "I just don't think I'm ready for this."

Hinata laughed bitterly, it was something I had never seen her do before, in fact it was kind of frightening, I might need to talk about it later to help me get over the experience, "Oh sure, say whatever you want Naruto." tears fell down her cheek as she stood by the door, "You know I never saw you as a liar but you've been doing such a great job at it for a while now. You know what, I think I also want to see other people!"

I was shaking my head in disbelief. Why should I even waste my breath? I felt like looking around to see if there was any other Narutos in the room.

"Hinata you're not listening to me." I said slowly but she was opening the door, I watched her step out and then slam it behind her making the room shudder.

I sat there for a while waiting for my heart to stop pumping the adrenaline through my blood and the whizzing in my brain to cease.

What the hell just happened?

I didn't know exactly but it felt surreal and I could smell change coming at me steadily. I could always go get her, she's bound to calm down and I could talk to her. But for some reason I didn't want to, in the midst of this shock I felt relaxed, I felt free, like something had been lifted and I was a different person now. I had only broken up with Hinata a few minutes ago but I felt happy about it!

Wow, how did I stumble upon this?

end of chapter 1