Only One That Matters
Oh no.
Oh no. Oh no. Oh no! Busy having fun these past few weeks I completely forgot about today. Oh no! How could I have forgotten about today? A plan was supposed to already be in motion. A plan that, if it worked, would save my sorry butt. How in God's name did I forget? Panicking I frantically searched the room hoping to find a means of salvation. Something, anything that would help me. Minutes of searching proved fruitless as my agitated mind came up with nothing. Nothing! I had never, not once, not been able to think of something. Plans of destruction and self-preservation came so naturally to me you'd think I was in the army. Shaking that frivolous thought away I struggled to come up with something so utterly brilliant it would solve all my problems. Internally, I snorted. Yeaaaah, fat chance of that ever happening. If only I had realized sooner that today was the day. I would have thought of something by now if I only had time! Gaaaah! Life was so frustrating! Blonde hair wisped around my face and I pushed them back, annoyed. Stupid hair. Stupid life. Stupid everything!
I plopped down in my chair and clutched at the desk in panic. Man, what am I going to do? Whiter then a sheet and darting eyes I knew I must have looked pretty crazy, or at least scared, because someone who looked exactly like me came and sat at the edge of my desk. Concern rose in his eyes. " Zack." he sighed exasperatedly, " It's just a-" I jumped to my feet,shoving the chair back. " Don't say it!" I yelled wildly.
With a shake of his head he walked up to me and put a hand on my shoulder. " Zack, it's no big deal, if what you get isn't up to your expectations, then you can always try harder the next time around." he told me comfortingly.
I sighed. It was always so easy for Cody. He never had to worry about the same things I did. He was so much better then me... " Zack?"
" Sorry." I said dully. " I just don't want to see it. I know I'm no good at any of this stuff. You know it. Mom knows it. Ms. Muddle knows it." my head dropped to the floor dejectedly.
Vehemently shaking his head Cody grabbed my chin and stared me straight in the eye. " You're not dumb Zack. Despite what others might think, I know your not. Besides, I'm your twin, so what I say goes because no one knows you better than I do." showing his teeth cutely, he smiled.
I grinned back slightly. My heart still clenched and I couldn't help but feel scared, but Cody's words cheered me up a bit. At least someone didn't think I was a complete moron. RING! School was in session.
" Cody Martin." the dry voice of called out.
Cody jumped forward and practically ran to the desk. Looking dorky in his red and blue sweater vest he eagerly accepted the package given to him. Drinking in the block letters and the perfection of the large brown envelope before him I rolled my eyes at his public display of geekiness. Twitching with excitement he tore open the flap wildly. Shoving his hand inside he pulled out the bane of my existence. A report card. I shuddered. How I hated those stupid things. Like a thousand fireworks Cody's face lit up and he ran in a straight line right to Zack. " Zack! Zack! Look! I got straight A pluses!" he grinned contagiously and despite my rising depression I smiled back.
I know everyone thinks I'm jealous of my twin's achievements but I'm really not. I'm proud of him and I know he deserves it. But I also know that no matter how hard I try I could never live up to his legacy. So, I just never really bothered, but in the middle of the year Cody confronted me and told me to try my best. We were good at different things, doesn't mean we shouldn't try at the other's specialty. Cody still tried in sports even though he sucked. After that, I decided to put my all into all this school stuff. I knew my grades wouldn't be amazing since I still had all the failing grades from the past, but I hoped that with my new and improved grades everything would be alright. I just wanted mom to be proud of me. " Great job Codester." I patted him on the back and crossed my fingers tightly.
" Zachary Martin." she drawled.
Taking a deep breath, I stood up bravely and marched to the desk. Calm down. Everything will be fine. Everything will be fine...shakily, I grabbed hold of the atrocious thing and slowly slit the top. Blue eyes met mine and my brother nodded encouragingly toward me. I can do this. White and black stared up at me and the world stood still. Air refused to come into my lungs and a gasp escaped my shocked body. No way. No freaking way. All that hard work, all those hours wasted, all that time! Cody bounced up and down beside me. " Zack!" he breathed.
" Cody! Straight B's!" I exclaimed, tossing my head back and laughing manically.
All that hard work paid off. No C's. Not even one! I did it! I actually did it! I passed with flying colours! I did it! " Zack you did it! I'm so proud of you! Congratulations! " Cody clapped me on the back and in his eyes I saw his pride and joy.
For the first time, I actually felt confident in the classroom. Proving to everyone that I wasn't an idiot and having my brother proud of me made my day. All I really wanted was to make Cody proud of me. I know I'm not the best brother, or the best student or the best anything really. But I did try. And finally, all my trying paid off. " Thanks man." pretty much euphoric at this point I strode to the teacher and grinned.
" I knew I would pass!" I yelled wildly.
" You were the only one." she commented dryly.
Heart clenching I forced the depression away. Stupid teacher. What did she know? Besides, what do I care about her dumb opinion anyway? I was proud of me and Cody was proud of me and mom would be proud of me and that's all that matters. Glaring at her I turned swiftly on my heel and stuffed my envelope in my binder. For once, I was excited to return home on report card day. Mom was going to be so proud of me! I just knew it! I couldn't wait to see her smile and congratulate me. She would see that I'm not dumb. Cody wasn't the only smart twin. Grinning like mad we rushed out into the hall and ran to the bus. Our yellow limo pulled up on the curb and the doors pushed open with a hiss. Piling aboard we grabbed a seat near the back and sat quickly. Staring out the window the thrill still hadn't worn off. This was awesome! Unbelievable!
Max and Tapeworm sat in the seat next to us and started up a conversation about the Red Sox game last night. Good game...nearing the end of the route, Cody and I stepped off the bus about a block away from the Tipton and trudged our way along under the blazing heat of the sun. Burning my back and making me sweat buckets, I knew that nothing could bring me down today. Not the sun or even .
Speaking of, the first thing I did upon arriving at the hotel was run up to said manager and shove the report in his face. " Look ! Look!" his eyes widened upon looking at my marks. " See? I'm not a hooligan thingy! I got a B average!" I cried elatedly.
There was a silence and as the seconds dropped away, so did my heart. " You...you..you received a B average? This is your report card? Unbelievable. It's unheard of. You sure it's not a fake? Well then, congratulations Zachary." he smiled curtly at me and walked briskly away toward the check-out desk.
Biting my lip I refused to let him bring me down. Mom would be proud of me. I know she will. " Hey Zack, don't worry about what said. He's just surprised that you showed your real potential this term." Cody said cheerily hoping to cheer me up.
I shook my head. " Don't bother Cody, he thinks I'm a dumb idiot. Just like everyone else." my gaze dropped to the floor.
A tug on my shoulder spun me around and I met the blazing eyes of my baby brother. " You are not dumb Zack and don't let anyone tell yourself otherwise. You understand?" his lips were pursed and he looked very determined, it was quite endearing actually.
Shrugging away I didn't answer but took a deep breath and marched up to Maddie. I was positive she'd be happy for me. " Hey sweet thang." I leaned onto the candy counter and offered my most charming smile.
Smiling affectionately she replied, " Hey Zack, what's up?"
" Nothing...just got my report card back."
Her face fell and her eyes adopted a sympathetic look. She reached over and grabbed my hands. " Oh Zack, don't feel bad that your marks weren't up to your expectations. You can always do better next year."
Why? Why did everyone assume I failed? I am not an idiot! Just because I didn't know a lot of stuff didn't mean I was dumb, it just meant I was unknowledgable. Not dumb! My heart just officially dropped to my stomach and not even Cody glaring at Maddie could make me feel better. Pulling my hands from her grip I walked dejectedly to the elevator and pressed the up button, wishing my mood would go up with it. I heard Cody sigh. " Maddie! Zack passed! He passed with a really good average too! He got all B's this term and the least you could do is be happy for him." he shook his head and quickly came over to join me.
A smile came on my face though as I realized what Cody was saying. Cody saying my marks were "really good" meant more to me then anything anyone could have said. Cody was a genius. I knew it. He knew it. Everyone knew it. Never getting less then an A on anything, him telling me that my B's were good was like Einstein telling you that you were smart. Biggest compliment ever. Or at least, biggest compliment to me right now. Using that as my inspiration, I forced the biggest smile on my face and struggled to be happy and boost my mood up. Only two opinions mattered to me and I really hoped mom wouldn't be shocked. Deep down inside, I hoped she knew what Cody apparently always knew. I didn't know what I do if she sat in a shocked silence like everyone else had. I didn't think I'd be able to take it. Reaching the twenty-third floor I ran to our suite and slipped our card in. Pushing the door open, we simultaneously cried out, " We're hoooooome!" before carelessly tossing our bags to the floor and running in.
Mom came out wearing a sparkly navy dress that was diagonally cut with ripples on the bottom. Blue eye-shadow shaded her eyes and her lips were shiny with gloss. " Hey boys! How was school?"
Cody smiled dorkishy. " It was great! We got our report cards today!" he thrust his out like an eager puppy.
Mom smiled proudly. " Straight A's again?" Cody nodded proudly.
Pulling him close she hugged him tight and pressed a kiss to his forehead. " I'm so proud of you Cody. Good job. You want to go out for some ice-cream in celebration?"
" Sure! But Zack has something to show you." he nodded encouragingly at me.
The surprised look that came on her face wasn't comforting however. " What? No excuses? No ripped pieces of paper? This is definitely a surprise."
I grimaced before handing her the papers. Intently watching her face I saw her normal expression change into one of surprise to extreme shock. No pride. No love. No nothing. Just shock. Setting the papers down she waved her hand around. " Honey? Where's the chair? I need to sit down." settling in the couch she looked at me incredulously, " Zack..."she trailed off.
Instead of letting my rising disappointment get the best of me, I interrupted her. " So, when are we going to get dessert? What with my amazing marks and all." I waggled my eye-brows at her and smiled.
Instead of smiling lovingly back and asking us where we wanted to go she stood up abruptly. " Zack. While I will admit that these marks are better then your previous report cards, these are not good marks. These are average marks. And average marks will get you nowhere!" she stared me down and not being able to take it any longer I looked away.
" I'm glad you're starting to try harder but why can't you be more like your brother? At least A's will get you somewhere. You have to try harder Zack, these marks just aren't good enough for high school." she finished.
Somewhere along the road, I fell into depression. I couldn't believe it. I really, honestly couldn't believe it. My own mother...she was just as surprised as everyone else and she even had the nerve to tell me that it wasn't good enough! B's were just fine. They were better then fine! I couldn't believe it! It was outrageous. How dare she tell me that I didn't try hard enough. I know how hard I tried and I did it all by myself and that should count for something. Cody didn't lend me his work once durout this entire term and I deserved those B's. Something I could never usually say when I got a good mark. But now, now when I actually got something great, something I could really look back on and be proud of, she told me off. It wasn't fair! It just wasn't fair! What right did she have to tell me that I wasn't good enough? B's may be average, but not everyone could be a genius. The only reason it was average was because it's the mark that everyone gets! I'll show her and everyone else that " average" people are great. I'll show her.
Seeing red,I glared with everything I had in me and shot through the door like a missile. Right now, I wanted to be anywhere but here. Anywhere where , or Maddie, or mom, or the Tipton were. And most of all, I wanted to be no where near that stupid report card. I should've known that they were always evil. No matter how amazing my marks would be. It would just never be good enough would it. Everyone would still always see me as Dumb Zack. And frankly, I was sick and tired of it. Running through the lobby and ignoring the frantic calls of I burst through the doors and pounded my feet on the sidewalk. I didn't care where I went. I was just running. Maybe if I ran hard enough everything would just disappear.
Not caring who I hit I elbowed my way through the crowded streets and smiled bitterly at the angry yells and criticism. That's all I ever seemed to hear. Gasping for breath I dropped my hands to my knees and surveyed my surroundings. Lush trees waved in the breeze. Welcoming me with open arms I recognized the Boston Park. Me and Cody's favourite hide-away and hang out. Catching my breath I sprinted into the inner forest. I don't know what I needed but I had a strong gut-feeling I would find it there. Arriving at the edge of a clearing I stared, relieved at the ancient gnarled tree blooming proudly from the middle. Like a king surrounded by it's servants, the other trees looked meager and small in comparison. Long, elegant branches spread out like wings with brilliant green leaves unfurling. Ancient lines in the bark allowed amazing climbing opportunities and many a couple had left their mark on the worn trunk. Choking on a dry sob I jumped to the tree and grabbed hold of the lowest branch. Heaving myself upward I wrapped my legs around the trunk and slowly hauled myself up. Finally making it to the lowest branch I slid my legs around the branch and dropped my arms to my side. Noticing the branch Cody and I usually sat in a metre higher I climbed up and sat in the comfortable nook of the two branches that formed a sort of seat. Worn and smooth from who knows how many butts, I was pretty comfortable. Finally settled in, I laid my head back and looked at the cloudless sky.
Beautiful and blue, I bet the sky didn't have any problems. I bet the sun didn't go around acting like it was stupid and worthless, like it was impossible for it to do any good in the world. I sniffled and prepared to shed a few of my rare tears and just as quickly decided against it. Who cared what Moseby and Maddie and mom thought? Who cared? I sure as hell didn't.
Oh who was I kidding, I cared more then anything. Rare and wet, a tear plopped into my lap. Despite my cocky exterior, I did care what people thought of me. Being called dumb and useless didn't hurt as much when I knew that was the impression I gave, but knowing that I really actually tried and people still looked at me with the exact same expressions hurt a lot more then the past insults could ever compare. Two more tears following the first I dropped my head into my hands. Maybe everyone was right. Maybe I was worthless and useless and dumb and stupid. I mean everyone thought I must have cheated or forged it or done something illegal. I mean, there was no way Zack Martin could ever get a good average. No way.
Everyone was right. I was worthless, if I couldn't get my own mother to be proud of me... but someone was proud of you...a voice comforted me in my head. Instantly remembering my brother the tears stopped pouring as hard. Cody had believed in me. Cody had said he was proud of me. Cody. Cody. Cody. Where was my twin? Why wasn't he here? Why wasn't he here comforting me? Shouldn't he be here? I thought he cared. I thought he was proud of me... Oh please, who would ever be proud of me? I guess he was just lying to me. Lying to make me happy. But lies hurt more then the truth. Cody didn't care about me after all. I mean, if he did wouldn't he be here? Sobbing I clutched myself in desperation. Sobs wracked my chest and I coughed from the heaving in my throat. No one cared about me. No one loved me. No one would ever be proud of me.
" Zack! Zack! There you are! I knew you'd be here!" a familiar voice rang out from behind the trees.
Cody? Why was he here, he didn't care about me. He never did. Emerging from the trees Cody's blonde hair blew in the wind and when his eyes connected with mine his face lit up with a scintillating smile as he came sprinting towards me. " Zack! I was so worried about you!" he called out from below.
Attempting to climb the tree, he fell a few times before finally making his way to my branch. Swinging himself so that he sat right across me I heard his surprised gasp. Light fingers traced the line of my jaw and he tilted my face to his. " Zacky?" he hadn't called me Zacky in a long time.
" What's wrong? Is it what mom said? You know that's not true, and she really regrets what she said-" anger surged through me, how dare he pretend to care about me!
Angling my eyes at his and channeling all my pain into anger I burst out. " Don't talk to me like you actually care! All you care about is yourself! You don't care about me, no one does! So why don't you just go!" I yelled angrily.
Guilty I watched as Cody's face dropped dramatically and his eyes were forced down with the weight of shock and sadness. His lip popped out in a pout and I saw the tiny tremble in his face as he struggled to keep it together. My twin always was sensitive. His hand dropped from my face and lay by his side limply. His lip quivered as he spoke, " That's not true Zack. That's never ever been true. You're my older twin brother, of course I care about you, I love you. Why in the world would you think I didn't?"
I stared at him incredulously, " Why? Why? You're seriously asking me that? I know you just think I'm some dumb, worthless playboy that the world would be better off without. You don't have to pretend. You don't have to pretend to be proud of your useless brother." I muttered the end bitterly.
Shock flashed in his eyes and he shook his head vehemently. " No. No, that's not true. I don't think that of you at all. No one does. Zack..." he trailed off and forced me to look at him. Tears filmed his eyes and through the liquid I saw the sincerity pouring out. " You have so many great qualities that burn out the bad ones. You can get anyone to laugh. You create new pranks everyday that always outshine the previous one. You can charm any girl and any sport you try you instantly excel in. Everyone likes you and you're popular, you can dance really well and you're smart." I longed to interrupt him there and tell him off but being my twin, he sensed that and pressed a finger to my lips. " Look Zack, you may not be gifted academically, but you're gifted in so many other ways. You don't have to do as well me in school. Just like I don't have to be as good as you in sports. You may not believe it, but I am proud of you. I'm proud that you got such good grades and that you tried your best. I'm proud that you're popular. I'm proud that you're my protector and I'm proud that you're my brother. My twin brother. And there's no one in this whole entire universe and the universe beyond this one that I care about more. So don't you ever think otherwise." Cody took his finger off my lips and leaned back.
Giving me time to gather my thoughts and think. He knew me too well. I however, was in shock. Maybe, maybe I was wrong. Cody was right, I didn't have to be as good as him in school and I did get good marks and I should be proud of them... Cody was proud of me. That made me smile. Then I thought about mom and frowned again. " But mom-"
" Doesn't know what she's talking about." I gaped, Cody talking bad about mom! " She had no right to criticize you like that. She should have realized how hard you tried and she should have been happy for you."
Relief spread through me like a wave. I wasn't alone. Somebody did care. I was an idiot. If there was one thing I knew, it was that Cody never lied. He was the most naïve, sweet, sensitive, caring person I had ever met who was also the worst lier. Lying wouldn't come to him even if his life depended on it. He would never have told me something if he didn't mean it. Especially something that important. Happy beyond belief and my mood lightening with every second, a thought struck me. Who needed anyone else anyway? The most important person in my life was right here and he had just told me everything I needed to hear. Everything and more. I didn't need anyone else, Cody was enough for me. He was the only one who understood me inside out. Everything about me and anything about me. Not even mom could compare. Who needed them anyway? As long as Cody was proud of me, I didn't need anyone else's approval. We were just fine together.
This time, I was sure. I couldn't handle it the first time around. I was alone then, but with my brother it was alright again. And even if Cody was right, about everyone being proud of my other talents, I would never make the mistake of thinking no one cared. " You really think that?" I asked timidly.
Smiling he grabbed my hand, " Every word." he responded solemnly.
" Thanks Cody, that means a lot to me. I love you too."
His heart swelled up inside him and the adoration in his eyes cheered me up. " Just promise me you won't run away again. I was really worried. I didn't know what I would do if I hadn't found you here."
I grinned. " I promise, hey wanna go get some ice-cream? You know, to celebrate?"
" Yeah!" jumping out of the tree we landed to the ground at the same time.
Before the moment was ruined, I turned around and tugged my brother in for a hug. Pulling him close to my chest I whispered. " Thanks buddy." his arms tightened around me and we stood there for a moment letting our brotherly love hold us there.
Abruptly letting go I swiveled around and took off. " Catch me if you can Codester!" I yelled over my shoulder happily.
Surprise morphing into affectionate exasperation he sprinted after me yelling my name all the way.